I haven't been around much lately and I've been feeling okay physically but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually I'm in a place of well, despair.
I've really withdrawn from everyone and everything. At times, I feel like just giving up on life and wallowing in self pity and retreating into my own little world where I don't have to deal with anyone or anything.
I have weekly sessions with my pastor. I went to a counselor but it doesn't give me the same sense of peace, so I stopped.
I've been terminated from my job and I'm on long term disability. In January I have to apply for SS disunity.
Right now, I'm awake because I had to put my turkey in the oven.
All of our kids and grandkids will be here today and that's making me happier than I've been in months. It's going to be a whirlwind of activity but I welcome it because when I'm with my grandchildren, I don't think about illness, death, or dying. I just have fun with them, as much as I can for as long as I can.
I started meeting up with some people who also have cancer and I like this group because we all either know each other or have common friends. DH isn't happy about it because I told him he can't come to our meetings. He thinks in trying to keep it a secret and I'm not. I just want some privacy and time away from him because we are together basically 24/7 since August.
It may not sound like it, but I'm hanging on and fighting. I'm not ready to give up yet. I have 3 infant grandchildren and I want to see then blow out the candles on their first birthday cakes.
I haven't been here much because either I feel like a OTP with only my illness to talk about or I feel like my responses won't be nice since I've been in a rage since the elections.
I hope you and yours have a wonderful thanksgiving doing what makes you happy be it laying on a beach away from family drama or sucking down A bottle of wine at the dinner table.
I'm so sorry you are struggling, and so happy to hear you are surrounded by your beautiful grandchildren and family to take your mind off of your worries, even temporarily.
People understand your rage (even if we all don't feel it as acutely because of privilege). I'd rather you stick around (if you want to), even if you lose your cool here and there. ((hugs))
XOXO. Weird from an Internet stranger, but I think about you often. Wishing you love and peace on this Thanksgiving day. And no one here cares if you are a OTP or mad about the election (you are not alone). Don't be a stranger.
I hope this day with family fills your spirit. Please know that we don't mind hearing anything you have or want to share - good, bad or ugly. Lots of love and light to you
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
(((hugs))) I'm so thankful to have your voice and this community in my life. You are amazing and inspiring and I hope you and your family have a lovely, joy-filled day