Post by sweetptater on Jun 8, 2017 12:57:08 GMT -5
cookies I've been in the same husband-boat. We had some epic fights over my running/CF and being "selfish" while "neglecting my family." (He was just pissed that he got stuck alone with the kids). Never mind that 90% of the time I was getting up at 5 am to do them.
It took him getting into running to finally understand WHY I was doing it. Now he's the annoying one that will insist on fitting in a run at the last possible minute when we have other plans or places we need to be. Grrrrr.
Post by amandakisser on Jun 8, 2017 13:17:49 GMT -5
I have one friend (that I barely associate with anymore) who would ALWAYS make comments: "You're really skinny, I don't understand why you go to the gym so much." Uh, WHY do you think I'm "so skinny"?
"Want some ice cream? It's Weight Watchers, so you can eat it, it's ok." Yeah, the fact that it's WW won't make or break my decision, but now I just don't want it out of spite.
And the kicker, from a male friend that thought he was giving me a compliment: "Actually, to be quite honest, you could stand to gain a few pounds. You're borderline too thin." Uh, what? Why would you say that?
Comments about working out during pregnancy. I get so much judgment/concern over my level of activity. Also, about what I eat - which is either too little/not enough veggies/not enough protein, etc.
itsme - thank you! It helps to know that not everyone's husband is (or wasn't) supportive 100% of the time. He's really great, but sometimes these arguments come up after I feel like we're ok with the way things are going and I feel blindsided, so I don't respond very well. We'll figure it out.
I totally feel you. So many conversations in my house about budget and time and what gets my time and what doesn't and so forth and so on. Of course my weirdo H's response to feeling left out and not understanding why I wanted to do all this was to start doing it with me. He still think running is bullshit, but we do enjoy biking and swimming together. The making of the schedule and the keeping of the budget are still a bit fraught, but....it's better now. He no longer says stupid things about whether I'm doing training right. So that's awesome.
My triBestie struggles with it with her H a lot more. They keep reaching an uneasy truce on the matter and then it'll randomly blow up again. Sometimes it's just hard when you care a lot about something that seems silly to your loved one. And sometimes it's hard because there's an underlying communications issue, and sometimes it's just this one off thing where you don't see eye to eye.
I absolutely get you guys. My H, too, is not exactly overwhelmingly supportive of my running and it has, in the past, resulted in semi major blowups. It's actually gotten better since I had AJ since the vast majority of my running is at the ass crack of dawn and thus does not impinge on our time as a family, but the other thing that has helped in our situation is for us to recognize that we need our relationship to be recognized in different ways. I am someone who needs recognition through actually acknowledging the things I do to keep the household running (which is a lot, thanks to J's work schedule), and he is someone that needs recognition in, ahem, physical ways. So he is better about thanking me for doing XYZ because he didn't have time, and I am better about making sure I am home from my weekend runs early enough that I can get showered and hop back into bed before AJ is up and totally terrorizing his bedroom. For the most part, it works. Unless me getting back from a race makes him late for something...that's a different story I keep encouraging him to get out and golf or just hang out with his buddies because he gets into these damn homebody ruts, and that helps too. Because even if he doesn't take me up on it, when he tries to call me out on getting to see my running friends often I can remind him that I tell him to go hang with his friends and he doesn't do it
Most comments for me come from sort a bitter/jealous place. There are certain people who I can't even mention that I get up in the morning to go to the gym without them making a negative comment about themselves. It makes it so I don't ever talk about running or the gym, which sucks because it is one of my main hobbies. I don't like making people feel bad, but it also makes me mad that I essentionally have to hide a part of myself so not to hurt others feelings. You know what I mean? It isn't like I am bragging. Just daring to talk about something that is going on in my own life. My mom is one of the people I have to tip toe around the most. I know it is coming from her own insecurity.
Things people feel the need to comment on to me, mostly from coworkers:
How much food I eat, what I eat, what I don't eat
"Running will kill your joints"
"you know your body needs rest right?" in response to me waking up at 4:30 to workout. I am in bed sleeping at 9 most nights, so yes I know I need rest.
The food ones bother me the most because I have IBS and have had to give up certain foods because it causes major stomach upset. Trust when I say it has nothing to do with will power except for that I would rather not eat something than end up with vomiting/constipation/diarrhea for days on end. It's just not worth it no matter how much I miss those foods.
H has gotten more supportive over the years when I made it clear to him that this is very much a mental health issue for me. I need this time for myself. I use running as my outlet for anxiety and to give myself goals to work towards.
