Who is still struggling with personal relationships?

[kicks]

I think I'm still having difficulty with this new normal. Anyone else?
I feel like any slightly offensive/ignorant/white privileged comment a white person makes I immediately put them in a category and want nothing to do with them and am borderline rude to them. I get annoyed when people recommend books or toys and of course the characters are all white.

The comments are mostly occurring at work. One supposedly liberal guy 2 days after the election said "let's wait and see what he does." Luckily my other coworker spoke up and was like that's easy for you to say as a straight white male. Ever since then I have not given him the time of day and he loves talk, I just mumble back 2 word responses.

My (all white) soccer team is having a get together. Normally I'd be ok with going just to have some fun and make superficial friendships. But no, I don't want anything to do with them off the field, even though they haven't done anything specifically offensive.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I'm generally a very happy and positive person and I know holding a grudge isn't going to change anything, nor do I want to turn in to an "angry black woman."

So I feel pretty good about what I'm doing in the bigger picture in supporting our communities through economic support and volunteering, but I'm still struggling with what to do about everyday white people encounters. Am I the only one?

[iammalcolmx]

I snap at H's family when they try with the white women tears about the election. They stopped doing that shit around me, otherwise I have never been so happy that H is treated like a POC than I am right now.

[Black Lavender]

::raises hand:: I'm just do done with everyone. I don't want to play nice with the parents of DD2's travel soccer parents, I don't want to volunteer at school or shoot the shit with DD3's dance moms. I'm giving them all the damn side eye. I know it was inappropriate and I shouldn't have, but I flat out asked my therapist who she voted for bc I can certainly find another person to give my $175 an hour to.

Sent from my XT1096 using proboards

[bugandbibs]

I found out one of DD1's teachers voted for #45 and I'm not sure how I will speak to her again.

I drank heavily at the mommy group Christmas Party. I'm just done with everyone. I don't have the energy to be the only POC anymore. They were all talking about how next year I should host and all I could think was that none of them are allowed in my sanctuary.

[kicks]

Ok well I'm glad we are at least in this together and I don't feel like a complete asshole for my thoughts.

I was telling my mom how I would never go on a cruise for a wide variety of reasons but I listed "being trapped on a boat with a bunch of white people where you have to socialize with them at dinner as a personal hell" She was like "kicks, I raised you better than that!" She was joking but yeah I realized then that I really am struggling with this.

[starlily]

I was so nervous that someone would bring up politics at Friendsgiving this past weekend. It was being hosted at the same home where I got really into it with a Trump supporter during a birthday party, so I was feeling some lingering stress.

I also say "fuck you" in my head whenever I pass by CWers who I know voted for Trump, which is kind of a lot, so I'm basically cursing in my mind on a regular basis.

[newnamesameperson]

Thank you for posting this.

I am struggling. I initially was having a hard time picking my battles. I found myself wasting energy on someone who intentionally baited me with race conversation topics/election.

Next time I see that ahole, I want to say damn you must love hearing yourself talk b/c I don't give a shit. I've been so shocked by the bs that came out of his mouth it makes me sick.

Also, I love how everyone is lets not talk about politics. Sure, b/c how will it effect you? It won't so yeah keep ignoring that.

I am tired of being the only POC. I hate how hard it is to make friends with other POCs. I am over all of it.

I want to avoid all political conversations, and not care at all but then I think about all the people who need someone to fight for them and feel compelled more so than ever to stay informed.

Also, if ONE MORE MFer points out how they are the only white person in the room IN THE ONE damn time they might not be the majority I'll likely curse them out.

[redwino]

I struggle with some work relationships. I'm not sure if they voted for trump but the odds are they did so I don't want to mess with them. I had already pushed them to a surface level earlier this year b3cause of some things 05heel and sfy said. But I would still email them friendly stuff regarding work but I don't really feel like it now. I had very little hope for these people anyway so I haven't had a strong reaction to them post election. I'm just done messing with them on any kind of personal level. Like @kirkette, I have no more room for new white friends. 2 is my max.

[thejackpot]

I would not have thought I would still be this devastated. There are relationships that will never be the same. To be honest, I find even thinking about having to be around white people draining.

[sunshine608]

Me. I disengaged from a lot of people and have been mostly ok but I have this annoying voice to wonder who people voted for when I meet them.

H has several co-workers that did and I wasn't looking forward to his Holiday Party but it was canceled. I think the hardest part for me, is that when I've tried to explain to him he doesn't understand same with my sister and then I realized that I hung out in a lot of spaces where I was one of the few WOC and I think that made it hit harder. I dunno. I'm still struggling.

