I've talked about this opportunity before, but it is getting to shit or get off the pot mode so I need to make a decision. I thought maybe once Vivi got a little older and things calmed down, my decision would be clearer, but it isn't...I feel just as conflicted as ever.
Anyway, the situation is that I have the opportunity to take over a clinic where I would only have to work three 10 hours shifts instead of my current 3 12s. Of course this would come with a pay cut of roughly $60K (could be a little more, could be less depending on patient volume). I could also do 4 10s at the new clinic and then my pay would stay roughly the same, but I really don't want to work four days a week. The new clinic is slower and I don't really like the people there as much...there isn't as much prestige to being in charge there. HOWEVER, if I take the job, I get to see Vivi every night. Right now, DH works 10 hour shifts, but if I took this job he could switch to working 3 12s (and occasional weekends) which is the schedule he would prefer. He would get a slight pay bump (10-20 K) if he did this. Our other option is for me to stay where I am and him change his schedule anyway-- but then we would both working 12s and Vivi would be away from the house over 13 hours three days a week which I don't like the sound of at all.
RIGHT NOW, I am ok with the status quo, but I worry as Vivi gets older (and we add another child) that I will really want to be home every evening and if I don't take the new job right now, I might not have an opportunity to work that schedule again (and thus be stuck with the 12 hour shifts). We can certainly get by with the pay cut, it would just cut into our savings. I'll provide further financial info if anyone wants it (if you made it this far) if you think it is relevant. Anyway, what would you do in this situation? Any words of wisdom? I know I am lucky to have these options and that any choice really isn't that bad...just wondering how you moms would feel about this and whether you think being home every night is worth the pay cut/less desirable job.
I would make the switch, depending on how much less you like the people at the new clinic. If they are perfectly fine, but you love your current co-workers and just don't love the new people quite as much, I would be fine with it. But don't work with people you can't stand.
I took a similar paycut to go "part-time" at my law firm so that I could be home with my kids by 5:30 or 6 every day. It has definitely been worth it to me. I have two kids, and my oldest is 5. Evenings have only gotten crazier as the kids have gotten older--they have activities and play dates, I want to hear about what happened at school, we want to have dinner and play a family boardgame together before bed, etc. It would be really, really difficult for me to have to work until 7 or 8 multiple nights a week at this point in our lives.
I would make the switch, depending on how much less you like the people at the new clinic. If they are perfectly fine, but you love your current co-workers and just don't love the new people quite as much, I would be fine with it. But don't work with people you can't stand.
I took a similar paycut to go "part-time" at my law firm so that I could be home with my kids by 5:30 or 6 every day. It has definitely been worth it to me. I have two kids, and my oldest is 5. Evenings have only gotten crazier as the kids have gotten older--they have activities and play dates, I want to hear about what happened at school, we want to have dinner and play a family boardgame together before bed, etc. It would be really, really difficult for me to have to work until 7 or 8 multiple nights a week at this point in our lives.
The people at the new clinic are perfectly nice, just I don't love them like the people I work with now (but maybe I would grow to love them ). The new clinic is also kind of slow and stagnant-- I thrive more on the stress/business of my current place. I'm having a real problem with the thought of slowing down and not "working up to my potential." I don't want to look back on my kids all grown up and be sorry that I didn't spend every minute I could with them though. Decisions!
I would stay where you are for now. Your main concern is when she gets older, and the current opportunity doesn't have as much prestige. Maybe there will be another opportunity that is more preferable in a few years, once you're more concerned about being away from her at night.
Post by fortmyersbride on Sept 12, 2012 13:56:47 GMT -5
I went from working a mix of 10s and 12s to currently 3 12s in a row. Now that DD is older I don't mind the 12s as much, I still see her for an hour or so at night now that she stays up later. But my 12s are 6a-6/7p, so I can definitely see something like 8-8 being less family friendly.
Being in a group I love is huge for me, so much that I took a less convenient schedule for it. I would not want to switch to a group I was less enthusiastic about.
I would stay where you are for now. Your main concern is when she gets older, and the current opportunity doesn't have as much prestige. Maybe there will be another opportunity that is more preferable in a few years, once you're more concerned about being away from her at night.
