I think I triggered my neighbor

[DesertMoon]

My neighbors are mandean people from Iraq. They aren't Christian exactly but they believe John the Baptist is the true Christ. So as you can imagine they also have a difficult time in the middle east.

I was walking my son to the bus and he was smokino outside he offered on drive me to the stop but I said no the bus is rolling up. When I walked back I made a comment about the weather. I said something like what do you prefer the snow here or the sand in Iraq. I'm so stupid I know he had a hard time in the US Iraq conflict.

*possibly triggering comment*

He said well I hate the snow but at least I don't have to walk over the dead bodies of my sisters to check the mail.

I was surprised and went over and hugged him I told him in Arabic to come sit with me and I'll make him coffee and breakfast. He said "you shouldn't be my neighbor, all my neighbors die." He said more stuff about picking up pieces of my dead family off his lawn. I texted his wife she said she would come home on her break to see him and my dh will be check on him at 10. I did my best to gently remind him we are in Canada now and it's safe here, but he looked dazed.

I feel awful I know he has issues and I shouldn't have mentioned Iraq.

[orangeblossom]

Honestly, I don't think what you said was bad. I don't think he can never hear the word Iraq mentioned, what with him being from there and all. Also, you were kind and nice to him, unlike some people who may mean to him when they realize he's from Iraq.

It's unfortunate and deeply sad, you mentioning Iraq triggered him, but a) you didn't know and b) it will happen many more times in the future.

Please note, I am not minimizing it, but am trying my best to let you know, you shouldn't feel bad. You're a kind soul, who this man and his family can look to as an ally. Don't forget that.

[raangoli]

I'm so sorry. Please don't feel bad although I know that's easier said than done. There was no way for you to know that he would react in that way. I'm sure he appreciates your kindness. Being able to speak to someone in your own language is so comforting (I know because my parents have said this so many times) so I'm sure having you close is a comfort on some level.

Hugs to you.

[thejackpot]

Oh I am so sorry that you are feeling like you did unintentional harm. You handled it very well and did everything to minimize his pain. Hugs to you. I hope time will give him peace.

[bugandbibs]

I don't know how you heal after living through tragedies like that. It's a blessing for him to have a neighbor who he can be honest with and who will react with love and kindness.

You are good people DesertMoon, please be gentle with yourself.

[iammalcolmx]

You didn't know. This isnt your fault. His words though, my lord.