Embarrassing BF question

[clearj3]

Hi all - I'm normally a lurker but have a question that I've been too embarrassed to ask any of my friends so would love to get the groups thoughts.

I am currently 7 months pregnant with my first and really struggling thinking about breastfeeding. There is something about it that weirds me/skeeves me out and I am feeling so guilty and confused by it. It is something I want to do due to the health benefits, and I know it is a very natural thing, but the thought of the actual action just freaks me out - I think it's because it seems somewhat sexual to me. It makes me uncomfortable to even think about it.

I feel embarrassed even typing it out, but has anyone at all felt the same way? I'm hoping once baby girl comes, instinct will kick in and I'll feel like it's the right thing to do, but right now even thinking about it makes me want to gag.

Thanks so much for any support or thoughts??

[simpsongal]

I recommend not thinking about

When the time comes, if you're still totally weirded out and skeeved out by it, you can decline to nurse. I think what you're feeling is pretty normal. A couple things that should help distance you from a 'sexual' feeling w/r/t nursing - your boobs change a lot to accommodate nursing (size, shape, feeling, etc.). And the prolactin hormone really suppresses your sex drive - so the nipple stimulation from nursing is not like it would be under sexual circumstances.

FWIW, I LOVE nursing my babies. I had hoped to nurse when I was pregnant with DS, but had a 'let's see how it goes feeling.' It went very well. This time around with DD, nursing was the thing I looked forward to most. I just love the bond.

Good luck!

[Mrs.flang]

I'm not sure I felt exactly what you're describing, but I definitely had second thoughts about trying it, especially after going to the BF class at the hospital (although I'm glad I actually did attend that, it was pretty graphic, and scared me).  And once DD came, it was honestly painful and uncomfortable the first few days, so it wasn't some magical connection, and I found myself dreading, avoiding, and then rushing through feedings.

But after a day or two, my prude-ness totally vanished.  Boobs were out all the time, I had no modesty whatsoever.  Now it's hard to remember when I'm in public and have to be more discreet, because I'm totally comfortable doing it in front of pretty much anyone in my family. And I think there was some sort of "motherly instinct" for me to stick with it, because I thought I wanted to give up so many times, and had told myself beforehand it was no big deal to switch to formula.  But once I had started, I really really really didn't want to quit.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing for you.  I guarantee it will feel strange at first, and if you just don't want to do it anymore, that's ok too!

[lifetaketwo]

I get it. I'm having a hard time going back the other way. We're done BF but my boobs are still off-limits. H is understanding, but he doesn't really get it.

I don't think there is anything wrong with seeing how you feel in the moment. In the hospital all modesty went down the drain.and it was so painful (just to start) that I couldn't think about anything else.

[cheeseandcrackers]

I didn't feel it was sexual or anything like that, but in all honesty, I just didn't like breastfeeding felt. I'm sure I would have gotten used to it, but my daughter didn't really seem to like it either, maybe because of my vibe that I was giving off. I tried it for about a month and switched to pumping.
No real advice except just try to go with the flow and see how it feels, if you don't like it, there is nothing wrong with stopping.

[kdubs923]

I would recommend deciding when the time comes. Give it a try, if it's not for you, then it's not for you, and that's completely OK.

During my pregnancy with DS, I decided I wanted to give it a try, but honestly thought I wouldn't like it. I have a lot of body issues and thought I could never be comfortable enough about my body to nurse in front of anyone. I did nurse in front of people with DS and by DD, I nursed anywhere, in front of anyone. It just wasn't about me. Or my body. It definitely wasn't anything sexual. It was just a baby that was hungry.

I nursed (combo-fed) DS until 8 months when my supply tanked and he switched to EFF. DD was easier to nurse and I'm still nursing her at nearly 15 months old (though down to just a morning session). But I've spent more time nursing that I would have ever imagined if you asked me back when I was pregnant.

While I was pregnant, I spent a lot of time thinking about BF and reading up on it, but I don't think you can really know how you feel about it until you are actually breastfeeding.

[clearj3]

This is so helpful and reassuring. I was scared to post because i felt like I was being crazy by thinking this at all. I really appreciate even knowing there are people out there who have hesitations one way or another.

I think the best advice for sure is to just try it - I'm going g to give it a shot and see how it goes but thanks for the reassurance that it might not be the perfect fit for everyone.

[spitforspat]

I definitely had some of these feelings. But, it was just different after she was born. My boobs had a job, and that was to feed the baby. It didn't feel sexual. It felt nurturing. It's hard to imagine your brain switching gears like that, but it does. And if it doesn't and you're uncomfortable, you don't have to BF.

