A vent

[Eureka1984]

So I have been dating this guy for over 6 weeks. This past weekend his buddy convinced him to go out drinking and he ended up with a dui. He called me the moment he got out of jail to let me know and I can't help but be angered and mad at him but mostly disappointed too. This is his first run in with the law and I don't know exactly how to process this.

I have feelings for him but he doesn't live in my town he lives in the town next to me. I know I want to talk with him but right now my thoughts are jumbled.

I have doubts and this definitely raises a red flag and I'm not sure about it. I also hate that he lost his license and won't be able to drive. He is taking necessary steps, got a lawyer and filed for hardship and all that but still I'm not sure about this.

I don't really know what I'm going to do but I had to just get this out somewhere.

[nextbigthing]

I'm sorry that happened, but for me, honestly at 6 weeks in, I'd probably be out if this happened. But I'm divorcing my stbxh for being an alcoholic so it's a touchy one for me.

I think stepping back a bit is good, decide how much you like/don't like him and decide if it's worth all of this. Its definitely hard.

I'm sorry

[pinkdutchtulips]

this would raise enough of a red flag with me 6 weeks in that i would break it off. my xh had too many close calls to count w/ DUI it was a part of his addictive personality. a DUI shows poor judgment and impulse control.

[Deleted]

I feel that it's a red flag.  I'm not trying to sound mean, but do you really know that it's his first issue with the law?  I mean, it totally could be, but you don't really know him.  The fact that he has has an arrest history and no license seems like too much drama to be involved with.  Run.  Fast.
I'm sorry. 

[Linie]

I would be more suspicious about the fact that he blamed it on his friend. His decision to drive, his fault.
Depending on how I feel about this guy, I would disengage for a while or walk out.

[Eureka1984]

Dec 21, 2016 21:30:46 GMT -5 melmaria said:

I'm kind of struck by "his buddy convinced him to go out drinking." Are those his words, or yours? Either way, he's an adult, and he made his own decision. Phrasing it that way makes it sound like he (or you) is trying to blame someone else for the situation.

Also, are we talking like a .09 DUI, or something way over the limit? Not that either is okay, but I am curious.

He didn't blow so he automatically lost his license. And those were his words not mine. I definitely agree he was trying to push the blame on someone else

[Eureka1984]

Thank you guys for the support. I am definitely stepping back and reevaluating as of the coming weeks.

It's so hard to separate your heart and thinking but I'm glad that I am saying this is wrong and I don't know how I feel.

[kimmyo73]

RUN, RUN, RUN - don't walk.  You are only 6 weeks in.  Trust me!  I'm married to an alcoholic with three DUI's and if he screws up again, it will be prison.  I can't begin to tell you how much I wish I had paid attention to the warning signs when we were dating. 

[flatlan]

I don't have anything new to add. I agree with the other posters, you need to step back and evaluate. The pushing the blame to someone else is very troubling. I was also married to an alcoholic and he had 2 dui's and several other incidents that didn't have the law involved. Please don't end up making this your problem.

[statlerwaldorf]

Dec 22, 2016 10:26:26 GMT -5 Eureka1984 said:

Dec 21, 2016 21:30:46 GMT -5 melmaria said:

I'm kind of struck by "his buddy convinced him to go out drinking." Are those his words, or yours? Either way, he's an adult, and he made his own decision. Phrasing it that way makes it sound like he (or you) is trying to blame someone else for the situation.

Also, are we talking like a .09 DUI, or something way over the limit? Not that either is okay, but I am curious.

He didn't blow so he automatically lost his license. And those were his words not mine. I definitely agree he was trying to push the blame on someone else

Run! I'm not even going to touch on the DUI.  Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who cannot take responsibility for his own actions?  Been there, done that.  Everything will always be your fault or someone else's fault.

[1confused1]

I agree with everyone, it's so early in the relationship that I would end it.

My xh's DUI was the beginning of the end of our relationship. Unfortunately he didn't learn his lesson and it spiraled after that.

Good luck with your decision.

[jigsy]

Come on. Don't step back. Get out. Its 6 weeks in...barely a month.

If he had killed someone, would you feel differently? Because he just as easily could have.

Add in that he didn't blow - which tells me he knew he was overly intoxicated. He isn't taking responsibility and he engaged in extremely dangerous behavior.

DTMF and don't look back.

[Deleted]

Dec 22, 2016 10:26:26 GMT -5 Eureka1984 said:

Dec 21, 2016 21:30:46 GMT -5 melmaria said:

I'm kind of struck by "his buddy convinced him to go out drinking." Are those his words, or yours? Either way, he's an adult, and he made his own decision. Phrasing it that way makes it sound like he (or you) is trying to blame someone else for the situation.

Also, are we talking like a .09 DUI, or something way over the limit? Not that either is okay, but I am curious.

He didn't blow so he automatically lost his license. And those were his words not mine. I definitely agree he was trying to push the blame on someone else

....holy fuck run. That's worse IMO than knowing what the % was. Because that means he KNEW he was drunk. A friend's sister blew just over legal limit and got a DUI (like .09). She even followed the drink an hour rule of thumb but she's small. It scared the shit out of her and she didn't drink for a long time and had to get a meter to blow into on her car. She was traumatized because she honestly thought she was good to drive and never even had a parking ticket before. With something like her case, it's understandable and forgivable.

This guy does not make good choices and is blaming his friend for his actions. The end. Sorry.

[doglove]

Nope. It's easier than ever to call an uber or lyft these days. No excuse not to.

[Saint Monica]

I can make a lot of excuses and don't judge that he didn't blow.

But

I cannot tolerate him blaming his buddy. Lame and ball less.

[sparkythelawyer]

Dec 22, 2016 10:28:18 GMT -5 Eureka1984 said:

Thank you guys for the support. I am definitely stepping back and reevaluating as of the coming weeks.

It's so hard to separate your heart and thinking but I'm glad that I am saying this is wrong and I don't know how I feel.

Reevaluate yourself away from this guy.