My kid hits other kids. Help!

[The Foozzler]

I am frustrated. My child is kind, sweet, and well mannered. If you met him, you would think he is so well bahaved. But at school, he can't keep his hands to himself. He pushed and hits other kids. He is smart and he loves school and his friends. But I am just so frustrated with his behavior.

His hands on behavior gets worse when he is tired or not feeling well. On really bad days he often falls asleep in the car on the way home. We've been doing an earlier bedtime, but he is still pushing and hitting.

He isn't doing it out of anger, I think he thinks it is funny. And I am so worried about him in kindergarten. I hope a new school helps because he has been with the same kids in the same school since he was 4 months old.

I worry about ADHD. I've filled out hundreds of rating scales for kids over the years and I know where he would come out if I filled out one for him. I am not sure what a diagnosis would change though.

Ugh, I am just so frustrated. Advice or hair pats? He has his 5 year old check up coming and I plan to talk about this with his doctor.

[redmonkeystomper]

How do his teachers handle it when he hits or pushes in school? Is there a consequence? It could be impulsive behavior but I would not just jump to that unless he is impulsive in other ways at school and home. Ruby has 2 kids in her pre-k class who she mentions hit and push. I don't know how her teachers handle it other than she tells me they get moved on the behavior chart and sometimes go to time-out. Does he hit or push other kids outside of the school setting, such as at play dates?

[chirpchirp]

Hugs! I don't have any advice, but hopefully the change in schools will be good

[The Foozzler]

May 4, 2017 9:10:12 GMT -5 redmonkeystomper said:

How do his teachers handle it when he hits or pushes in school? Is there a consequence? It could be impulsive behavior but I would not just jump to that unless he is impulsive in other ways at school and home. Ruby has 2 kids in her pre-k class who she mentions hit and push. I don't know how her teachers handle it other than she tells me they get moved on the behavior chart and sometimes go to time-out. Does he hit or push other kids outside of the school setting, such as at play dates?

He takes a break at first, then he misses an activity. Usually sitting out and watching or going to the 3 year old class. They do have a behavior chart and he does get moved to red on it also.

He is a very hands on kid, both in school and out. But I feel it is worse in school.

[fusion]

We have the "Hands are not for hitting" book and read that (Declan was going through a hitting phase). If he hits now I sit him down and I hold his hands and we talk about it "Hands are not for hitting, hands are for _______ (hugging, waving, patting, making things), hitting hurts, you don't like to hurt so NO HITTING, if we hit we lose our toys, we lose our friends, and it makes mommy sad). He's still 2 so I simplify the words a lot, but I'd do the same on an older child and just be more in depth on how we talked.

[ktstorm]

Benjamin sounds really similar. He was having a lot of trouble with hitting/pushing this year. He gets wound up and doesn't seem to realize how touchy he's getting.

Things that have helped -
1. He had a behavior chart at school - he either earned smiley faces or check marks throughout the day. Once he earned a certain number of smileys he'd get a sticker and eventually a bigger prize at the end of the week.
2. Every morning before school we talked about how we use our hands, and appropriate uses. I went through trigger scenarios and would ask him for how he thought he should respond.

((Hugs)) and hair pats. It's really frustrating when this kind of behavior overshadows your awesome kid.

[onehitwonder]

Lots of hair pats. Two of W's friends have been going through a hitting phase and I know how stressful it is for their moms. I hope the doctor has some suggestions or the change in schools helps.

[imimahoney]

Have you tried positive reinforcement at home? Maybe a sticker for every day without hitting and themn 10 stickers = a small reward. That eventually reset Ari's behavior when he ws acting out.

[teamhayes]

We do the super cheer leader thing when they do simple things well
It's obnoxious but it seems to work bc they feel so proud so when we are upset with pushing or hair pulling or what not they know we mean business

Yeahhhhhh m put his clothes in the basket go m go you are the best yeahhh m rules yeahhhh .....

[careyalis]

Hair pats! This is Blake in a nutshell. It stresses me out 😭. I truly don't think he is trying to hurt people (most of the time at least) but he is very handsy.

At school, he has a behavior chart where he earns stickers for keeping hands to himself, listening to his teacher, and being a good friend. A good chart gets various rewards at home, a bad chart has various consequences.

[DesertMoon]

There is a boy in Julian's class who hits Julian so much spits on him and talks about killing he does it to other kids too. He lives on our street and rides the same bus. It's gotten so bad he has to sit on the bus eat lunch and do school activities alone isolated from the other kids. I feel bad for the kid, however it's hard when your kid is being hit. I don't know what to suggest for Tyler idk much about ADHD but hair pats and keep teaching him it's not nice to hit.