Nervous white women in yoga pants are the problem

[05heel]

May 25, 2017 15:46:16 GMT -5 laurenpetro said:

May 25, 2017 14:53:38 GMT -5 iammalcolmx said:

I love us (heart)

You can call me by name.

I've got a lot of shit going on that I don't discuss on this board but I can assure you I've been working. I assume no one is interested in updates which is why I haven't said anything.

you know, I was just sitting here wondering why my life had improved so dramatically of late. You've got to warn a sista before you go out doing all this "work"!

[cookiemdough]

You remember when all these talks started years ago. And people were "happy" about our presence on the board because they basically had no POC in their lives. I wonder sometimes has that changed. For all the listening and learning did the very small changes of befriending someone or inviting a POC over to your house happen for some?

[Chuppathingy]

May 25, 2017 18:29:35 GMT -5 cookiemdough said:

You remember when all these talks started years ago. And people were "happy" about our presence on the board because they basically had no POC in their lives. I wonder sometimes has that changed. For all the listening and learning did the very small changes of befriending someone or inviting a POC over to your house happen for some?

FWIW (which is probably not much) I'm happy you're still here. I don't comment often because I figure anything apologetic would sound insincere if I were in your shoes. I think the "I'm listening/learning" comments probably also come across that way given how often these threads happen.

I was trying to figure out if/how I could actually help improve things when I posted earlier today. Some of my thinking was fucked up. I didn't realise it at first, but I'm really thankful to Kirkette for pointing out that one of my initial ideas could have made my neighbor feel like a token, which is the last thing I'd want to do to anyone (let alone that particular neighbor is becoming a good friend).

[Chuppathingy]

May 25, 2017 19:32:43 GMT -5 Chuppathingy said:

May 25, 2017 18:29:35 GMT -5 cookiemdough said:

You remember when all these talks started years ago. And people were "happy" about our presence on the board because they basically had no POC in their lives. I wonder sometimes has that changed. For all the listening and learning did the very small changes of befriending someone or inviting a POC over to your house happen for some?

FWIW (which is probably not much) I'm happy you're still here. I don't comment often because I figure anything apologetic would sound insincere if I were in your shoes. I think the "I'm listening/learning" comments probably also come across that way given how often these threads happen.

I was trying to figure out if/how I could actually help improve things when I posted earlier today. Some of my thinking was fucked up. I didn't realise it at first, but I'm really thankful to Kirkette for pointing out that one of my initial ideas could have made my neighbor feel like a token, which is the last thing I'd want to do to anyone (let alone that particular neighbor is becoming a good friend).

ETA: If I accidentally sounded like a self congratulatory idiot here, I'm sorry for that. The above wasn't meant to be self congratulatory in any way. Hopefully that came across.

[mishy]

May 25, 2017 14:03:56 GMT -5 kadams767 said:

May 25, 2017 13:56:29 GMT -5 AJL said:

Can you? Can you really say this with honesty? I want to know what this looks like because my first reaction when I read this was...

I'll apologize for that statement.  I didn't say it to imply that I am perfect and a shining example of someone who has no inherent racial bias ever or who has never put her foot in it.  I am sorry, I know that is how I came across. 

I mean, why did you say it? What did you mean then?  

[mishy]

May 25, 2017 14:18:18 GMT -5 tessalb said:

May 25, 2017 14:11:01 GMT -5 sofamonkey said:

Why is it so hard to admit our houses are messy as fuck? Like, come on. That doesn't make you a bad person per se, but we ALL have work to do. Damn.

Yup. Recognize privilege based on being a white woman. And nothing else. Admitting I have benefitted from the systemic racism in this country was a starting point. But yeah, my house is messy. My sister is the Blue Lives Matter police wife. I'm having dialogue with her about it, but it's not an immediate change. We have to keep at it.


ETA: and this is not nearly enough on my part. I know that. I'm taking opportunities when I can.

When we talk about our houses being messy, it means US. Not just our obviously racist family/acquaintances/co-workers. All of us white folk at an individual level. 

