Weekend things

[bk1]

What do you have planned? Any randoms, vents, anything?


DH has been working for family. So he will be leaving by 10am and gone until I go to bed. I'm so over these long hours and it won't be getting better anytime soon.

Taking the girls to my cousin's house in a couple hours. 4 of my cousins are here from OOT and brought their kids so it will be fun to see so many little ones running around. G is going to love it. Egg hunt and whatnot planned.

ILs later for lunch. MIL is already guilting us that DH won't be there. Ugh. No time for naps today so it's going to be a long day.

Going to my mom's tomorrow. That will be stress free and easy so yay.

[wineandcheese]

bk1 I hardly see DH now because of his work schedule. He actually spent the night at his job last night because he needed to get a truck DOH inspected. His appointment time was after midnight. He's on his way home now but will go back to work in a few hours.

I want to go to the park to go for a run later. I just to get the motivation to get off the couch lol.

[estrellita]

We're at my parent's house! Funny story. So H got me this crochet hook set and a yarn bag for Valentine's Day. My mom loved them. So I got the other color they carry and gave her the hook set last night and I was saving the bag for Mother's Day. My sister came by and gave her a gift too. A crochet hook set and yarn bag. *facepalm* lol. I was a little annoyed because I'm terrible at gift ideas so I was proud of this idea only to have my sister do the exact same thing. Oh well, at least she can use multiples!

Anyways, it rained/stormed last night so I'm not sure if it will be dry enough for egg hunting outside Also, my wine loving cousin is going to be here and is definitely going to ask questions if I turn down wine. Ugh, what do I do???

[luv2rn4fun]

((Hugs)) bk1. DH's new job is very similar. He leaves before 8 and gets home around 7. I basically solo parent all week long and I am already over it LOL. I am also in bed most nights by 8 so we hardly see each other. The good news is that he likes the new job so we all just have to adjust to our new normal.

No plans for today. Just getting caught up on things here. Maybe a walk or two or some time at the park for C.

Tomorrow is a family get together at my dads. There will be 30+ people there. Looking forward to seeing everyone!

[katespade]

estrellita - Tell her you're taking a medication that can't be mixed with alcohol, maybe?

[katespade]

My plans for the day fell through, so I just signed up for a yoga class at noon. That's my only plan for today.

I decided that it's time to find a church, especially with the changes to H's work schedule that might be happening. I asked H if he would be interested in going with me, and he said no. I know that I can't make him want to, but I'm honestly really disappointed. It just doesn't feel right to start building a relationship with a new church without him. But I also know that I need to respect his decision, so I'm looking for one with a strong women's ministry that I can focus my energy on.

[wineandcheese]

Yay! DH isn't going back to work! Maybe I can try to convince him into going to the winery 😉

[estrellita]

Apr 15, 2017 8:46:26 GMT -5 katespade said:

estrellita - Tell her you're taking a medication that can't be mixed with alcohol, maybe?

I was thinking of saying I was on an antibiotic and it made my stomach pretty gross feeling (which has happened before so it's reasonable lol) and I didn't want to risk my stomach feeling that way again.

PS my phone keeps thinking I'm swyping "spinach" instead of "stomach".. it's annoying, lol.

[katespade]

Apr 15, 2017 10:16:21 GMT -5 estrellita said:

Apr 15, 2017 8:46:26 GMT -5 katespade said:

estrellita - Tell her you're taking a medication that can't be mixed with alcohol, maybe?

I was thinking of saying I was on an antibiotic and it made my stomach pretty gross feeling (which has happened before so it's reasonable lol) and I didn't want to risk my stomach feeling that way again.

PS my phone keeps thinking I'm swyping "spinach" instead of "stomach".. it's annoying, lol.

I feel like that's a pretty safe excuse to use. I wouldn't think twice if someone turned down wine because of meds.

ETA: I mean, I wouldn't think twice if someone turned down wine at all, but if I were a pushy person I wouldn't think twice about that reason. lol.

[amaranth]

We have a 12 item to do list for today. We will see how much gets done with H still on the couch....

Tomorrow after church we're going to the in-laws and although nothing new has happened with them, I just dread it. I am so sick of their nonsense.

estrellita you could also accept a glass and just walk arpund with it taking fake sips, then share with your husband or dump it discretely. I've done that a lot and it works great. I've even done fake shots! Haha.

katespade I'd be sad too. We go to church and my H volunteers, but he never wants to do a Bible study or anything extra tandogether and I hate going alone. I do it anyway since it's important to me, but I wish he would come.

