Can we talk NETWORKING?

[childofhiphop]

In the AAM thread on CEP, the conversation turned to networking. 

Can we discuss further over here?  My own experience has been limited with networking actually helping my career professionally.  I haven't had the "in" helping me get a better seat at the table.  It seems to have been by building my resume and self-promotion.  Maybe I'm doing it wrong? 

What is your experience?  Do you have any tried and true tips?

[05heel]

I'm anti-networking myself, so I am of zero help. I'll help those who reach out to me, but I don't go out and proactively sell myself. Now my friend is a master at networking. It seems to work for the right type of person.

[andwhat]

I think my biggest issue is I have a negative perception of networking. To me is is schmoozing or has allowed people who do not have the qualifications to get a leg up. I know that is not always the case, but that is what I have seen. So because of my perception it is not a skill I have honed and frankly I am bad at it. I don't have a poker face, you know whatever I am really thinking. Also, in my field, most of the black females have used unsavory tactics to get where they are (this is not speculation, but fact). There are only a handful and they either did it themselves or a in the group of friends that did so. My mentor is not in that group and she has been passed over for deserving promotion. I also see women flirting and stroking egos and I am not about that life. I definitely think it is hurting my advancement though.

[05heel]

I really just don't like people enough to network. I also don't like to play white people games. Lol. They don't set the standards for my behavior in any area of my life, and I won't make an exception for my professional life. I'm smart and resourceful and I have the degrees and professional success to prove it. Beyond that, you're going to have to kiss my black behind.

[05heel]

Also, this is going to sound bad, but you all know how I do. Anyway, I've found it far more effective to throw people under the bus when necessary than to network and schmooze. This applies to white folks only, but that's about 99.9% of my field. I play the game my own way. I think black women in my line of work run the risk of being far too nice and getting played when you try to take a more traditional approach. If you don't mind having a reputation for being unpleasant, you can go far.

[05heel]

Apr 28, 2017 10:52:22 GMT -5 @tooshort said:

Apr 28, 2017 10:13:11 GMT -5 05heel said:

Also, this is going to sound bad, but you all know how I do. Anyway, I've found it far more effective to throw people under the bus when necessary than to network and schmooze. This applies to white folks only, but that's about 99.9% of my field. I play the game my own way. I think black women in my line of work run the risk of being far too nice and getting played when you try to take a more traditional approach. If you don't mind having a reputation for being unpleasant, you can go far.

I think it depends on the field. I work in HR. We have a rep for being unpleasant enough, lol. If I'm labeled unpleasant or difficult I don't think many people would want to hire me.

I agree with you. I'm a scientist. You don't have to be kind or pleasant to do good science. In fact we joke that people who choose my area of science (HIV and rare infectious disease research) feel justified in being extra assholish because of the work we do. It's not entirely true, but it's food for thought.

[childofhiphop]

Apr 28, 2017 1:19:20 GMT -5 @kirkette said:

Oops, I'm sorry I'm just seeing this thread now.
Networking comes natural to me. I like making friends, meeting new people, being a part of hospitality/ hosting, and welcome wagon (shut up) type of events. It's my personality.

I go out of my way to use my easy "ins" to get other people through gates, or doors traditionally shut to them. I don't need the contacts for myself. My kids don't need the contacts. They come from long lines of people who were connectors on both sides of our family.

However, I really like finding and grooming young talent. I like being the connector, and watching relationships develop from e-introductions, face to faces, and lunches I set up.
Meeting people and being a good friend is my main lot in life. It's small enough of an impact to keep me happy, fulfilled, and motivated.

Thank you for commenting.  I'm very comfortable and at ease in social networking situations.  I can walk into a room and easily make small talk with people I've never met before.  I've met people on planes during work travel and have kept in touch for decades. 

I think I'm missing the bridge from turning that situation into applying to moving my career forward. 

[05heel]

Apr 28, 2017 11:53:07 GMT -5 childofhiphop said:

Apr 28, 2017 1:19:20 GMT -5 @kirkette said:

Oops, I'm sorry I'm just seeing this thread now.
Networking comes natural to me. I like making friends, meeting new people, being a part of hospitality/ hosting, and welcome wagon (shut up) type of events. It's my personality.

I go out of my way to use my easy "ins" to get other people through gates, or doors traditionally shut to them. I don't need the contacts for myself. My kids don't need the contacts. They come from long lines of people who were connectors on both sides of our family.

However, I really like finding and grooming young talent. I like being the connector, and watching relationships develop from e-introductions, face to faces, and lunches I set up.
Meeting people and being a good friend is my main lot in life. It's small enough of an impact to keep me happy, fulfilled, and motivated.

Thank you for commenting.  I'm very comfortable and at ease in social networking situations.  I can walk into a room and easily make small talk with people I've never met before.  I've met people on planes during work travel and have kept in touch for decades. 

I think I'm missing the bridge from turning that situation into applying to moving my career forward. 

sometimes it's not you. It's just the jacked up system in which you find yourself. There's no amount of networking that can overcome being a black female professional.

[childofhiphop]

Apr 28, 2017 10:56:41 GMT -5 05heel said:

Apr 28, 2017 10:52:22 GMT -5 @tooshort said:

I think it depends on the field. I work in HR. We have a rep for being unpleasant enough, lol. If I'm labeled unpleasant or difficult I don't think many people would want to hire me.

I agree with you. I'm a scientist. You don't have to be kind or pleasant to do good science. In fact we joke that people who choose my area of science (HIV and rare infectious disease research) feel justified in being extra assholish because of the work we do. It's not entirely true, but it's food for thought.

