Update #2: Bs travel soccer Tryout

[cjcouple]

So, most of you know all about Bs selective mutism and how far he has come, I am in a bit of a dilemma.

B wants to tryout/join travel soccer. I have no doubts, that he could be successful. He is a great athlete and very dedicated. But I am really stumped on what to do/say about his SM? He is not verbal with adults yet but he is speaking with his peers. I don't want it to hold him back over it but feel like they need to know. If they ask him a question, he will just give them an uncomfortable blank stare. Ugh...wdyt?

Its never been a big deal in sports because tryouts have never been involved. I just dont know how to handle this situation.

_________________

6/1 Update: Well, I ended up not mentioning his SM because I tried calling the league president twice before tryouts but never got a call back. So I just sat a bit away from the field but so B could see me (and I saw him) if there was an issue I would have walked down.  It was all fine.  He didn't even get asked his name.  There was just a number on his back. Now we wait.  It seemed like he did well but we will get an email in a few days letting us know if he made it.  Tonights tryout are for U9 and U10 so I assume after tonight they will meet and build their teams.  

Oddly, only about 5 or 6 boys were trying out for U12. I assume that means they will make a U12 team and bump up U11 boys. We will see. I hope he makes it 

[jag01]

I would encourage him to try if that's what he wants to do. Is it possible to email any of the coaches and explain the situation?

[momin2013]

Since he wants to do it, I'd let him. I wouldn't worry so much about what other parents think (once you get to know them you could fill them in a bit if necessary), but I would definitely speak to the coach(es) that he'd have about it so they can be prepared and hopefully will be able to work with him better.

[cjcouple]

He's definitely going to try out. I just don't knoe what to say to coaches. I want it to come across as nbd but make sure they don't try to force speaking. That makes it much worse. Expectations are so much more difficult as he has gotten older.

[gastro]

I think you know that I had SM as a child. For me, I wanted to talk but I physically could not seem to get the words out. Giving his coaches a heads up and what not to do if he can't verbalize will definitely help. The worst thing they can do is try to force him because (for me) it would have made me so much frustrated with myself.

[cjcouple]

May 23, 2017 22:28:19 GMT -5 gastro said:

I think you know that I had SM as a child. For me, I wanted to talk but I physically could not seem to get the words out. Giving his coaches a heads up and what not to do if he can't verbalize will definitely help. The worst thing they can do is try to force him because (for me) it would have made me so much frustrated with myself.

I did remember that, thanks for posting.  I am just stumped on what to say to them. I don't really want to use the word "anxiety" (even though it is) and cause them to write him off over it. I also dont ant to say he is non-verbal because the kids do need to communicate during the games. You know?  I just want him judged on his skill and ability. The SM has very little affect on his sports but they do have to know not to force him.  Oy
     

  

[nicolewi]

I don't know much about SM, but I think I would tell them straight out. I.e. You need to know that B has something called "selective mutism." It means he doesn't talk to adults. He has come a long way and will talk to his peers, but not most adults (or whatever is correct). This doesn't affect his listening skills or the way he plays soccer, but you need to know that he won't respond if you speak to him. He is not being rude; this is a disorder for which we have a (therapy plan? work with someone regularly? whatever?). PLEASE do not try to make him talk, as this will only impede his progress. What questions do you have for me?"

[CrazyLucky]

I'm a coach, and I'd appreciate you sharing that information with me, I would probably look up selective mutism and try to learn ways to be a better coach for him, but it may also be helpful if you print out some information for the coach to read? I think nicolewi, has a great approach. The only issue if if you don't know who the coach is until tryouts, and you're trying to explain as he or she is trying to herd cats, that may not be the best time! Is it possible to talk to the coach in advance of tryouts?
Good luck, I hope he crushes it!

[cjcouple]

May 24, 2017 9:00:21 GMT -5 CrazyLucky said:

I'm a coach, and I'd appreciate you sharing that information with me, I would probably look up selective mutism and try to learn ways to be a better coach for him, but it may also be helpful if you print out some information for the coach to read? I think nicolewi , has a great approach. The only issue if if you don't know who the coach is until tryouts, and you're trying to explain as he or she is trying to herd cats, that may not be the best time! Is it possible to talk to the coach in advance of tryouts?
Good luck, I hope he crushes it!

Thanks - it is just difficult because I don't know the coaches involved.  It's basically a league that is 3 surrounding towns and the first time we meet will be at the tryouts. Coaches pick the teams themselves. I could go early? or maybe have him talk through his friend (who has been on team for 2 years and will be at tryouts). I could just watch and see if the coach even tries talking to them at all.  He may just tell them all what to do physical skills. If I see him trying to get an answer/step in?  It's possible they will think he is just shy. Then explain after tryouts? He can answer and communicate with coaches by nodding yes/no, pointing, smiles, shrugs, and talking trough kids.     

[CrazyLucky]

May 24, 2017 9:20:15 GMT -5 cjcouple said:

May 24, 2017 9:00:21 GMT -5 CrazyLucky said:

I'm a coach, and I'd appreciate you sharing that information with me, I would probably look up selective mutism and try to learn ways to be a better coach for him, but it may also be helpful if you print out some information for the coach to read? I think nicolewi , has a great approach. The only issue if if you don't know who the coach is until tryouts, and you're trying to explain as he or she is trying to herd cats, that may not be the best time! Is it possible to talk to the coach in advance of tryouts?
Good luck, I hope he crushes it!

Thanks - it is just difficult because I don't know the coaches involved.  It's basically a league that is 3 surrounding towns and the first time we meet will be at the tryouts. Coaches pick the teams themselves. I could go early? or maybe have him talk through his friend (who has been on team for 2 years and will be at tryouts). I could just watch and see if the coach even tries talking to them at all.  He may just tell them all what to do physical skills. If I see him trying to get an answer/step in?  It's possible they will think he is just shy. Then explain after tryouts? He can answer and communicate with coaches by nodding yes/no, pointing, smiles, shrugs, and talking trough kids.     

I think you have the right idea.  I doubt the coach will be trying to have conversations with the kids during tryouts.  I hope it goes well.

[cjcouple]

update in OP

[momin2013]

Crossing fingers for him!!

[CrazyLucky]

Glad it went well. I hope he enjoys it!

[cjcouple]

6/25 got the results. It tooks 3.5 weeks to get an answer and he didnt make it.

I have to admit I was really surprised. I am biased but even the ones who see B play said he would make it no problem.

[expectantsteelerfan]

Maybe they decided not to have a team because there weren't enough without bumping up younger boys? My ds tried out for a U7 travel baseball team this year, and there were only 12 boys who tried out. If there had been any less, they would have just not had a team. They decided to do the team with the 12 boys though even though a few (like my son) would not have made the team had there been more kids!

[cjcouple]

Jun 25, 2017 19:22:11 GMT -5 expectantsteelerfan said:

Maybe they decided not to have a team because there weren't enough without bumping up younger boys? My ds tried out for a U7 travel baseball team this year, and there were only 12 boys who tried out. If there had been any less, they would have just not had a team. They decided to do the team with the 12 boys though even though a few (like my son) would not have made the team had there been more kids!

No. Two other kids his age/grade made it. What really annoyed me is one of them didn't even try out. It says clearly you must be at tryouts. AND HE IS NOT playing the fall season because he plays football. It sounds like they recruited kids they knew from the past.

I plan to just sign him up for a couple local clinics/camps and the town league, and he plans to do cross country with school which is great to go with all sports.

Might be best not to have such a big commitment since he starting middle school next year anyway. There are tons of sports and clubs at school.

[nicolewi]

That is totally crappy and sounds really unfair. So sorry.