In general, any white person who denies that she has shit of her own to work on re:race, most definitely has shit of her own to work on. 

[poundcake]

My house is messy. There are days I get tired of trying. When your coworker says "Don't you think there's too much diversity in the schools?", I want to roll my eyes and not deal with the stupidity and foolishness. But POC don't get to step away from our foolishness.

[goldengirlz]

May 25, 2017 5:39:12 GMT -5 bex said:

@kirkette, now I feel guilty for how much I love my dogs and my wine, lol.

Anyway, as to this post, of course. the biggest thing I see in my circle as evidence of this is the whole "he was going to kidnap my children" thing. There are so many posts on my FB in any given week about "trusting your gut" and "moms know when something isn't right." That "not right" something is usually a black male in the vicinity of their children.

"I walked out to my car and he was following us. I knew something wasn't right." When in reality, he was literally just walking out to his car which was parked two spots down from yours.

White women have convinced themselves - and the media has reinforced this, with their coverage of Lacey Peterson et al - that their white children are something extremely prized and sought after in a way that places them in constant danger from men in general but particularly black men. I think this spills over into all other aspects of interaction. A black man smiles at a white woman - its clearly because he intends to rob her or assault her. A black man is in your neighborhood - its clearly because he is checking out houses to rob. Etc.

I also think it's worth recognizing that many of us were once those precious white children being helicoptered by our anxious parents. It's not just our neighbors on NextDoor. That bullshit is deeply ingrained.

My mother has actual anxiety so I suppose I'm more inclined to notice how much of her disordered thinking is almost second-nature to me. I have to actively fight against it. But, yeah, we all have work to do.

I went to a BLM meeting recently and one of the speakers was asked about "white allies." She responded: more than actions, we need to check our first thought -- what's the first thing that pops into our mind in a given situation? I'm sure we've all been in situations where that "first thought" is a byproduct of the institutionalized racism that's all around us. And it's embarrassing to admit it. But we can't even begin to get to action if we willfully refuse to recognize our own problematic biases. She obviously said it better but I thought that was worth sharing.

[MrsAxilla]

May 25, 2017 18:29:35 GMT -5 cookiemdough said:

You remember when all these talks started years ago. And people were "happy" about our presence on the board because they basically had no POC in their lives. I wonder sometimes has that changed. For all the listening and learning did the very small changes of befriending someone or inviting a POC over to your house happen for some?

I was there for those threads.  Spurred by Treyvon, may his memory be a blessing.  I think a fair number of people did their "listening and learning", and then moved on to awareness, education, action.  I know I examined my house, and like my actual house, there are parts I'm proud of and parts I'm ashamed of.  "Listening and learning" was five years ago, which incidentally was when I bought my actual house.  TBH, I'm digging the metaphor, because the shit I was ashamed of five years ago is better, but now there are new issues to address.  Likewise, shit I was proud of then has proved more difficult to maintain than I thought.  Some people never moved past listening and learning, because ironically, that's what the WOC asked us to do - FIVE YEARS AGO.  It's been said so often it's a fucking cliche - POC are not here to guide anyone into sublime allyship.  You can show off those roses all you want, but that won't keep people from seeing the cat hair on your kitchen counters.  

I never know know how to respond to posts like this.  Like, if I tell you some anecdote about how the WOC have had a positive impact on my behavior, is that pandering?  Am I looking for a cookie?  Do you even give a fuck?  I think you could give a flying fuck what MrsA on CEP thinks and does; but I DO think you care about what the white lady down the street hosting your black son for a sleepover and a trip to a carnival thinks and does.  Listening and learning doesn't earn trust.  So yes, you ladies have had a positive impact.  The only reason I responded this time was because you specifically asked if we'd invited a POC to our home and i currently have one in my basement - lol.  Don't worry, it's not Eminem Dr. Dre style. 

[tessalb]

May 25, 2017 21:12:52 GMT -5 mishy said:

May 25, 2017 14:18:18 GMT -5 tessalb said:

Yup. Recognize privilege based on being a white woman. And nothing else. Admitting I have benefitted from the systemic racism in this country was a starting point. But yeah, my house is messy. My sister is the Blue Lives Matter police wife. I'm having dialogue with her about it, but it's not an immediate change. We have to keep at it.


