1 more ? and i'll shhhh

[rikkiandjulie]

I know that we try to keep this board TTC free, but do any of you have any recommendations on books for the non-bio mom?

I JUST bought and baby makes more. . . should be a good read for J and KD.

Any others?

[2brides]

No recommendations, but I don't think we are trying to make this baby-free as much as stop the 1001 brand new posters from coming over and asking what they need to do to have a baby. Good luck!

[rikkiandjulie]

2brides,

I thought of it this board that way too, but I just didn't want to stir up the pot, if i was in the wrong.

Thanks!

[twotrue]

I also don't think it has to be TTC free. I just don't want to (and won't) answer a million questions about temping, IUI timing, etc. However, I will answer them for you because you've been around forever and I've been waiting for your TTC journey. You were there during mine and I'll be around for yours (if you even care. lol!)

So, um...what was the question? Oh, books? Yeah, I have no clue. K didn't read any books and I didn't read any non-bio mom books. There are some recs on the other board though so if you do a google search of the posts for that board you should be able to pull them.

[bluedaisyus]

Nope, you're all good.

I have a book at home that's a bunch of stories about the experiences of some non-bio moms. It was pretty good, although I still haven't read the whole thing. I think it's called "Confessions of the Other Mother."

[kershnic]

I get that you know the people over here, but there's a lot of good information over there. There have been several recent posts over there on this topic. I get the idea of sustaining two boards and not having firm rules about what topics go where, but I hate when it feels like a cliquey thing which it really does when the same conversations happen both places.

[bluedaisyus]

Sept 13, 2012 12:21:24 GMT -5 kershnic said:

I get that you know the people over here, but there's a lot of good information over there. There have been several recent posts over there on this topic. I get the idea of sustaining two boards and not having firm rules about what topics go where, but I hate when it feels like a cliquey thing which it really does when the same conversations happen both places.

I really like you. I get that you want to keep things going in both places, and I can appreciate that. I openly admit that I have no desire to go back to TB for many reasons. I have no problem with it if other people decided they don't like it here and only wanted to post over there, although I would miss them, or wanted to only post things related to TTC over there and non-TTC related things over here. However, I don’t think that two posts from Rikki with TTC-related questions suddenly makes this a TTC board, I don’t think it’s worthy of what feels to me like chiding, and I don’t think that anyone should feel like they HAVE to post certain things in certain places. Posting happens over there that doesn't have anything to do with TTC. Ask me anything? TTT? Recipes? We’re home from our vacation? I’m curious if you have the same reaction to those posts and tell those people they should be posting over here on GBCN to keep the posts segregated at the first mention of anything non-TTC. What about the FB group? Because unless you plan on policing everywhere then to me it feels an awful lot like you’re wagging your finger at the users of this board rather than trying to encourage community between the two, and I really don’t think that’s what you’re wanting to do.

ETA: I wanted to say, too, that I'm not trying to speak for anyone other than myself and to how it makes me feel, and I know that other people may have an entirely different take on things. I recognize that I'm no longer an active poster on TB and have never been a member of the FB group so I don't know what happens there.

[hlke]

I think kershnic was just pointing out that The Bump board has a lot of this discussion, and this specific question was just asked and answered in the past week or two over there. The split was explained publicly as "two boards with two different focus areas", and I do think The Bump remains a much better resource for TTC questions.

I know at least some of the split is more motivated by wanting to preserve the "old" Bump community without the constant influx of TTC newbies, and I understand that too. But I do think members here who are also TTC should consider that board as a resource. Many of us are active in both places, and many people from the "old" Bump community who are still actively TTC or recent parents are only on The Bump. I don't think any of us want to be active in two communities that cover the same ground and answering and reanswering the same questions in both places.

I think people should be absolutely free to post whatever they want in either community, but if I just answered the question over on The Bump, I might not answer it here.

Similar recent thread on The Bump (asked by stringy813 in her TTT and answered in several subsequent posts):
community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/68361420/ShowThread.aspx

[kershnic]

Sept 13, 2012 14:44:18 GMT -5 bluedaisyus said:

Sept 13, 2012 12:21:24 GMT -5 kershnic said:

I get that you know the people over here, but there's a lot of good information over there. There have been several recent posts over there on this topic. I get the idea of sustaining two boards and not having firm rules about what topics go where, but I hate when it feels like a cliquey thing which it really does when the same conversations happen both places.