But what if there isn't! Then I'll be kicking myself! :-(
Post by beachdweller on Sept 12, 2012 14:00:31 GMT -5
Honestly, I'd take the paycut for the better schedule. I took a 50k paycut to go from a law firm job (where I worked 60+ hours a week and traveled a ton) to an in-house job where I work strictly 40 hours per week and pick my kid up every day at 5:15. So worth it to me. Like you, the extra was really just for savings, so while it would be great to make more money, I find the trade off worth it. It can feel strange to voluntarily take the paycut, especially if you are a Type A overachiever (I am; sounds like you are too), but I think the family time is worth it in the end.
I would make the switch, depending on how much less you like the people at the new clinic. If they are perfectly fine, but you love your current co-workers and just don't love the new people quite as much, I would be fine with it. But don't work with people you can't stand.
I took a similar paycut to go "part-time" at my law firm so that I could be home with my kids by 5:30 or 6 every day. It has definitely been worth it to me. I have two kids, and my oldest is 5. Evenings have only gotten crazier as the kids have gotten older--they have activities and play dates, I want to hear about what happened at school, we want to have dinner and play a family boardgame together before bed, etc. It would be really, really difficult for me to have to work until 7 or 8 multiple nights a week at this point in our lives.
The people at the new clinic are perfectly nice, just I don't love them like the people I work with now (but maybe I would grow to love them ). The new clinic is also kind of slow and stagnant-- I thrive more on the stress/business of my current place. I'm having a real problem with the thought of slowing down and not "working up to my potential." I don't want to look back on my kids all grown up and be sorry that I didn't spend every minute I could with them though. Decisions!
I have been there (and still am, to an extent). It's tough. I still wonder if I should go back to working more hours and make partner so that I can enjoy the prestige and money that would come with it. But honestly, I just don't see how I could do that and still do the things I want to with my kids. And at the end of the day, I still make plenty of money and have a solid career.
I think holding off for now is probably not a bad idea if you think there is a reasonable likelihood that another similar opportunity will come up in the future. But if you think this may be your only chance for a while and you plan to have another kid, then I would probably take it.
I'm sticking with a family-friendly job right now, despite the fact that I am not working to my potential and am not challenged at work. The benefits and schedule are just too good to pass up, and the salary is okay. So I guess I'd downshift for now and assume I could jump back in later when I'm ready. That's the gamble I went with.
FWIW, my doctor has part time hours and loves it. She was totally telling me to work part time if I could (I did for a bit, but am back to full time for now to max my benefits for mat leave #2 that is hopefully on the horizon).
I definitely understand your mixed emotions on the idea of cutting back professionally. (I left my professional job for a move for my husband, but have been with my daughter since. Although we do not need me to get a job, I am selectively looking because I am missing the professional fulfillment in my life.) I always used to look at things as A or B, now or never, but things are fluid and change, different opportunities may come up, in a couple of years things might look totally different. It's not necessarily that if you take this other position now that you will be doing it for all of eternity.
I think in your shoes, I'd take the option that is more family friendly. Once you have enough of it, money is just money.
I would make the switch. I took a 6 figure cut to go to my part time schedule. I was pretty hard-charging pre-baby and I definitely am not working up to my potential, but I have loved it. I still get to work and have adult time, plus I have a little time for myself, while getting to see my baby almost every night. It has made our lives much more calm and enjoyable.
Thanks guys, this helps. A pp hit the nail on the head with the type A personality. It is SO hard for me to cut back. I'm used to always working working working since I was a teenager so willingly cutting back my hours (and my money making potential) just seems so foreign. I have a feeling that if I do it, I will be glad I did. It is just so hard to give up my great gig.
I would stay where you are for now. Your main concern is when she gets older, and the current opportunity doesn't have as much prestige. Maybe there will be another opportunity that is more preferable in a few years, once you're more concerned about being away from her at night.
But what if there isn't! Then I'll be kicking myself!
Bank the pay difference for the next couple years. (What you would lose if you went with the other opportunity.) Then take a few months off, or heck, half a year, while you scout out something new.
Post by bronxgirl on Sept 12, 2012 17:29:09 GMT -5
Do you think if you took the less challenging job now you would be able to move to more challenging position a few years down the road when you feel ready for it family wise? If so I would make the change and remind yourself that if you don't like it you won't be there forever.
