Exclusive talk?

[nextbigthing]

I think I'm ready to have this talk with the guy I've been dating for 3 months.

I am 99% sure we already are exclusive but I need to know for sure.

Pertinent info
-have talked every day since we met
-see each other about every 5 days (live 30 minutes apart)
-he's very nice, polite, a little shy. Divorced for three years, no kids.
-he was out of town for nye with family but texted me right at midnight

My divorce will be final any day now.


I just don't know what to say. I just need to know what we are, I'm all in, but if he's not I'd rather know now before I get hurt. Our families know about each other but haven't met and he hasn't met DS (but I'm willing for that to happen after this conversation)

Any tips?

[Deleted]

I usually just say so I've enjoyed spending time with you and I'm not seeing anyone else. Are you? And then take it from there. Good luck!

[verycontrary247]

I typically bring it up with a disclaimer that I'm going to be upfront and serious with them for a minute- then say whatever needs to be said. Ask confirmation questions at the end (so, are we on the same page?). Anything otherwise leads too much room for things to be misinterpreted or lost in translation.

[nextbigthing]

@pdx18 verycontrary247

So it went....ok I think but not what I wanted


Neither of us are dating or sleeping with anyone else but we both agreed that we need to see each other more to figure out what we are (we talk every day but only see each other every 5-7 days usually during the week). We haven't communicated well at all on what we wanted and I agree with that, so we're going to take it up a notch, see each other more weekends etc and see what we are. I told him I didn't want something that had no chance of going anywhere and if he only wanted casual tell me now. I dont think he knows what he wants, I'll give him a little time, but not much, I don't want someone that doesn't want me.


That was not what I was expecting.

[verycontrary247]

nextbigthing but it's better to have said something now then continue under the assumption that you want the same things.

People these days get so weird about labeling relationships. Because then that's admitting that they like someone, which opens the door to getting hurt. But, it also prevents them from forming deep, meaningful connections. It's a clusterfuck that I'm trying to be more conscious of- because I know I'm guilty of it too.

[statlerwaldorf]

I don't think that response is bad. People are weird about labeling relationships. Some see it as a big commitment and 3 months isn't that long. He's not seeing anyone else and wants to see you more? That sounds like where the relationship should be at this point if he is interested in a long term relationship.

[nextbigthing]

We talked more since then, I asked if he wanted to hang out tomorrow night and he said absolutely. He said he likes me and respects me and wants to keep seeing if this could work (that's fair right)? He's been trying more too, texting more etc.

When we had the talk he said he didn't want to disappoint me, I asked him last night on the phone what that meant, he said he just didn't ever want this to turn ugly.

I am thinking this probably won't work long term, but we will see.

Im just trying not to make it weird since we talked, it feels like things were great before that talk.

[doglove]

He doesn't ever want it to turn ugly? That's kind of a weird response into why he may disappoint you.

[heywhat]

I don't think his response is bad... but not good enough for him to meet your child IMO.

See how things feel for the next week or three.

[nextbigthing]

Jan 5, 2017 14:52:26 GMT -5 heywhat said:

I don't think his response is bad... but not good enough for him to meet your child IMO.

See how things feel for the next week or three.

That's exactly how I feel! I'm not ready to end it but things that are get really good in the next couple weeks or I'm out. He really is a really nice good guy I'm hoping he just said something stupid

[heywhat]

Jan 5, 2017 16:30:07 GMT -5 nextbigthing said:

Jan 5, 2017 14:52:26 GMT -5 heywhat said:

I don't think his response is bad... but not good enough for him to meet your child IMO.

See how things feel for the next week or three.

That's exactly how I feel! I'm not ready to end it but things that are get really good in the next couple weeks or I'm out. He really is a really nice good guy I'm hoping he just said something stupid

Heaven knows we all say stupid things... so if it bounces back quickly that will be a good sign.  Keep us posted!