I really like you. I get that you want to keep things going in both places, and I can appreciate that. I openly admit that I have no desire to go back to TB for many reasons. I have no problem with it if other people decided they don't like it here and only wanted to post over there, although I would miss them, or wanted to only post things related to TTC over there and non-TTC related things over here. However, I don’t think that two posts from Rikki with TTC-related questions suddenly makes this a TTC board, I don’t think it’s worthy of what feels to me like chiding, and I don’t think that anyone should feel like they HAVE to post certain things in certain places. Posting happens over there that doesn't have anything to do with TTC. Ask me anything? TTT? Recipes? We’re home from our vacation? I’m curious if you have the same reaction to those posts and tell those people they should be posting over here on GBCN to keep the posts segregated at the first mention of anything non-TTC. What about the FB group? Because unless you plan on policing everywhere then to me it feels an awful lot like you’re wagging your finger at the users of this board rather than trying to encourage community between the two, and I really don’t think that’s what you’re wanting to do.

ETA: I wanted to say, too, that I'm not trying to speak for anyone other than myself and to how it makes me feel, and I know that other people may have an entirely different take on things. I recognize that I'm no longer an active poster on TB and have never been a member of the FB group so I don't know what happens there.

So maybe I didn't express myself in the most clear way possible, but I still think it's a bit extreme to say my post was "chiding,"policing," and "wagging my finger." I see it as commentary that is part of an ongoing conversation about the split between the two boards. I certainly don't see myself as so important as to be in charge of policing anyone, and I acknowledged in my post that there are not (nor will there ever be, nor do I want there to be) firm rules regarding which posts go where. I like both Rikki and you, and don't want it to be personal at all.

I know there are plenty of reasons why certain people feel more comfortable on one board or the other, and that's fine. I guess part of it is that I personally feel really split and lost in this transition, because I've been participating in this community for a long time and reading it as a lurker for a long time before that (though not nearly as long as some of you have been posting together), but I'm not parenting and am still fucking TTCing. But of course those are my issues, so I apologize if the tone of my reply was rude.

[rikkiandjulie]

I just want to note that I have taken no hard feelings in any of this, and I never would have posted anticipating this.


Rikki-iPhone

[hlke]

Sept 13, 2012 23:15:13 GMT -5 rikkiandjulie said:

I just want to note that I have taken no hard feelings in any of this, and I never would have posted anticipating this.


Rikki-iPhone

Rikki - please don't feel bad for posting. I think we're all still trying to work out how the two board dynamic works. I noticed you posted on The Bump a few weeks ago and didn't get many responses. That board has been a little up and down - very few posts for a while and now lots of posts again. Post where you feel comfortable. There's plenty of TTC knowledge to go around.

I'm a non-bio mom and I haven't read any of the non-bio mom books yet, but probably will once C is actually pregnant. While we've been TTC, I've preferred to read the pregnancy and fertility books together, and I've relied on my relationships with some members here and some IRL friends to process my feelings about not being the one carrying. So far the TTC process has definitely been a joint effort and I feel plenty included. If something changes about how I feel, then I might be more interested in the books.

Also, you mention something for your KD to read. Our KD read the Stephanie Brill book chapters on co-parenting and known donors and really liked it! I think having all of us read about the different options helped us to talk more openly about the relationship we wanted between us, future kids, and our donor and his wife.

[joyseattle]

I appreciate this thread as I'm an "old poster" who is planning to TTC. I doubt I'll be posting a lot of questions as I've been around this info so long it's ridiculous, but I do hope that if I wanted to post here rather than TB that I'd be welcome to, as I hope others feel the same. I don't want this to be a TTC board, or an absolutely-no-ttc board. I think folks will post, other folks will respond, other folks will ignore/wish they'd posted elsewhere. It can all exist with the understanding that we're all a part of this for the community, comradery and support.

[hensmum]

Sept 15, 2012 16:30:19 GMT -5 joyseattle said:

I appreciate this thread as I'm an "old poster" who is planning to TTC. I doubt I'll be posting a lot of questions as I've been around this info so long it's ridiculous, but I do hope that if I wanted to post here rather than TB that I'd be welcome to, as I hope others feel the same. I don't want this to be a TTC board, or an absolutely-no-ttc board. I think folks will post, other folks will respond, other folks will ignore/wish they'd posted elsewhere. It can all exist with the understanding that we're all a part of this for the community, comradery and support.

Yes.

I am thrilled to hear any and all updates, ttc and otherwise from old friends. I'm not big on logging into TB, seeing all the ads and whatnot, and the millionth "where do we get sperm?" post, because that's just SO not where I am in life. I don't think we need rules about what gets posted where, and I think we are all sensible enough to know that maybe if we don't get much feedback on one board, maybe the crowd there just wasnt into replying, and we can certainly then XP on the other.