Post by barefootcontessa on Sept 12, 2012 17:53:49 GMT -5
I agree with hens that time becomes more of an issue as your kids get older. At this point in my life I value time more than money. What makes it hard is you aren't certain what the payout will actually be. And of course by the time it is taxed it will actually be a lot less. GL with decision.
Post by hannamaren on Sept 12, 2012 18:12:21 GMT -5
I have just made this decision. I am leaving the higher paying job (not as much of a paycut, more like $10k) and the staff I love and the busy store that I thrive on for the unknown but better hours. I may have crappy staff, a dead store and will definitely make less. I have decided that I will never be happy at work if my home life isnt the ideal for me. I also dont want to work so much so I am tired for time with my child. So I say take a risk, and move. I am taking the risk with the knowledge that within a year, there may be another opportunity that may still work.
I wouldn't take a 60k pay cut for 2 hours a day. That seems crazycakes to me.
When you say it that way, it does sound crazy cakes (which is probably why I'm having such a hard time for it). However, would you take a 60K paycut if it meant you got to see your daughter three nights a week that you wouldn't otherwise? When you say it that way, it doesn't sound so crazy. I would love it if I could do 6 - 6. Unfortunately the hours are 8 -8 (and that's if no one comes in at the last minute) and after a 30 minute drive home, I'm lucky to be home by 8:45.
Ugh. I was hoping there would be a unanimous opinion!
I wouldn't take a 60k pay cut for 2 hours a day. That seems crazycakes to me.
When you say it that way, it does sound crazy cakes (which is probably why I'm having such a hard time for it). However, would you take a 60K paycut if it meant you got to see your daughter three nights a week that you wouldn't otherwise? When you say it that way, it doesn't sound so crazy. I would love it if I could do 6 - 6. Unfortunately the hours are 8 -8 (and that's if no one comes in at the last minute) and after a 30 minute drive home, I'm lucky to be home by 8:45.
Ugh. I was hoping there would be a unanimous opinion!
I'm often home at 9 or later. So I'm the wrong person to ask. Also DD goes to bed at 9:30 so I do see her every night. But that's bc she won't sleep until she sees me. I guess I'm to blame for her late bedtime.
I do understand the issue. And I would do it for a 20k paycut. But not $60k.
I'm looking for a new job with better hours myself but I won't take a paycut.
When you say it that way, it does sound crazy cakes (which is probably why I'm having such a hard time for it). However, would you take a 60K paycut if it meant you got to see your daughter three nights a week that you wouldn't otherwise? When you say it that way, it doesn't sound so crazy. I would love it if I could do 6 - 6. Unfortunately the hours are 8 -8 (and that's if no one comes in at the last minute) and after a 30 minute drive home, I'm lucky to be home by 8:45.
Ugh. I was hoping there would be a unanimous opinion!
I'm often home at 9 or later. So I'm the wrong person to ask. Also DD goes to bed at 9:30 so I do see her every night. But that's bc she won't sleep until she sees me. I guess I'm to blame for her late bedtime.
I do understand the issue. And I would do it for a 20k paycut. But not $60k.
I'm looking for a new job with better hours myself but I won't take a paycut.
I wish I could train her to stay up later. That would solve my problem. Unfortunately, I have to get her up by 7 to leave so that won't work.
I bet if I do this, she'll start going to bed at like 7 and then by the time I pick her up and get her home I won't get to see her anyway :-(
When you say it that way, it does sound crazy cakes (which is probably why I'm having such a hard time for it). However, would you take a 60K paycut if it meant you got to see your daughter three nights a week that you wouldn't otherwise? When you say it that way, it doesn't sound so crazy. I would love it if I could do 6 - 6. Unfortunately the hours are 8 -8 (and that's if no one comes in at the last minute) and after a 30 minute drive home, I'm lucky to be home by 8:45.
Ugh. I was hoping there would be a unanimous opinion!
I'm often home at 9 or later. So I'm the wrong person to ask. Also DD goes to bed at 9:30 so I do see her every night. But that's bc she won't sleep until she sees me. I guess I'm to blame for her late bedtime.
