Confessions

[katespade]

Anyone have any confessions to share?

[katespade]

H and I spent the afternoon with some friends today. They have a ten month old, and I snuggled with him for the majority of the time we were there. My baby fever was pretty bad already, but now I want a baby ASAP and I don't want to wait until July to start TTC.

So I'm calling my doctor in the morning to schedule an appointment to have my BC removed.

[grover]

If you were to travel to Chicago and come to my house right now, katespade, H and I would hand you the baby and find the nearest hotel for a solid 12 hours of sleep. And maybe some sex where we aren't interrupted by a crying baby or two annoyingly loud dogs.

I love her lots. I don't love the fussy hours of crying. My husband tells her regularly, "I love you, but I don't like you in this moment".

[bk1]

Yay katespade!! 
grover I hope you get some sleep soon. I would totally snuggle on your little girl so you could get some sleep!




When my coffee gets cold, I pour the rest of the cup into DH's cup and get myself fresh coffee. He doesn't know I do this. 

[grover]

And we put her to bed fussy around 8:30....after she finally fell asleep she stayed asleep until 1:45!

[luv2rn4fun]

Woohoo katespade!!

grover- ((hugs)) sleep deprivation sucks! L (7.5 months and teething) has been up a lot the last 3 nights. On top of his horrible night last night, C was up at 4:10a screaming too. Rough night here. Hope you get some sleep and sex soon! She sure is adorable! Oh, and it gets infinitely better after 4 months (both boys...that's when I sleep trained for naps and bedtime and it was life changing).

bk1- that's awesome! I hope your DH never finds out this little secret!

[Deleted]

grover: I feel you, C hasn't been sleeping. DH thinks it's a growth spurt since she's also been very hungry the past couple days.

[pooh8402]

May 8, 2017 7:04:39 GMT -5 suzv said:

Hugs grover . I remember being so annoyed when J was around that age because at first, people told me it got easier after the first month. Then they said that weeks 6-8 were the hardest. I personally found that things got much easier when he was around 10 weeks old. He was less fussy and sleeping longer stretches.


I kicked my H out of bed last night at 2am because he was snoring so loudly.

in our case, E got better once we put him on medication for his reflux. at 9 weeks.

now he's a toddler with toddler shenanigans and everyone tells me it gets better once they turn 4.



my confession: I'm starting to resent DH's side company that he's CEO of. it deals with property taxes, so it ramps up in April, stays busy May-July, then starts to wind down. every. frickin. year. he complains about how he doesn't have time for anything. last year, he was like, "we can't have another kid, we don't have time." well we moved mostly for extra help for kids, so he was like, okay let's have another. now that his side business is busy again, he's saying the same thing. "I'm so tired. I'm so busy. I don't have time to do work on the house or yard. I don't have time for anything I want to do. [yea guess what DH, neither do I] we don't have time for another kid. we can't do it."

well too fucking bad! I had accepted that we would wait until I was done with school to have another kid. then he comes along and says he wants another. I get my IUD pulled. I start taking metformin again, which I hate taking. I'm tracking my cycles again. I make appointments with 2 different REs. I get my records transferred from my old doctor and pay 50 bucks for the privilege of moving my own medical records. I do all this while moving, starting a new job, studying for grad school. and now you tell me less than 2 weeks out from our first appointment that you don't want one? no no no. I don't believe him. I believe he does want another kid, but he's just busy right now. he'll change his tune come August.

[luv2rn4fun]

Huge ((hugs)) pooh8402. That is a really tough situation. Do you really think you would go through it with his hesitations? DH is the same way (too busy, hates the newborn phase, finances with 3 vs 2) and is firmly done with two (so different situation because we have the kids we "planned/discussed/agreed to" prior to marriage. I want a third but would never even consider it seriously unless he was on board 100%. Even if he came to me today saying he wanted another I would hesitate since he has firmly been done for awhile now. I hope you guys figure it out. My BFF (who had her adopted embryo daughter at 52) had a similar situation where her DH came to her the night before the transfer stating his doubts/concerns. Well, she went ahead with the transfer (ultimately he agreed but I think he was hoping it wouldn't work (he is about 5 years older than BFF) like the previous transfer where they transferred 3 as wel) and ended up having her daughter but her DH ended up cheating after 22 years of marriage and they divorced, all mainly because of this one decision. It has always stuck in my head and is probably the main reason I will never push the issue with DH (the tension of me just considering a third is causing so much fighting as is, even with me affirming that we are done unless he changes his mind).