ETA: and this is not nearly enough on my part. I know that. I'm taking opportunities when I can.

When we talk about our houses being messy, it means US. Not just our obviously racist family/acquaintances/co-workers. All of us white folk at an individual level. 

In general, any white person who denies that she has shit of her own to work on re:race, most definitely has shit of her own to work on. 

I absolutely agree. I admitted that my house is messy. I also feel a responsibility to reach out to those around me. As I continue to identify and change implicit bias of my own, I can't ignore it around me either. It's a constant process.

[cookiemdough]

May 25, 2017 23:56:40 GMT -5 MrsAxilla said:

May 25, 2017 18:29:35 GMT -5 cookiemdough said:

You remember when all these talks started years ago. And people were "happy" about our presence on the board because they basically had no POC in their lives. I wonder sometimes has that changed. For all the listening and learning did the very small changes of befriending someone or inviting a POC over to your house happen for some?

I was there for those threads.  Spurred by Treyvon, may his memory be a blessing.  I think a fair number of people did their "listening and learning", and then moved on to awareness, education, action.  I know I examined my house, and like my actual house, there are parts I'm proud of and parts I'm ashamed of.  "Listening and learning" was five years ago, which incidentally was when I bought my actual house.  TBH, I'm digging the metaphor, because the shit I was ashamed of five years ago is better, but now there are new issues to address.  Likewise, shit I was proud of then has proved more difficult to maintain than I thought.  Some people never moved past listening and learning, because ironically, that's what the WOC asked us to do - FIVE YEARS AGO.  It's been said so often it's a fucking cliche - POC are not here to guide anyone into sublime allyship.  You can show off those roses all you want, but that won't keep people from seeing the cat hair on your kitchen counters.  

I never know know how to respond to posts like this.  Like, if I tell you some anecdote about how the WOC have had a positive impact on my behavior, is that pandering?  Am I looking for a cookie?  Do you even give a fuck?  I think you could give a flying fuck what MrsA on CEP thinks and does; but I DO think you care about what the white lady down the street hosting your black son for a sleepover and a trip to a carnival thinks and does.  Listening and learning doesn't earn trust.  So yes, you ladies have had a positive impact.  The only reason I responded this time was because you specifically asked if we'd invited a POC to our home and i currently have one in my basement - lol.  Don't worry, it's not Eminem Dr. Dre style. 

That made me lol. I am interested to know how people are moving forward in their personal lives. Not necessarily what group they joined. To me marching is easy. Talking is easy. The other personal steps that people take to get out of their bubble and actually know and surround themselves with people who don't look like them is what I find important. And I don't mean in the gentrifying move into a neighborhood and still be scared of the neighbors kind of thing. I mean cultivating relationships so just like when you see boys that don't look like your son, you can give them the same benefit of the doubt as your son because you actually can see them as kids, not scary criminals in training. So yes, provided your guests are not in your basement undergoing a brain transplant like the movie "Get Out" I am happy to know what people are doing lol. 😊

[andwhat]

May 26, 2017 6:09:27 GMT -5 cookiemdough said:

May 25, 2017 23:56:40 GMT -5 MrsAxilla said:

I was there for those threads.  Spurred by Treyvon, may his memory be a blessing.  I think a fair number of people did their "listening and learning", and then moved on to awareness, education, action.  I know I examined my house, and like my actual house, there are parts I'm proud of and parts I'm ashamed of.  "Listening and learning" was five years ago, which incidentally was when I bought my actual house.  TBH, I'm digging the metaphor, because the shit I was ashamed of five years ago is better, but now there are new issues to address.  Likewise, shit I was proud of then has proved more difficult to maintain than I thought.  Some people never moved past listening and learning, because ironically, that's what the WOC asked us to do - FIVE YEARS AGO.  It's been said so often it's a fucking cliche - POC are not here to guide anyone into sublime allyship.  You can show off those roses all you want, but that won't keep people from seeing the cat hair on your kitchen counters.  

