Open Casket or "My first funeral"

[MWOS]

hugs, betch

yeah, it's all weird. traditions involving our dead relatives are weird. and it's different from ER patients because this is your family member. It changes everything.

[ILikeSloths]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I hate open caskets and agree that it's awkward and uncomfortable.

My first open casket was my mom when I was 9 and it still bothers me to this day. Since then I've been to many other wakes and still feel uncomfortable, but I was totally unprepared for my first. I'd never been to a funeral before and no one warned me or told me what to expect.

[lucky513]

We did open casket for my dad I'm not even sure why because we had him cremated after, I think it's maybe for people to say the final goodbyes???

Most of all funerals I've been to have been open casket

[Deleted]

I'm sorry for your loss.

I really hate open caskets. It IS a really weird tradition. I just went to my first one in march and it was my H's babushka. I always knew I wanted to be cremated, but after attending that funeral, I don't want a funeral at all. Just throw me in the ocean or some shit.

[ILikeSloths]

Thank you. My mom was really young (47) but we were expecting it since she'd been sick with cancer for a while. I think no matter what the age, including your grandmother at 86, it's still so hard. I'm sorry you had to deal with the first open casket, especially with a relative.

I think the touching thing is weird too. If I'm dead I don't want people touching and looking at me up close. So bizarre.

[suzyp]

We only do open casket in my family so I'm used to it (although we know my Gma doesn't want it so we won't do it for her). I'm weird but I prefer it (mind you, I'm only talking my family). When my Gpa died, I couldn't wait to get to the funeral home b/c he was there and I missed him and wanted to see him. For me, seeing him was somehow a relief to me. I also touched him and kissed him goodbye. I remember being grossed out when my Mom did that with my great gpa but with my Gpa I was much older and didn't seem weird (for me). My Gpa also always said he wanted an open cakset so "all the old ladies could cry over his body." So he got his wish! :-)

My uncle had Tourettes and seeing him at he wake in a open casket was the 1st time in my life that I saw his body fully at peace and at rest. It's kinda hard to explain but life was hard for him b/c of it and it was just nice to see him that way (and I'm pretty sure that my Mom kissed him - which my uncle would have thought was hysterical)

[juliew]

I have had the same thoughts.
I also think it's weird that I have yet to go to a funeral where everyone wasn't commenting on what a great job the "people" did, and how great the person looks dead.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry for your loss. Open casket funerals are tough, even more so when it's close family.

I've only been to one open casket funeral. I didn't go to my grandma's because I was young and wouldn't have handled it well. I went to my step-grandma's when I was about 15. It was probably the reason I will opt out of any other open casket funerals. Half way through the wake, her eyelids came unglued and they opened. The funeral director whipped a bottle of glue out of his pocket and glued them shut again right in front of everyone, us kids were up front saying goodbye. Forever traumatized.

[lucky513]

Rpbc that would freak me the eff out

[angelaa73]

When adam was 1, my grandpa passed and we went with my cousin to the funeral home to say goodbye before they cremated him. I was going to wait in the hall with my sister as we both agreed on the way to norcal that we weren't into a viewing. But! cousin was like falling apart so I held her hand and went in.

He looked so good! Like super happy. And so real (derp!) I swear I almost hugged him but I was like 'well that would be weird!" bc he was only wearing a sheet and he was kind of up high on a hospital gurney thing.

I'm glad I saw him. It's a nice memory since he looked so awesome

Maybe you'll feel differently later? Sorry about your grandma

[jena]

I'm sorry for your loss.

I think that some people need to see the person for closure, to help them accept that the person is really gone. Which is why it's so hard for people who have no body to mourn over for whatever reason.

I find it totally normal for people to pat the deceased's hand and even kiss their cheek, though I've never kissed them.

[PinkSquirrel]

I'm sorry for your loss.

I prefer open caskets as a general rule. I think a lot of it has to do with closure and many ways you may seek that closure depending on the person. With my great grandmother she was so sick and not herself at the very end and it was healing to see her look so peaceful. I'm not generally a toucher, but when my best friends brother died getting to see him one last time and getting to give him a kiss goodbye meant a lot to me. His friends also buried him with all sorts of momentos and things he loved. Those things couldn't happen with a closed casket. The one time I couldn't go near the open casket was a good friend that died in a car accident and they really should have gone with a closed casket.

[berbles]

Weird, I had my first open casket experience tonight too. H's grandmother was 105.

Sorry for your loss.

[janiejones]

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I strongly dislike the open casket thing. I don't ever feel like being shuffled along the line there gives me time for closure or goodbyes.
And, when my grandma died they made her up weird. They died her hair dark brown (she hadn't had it that was in over 20 years) and her make-up was too much pink. Some of her long time neighbours worked at the funeral home and I've always wondered if they were trying to recreate a special memory they had of her or not. (Because I had been to that funeral parlor before and never felt that way about the make-up)

But I was so angry about it, it really ruined it for me and I didn't like having to be near her casket when it was so far from how I knew her (we lived together before her death, and were always close).

[Waffles]

I'm sorry for your loss. And I'm with you on the weirdness of open caskets/viewings.

My experience is similar to gracie6414, except it was my father.