[pooh8402]

yes, because I absolutely don't believe him. he only says that when he's frustrated. when he's in a good mood, he talks positively about having another. we planned/discussed/agreed on 2 kids, about 3 years apart. a July FET gives a due date of April next, which will be 3 months before E's third birthday. so it gives us wiggle room to do 1 or 2 more FETs before his third birthday. eta: HE was the one who initiated TTC this go around. I did not.

[luv2rn4fun]

My confession, related to the above...we still haven't had sex since L was born. I have tried everything (being patient, encouraging DH to seek help, fighting, threatening to leave) and no movement on DH's end. He literally has no sex drive and won't seek help. I am not sure what to do...I am so hurt, angry, bitter, and resentful. Some days I feel like leaving and others I think "well the grass isn't always greener" and for the most part I do like our together. I actually told him this weekend that maybe I should go to counseling so I can either take steps towards accepting this or to move on.

[katespade]

luv2rn4fun - (((HUGS))) How does he react when you give him ultimatums about leaving? Do you think he might be willing to do counseling with you?

[katespade]

I scheduled my appointment!

They offered me an an appointment this week on Wednesday and I totally panicked but almost took it. Then, I realized it probably wouldn't be good timing with the events we have going on this weekend (I remember my arm being pretty uncomfortably sore for a few days after I had my last one removed).

So, May 24.
And I'm on the cancellation list for next week.

[wineandcheese]

Sending huge hugs pooh8402!

katespade I'm so excited for you!

luv2rn4fun sending hugs!

[wineandcheese]

My confession is that I'm happy H is working but I'm getting frustrated he is never home. When he is home, he invites our friends to go out with us or over for dinner. I get he wants to see friends but I would like some alone time. I went to work with him Saturday, busted my ass working, just to spend some kind of time with him. I guess this is what the next few months are going to be like. He wants to keep ttc but he kinda needs to be home to do that.

[amaranth]

We tried 3 ways to barricade the kids yesterday so we could have sex mid day. Nothing was successful I felt 18 again waiting for those kids to go to bed. lol.

Oh, just thought of a better one. I have a sister getting married this month, and another getting married in the fall. I'm giving the sister this month a $50 ikea gift card and that's it. The other sister I've already ordered an engagement gift for, and will be giving a MUCH better wedding gift. lol. I hope they don't talk...

bk1 I legit laughed out loud. I would totally do that.

katespade eeekk!

luv2rn4fun *Hugs* my friend. No words of advice, but I am praying for you. I would not be as patient as you have been.

pooh8402 I'm so sorry. That sounds incredibly frustrating, but I get that you can't easily just go ahead with the process regardless. I hope you both reach an agreeable compromise soon, or that he comes around. I'd resent his job too in this situation.

[wanderingenough]

grover - It gets better. Promise!

pooh8402 and luv2rn4fun - hugs, friends. hugs.

katespade - exciting times ahead!

[MrsMB]

pooh8402 Something similar happened to DH and I December 2013. He changed his mind after I had been doing fertility acupuncture, tracked my cycles for 8 months...yada yada. I lost my ever loving mind. The argument that took place after he decided he wanted to put a hold on things caused nothing short of an earthquake. I feel you...so sorry.

luv2rn4fun ((hugs)) I KNOW that's frustrating.


@
Mine: I haven't done the deed this entire pregnancy because I'm too scared of the SCH mess I had to deal with when I was pregnant with L. DH has been VERY understanding thank goodness. Please note that they haven't FOUND a SCH...but they didn't find one with L until I was 20 weeks pregnant, after one night of sex caused red-to-brown episodes that lasted 4 weeks. I asked the tech to check for one every scan I've had and they all say, "Nah, we would have found it the first trimester." Nope. No one found it with my last pregnancy. So, no..I don't trust what they're telling me. I KNOW sex doesn't cause SCH. I also know that it doesn't make it worse. But I'm 7 months pregnant with #2 and I still check the toilet to make sure everything is yellow/clear when I pee. It was that traumatizing for me. Thank GOODNESS, DH is fine doing pretty much everything else sexually while I'm a giant head case.