Yes!  My degree is in Mechanical Engineering.  I'm in touch with many of my black classmates.  Mostly because it was so hard that we had to stick together to make it as many of us did not have the strong science backgrounds as others who attended more endowed high schools.  As our careers have moved forward, we all keep in touch but it is more socially than a concerted networking effort.

[childofhiphop]

Apr 28, 2017 11:56:15 GMT -5 05heel said:

Apr 28, 2017 11:53:07 GMT -5 childofhiphop said:

Thank you for commenting.  I'm very comfortable and at ease in social networking situations.  I can walk into a room and easily make small talk with people I've never met before.  I've met people on planes during work travel and have kept in touch for decades. 

I think I'm missing the bridge from turning that situation into applying to moving my career forward. 

sometimes it's not you. It's just the jacked up system in which you find yourself. There's no amount of networking that can overcome being a black female professional.

Exactly how I feel. 

I get weary being labeled as not being a "team player" in meetings and only for pointing out where their (white) processes are going to fail (my job).  I've been asked if I have "enough brains" to handle my AOR. 

Dealing with those types of things on a daily basis when I have earned my position and probably am over qualified makes me not want to hang out after work with these people.

Maybe I need to look beyond this circle? But where to start?

[goldiehaze]

I work in fundraising and since there's a lot of turnover, networking is important. It's less about "schmoozing" and more about helping each other out. I only do it if I'm looking for good ideas, another job, or needing to hire someone.

[LLL]

Apr 28, 2017 8:12:11 GMT -5 @kirkette said:

Apr 28, 2017 6:48:22 GMT -5 andwhat said:

I think my biggest issue is I have a negative perception of networking. To me is is schmoozing or has allowed people who do not have the qualifications to get a leg up. I know that is not always the case, but that is what I have seen. So because of my perception it is not a skill I have honed and frankly I am bad at it. I don't have a poker face, you know whatever I am really thinking. Also, in my field, most of the black females have used unsavory tactics to get where they are (this is not speculation, but fact). There are only a handful and they either did it themselves or a in the group of friends that did so. My mentor is not in that group and she has been passed over for deserving promotion. I also see women flirting and stroking egos and I am not about that life. I definitely think it is hurting my advancement though.

And you're in the D.C. area too.
I really don't like the networking circles in DC, because so many people are just looking for their way to the top, and who they can use, or abuse, to get ahead. The vibe is very clearly, "Fuck everyone else. I only care about me," levels of shameless social climbing.
It's a climate all it's own.

are you talking DC in general or a particular industry?

[LLL]

I don't mind networking. As @kirkette said, I enjoy being a connector and introducing others. I do think it is industry and personality specific though. So if you're not the chatting up randoms at industry happy hours, don't. May join a linkedin forum specific to your line of work or something

[LLL]

May 1, 2017 9:13:30 GMT -5 @kirkette said:

May 1, 2017 8:54:27 GMT -5 LLL said:

are you talking DC in general or a particular industry?

Govt. contractors, policy, politics, education, and fundraising sectors. 
Especially the closer you The Hill, elected officials, and decision makers.
It's feels very much like transactional acquaintances, instead of people interested in getting to know other people.
It mirrors the side of Hollywood I really don't like either.  

Maybe that's why they call DC Hollywood for ugly people  . 
My frame of reference is media, non-profits, arts/museum industry. There's definitely what feels like transactional relationships but I think those are pretty easy to suss out, no? That might be part of my problem, I'll give everyone the benefit of the doubt. 

[LLL]

May 1, 2017 9:30:54 GMT -5 @kirkette said:

May 1, 2017 9:23:31 GMT -5 LLL said:

Maybe that's why they call DC Hollywood for ugly people  . 
My frame of reference is media, non-profits, arts/museum industry. There's definitely what feels like transactional relationships but I think those are pretty easy to suss out, no? That might be part of my problem, I'll give everyone the benefit of the doubt. 

LOL, it's so true.
Yeah, I can pick up on the vibe pretty quickly, but it's still draining.
It's like, I'm approached by a person, the seem okay as they open, then I see their true colors, and I get trapped in a conversation.  :?
I hated being talked at, instead of spoken to like a human. 
I wish I had a strong resting bitch face. I don't. My face is way warmer than my personality. 

I quite literally the exact opposite. haha

[bimbi284]

I have some social and performance anxiety that makes it really difficult at times to network. If I am introduced to someone, or if it's some sort of structured networking, I'm usually okay, but I am rarely the one to make the first move, so to speak.
It's like I feel the need to have an invitation to talk to someone, especially someone who's work I admire. I feel like I never know what to say and fear I will say something that will make me sound dumb.
This all boils down to imposter syndrome.

Intellectually, I know it's silly, and that I am not dumb, but in the moment, I can't get past it.

I do very much enjoy connecting other people to people I happen to know, though.

[andwhat]

Read this today


www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/hitting-the-schmooze-button-a-guide-to-non-phony-networking/2017/04/25/9a56f362-2447-11e7-a1b3-faff0034e2de_story.html?utm_term=.e2a9ea2f2a22

[childofhiphop]

May 3, 2017 7:45:54 GMT -5 andwhat said:

Read this today


www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/hitting-the-schmooze-button-a-guide-to-non-phony-networking/2017/04/25/9a56f362-2447-11e7-a1b3-faff0034e2de_story.html?utm_term=.e2a9ea2f2a22

I liked this!

Thank you for posting!