I never know know how to respond to posts like this.  Like, if I tell you some anecdote about how the WOC have had a positive impact on my behavior, is that pandering?  Am I looking for a cookie?  Do you even give a fuck?  I think you could give a flying fuck what MrsA on CEP thinks and does; but I DO think you care about what the white lady down the street hosting your black son for a sleepover and a trip to a carnival thinks and does.  Listening and learning doesn't earn trust.  So yes, you ladies have had a positive impact.  The only reason I responded this time was because you specifically asked if we'd invited a POC to our home and i currently have one in my basement - lol.  Don't worry, it's not Eminem Dr. Dre style. 

That made me lol. I am interested to know how people are moving forward in their personal lives. Not necessarily what group they joined. To me marching is easy. Talking is easy. The other personal steps that people take to get out of their bubble and actually know and surround themselves with people who don't look like them is what I find important. And I don't mean in the gentrifying move into a neighborhood and still be scared of the neighbors kind of thing. I mean cultivating relationships so just like when you see boys that don't look like your son, you can give them the same benefit of the doubt as your son because you actually can see them as kids, not scary criminals in training. So yes, provided your guests are not in your basement undergoing a brain transplant like the movie "Get Out" I am happy to know what people are doing lol. 😊

Not gonna lie "Get Out" was the first thing that popped in my mind when she said "I currently have one in my basement."

[cmeon]

How can it be that grown adults exist without a single POC in their life, that they need the women here to take insult after insult to fill that spot for them?

I just tied up my 4th year volunteering at my kids' ("bad") school. I wish there were a way to get every white person involved in a young, bright, diverse group like this- without it having a negative impact on the kids (obviously, no). They WILL charm you (and if they don't- you're ugly and broken and fuck you).

Knowing these children- knowing many of them, with their baby faces and sweet hopes- are just a few years from being MENACING and SCARY and DANGEROUS to a large portion of the population makes me want to vomit. We live in a world where people don't think protecting them from a truly MENACING, SCARY and DANGEROUS world is worth giving up a racist hairstylist or really- any other minor inconvenience.

I won't ever feel like I'm doing enough, but, that will keep me moving forward. I hope that I'm not only never harmful- but, helping make things right- and that my kids (who I am truly proud of) continue to kind and humble. They have a good life surrounded by good people- who don't look or live exactly like we do. That's worth more than a 8/10 on "Greatschools" school any damned day of the week.

[ESF]

May 26, 2017 6:09:27 GMT -5 cookiemdough said:

May 25, 2017 23:56:40 GMT -5 MrsAxilla said:

I was there for those threads.  Spurred by Treyvon, may his memory be a blessing.  I think a fair number of people did their "listening and learning", and then moved on to awareness, education, action.  I know I examined my house, and like my actual house, there are parts I'm proud of and parts I'm ashamed of.  "Listening and learning" was five years ago, which incidentally was when I bought my actual house.  TBH, I'm digging the metaphor, because the shit I was ashamed of five years ago is better, but now there are new issues to address.  Likewise, shit I was proud of then has proved more difficult to maintain than I thought.  Some people never moved past listening and learning, because ironically, that's what the WOC asked us to do - FIVE YEARS AGO.  It's been said so often it's a fucking cliche - POC are not here to guide anyone into sublime allyship.  You can show off those roses all you want, but that won't keep people from seeing the cat hair on your kitchen counters.  

I never know know how to respond to posts like this.  Like, if I tell you some anecdote about how the WOC have had a positive impact on my behavior, is that pandering?  Am I looking for a cookie?  Do you even give a fuck?  I think you could give a flying fuck what MrsA on CEP thinks and does; but I DO think you care about what the white lady down the street hosting your black son for a sleepover and a trip to a carnival thinks and does.  Listening and learning doesn't earn trust.  So yes, you ladies have had a positive impact.  The only reason I responded this time was because you specifically asked if we'd invited a POC to our home and i currently have one in my basement - lol.  Don't worry, it's not Eminem Dr. Dre style. 

