I am so sad

[karenj]

I told my husband again that he had to move out. We were going to try to work things out but i guess that only meant I was going to try. I guess he didnt think he had to put out any effort. I know I am doing the right thing but I am so sad. I love him so much. But I deserve to be treated better. I just cant get over what a shit storm my life has become. The job I took after I lost mine is awful. The owner hired me and she totally lied about just about every aspect of the business. So I am on the hunt again. My finances are so bad I have a panic attack when I think about it. So I am sitting in the parking lot of my second job crying. Thankfully i have time before i go in so i can get myself together.

I just want to take a really long nap. I am trying so hard to be strong for the girls and keep it all together but i truly feel like i am about to snap.

Not really looking for anything. I just really dont have anyone in IRL to talk to about any of this.

[Linie]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but I know you will do it.

If only one of the partners is willing to work on the problems, it will never work.

Do you really need to change jobs now? I understand you are disappointed, but doing one thing at the time, meaning splitting up first, it might be less overwhelming?

Virtual hugs!

[karenj]

I could stay at this job and will until i find something new bit this person is hard to work for. She constantly demeans everyone. Micromanages everyone. Truly toxic. I am 50 and have never run across someone so bad as a boss.

[Linie]

I have the same boss: she's 44, I'm 46.

I'm also working on a plan B to get out, but I have no financial safety net until the house I own with XH is sold...

Try to hang in there. I don't remember what your issues with your H are, but mine was verbally abusive and living alone made my life so much easier!

[glynn]

Hugs..... Life gets better when things start coming together I promise. There will still be hard days but once you get things going you will feel better.

[jenstar]

I'm so sorry karenj. I really hope you can find a new job soon.

The beginning is really hard as it requires you to let go of everything you thought your life would be. And if you still love the other person that just makes it even harder. It's totally normal though and as glynn points out, it really does get easier. Hugs x

[itsmyparty]

I know how you feel. I told my ex that I wanted us to go to counseling and work on things, or we were done. I was devastated that he didn't care enough about our marriage to do any work (he refused to go to counseling). It took me many months of counseling - alone - to realize that I shouldn't have to (nor should I) beg anyone to be in a relationship with me, and that I was in essence in the marriage alone, anyway, as he seemed to have checked out months (years?) earlier.

As jenstar said, the beginning is really, really hard. You're mourning. Any feelings - confusing, conflicting, happy, sad - you have right now are totally normal. If you're not already seeing a therapist, I recommend it. It is so helpful to have someone to share all of your feelings with, who won't judge you and who will encourage you and help you work through things. I've also found that by talking through my feelings out loud, it's helped me recognize and give weight to everything I'm feeling.

[nextbigthing]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

As others have said, the first steps are the hardest but also the beginning of something much better.

One step at a time, one day at a time.

I will also HIGHLY RECOMMEND a therapist. Mine has been SO helpful in working through everything.

Best of luck, there are a lot of smart ladies here with great advice.

[doglove]

Hugs. It's a good step to recognize you deserve to be treated better.

[karenj]

I am going to a therapist. Shes the reason i am sticking to my guns. He hasnt been home in 2 days and that is making it somewhat easier. I know that cant last. He texted that he would like to stay tonight. Em has a band concert tonight. He sleeps in the living room though.

[nextbigthing]

Dec 1, 2016 11:23:34 GMT -5 karenj said:

I am going to a therapist. Shes the reason i am sticking to my guns. He hasnt been home in 2 days and that is making it somewhat easier. I know that cant last. He texted that he would like to stay tonight. Em has a band concert tonight. He sleeps in the living room though.

I wouldn't let him sleep there. You have to set definite boundaries

[doriswe]

Dec 1, 2016 12:04:20 GMT -5 nextbigthing said:

Dec 1, 2016 11:23:34 GMT -5 karenj said:

I am going to a therapist. Shes the reason i am sticking to my guns. He hasnt been home in 2 days and that is making it somewhat easier. I know that cant last. He texted that he would like to stay tonight. Em has a band concert tonight. He sleeps in the living room though.

I wouldn't let him sleep there. You have to set definite boundaries

x2

[karenj]

He sure knows how to kick a person when they are down. He posted a staus on FB about how he is a relationship since November 20th and she is an amazing lady and mom and he is so glad he is hers. He was just here 2 nights ago sayong he didnt know what he wantws to do. I am such an idiot. She looks to be not much older than my girls and has two little ones. Its like he is replacing us

[nextbigthing]

Dec 4, 2016 2:45:03 GMT -5 karenj said:

He sure knows how to kick a person when they are down. He posted a staus on FB about how he is a relationship since November 20th and she is an amazing lady and mom and he is so glad he is hers. He was just here 2 nights ago sayong he didnt know what he wantws to do. I am such an idiot. She looks to be not much older than my girls and has two little ones. Its like he is replacing us

Your have to not let him in the house, hide or unfriend him on Facebook and file for divorce. Letting him a little bit back in just makes it harder.

I'm not trying to hurt your feelings by being so blunt, but he's just going to keep hurting you unless you don't let him.


I promise this will get better, stay tough and be firm

[karenj]

Thank you

[itsmyparty]

This is what a lot of men do. They don't feel comfortable dealing with pain/sadness/rejection, so they replace it with lust and endorphines. That won't last, either.

[Linie]

My XH did the same. I had told him it was over and he kept writing me pages and pages about how we were meant to be together for life. In the meantime, he treated me like shit and was seeing someone else.

It is not going to be easy at first, but once it is done, you will feel light and free.

Hugs

[karenj]

He'moving his things today. Probably not all of them. This is so damn hard. I feel like my heart is going to burst.

[nextbigthing]

Dec 7, 2016 10:54:04 GMT -5 karenj said:

He'moving his things today. Probably not all of them. This is so damn hard. I feel like my heart is going to burst.

I know it's so hard, but you're doing the right thing. You're a great mom, take care of you and your girls. It really will get better

[karenj]

I know i keep coming back to this thread but i just nees to put my thoughts down. My heart feels like it is going to literally burst. The stress is so hard. All of my muscles hurt and I can concentrate and I cry constantly. I feel so cheated. All i wanted was for him to be a true husbandand treat me with respect. Whya was that asking to much. I wish i could hate him

[themoneytree]

Hey Karen,
I just want to say that I'm so sorry you are going through this. I really hope things look up for you soon. Hugs.

[Linie]

At some point you will get angry and that anger will help you. I understand that for now, it feels like he's the only one who can help you or console you, but he isn't that person. He doesn't deserve you.

Hugs

[pantsparty]

I'm sorry you're suffering

You weren't asking for too much in a spouse. However, it was too much for him, and that's not your fault, not for a second. I know right now things are very painful, but I hope you'll be able to see eventually you are worth so much more than he was willing to be for you. Big hugs.

[Deleted]

karenj, I'm sorry you're going through this. It really is hard to get through this stressful period, but you will. Hugs.