[redpenmama]

I agree with others -- don't overthink it right now. Envisioning it and actually doing it are two different things. You might like it, you might hate it, but you won't really know until you're holding your baby and giving it a shot.

[miamigirl]

I think it's normal. I felt weird about it when I was pregnant, not because I thought it was sexual, it was just something unknown and scared me. I definitely wanted to try, so I took a BF class and it was really graphic and made me nervous.

Once S was born she took to the breast right away and made it easy for me. It was painful for the first few days, but eventually it was ok and I actually enjoyed it in the end.

If you feel like you want to try, definitely go for it. However if it's not for you, formula feeding is perfectly fine. As long as you're feeding your baby you're doing a good job!

[thebreakfastclub]

I felt weird about it before my baby came as well. Like I just wasn't into it, but I thought maybe I could do it for a few weeks.

Then in the hospital, I was completed turned off by the whole process. I tried unsuccessfully to latch him a few times but bailed out fast.

No regrets, lol. Formula was the best choice for me and had countless benefits for my family. As far as my son, he's 4yo and hasn't really been sick yet, so it worked for him too.

[Ashley&Scott]

To be honest I was a little weirded out thinking about it too when I was pregnant with my first. It was a non-issue once he was born & we had a great BFing relationship. I agree with everyone else that said wait to see how you feel once the baby is here.

[swarley]

I felt the exact same way with my son 3 years ago. I had planned to EP but by the time he got here, I decided to give it a try and all of the feelings that I had about being uncomfortable disappeared. Give it some time and see how you feel once your baby is here. Also, I (personally) would have killed myself trying to EP and being able to just put a baby on the breast was SO much easier! There weren't any bottles or pump parts to clean and I could feed the baby anywhere. I was never comfortable doing it in public though. I still don't know if I will be able to do it with this one but we spent a lot of time nursing in the car or in fitting rooms at the mall.

[macmars45]

It's ok to feel how you feel. Once you have your baby in your arms, just see how it goes.

I tried BFing for 2 months and quit because it never got not painful and DS never really latched without a nipple shield and he nursed for an hour each time. I felt as if I never got to go anywhere and all I did was feed and care for DS. I pumped and we combo fed until a week shy of 4 months and he's been EFF since then. No regrets. I hated pumping.

My BFF has had a great BFing relationship with her DD so it can go either way.

[vmars]

It's normal to feel weird about it before you do it. I had some feelings before hand too. I decided if I didn't like it I would stop and try not to feel guilty. However, like other posters said, it was in no way a sexual experience. Not even a little bit. It completely changed my mind about BFIng. I BFed for a year and stopped after his first birthday. I originally just wanted to make it to 6 months. Do whatever feels right but keep an open mind.

[pooh8402]

Don't do it if you don't want to. Seriously. Don't let the "breast is best" lactivists scare you. Breast is not best for everyone, and it sounds like it isn't for you.

Try in the hospital if you want, but if you try and feel squicky and want to FF from the start, go right ahead. The nurses won't judge. I have plenty of patients who attempt to BF and say no this feels weird, give me a bottle. And I do.

[lolo]

I had some of the same feelings. I watched some videos online and they just made me uncomfortable.

But when DD arrived, I felt like I had a biological imperative to feed her. Suddenly those same videos were not awkward but clues into how to feed my child. It was like a flick of a switch for me.

You might also search as I know this as discussed here a few months ago.

[jena]

It is weird, because you've only seen your boobs as sexual until now. But I think hormones play a huge part in helping you change how you feel about it after the baby is born. Also, your boobs will get engorged when you're milk comes in and honestly that makes them feel like they aren't even your boobs anymore. They just feel different.

Just try not to worry about it and go with flow. Maybe nursing will work out, maybe not. It's OK either way.

[kellsbelles]

I had the same exact thoughts as you. I adamantly told my mom and sister that I thought it was so strange and I just wanted to pump. Well, here we are 20 months later and still breastfeeding. I shocked myself at how much I loved the bond and never in a million years ever think I'd go past a year! Your thoughts might change once the baby is actually here so just give yourself some time and see how it goes. Happy rest of your pregnancy

[jennistarr1]

don't be embarrassed

nipples were a sexual thing for me to so I was wondering this too and all I can tell you is think less and trust your body more...your body knows what's happening and doesn't confuse the two

[livinitup]

When my older sister had her first, I got some educational videos from the lending library when she was pregnant. It was part of their educational section. It really de-mystified the whole thing and my favorite ones showed, in a clinical, supportive way how nurses, mothers and babies worked together. It really "showed" how a mother breastfeeds. Real boobs and babies. Not sexy at all. But a lot of smiles and magical moments. My sister remarked "Wow, we live in such a modern society that I've never seen a mother breastfeed." It's true! We hadn't.