That made me lol. I am interested to know how people are moving forward in their personal lives. Not necessarily what group they joined. To me marching is easy. Talking is easy. The other personal steps that people take to get out of their bubble and actually know and surround themselves with people who don't look like them is what I find important. And I don't mean in the gentrifying move into a neighborhood and still be scared of the neighbors kind of thing. I mean cultivating relationships so just like when you see boys that don't look like your son, you can give them the same benefit of the doubt as your son because you actually can see them as kids, not scary criminals in training. So yes, provided your guests are not in your basement undergoing a brain transplant like the movie "Get Out" I am happy to know what people are doing lol. 😊

Full disclosure: I've typed like 8 responses to this post and deleted each one because they feel very "I want a cookie." But since you asked, and your posts in particular have resonated with me quite a bit over the years, I'll try to give you an honest answer.

One area I've focused on is expanding my professional network. As an example, one area where I've made some inroads is meeting people doing the real work of representing low income, predominantly black clients. While I have not made many new friendships, I have a few black friends that I've known for years, and I've made more of an effort to listen to their recommendations for books, movies, etc, watch them, and reflect on what they are trying to tell me in making that recommendation.  Or just making an effort to try to connect a little more deeply, like asking them how they felt as a black woman about something rather than just "what do you think?" And while I don't have kids, I do try to think about how I can expose my white friends to new things, and have advocated for books written by people of color in my book club, and made efforts to recommend films, museum exhibits, TV shows, articles, etc that promote black history, culture, and lives, or pertain to intersectional feminism. 

I don't by any means think this is enough or that I'm going to save the world this way.  But these are the smaller changes I've been trying to work on.

Oh and I have a black friend coming to stay with me in July, and I'm definitely putting out wash cloths this time. 

[MrsAxilla]

May 26, 2017 10:54:16 GMT -5 andwhat said:

May 26, 2017 6:09:27 GMT -5 cookiemdough said:

That made me lol. I am interested to know how people are moving forward in their personal lives. Not necessarily what group they joined. To me marching is easy. Talking is easy. The other personal steps that people take to get out of their bubble and actually know and surround themselves with people who don't look like them is what I find important. And I don't mean in the gentrifying move into a neighborhood and still be scared of the neighbors kind of thing. I mean cultivating relationships so just like when you see boys that don't look like your son, you can give them the same benefit of the doubt as your son because you actually can see them as kids, not scary criminals in training. So yes, provided your guests are not in your basement undergoing a brain transplant like the movie "Get Out" I am happy to know what people are doing lol. 😊

Not gonna lie "Get Out" was the first thing that popped in my mind when she said "I currently have one in my basement."

I'm ashamed of myself that I didn't have a more current reference. It woulda been cooler if I did.

(Also, I thought I was looking at the ML thread and I about had a heart attack when I saw my name!)

[MrsAxilla]

May 26, 2017 16:15:48 GMT -5 1234FIF! said:

May 26, 2017 16:05:38 GMT -5 ESF said:

Full disclosure: I've typed like 8 responses to this post and deleted each one because they feel very "I want a cookie." But since you asked, and your posts in particular have resonated with me quite a bit over the years, I'll try to give you an honest answer.

One area I've focused on is expanding my professional network. As an example, one area where I've made some inroads is meeting people doing the real work of representing low income, predominantly black clients. While I have not made many new friendships, I have a few black friends that I've known for years, and I've made more of an effort to listen to their recommendations for books, movies, etc, watch them, and reflect on what they are trying to tell me in making that recommendation.  Or just making an effort to try to connect a little more deeply, like asking them how they felt as a black woman about something rather than just "what do you think?" And while I don't have kids, I do try to think about how I can expose my white friends to new things, and have advocated for books written by people of color in my book club, and made efforts to recommend films, museum exhibits, TV shows, articles, etc that promote black history, culture, and lives, or pertain to intersectional feminism. 

I don't by any means think this is enough or that I'm going to save the world this way.  But these are the smaller changes I've been trying to work on.

Oh and I have a black friend coming to stay with me in July, and I'm definitely putting out wash cloths this time. 