The food ones bother me the most because I have IBS and have had to give up certain foods because it causes major stomach upset. Trust when I say it has nothing to do with will power except for that I would rather not eat something than end up with vomiting/constipation/diarrhea for days on end. It's just not worth it no matter how much I miss those foods.
Yeah, my family that I don't see very often does this and I feel similarly. They'll say things like "a little wheat is fine," or "can't you just scrape the breading off?" No. Dude. Body covered in hives, facial swelling. Does that sound like "a little is fine" to you?!
The food ones bother me the most because I have IBS and have had to give up certain foods because it causes major stomach upset. Trust when I say it has nothing to do with will power except for that I would rather not eat something than end up with vomiting/constipation/diarrhea for days on end. It's just not worth it no matter how much I miss those foods.
Yeah, my family that I don't see very often does this and I feel similarly. They'll say things like "a little wheat is fine," or "can't you just scrape the breading off?" No. Dude. Body covered in hives, facial swelling. Does that sound like "a little is fine" to you?!
Post by thebulldog on Jun 13, 2017 10:14:46 GMT -5
my thighs are my self-hate, body shamming trigger point. they are gross.
i went to a new GYN yesterday and with feet in stirrups, cellulite and flab unrestricted by spanx she says, so i see you checked on your form that you work out, do you really work out regularly?
fuck me.
yes i said. it may not look it but i go to the gym twice a week minimum if not more.
I totally feel you. So many conversations in my house about budget and time and what gets my time and what doesn't and so forth and so on. Of course my weirdo H's response to feeling left out and not understanding why I wanted to do all this was to start doing it with me. He still think running is bullshit, but we do enjoy biking and swimming together. The making of the schedule and the keeping of the budget are still a bit fraught, but....it's better now. He no longer says stupid things about whether I'm doing training right. So that's awesome.
My triBestie struggles with it with her H a lot more. They keep reaching an uneasy truce on the matter and then it'll randomly blow up again. Sometimes it's just hard when you care a lot about something that seems silly to your loved one. And sometimes it's hard because there's an underlying communications issue, and sometimes it's just this one off thing where you don't see eye to eye.
I absolutely get you guys. My H, too, is not exactly overwhelmingly supportive of my running and it has, in the past, resulted in semi major blowups. It's actually gotten better since I had AJ since the vast majority of my running is at the ass crack of dawn and thus does not impinge on our time as a family, but the other thing that has helped in our situation is for us to recognize that we need our relationship to be recognized in different ways. I am someone who needs recognition through actually acknowledging the things I do to keep the household running (which is a lot, thanks to J's work schedule), and he is someone that needs recognition in, ahem, physical ways. So he is better about thanking me for doing XYZ because he didn't have time, and I am better about making sure I am home from my weekend runs early enough that I can get showered and hop back into bed before AJ is up and totally terrorizing his bedroom. For the most part, it works. Unless me getting back from a race makes him late for something...that's a different story I keep encouraging him to get out and golf or just hang out with his buddies because he gets into these damn homebody ruts, and that helps too. Because even if he doesn't take me up on it, when he tries to call me out on getting to see my running friends often I can remind him that I tell him to go hang with his friends and he doesn't do it
my thighs are my self-hate, body shamming trigger point. they are gross.
i went to a new GYN yesterday and with feet in stirrups, cellulite and flab unrestricted by spanx she says, so i see you checked on your form that you work out, do you really work out regularly?
fuck me.
yes i said. it may not look it but i go to the gym twice a week minimum if not more.
I have the ones who comment when I decide to eat outside my norm. Yes, I know that isn't healthy and I'm not on a diet so stop saying that I am. STFU. Because I eat healthy most of the time (especially at work) does not mean I am on a diet.
itsme, I see so many "I'm so sad my husband isn't coming to watch my race" posts on my local MRTT page and I'm just meh. I think it's because out of all the races I've done over the last 11 years, I think J has been to two. And both of which he had other people with him so he had no excuse to not go. I've gotten to the point where I don't even ask, part because it's not worth his inevitable frustration over where to park/spectate/etc and part because I really don't need him there. I blame my cold, black heart.
osulori , when I started racing it bugged me that he didn't go and I asked people here what their situation was like. Eventually I got over it and don't care whether he goes or not. He has showed up to one race (he drove me, we were on vacation) and has gone to two of my CF competitions. I've done a lot of races and although it's nice having that support, I don't need it. He tries to use the fact that I don't go watch him play airsoft. In my mind that's different. If he was in a competition or tournament then I would go but he's out there playing to play not competing in any way (whether against himself or others). I gave up the argument long long ago. My heart has turned cold and black on the subject as well.