[sarahsas]

It is strange and hard to get used to at first! Normal feeling. I felt really strongly that I wanted to try, and when my baby was born and in the NICU, I felt like it was the only thing I could do for him (pump and provide breast milk). I feel really happy that I was able to do it.

That being said, I have a couple friends who DID NOT want to and never even tried, went straight to formula. And they feel like it was the right decision for them. No judgment - a fed baby is a happy one.

You don't have to make the decision now - you can always see how things go and stop whenever you want, or not even start, if it's too much for you when you have your LO.

[nicolewi]

It freaked me out pre-baby but I figured I would try. I always have a love-hate relationship with it at first as it really can be very hard, and it can hurt at first, but I'm so glad I did it. Each time I'd try to make it to six months, and by that point it would be going great and I'd just keep it up. It was not always easy but definitely worth it to me. We had some really special quiet times, especially at bedtime and nap time nursing.

I'd say at least try. Everything is different when the baby arrives.

[grover]

I have no interest in breast feeding and will not try when she arrives next month. I will try pumping, and am completely open to all formula or supplementing the pumped milk with formula.

[magpie]

I get it. I was worried about the same thing before my first kid. Honestly, I was also worried about being able to go back to my "normal" self after breastfeeding. I like my boobs, like, in a sexual way. One of the major downsides of breastfeeding is that I don't get to see/use them that way for a while. In my experience, the actual doing of breastfeeding was much less weird than the idea of it. I'm glad that I tried it because it has been a nice experience with both of my children. Also, the when breastfeeding was done, I was able to go back to my old way of feeling about my boobs again with some time. Yay! Im not saying that anyone has to try it because choice is good, but I am very glad that I did, even though I initially had some pretty awkward feelings about the whole thing.

[broadsheet]

I felt exactly the same when I was my pregnant with my first. Just weirded out. I think it's because I had never really been around breastfeeding, ever. (Everyone FF in my circles growing up.) I was seriously more worried about BF than childbirth!

But - I wanted to try, so I just followed the nurse's instructions ans for me, it was truly NBD (the weirdness factor, i mean.) I ended up nursing both of my girls for a year each.

[VillainV]

I agree with others that the actual sensation of breastfeeding was very different than I was anticipating.

If you're open to the idea, you can just wait and try when the time comes, then go from there. If you enjoy it, great! If it's not for you, nbd.

If you don't feel like trying, that's okay too. We are lucky to live in a time/place where we have lots of healthy options for how we feed our babies.

[pinotgrig]

Feb 17, 2017 10:58:31 GMT -5 jena said:

It is weird, because you've only seen your boobs as sexual until now. But I think hormones play a huge part in helping you change how you feel about it after the baby is born. Also, your boobs will get engorged when you're milk comes in and honestly that makes them feel like they aren't even your boobs anymore. They just feel different.

Just try not to worry about it and go with flow. Maybe nursing will work out, maybe not. It's OK either way.

Well put. I was really unsure about nursing until ds1 was born and once we figured it out, I loved it. After you have a baby, anything sexual was so (soooooooo) far out of my mind. I remember getting the "wait until your f/u appt to have sex, you can get pg right now" lecture and telling my doctor I was never having sex ever again. Lol Ds2 is 7 months old and like pp said, they're now off limits to H. I just don't enjoy them that way right now.

Try it if you want and see how it goes. It's your body and your decision. It will all work out!

[polarbearfans]

Before the baby came I had the same concerns and anxiety. I was going to try since my doctor recommended it due to the medication I am on, but I was prepared to pump or use formula. Once the baby came my thoughts changed and I'm still nursing a 19 month old. There is nothing sexual about breastfeeding. The feelings you get from nipple stimulation now are not what you get at all from the baby.

[winemaker06]

Definitely not a strange question!
I always knew it was something I wanted to try but could not imagine actually doing. Then I had my son and it just all worked out (though we did have initial issues).

Then after he weaned and while I was pregnant with #2, the concept of breastfeeding was weird again! So even though I had done it before, once I stopped it was like I forgot what it was actually like.

Hormones are amazing things. If you try to keep an open mind about everything baby related, it'll all be okay. Promise!