[luv2rn4fun]

May 8, 2017 11:25:10 GMT -5 katespade said:

luv2rn4fun - (((HUGS))) How does he react when you give him ultimatums about leaving? Do you think he might be willing to do counseling with you?

He gets angry and defensive and basically tells me to leave if I want. I don't believe that is what he wants but this has been a very ugly fight for many years. He's probably just as much over it as I am but we are on complete opposite ends of the spectrum (I do think he would like things to be different but he won't make the changes/do the work...he is depressed, has anxiety, and physical issues with regards to sex likely linked to his mental health). We did counseling in the past but he hasn't wanted to go since. Maybe he would as a last resort, not sure since I haven't used that card yet (and don't really want to yet since I don't have many options since I don't work and can't support me and the boys...I would have to get my parents involved and don't want to do that, especially after how things went down with my mom).

amaranth- I am sure you have good words of wisdom. Taking into account my beliefs, that I would like to stay married if possible, and his refusal to take any steps in the right direction...what would you do in my shoes? Mostly I am hurt and I hate that it affects me so much (and our marriage). But I also think "is it really worth losing our family over this" (maybe I end up meeting someone who is great physically but not so great in other areas like providing, taking care of our home, etc).

[MrsMB]

luv2rn4fun, I truly hate that I don't have anything in the form of an answer to offer in regards to the quesiton you asked amaranth . I pray things would improve for you

[katespade]

luv2rn4fun - I wish that I had words of wisdom for you. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it must be to be where you are. You want to stay married and he isn't willing to make any changes... My heart hurts for you.

Would a separation be an option? That way he would feel the consequences of his actions, but the goal would be to work together toward fixing things without throwing divorce into the equation?

[tacocat]

((luv2rn4fun)) I'm so sorry you're struggling. If he won't talk about it or go to counseling, it might not be a bad idea to go on your own to sort through your feelings about everything.

[luv2rn4fun]

katespade- I wish a separation would work but no way we could afford it with our one income. I have considered taking away certain things he takes for granted and that are important to him (basically going on a strike)...but that also seems petty. Also, he just started his new job a month ago so realistically there is only so much I can expect him to do (it's not like he can take time off to go see a doctor and he's usually home around 7p so not sure how realistic therapy for him is (or me since I need him home to watch the boys).

tacocat- I am very much considering therapy for me. I would love to be able to get to a place of accepting this (if it's possible) without being angry, bitter, and resentful. If I can't then maybe I need to really consider moving on. Part of why I have had trouble accepting this is because he said he desired a pretty high frequency sex life pre marriage and that hasn't happened outside of TTC (so it's not an issue if he makes it a priority...we did not have sex til marriage so part of me feels like he lied). I also feel like it would be easier if he would at least be willing to work on things. His lack of action makes me feel hopeless.

[HoneySpider]

((luv2rn4fun)) I'm so sorry, I can only imagine how trying this is on you. I think katespade's suggestions of a separation is a good one - I realize that is not easy either, but it seems as if you're going to be stuck in this neverending cycle until you do something a little more drastic.

[estrellita]

So many *hugs* luv2rn4fun. I'm so sorry you're dealing with those issues. I wish he would step up and get some help! It's not fair to put you through that and make no effort to change!

[amaranth]

luv2rn4fun pming you because it includes private info.

[wanderingenough]

luv2rn4fun - Something to consider (for you or him) is that a somw work EAPs now cover telepsych sessions. So you could feasibly look into video counseling sessions during nap time or when your dad/neighbor/etc. could look after the boys for a bit. Also, the first few sessions of that are usually covered by your H's work benefits --even for you (and confidential).

[Blue Moon]

So many hugs luv2rn4fun. I had no idea it was that severe. I'm so sorry. I guess you have to decide if you could be truly happy in a sexless marriage?

[travelbug]

(((luv2rn4fun)) so many hugs!!

[travelbug]

I don't have any good ones right now lol.

Hmmm... I love Snapchat!!