I do understand the issue. And I would do it for a 20k paycut. But not $60k.
I'm looking for a new job with better hours myself but I won't take a paycut.
If she seems like she's getting enough sleep and it works for your family than there's nothing wrong with the time she goes to bed and nothing to blame yourself for. You're doing what's right for your child and if anyone gives you crap over that they can suck it.
Post by hannamaren on Sept 12, 2012 21:13:54 GMT -5
What are the hours for the new job? Now that I rethink it, One hour or two including bath, dinner and transit arent worth it. That is 30 minutes of playtime, etc. and if she is tired, like you said, you might miss that 30 min.
2 hours a day is worth the 60k paycut to me (if I made as much as you). In my day, 2 hours is a huge difference - it means me having 2 extra hours with my kid versus close to none. I have gone to a reduced schedule and am making about 20-25% less but it is worth it to me. He is only this young once and this may be our only child. I don't ever want to regret it later.
I may be talking out of my ass but I would just be hopeful that another opportunity came up later for you even after taking this different schedule.
Sorry Lilly, I know these professional mom decisions can be really hard to make.
I agree with this. Plus, I don't know if this applies for you, but when I took my 50k cut, it didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would because of (1) two high-earners make the tax liability on the income 50%or so (I guess that is obvious, but I didn't really factor that in initially) and (2) I was able to save some money on what I outsourced. When I was working crazy hours, I actually had to (or I guess chose to) pay someone to grocery shop, do Target runs and cook for us 3 nights a week. That was pretty pricey, and I was able to cut it out easily but still have someone clean every week. Working mom choices are tough, but I wouldn't immediately dismiss the opportunity over the paycut.
Post by petitefrite on Sept 13, 2012 0:08:42 GMT -5
I would take the pay cut. I went from working as an attorney 50+ hours a week to working 16 hours a week. Best decision I've ever made. I still get to raise my child, and still have the benefits of maintaining my career during the years that I have young children. You are not going to regret seeing your child on a daily basis.
As some of the others have pointed out, with taxes on two high earners, that $60k drop a year is probably more like $30k net. That "little" of a drop from a number already so large doesn't seem like that big of a deal for more quality time with your daughter. That said, I don't know that getting home at 8:45 pm is actually going to buy you any real time with your kid.
Looking at it from the opposite side is part of the reason I am hesitant to go back to work right now. We are easily able to cover expenses and still save and invest with just one of us working. Even if I took a decent paying job like the one I left, the "little" bit of net difference to our HHI, after taxes and HCOL daycare, is not worth it right now, because it would cause an overall decrease in the quality of life for everyone in my family. (I would get so much less time with my daughter, and we would be more stressed trying to get everything else done during the evenings and weekends.) At some point I think my desire to 'contribute to the world in a broader sense' will become louder for me than it is now and line up with a job I'd take (and I was very close to one over the summer, but ended up mostly relieved to not get an offer). So until that happens, we are choosing to prioritize time with our kid, and it seems to be working out really well for all of us.
Also, there are ways to let your Type A flag fly as a SAHM - i.e., I snagged a reservation at an often booked kid location the other day, and announced triumphantly to my (slightly surprised) husband - "Booh-YAH, playdate, bitches!!" Haha.
What are the hours for the new job? Now that I rethink it, One hour or two including bath, dinner and transit arent worth it. That is 30 minutes of playtime, etc. and if she is tired, like you said, you might miss that 30 min.
The new job would be 8 - 6 and is about 5 minutes away from my ILs (who provide childcare) and 10 minutes closer to our house. So if I get out on time, I would be able to pick her up and be home by 6:30 pm. My job now is 8 -8 and farther away so I end up getting home around 8:45.
What are the hours for the new job? Now that I rethink it, One hour or two including bath, dinner and transit arent worth it. That is 30 minutes of playtime, etc. and if she is tired, like you said, you might miss that 30 min.
The new job would be 8 - 6 and is about 5 minutes away from my ILs (who provide childcare) and 10 minutes closer to our house. So if I get out on time, I would be able to pick her up and be home by 6:30 pm. My job now is 8 -8 and farther away so I end up getting home around 8:45.
My daughter sleeps at 7pm every night, so this would be the same for me.