[katespade]

amaranth - I totally understand his disinterest, too. I mean, there's a reason it's taken me this long to decide to try and find a new church. It can bring a lot of unnecessary drama into your life if you find yourself involved in the wrong one. Been there, done that.

[Deleted]

katespade: Church shopping can be really stressful. Ours is an hour and a half away (we used to live in that city) and we tried to find one closer but just ended up frustrated.
It is hard that YH doesn't want to come but I get it. The church I attended when we met wasn't a good fit for DH (and ultimately both of us) and it managed to put strain on our relationship as well as his faith.
Hopefully you can find a quality church and eventually YH will feel comfortable attending it with you.
(Sorry for the novel!)

[Deleted]

My sister and her H were just here visiting us and the baby. It was nice because we thought they wouldn't be able to meet her until Christmas as they live in another province. Less fortunate that they were here to borrow a car from her ILs because theirs was wrecked.
Tomorrow FIL & his GF are coming and bringing Easter dinner.
Monday my Mom & grandmother are coming to visit. They're going to bring Easter leftovers so we should have food galore.😀

[katespade]

I'm so glad I decided to go to that yoga class. I didn't realize how much I needed to get out of the house and do something refreshing like that. I kind of stepped away from yoga when I started weightlifting, and I've missed it.

[krystee]

Hello! Such a GORGEOUS day today! I feel like I fit in a ton of stuff. I got a pedicure, read a bunch of magazines, went to the park, went for a walk, colored eggs, and generally just spent a million hours outside. It was so nice.

I am also having church issues. Our neighbors, whom I love, just invited us to their small group even though we don't go to their church. But he is one of the pastors there and we are maaaaaajor liberals (we do believe in God, but we also believe in science...in fact, I am going to the March for Science next weekend). I am worried we'll feel like giant heathens. But I would love to find a nice, close-knit group. Maybe we'll go and, if it's awkward, we'll sign DS up for swim lessons that night or something.

[amaranth]

Apr 15, 2017 21:35:17 GMT -5 krystee said:

Hello! Such a GORGEOUS day today! I feel like I fit in a ton of stuff. I got a pedicure, read a bunch of magazines, went to the park, went for a walk, colored eggs, and generally just spent a million hours outside. It was so nice.

I am also having church issues. Our neighbors, whom I love, just invited us to their small group even though we don't go to their church. But he is one of the pastors there and we are maaaaaajor liberals (we do believe in God, but we also believe in science...in fact, I am going to the March for Science next weekend). I am worried we'll feel like giant heathens. But I would love to find a nice, close-knit group. Maybe we'll go and, if it's awkward, we'll sign DS up for swim lessons that night or something.

A lot of churches and ministers wouldn't put it on their website, but also believe in science. Many people I know believe that basically God started the big bang, so evolution in the same was as main stream belief, but orchestrated by God...or some variation thereof. A small group may be a really high stakes/pressured environment but if you're curious, maybe you'd like their sunday morning services?

Your day sounds lovely

[katespade]

krystee - H and I don't really fit in with stereotypical "church goers," both in our opinions/beliefs and how we look. Being accepted is a big worry for me.

amaranth - H told me today that he's willing to start going to church with me. I have no idea what changed between yesterday and today, but when I asked him what changed he said that he knows it's important to me so he wants to support me.

I'm torn. I don't want him to do something he doesn't want to do just because he wants to make me happy. But he's arguing that he wants to because he knows it will make me happy. We went around in circles a few times, and kind of left the conversation open-ended.

[amaranth]

Apr 15, 2017 22:37:43 GMT -5 katespade said:

krystee - H and I don't really fit in with stereotypical "church goers," both in our opinions/beliefs and how we look. Being accepted is a big worry for me.

amaranth - H told me today that he's willing to start going to church with me. I have no idea what changed between yesterday and today, but when I asked him what changed he said that he knows it's important to me so he wants to support me.

I'm torn. I don't want him to do something he doesn't want to do just because he wants to make me happy. But he's arguing that he wants to because he knows it will make me happy. We went around in circles a few times, and kind of left the conversation open-ended.

Maybe see if you can find a church you both feel good about, and if not, focus on your needs and reopen the door for him to not go? I think if he is offering do go with you it's worth seeing what that looks like. You'll know pretty fast if it isn't going to work. 

Good luck! Church hunting is one of the most discouraging things sometimes, but once you find the right place it's all worth it. 