LOLLLLLLLLLLLL I googled white people and wash cloths thinking there might be a gif and lawd there is a whooooooooleeee bunch of conversations and yahoo/quora queries about why white people don't use wash cloths. 

I ALWAYS use a washcloth.

[ESF]

May 26, 2017 16:15:48 GMT -5 1234FIF! said:

May 26, 2017 16:05:38 GMT -5 ESF said:

Full disclosure: I've typed like 8 responses to this post and deleted each one because they feel very "I want a cookie." But since you asked, and your posts in particular have resonated with me quite a bit over the years, I'll try to give you an honest answer.

One area I've focused on is expanding my professional network. As an example, one area where I've made some inroads is meeting people doing the real work of representing low income, predominantly black clients. While I have not made many new friendships, I have a few black friends that I've known for years, and I've made more of an effort to listen to their recommendations for books, movies, etc, watch them, and reflect on what they are trying to tell me in making that recommendation.  Or just making an effort to try to connect a little more deeply, like asking them how they felt as a black woman about something rather than just "what do you think?" And while I don't have kids, I do try to think about how I can expose my white friends to new things, and have advocated for books written by people of color in my book club, and made efforts to recommend films, museum exhibits, TV shows, articles, etc that promote black history, culture, and lives, or pertain to intersectional feminism. 

I don't by any means think this is enough or that I'm going to save the world this way.  But these are the smaller changes I've been trying to work on.

Oh and I have a black friend coming to stay with me in July, and I'm definitely putting out wash cloths this time. 

LOLLLLLLLLLLLL I googled white people and wash cloths thinking there might be a gif and lawd there is a whooooooooleeee bunch of conversations and yahoo/quora queries about why white people don't use wash cloths. 

 

 Then last year, H and I went to buy new towels, and I grabbed some wash cloths to add to the stack. H was like, "do we need these?" I had to set him straight so we'd be prepared for this occasion. Thank you CEP.

[darnkatz]

Well, today I told some old white bitch off for complaining about 'TV shows these days' showing too much premarital sex and interracial relationships. It was a good time for all. Those (actual) babies I work with got an earful. Someone was going to learn today, and it just happened to be a 74 year old woman and 12 babies.

I feel like I'm making 'progress.' We have friends who are POC. I no longer stay silent about racist shit and actively run off my mouth to people about how terrible they are. I check myself and my initial reactions to situations every day and realize that I have a long way to go because of all of the things that were ingrained in me during my childhood. s

[SallyJ]

May 25, 2017 18:29:35 GMT -5 cookiemdough said:

You remember when all these talks started years ago. And people were "happy" about our presence on the board because they basically had no POC in their lives. I wonder sometimes has that changed. For all the listening and learning did the very small changes of befriending someone or inviting a POC over to your house happen for some?

Yes. And this feels hard to answer because I don't do any of it to make you or any other POC change the way you view me and think about me, or for accolades. I don't really talk about what I do, but I am intentional with my actions because of the conversations on this board. I do it because it needs to be done. At any rate, thank you.

My bbq's and game nights include Black, Mexican, Korean, Iranian, and Indian friends, although still predominantly white. My gym buddy is an Indian woman now. I have rekindled friendships with WOC from high school and ask a lot of 'what do you mean' to white women in my life.

I choose books and media written by people of color before white authors. I read news media first from The Root, Latin Lista, Colorlines. I advocate and stand with the WOC I work with when I witness the microaggressions (this still a big focus for me since I have so rarely worked with any POC in my career). I donate to more organizations on BLM lists.

Over dinner we talk about the murders by cops, how our kids' non-white friends are treated differently, what the civil rights era did not accomplish. We no longer shield them or deem the conversations inappropriate for their age. I am working on building more exposure for my kids through books and magazines. I have noticed that my kids' birthday parties in the last few years tend to be more POC and mixed race and I hope that means our neighborhood is becoming less white.

I still feel blind to so much, despite learning a ton and changing my behavior. I still have a long way to go and a lot of work to put in with the white women in my life.

