Can we discuss the dreaded "why are you single" question?

[abcdefu]

I went to a wedding last weekend (yay for getting dressed up and out of the house) I was assigned to sit at a table with a couple I didn't know and a woman around my age. We didn't know each other so we were all discussing our careers, where we were from etc. In the middle of my "introduction" the woman yells; "OMG girl! Why are you single?! You are beautiful and have a career! OMG! You need to get online dating or something!" Then she looks over to the guy who is with his girlfriend, and says to him; "what is wrong with you guys?!"

I was really embarrassed! I had no idea what to say back. I think I asked the girl from the couple about her dogs since she was talking about them. I didn't want to be rude even though I felt she was being rude!

Why do people feel like they need to ask this? How do you handle these types of situations?

[Linie]

I never had anyone say that to my face, but I used to have plenty of "you'll get someone any day, they will cue up for you, you are going to make some guy very happy..."

It drove me mad! You could always answer like in "Four wedding and a funeral" : I guess I haven't met the right one yet...

Or "why do you want to know"?

[cuddlyevil]

Because they're nosy and looking for dirt?

I've had guys ask me in the past "so why are you still on the market?" and I'm always like "Uh...dude you tell me." and change the subject. My response soon will be "Maybe I am too awesome and they can't handle it?" then leave it at that.

[nextbigthing]

People are so bold, what a stupid question.

I'd be tempted to reply with a really snarky answer

[pinkdutchtulips]

I either answer

A- due to my shitstorm of a marriage I want to be Extra Extra sure that doesn't happen again, so I'm super picky

B- I'm a single 24/7 FT working mom w no family handy to watch her ... IF I go out he better be worth it. Sadly most guys aren't * in the same vein only super snarky -- would YOU date a mom of a 7 yo who had full 24/7 custody ?

C- I'm in a position where I don't NEED a man but I WANT a man and I'm willing to be bide my time for the right one however long it may take. I settled the first time around d, never again !

[Mrs.Rad888]

The few times I had someone ask me this question, I answered with "Because I haven't found the guy who can win me." I'd also ask why having a boyfriend seemed to be the end-all end-all, as it's nice to have a partner, but not just for the sake of having one.

Truthfully, I don't understand why it's so hard to meet decent guys! I have a couple of friends who have the hardest time even finding ones to think about dating, and when I was single I could count the number of guys that showed interest on one hand. And this is in a military town! I think I have more guys showing interest since I got married. It's ridiculous.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Jan 27, 2017 12:15:05 GMT -5 Mrs.Rad888 said:

The few times I had someone ask me this question, I answered with "Because I haven't found the guy who can win me." I'd also ask why having a boyfriend seemed to be the end-all end-all, as it's nice to have a partner, but not just for the sake of having one.

Truthfully, I don't understand why it's so hard to meet decent guys! I have a couple of friends who have the hardest time even finding ones to think about dating, and when I was single I could count the number of guys that showed interest on one hand. And this is in a military town! I think I have more guys showing interest since I got married. It's ridiculous.

it's hard when you're working full time, raising a kid full time, kid activities and in my case, bc I don't share custody I ALWAYS have her so going out requires a lot of planning in advance and even then I have to worry about things like sitters cancelling at the last minute 😖

I'm sure if I had shared custody like most normal divorced families this wouldn't be an issue.

[Mrs.Rad888]

Jan 27, 2017 12:21:05 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

Jan 27, 2017 12:15:05 GMT -5 Mrs.Rad888 said:

The few times I had someone ask me this question, I answered with "Because I haven't found the guy who can win me." I'd also ask why having a boyfriend seemed to be the end-all end-all, as it's nice to have a partner, but not just for the sake of having one.

Truthfully, I don't understand why it's so hard to meet decent guys! I have a couple of friends who have the hardest time even finding ones to think about dating, and when I was single I could count the number of guys that showed interest on one hand. And this is in a military town! I think I have more guys showing interest since I got married. It's ridiculous.

it's hard when you're working full time, raising a kid full time, kid activities and in my case, bc I don't share custody I ALWAYS have her so going out requires a lot of planning in advance and even then I have to worry about things like sitters cancelling at the last minute 😖

I'm sure if I had shared custody like most normal divorced families this wouldn't be an issue.

I just noticed that it sounds like I'm putting the blame on the single women. I apologize, that wasn't my intent. I'm actually trying to ask, where are all the nice, single guys?! They must be hiding somewhere.

I was a single mom for a long time, too. You're right, it is hard, so the guy has to be worth the effort. I was a single mom while in the Navy, and I was very fortunate that my parents were willing and able to watch my kids when I needed to be deployed. Not the same situation as you, but my XH left town as soon as he could, so I was the only parent 99.9% of the time. I used to cherish the drive home from work, even though the commute was terrible, because it was really the only time during the day that I had to myself!

[jigsy]

I have had friends say this to me - they are all 7-8 years into their marriage, so they just don't really remember dating or they never dealt with it because they met their spouse in HS. So they aren't saying it to be rude - its more like when I bitch about dudes and and their response is - wow, you are so awesome, how are you not beating off dudes with a bat.

But, I have also had something closer to the OP happen, at a wedding, snarky girl with her doofus BF trying to rub singledom in my face or something...I just replied that I have really high standards. It was a backhanded way to say that she didn't. LOL. I try to be nice, but lord, sometimes I can't help myself.

[doglove]

I also get frustrated with this. My answers are generally because I don't want to settle and that I have high standards now. Dating is not easy at all. People who aren't in the dating scene these days cannot even comprehend it. I talk to my friends and sister who have been married for a while and they can't even fathom the stories that I tell them.

[nextbigthing]

I guess I always try to remind myself too that I'd Much rather be single than still married to loser xh

[alleinesein]

The few times I have been asked that I tend to be blunt and rude in my response.

Most people get told that the dating pool in my area sucks and the only guys who do express interest in me are older than my father and there is no way in hell I am going to deal with a geriatric husband while taking care of my parents when they get old. Or I tell them that I am too fat, too old and too ugly for the men in my area because that is what the men my age tell me.

[abcdefu]

I'm loling at some of these responses and will be well equipped if there is a next time. I just hate how rude and forward people can be, yet I feel bad for being snarky.

alleinesein, I'm also in a shitty dating area. Small towns suck!

[thedutchgirl]

Sometimes I think this is meant to be a compliment, albeit one poorly presented. If you don't want to be snarky, a simple "I haven't met the right guy yet" works too.

[Deleted]

Because I'd rather keep sleeping with a variety of hot men instead of settling down.

[redshoejune]

I don't get why are you single as much as I get You need a boyfriend!

I usually say People don't like me.
Or I tell them that all the guys my age seem to be looking for 25 year olds with no kids and I'm not looking for someone 20 years older.

[pistolshrimp]

I'm pretty private, so I used to get embarrassed when someone would ask me this. After awhile though, I got bolder and my typical response was, "That's a pretty personal question, why would you ask me that?" Haha, I just liked seeing people's reactions. I've started using the same response now that I'm married and we get the kids question.