[luv2rn4fun]

I forgot to mention this earlier this week. When I was going through pictures at my mom's house I found an ultrasound picture with two babies in it. The babies look pretty developed but I guess could be similar to the development at the NT stage (although in 1982 ultrasounds weren't done very frequently???). My guess is anatomy scan age. My mom never said anything about me being a twin so I am confused and wonder if this is just the same baby or if she was actually pregnant with twins and the other didn't survive. I was also born at 31 weeks so this would somewhat explain such an early birth.

[awick14]

luv2rn4fun- is there someone that she knows that has twins? (Not that she would probably have an old u/s pic from someone else.)

Dealing with all this stuff with your mom must be so emotionally exhausting. ((Hugs))

DH is outside cleaning up his dads shop/garage so that we can bring some of our stuff up here so that we can clean out our house and get it on the market asap. I think I may just rent a storage unit and move everything from our place into there and then we can go through it and move it up here over the next month or so. I don't really want to spend the money but it will get our place on the market quicker so it will be worth it in the end.

[katespade]

Tried out a new church this morning. It was definitely an interesting experience.

It was a laid back atmosphere, and the pastors really kept everyone engaged rather than just talking at the group during the sermon. The worship songs were also all in a contemporary rock style, which was nice. Plus, both of the pastors had full sleeves of tattoos, which alleviated some of my stress about judgmental church people.

I'll probably go back next week.

[estrellita]

luv2rn4fun are you sure it's hers? I agree that it would be weird to have someone else's u/s but possibly? Any friends or family members she might have been close enough with to get a copy?

[katespade]

luv2rn4fun - Do you think you could ask your dad about the ultrasound? Would he know if it was hers or someone else's?

I can't imagine how you must be feeling as you're going through her things. Is anyone helping you?

[krystee]

Luv2rn4fun would you feel comfortable asking your dad about it?

Hope everyone is having a very happy Easter if you celebrate!

[amaranth]

katespade sounds like a good first experience!

luv2rn4fun how baffling. I can't imagine not talking about something like that for 30 years. I agree with the others, could you ask your dad? Could it have been from a pregnancy before or after you, that didn't make it?

[bk1]

luv2rn4fun Hmmm I agree with the others.. maybe ask your dad? I can't imagine how you felt finding that. 

[luv2rn4fun]

Thanks ladies. I haven't asked my dad but plan to. I have asked my aunt, more in a "is this just how ultrasound pictures were back then or do you think it's possible I was a twin?" I even sent her a picture of the picture and she is intrigued as well. Not likely that it is from someone else she knew and I doubt it was from a pregnancy before or after me (my brother and I are just under 2 years apart). I would have thought she would have said something when we had our losses (my aunt told me for the first time that they lost a baby, which even my mom never knew anything about and they are super close). It's just all so weird.

[luv2rn4fun]

And yes, it's been very emotionally exhausting going through all her stuff. I have found so many cards that I gave her, there are more pictures than I ever thought possible, I found a sweatshirt that said "'my grad school name' mom", some of her favorite recipes, adult coloring books, coffee mugs both from races and pictures of C, and some pendants. I have honestly brought home WAY more than I ever thought I would (she used to always try to give me things when she was alive and I refused, even told her I only wanted this one thing which is a cutting board with her cheesecake recipe engraved on it).

I find that I am using a lot of what I brought home, especially the coloring books. It's like all this stuff from her house brings me a little comfort (I actually told my aunt today that I feel closer to her now than I have the last 2 years). But it's also been emotional and I am all over the place. Dealing with all this right now while having to do the bulk of parenting for two very young kids is tough. I dont have the option to really be down...the boys keep me busy and that helps in some ways.

My brother sent a clip from a sermon that talks about "there is a moment when a body is no longer a person" and all the emotions, questions, would have/could have/should have, the year of firsts, and how one life has ended but yet a whole new life has begun and changed for those who are left behind. The pastor basically said that all of life our life (me, my brother, etc) has been changed forever since her last breath but that there is one thing that didn't change and that is Gods presence through all these moments. He was there with us when she was sick all these years, through our ups and downs these past 2 years, in the room when her heart beat for the last time, the day after when we had to face the first day of her not here, so on and so on. It is so appropriate now but also reminded me so much of what I went through personally when we lost our two babies. As hard as losing my mom has been and I know will only continue to be a grief I carry for a very long time, the journey we went through before has somehow brought a peace knowing that life will be ok, I will get through this.