[mrsukyankee]

I know I have to check myself regularly. The biases that grew during my childhood surrounded by mother's of friends who would tell us to cross the road if a black person was approaching still pop into my conscious mind (as an example of the racist things my best friend's mom would say regularly). I know that I "other" in my mind and I try to fight it. I'm not perfect at it and I'm constantly working on it. Biases suck. I'm quite sure my house will never be perfectly in order but at least I recognise and work with it as best I can. And I try to do the same with the people in my life. We white people need to do a lot more work.

[StrawberryBlondie]

May 26, 2017 6:09:27 GMT -5 cookiemdough said:

May 25, 2017 23:56:40 GMT -5 MrsAxilla said:

I was there for those threads.  Spurred by Treyvon, may his memory be a blessing.  I think a fair number of people did their "listening and learning", and then moved on to awareness, education, action.  I know I examined my house, and like my actual house, there are parts I'm proud of and parts I'm ashamed of.  "Listening and learning" was five years ago, which incidentally was when I bought my actual house.  TBH, I'm digging the metaphor, because the shit I was ashamed of five years ago is better, but now there are new issues to address.  Likewise, shit I was proud of then has proved more difficult to maintain than I thought.  Some people never moved past listening and learning, because ironically, that's what the WOC asked us to do - FIVE YEARS AGO.  It's been said so often it's a fucking cliche - POC are not here to guide anyone into sublime allyship.  You can show off those roses all you want, but that won't keep people from seeing the cat hair on your kitchen counters.  

I never know know how to respond to posts like this.  Like, if I tell you some anecdote about how the WOC have had a positive impact on my behavior, is that pandering?  Am I looking for a cookie?  Do you even give a fuck?  I think you could give a flying fuck what MrsA on CEP thinks and does; but I DO think you care about what the white lady down the street hosting your black son for a sleepover and a trip to a carnival thinks and does.  Listening and learning doesn't earn trust.  So yes, you ladies have had a positive impact.  The only reason I responded this time was because you specifically asked if we'd invited a POC to our home and i currently have one in my basement - lol.  Don't worry, it's not Eminem Dr. Dre style. 

That made me lol. I am interested to know how people are moving forward in their personal lives. Not necessarily what group they joined. To me marching is easy. Talking is easy. The other personal steps that people take to get out of their bubble and actually know and surround themselves with people who don't look like them is what I find important. And I don't mean in the gentrifying move into a neighborhood and still be scared of the neighbors kind of thing. I mean cultivating relationships so just like when you see boys that don't look like your son, you can give them the same benefit of the doubt as your son because you actually can see them as kids, not scary criminals in training. So yes, provided your guests are not in your basement undergoing a brain transplant like the movie "Get Out" I am happy to know what people are doing lol. 😊

This also feels a little cookie grab-ish. But here goes.

My immediate circle is still mostly white, but I've made several new friends who are POC (various minorities). I like to think we would've just become friends anyway, because it's not like I purposely went on a mission to befriend a black person. But who knows.

Professionally, I'm not in a position to make hiring decisions. Though, I hope to be soon. I am, however, in a position to influence, as I'm one of the people candidates meet with to discuss the job and ask questions. I've made it a point to advocate strongly for the qualified POC candidates. My department is pretty hopelessly white, but we're getting better - most of those I advocate for usually end up hired.

I call out people and ask "what do you mean?" type questions a lot. Even (especially?) to my family.

I make a point to support minority-owned businesses and watch TV and go to movies with diverse casts and those we discussed as "black movies."

I'm now focusing on my daughter. I try to make sure her doll collection is diverse, and her books have diverse characters. I picked her daycare in part because of it's diversity (staff and kids). I mean, it's expensive so it's a diverse group of yuppy children, so we have work to do there. We live in a "bad" school district and once she starts school, she will be attending, not enrolling in the "good" district.

[sweetday]

May 25, 2017 11:38:47 GMT -5 iammalcolmx said:

I don't need you to admit your racist beliefs( because I am petty and don't forget. I still side eye the chick with the hairdresser) but you need to acknowledge them and fucking FIX IT.

You ask too much....