My biggest battle is with my mom group. I know where some people stand and that's the only reason I can still engage. There are a few question marks and then there is the one lady whose new BF I noticed has a confederate flag tattoo that I struggle with being around. I no longer go to events at her house, but I just hate disengaging with everyone b/c of one person. (There is so much more to this story but its personal so I don't want to put it all out there).

I just with my actual long term friends lived closer, b/c I know she is struggling with the same thing. WE have actually started talking more b/c we've been going through something similar ( although her is much different b/c of her fears regarding her Mexican husband who is just a permanent resident). This is the one thing I hate about Atlanta .

I just had an awkward bathroom encounter with one of the work colleagues I unfriended after this.

[andwhat]

We buy our Christmas tree from the same place and have for YEARS. The man is an old redneck-y guy, but very nice. I will admit that it crossed my mind if he was a #45 supporter when we went this year. Who he voted for has never crossed my mind before. I feel like I am doing this will so many people and businesses.

I am in an ornament exchange and I usually get them from Etsy. I first tried to find a black-owned business, but none had anything. Then as I was searching if the seller had to much Americanah stuff I assumed they were a #45 supporter and moved on. The person I ended up buying from is in Colorado and it bugged me to be thinking this way.

[NitaX]

I told y'all, I deleted folks from FB. I can't anymore. I can't be the token black friend. I'm grateful some people feel compelled to still try to reason with folks, but I'm not doing it anymore.

One of my BFFs was like NitaX, girl those were fake ass, superficial friendships anyway. Anyone who KNOWS you, knows your passion for justice and politics. Fuck 'em. And she is so right, now, I'm not struggling with shit anymore. I just ain't dealing in foolishness any longer.

[threejs]

Not only am I still struggling with the white people I work with who I know voted for #45, I'm side eyeing everyone, including the "let's give him a chance and see what happens" people. I haven't been tuning in to my beloved MSNBC or CNN because I can't stand even hearing what that orange dummy is up to.

I was in line at the mall the other day and an older white woman asked if I was from the area because she wanted to know how to get to a nearby destination. When I told her, she said she was from West Virginia and smiled at me. Then her redneck looking husband walked up and in my head I was all "fuck you!"

[05heel]

I'm not struggling because I didn't fool with white folks to begin with. On the flip side though, I'm a little disturbed at the level of glee I feel sometimes at how this is playing out. All of my wannabe post-racial black friends who would pat me on the head and dismiss my radical rants are crawling back now asking for support on dealing with the fuckery. I don't hold back on the "I told you so's" either.

[thejackpot]

This is my struggle. Look at what my childhood friend, godson's mom posted. I was the only response and that's the second pic. We will probably never recover our relationship.

[thejackpot]

capscapscaps my response could have gone on for ages. You are so right. Man it hurt to realize Cosby is a bastard and yet I had to.

[DesertMoon]

I pretty much hate all people, so my personal relationships are not exactly giving me life RN

[raangoli]

I started a new job and I feel like I'm surrounded by non POC. It's not new to me but it's suddenly more apparent to me and bothers me more than it would have in the past. I've also bitten my tongue a few times and have to remind myself that I'm new and that I have to work with these people for many years (hopefully) to come.

I mentioned it in another thread, but I bailed on a lunch with girlfriends a few weekends ago. I basic called in brown. I couldn't deal with seeing a few of them after seeing what they had posted on FB. I have no time for people who make jokes and laugh things off now and say it's not racist. I'm probably going to have like 2 friends now but I'm ok with that.

[itsme]

I am struggling too. I called someone out and they white-splained. I can't.  I one of two non-white people in that place and I don't know why I stay.

[kicks]

It's going to be a long 3 years of turning down invites to hang out with the other residents. I guess I don't like hanging out with white people is not an acceptsble excuse.

[kicks]

Dec 8, 2016 10:24:02 GMT -5 @natariru said:

Dec 8, 2016 9:15:48 GMT -5 kicks said:

It's going to be a long 3 years of turning down invites to hang out with the other residents. I guess I don't like hanging out with white people is not an acceptsble excuse.

"I don't need anymore white friends." It worked for me last week, lol.

Lol. Who did you tell that to?!? I can only imagine my coworkers faces if I said that. Hilarious. I actually think 1 of the interns would totally understand.

I'm a part of black girls run and asked about triathlon training. They pointed me towards this woman's endurance training group. The founder of the triathlon/endurance group is white but a part of BGR (she's married to a black man) and it looks like there are a couple of WOC in the group but it's mostly white women.

I was hesitant to join for the past 2 months but finally paid my dues and have joined. I'm just going to use the group for training purposes and not to make bffs. It's things like that that make it hard to avoid hanging out with white women even though I live in a very diverse area. White soccer team, white people in French class, white people at the gym...