I was holding his hand when he died & shocked myself at how fast I dropped it when I realized he wasn't breathing anymore. It instantly felt like he wasn't there anymore and I was holding some dead person's hand.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry for your loss.

Just as an aside, the tradition of a wake comes from Ireland. I'm not sure if it's true, but I've always heard that people would have a wake to see if their loved one would "wake up". There were a lot of traditions trying to prevent people being accidentally buried (like tying a string the deceased's finger and running it up through the ground to a bell so they could ring it if they woke up in a casket. This is why we have "graveyard shifts - it was the guy at night listening for the bell and probably crapping himself if he heard it.).

Of course it's also for final good byes and closure. But yeah... that's why we sit around looking at our deceased loved ones.

[KKD]

I'm sorry about your grandmother.

My family is Irish Catholic, and I feel like I've grown up with open caskets, so while I always think the deceased look strange with all that makeup piled on (especially the hands), they don't really faze me. When it is someone I was close with, I typically touch them when saying goodbye.

H, otoh, HATES open caskets and in fact tries to avoid funerals as much as possible. He is still traumatized by his first funeral for his grandmother when he was 8 and his mom not only made him go up to the casket but insisted that he touch her too.

[nahoku]

I'm sorry for your loss, heybetch

I think the only open casket I found comforting was my maternal grandpa's. I'd found a "wheat penny" right before he died and he used to collect them. I didn't get a chance to give it to him before he died, so I was able to put it in his suit pocket at the wake.

In the Philippines, where my dad is from, they still do the open casket in the living room deal. For about a week. My parents didn't think to forewarn me or my sister about this when we went there for my grandpa's funeral when I was in 4th grade.

[starburst604]

Im sorry for your loss. I don't think I've ever been to a wake that wasn't open casket. I guess being Irish/Italian Catholic it's just what I'm used to. As far as touching, well when my Nana passed and I went with my mom to have the first look at her in the funeral home, my mom exclaimed that Nana would hate the way they did her hair. So yup, she took her brush out and fixed it.

[cc]

I am sorry for your loss.

I've been to one open casket and it was for my ex's dad. It creeped me out, especially when ex's mom tried to get my DD to touch his hand.

I think I'd really have a hard time seeing one of my parents in a casket because I am the type who would need therapy to get that last image of them out of my head.

DH wants to be put onto a raft in the ocean and have his body set on fire.

[partiallysunny]

Sorry for your loss.

I remember my grandpa had an open casket funeral. I never knew him, so it wasn't really a sad occasion for me. I remember me and my brother took turns touching him when no one was looking.

Funeral traditions are just odd in general, no matter the culture we are talking about. I find it all bizarre.

[revolution]

I'm sorry for your loss. Funerals are hard.

I don't mind open caskets. My dad's was open and I'm glad it was. And, he did look good. He had been so sick before that, it is nice to have that final memory of him looking ok. And I even held his hand while he was in there and kissed his forehead. DD was 3 for his funeral and I think it did her well too to see him and be able to say goodbye. She actually wanted to go up to the casket and see him and asked a few times to go up to it. She even covered him in Dora stickers and drew him a picture and put it in with him. And she kissed her hand and touched his heart.

Anyway, I don't mind open caskets. I like being able to see them and say goodbye.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry but wakes are fucked. up. I honestly do not get the point of them. My extended family is Catholic so I've been to a few and I still don't get it.

My friend's father died and I went to his wake and funeral, and she even said the same thing.

My first was when I was 14. My boyfriend's brother died. It was an interesting and sad experience....first body. I don't think you forget seeing your first body.

[blueshirt2003]

Sept 11, 2012 23:17:50 GMT -5 @rpbc said:

I'm sorry for your loss. Open casket funerals are tough, even more so when it's close family.

I've only been to one open casket funeral. I didn't go to my grandma's because I was young and wouldn't have handled it well. I went to my step-grandma's when I was about 15. It was probably the reason I will opt out of any other open casket funerals. Half way through the wake, her eyelids came unglued and they opened. The funeral director whipped a bottle of glue out of his pocket and glued them shut again right in front of everyone, us kids were up front saying goodbye. Forever traumatized.

Oh my god, that's terrible.

[gozf]

I'm sorry for your loss, too.

99% of the funerals I've been to have been open casket, and it doesn't bother me. I don't find it especially comforting, but I'm not disconcerted, either. It's rare that I'll touch the body, but I have on occasion.

I actually find the whole thing fascinating and I seriously considered pursuing a degree in mortuary science, until I remembered that I'm bad at science and would likely be a lousy embalmer.

[papie]

I've only ever seen open caskets. It is the norm here. Is it a religious thing? I,ve only ever attended catholic or greek orthodox funerals.

I'm sorry for your loss.

[Deleted]

My grandma had an open casket a few weeks ago. I could not even look at her because it freaked me out. My mom and sister both said it didn't look like her so if I didn't want to look, I shouldn't. I wanted to keep the good memories in my mind, not the bad ones of the last time seeing her when she looked nothing like my grandma.

Open caskets freak me the eff out.

I'm sorry about your grandma hey. It's a rough thing to go through. Take care of yourself. :heart: