I need to get this out. re: kid #2

[cbwm1]

A few weeks ago at my annual GYN exam, we found out my ovaries were covered in cysts. The doctor also found a fibroid and wasn't ruling out endo.

He's a POS doctor and I have another appointment with another doctor on the 26th for a second opinion.

While all of this is happening, I'm beginning to think that I don't even *want* another baby.

My pregnancy with Will was miserable. I puked for six months straight, had severe back and tailbone pain, borderline high BP with severe swelling issues, etc.

Delivery wasn't the greatest, and ended up in a c/s. I ended up with a major infection in my c/s incision.

Will was a nightmare baby. He never slept. He was colicky. I had PPD. I didn't even like him until probably around 18 or so months old.

So, looking at all of this, I'm thinking, WHY would I do this to myself again?

I started talking to DH about it, and he has also been on the fence, leaning toward being done with one.

And the thing is - in less than a year, we'll be done with daycare. The money we'll be saving from that will allow us to buy a real house. Take vacations. Start saving a lot more money.

So, I think we've decided we're one and done.

I'm sad. And relieved. And I kind of feel like I'm mourning that second kid we'll never have.

[ralphlauren]

Hugs.

[iamgrace]

Everything you are feeling is normal. I am so sorry you're dealing with this. It's a hard choice to make, and sometimes its hard to live with.

You need to do what's right for you and your family.

[imoan]

One and done! WAHOO!

Just focus on all the time you'll be able to spend on Will and all the cool and fun things you'll be able to do as a family with only one.

[karmasabiotch]

Hugs...

I had to be a one and done. I miss the child I didn't get to have but it does get easier. Now I can give J a better life financially.

[franciepants]

GYN issues are what led to us being one and done. I had a rough pregnancy that resulted in a c-section. Three years later, I had to have another surgery because of scar tissue from the c-section. I also have lotsa cysts.

The older DD got, the less inclined I felt to have another. Finally, one day, I was fine with the thought of her being an only child, and DH supported that. I have never second guessed myself.

Good luck! I hope the sadness isn't long lasting.

[sonrisa]

Hugs

[eddy]

I think we all sort of mourn being done. I know in my head I am done done done. But then that is sort of a sad thing to admit you know. But you have to stop sometime unless you want to be the Duggars.

Hang in there. I bet once you get over the hurdle you will really see all the positives of moving on from this stage in life.

[Marle]

Oh honey! I didn't go through half of what you went through and I don't want any more.

It'll be ok. Only kids have their challenges as well as kids with siblings do. Just make sure you keep a lot of friends or family around. It'll be ok.

Plus you get to be the only girl of the house and will be spoiled rotten in a few years.

[Deleted]

Sept 10, 2012 12:05:50 GMT -5 eddy said:

I think we all sort of mourn being done. I know in my head I am done done done. But then that is sort of a sad thing to admit you know. But you have to stop sometime unless you want to be the Duggars.

Hang in there. I bet once you get over the hurdle you will really see all the positives of moving on from this stage in life.

Lol it's so true. Yeah, it's a sort of bittersweet? feeling. It'll be okay and I'll bet you'll feel better about it with time.

[Jermys]

One and done is fine! You guys are awesome parents and you'll be able to focus your awesomeness into Will! And if he needs a dose of siblings, you can borrow Edith for a weekend ;D

[deanlicker78]

I even mourned a little being done having kids, and I have no business mourning. It's sometimes tough moving on from the "having kids stage" to the "raising the kids you have had" stage. kwim?

Not having to pay for daycare anymore is worth a happy dance!

[peekay]

Hugs to you. We're struggling with this decision too. It took 5 years and some long and painful treatments to conceive C, including an adoption plan that never materialized. A huge part of me feels like we went through hell but then we won gold with our perfect girl, why would we tempt fate by going through that again?

If it helps, my sister is one and done and she says it's awwwwwwwwwwwesome now that she's at peace with it.

[cbwm1]

I think the thing I'm struggling with the most is him not having a ton of family.

My brother and SIL may only have one child. DH doesn't have much of a relationship with his brother and his family (we've been together for 9 years and I've never met any of them).

I grew up with tons of aunts and uncles and cousins and I loved it. It just makes me sad that he won't have the same thing, or even a sibling to have when we're gone, you know?

[julez]

Sept 10, 2012 12:18:02 GMT -5 cbwm1 said:

I think the thing I'm struggling with the most is him not having a ton of family.

My brother and SIL may only have one child. DH doesn't have much of a relationship with his brother and his family (we've been together for 9 years and I've never met any of them).

I grew up with tons of aunts and uncles and cousins and I loved it. It just makes me sad that he won't have the same thing, or even a sibling to have when we're gone, you know?

I am in this place exactly right now. H doesn't have a relationship with his brother at all, and that's really hard. My sister and I aren't particularly close, but I do have a huge extended family with lots of cousins, aunts and uncles, etc. I'm really sad that DD won't ever have that.

We struggled to have DD, and we struggled once she was born, too. We really, really feel like we're probably one and done, but I worry endlessly that we (and she) will regret that we never had a brother or sister for her. I just never want her to be alone in the world, but H and I are perfect examples of the fact that having a sibling does not equal a child having a best friend. It's hard.

[onesweetworld]

Hugs. I feel you on this one.

[ax2]

Sept 10, 2012 12:18:02 GMT -5 cbwm1 said:

I think the thing I'm struggling with the most is him not having a ton of family.

My brother and SIL may only have one child. DH doesn't have much of a relationship with his brother and his family (we've been together for 9 years and I've never met any of them).

I grew up with tons of aunts and uncles and cousins and I loved it. It just makes me sad that he won't have the same thing, or even a sibling to have when we're gone, you know?

I hear you on this. Me and DH are both only children and are leaning towards having more than one for that reason alone. It's hard to imagine a kid not having aunts and uncles and cousins, you know?

But we're realistic and we know that it might not happen a second time after this. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

[Daria Morgandorffer]

I feel the same way as you without the Gyn issues. I just do not want to go through pregnancy/delivery/newb phases again. I adore my daughter and wouldn't change having her for the world, but I was an only child and wouldn't regret having only one. I always thought I would want two, but had no idea how much I would despise pregnancy.

H on the other hand is already dying for another. :/

[Deleted]

Only children are awesome! That sounds like a great decision for your family, please don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[greylady]

Much of your situation is similar to mine. I'm ok being one and done but I will mourn forever that I had instant PPD, a colicky baby, and was basically miserable for 18 months. I feel cheated, but I have no reason to think number 2 would be better than the first one. I'm ok though, because I know we won't have to divide our resources. DD gets all the college savings, trips to Europe, soccer costs etc. We couldn't do that with more than one.

[cleo29]

It sounds like you are making the right decision. HOnestly, if I had not gotten pregnant with K (not planned at the time) I am not sure if we would have gone for two. Not that I don't love her, but it has felt different and it has been a tough transition.

Big hugs to you.

[cbwm1]

Thanks for the support, everyone. I really appreciate it.