Semi annual "vent about H&F judgers" thread

[wambam]

I think we're due. Who's judging you lately? How are you handling it? 

It's my usual coworker, making weird comments about how much food I bring to work. NINE WORKOUTS A WEEK DUDE. I need to effing eat. 

My other coworker, who doesn't run, thinks it's "weird" that I bring water when I run. In June. Mmkay.

And my MIL, of course, who for what-the-fucking-ever reason thinks I'm trying to get pregnant and just can't (don't even get me started on this). So she recommended I stop working out so much. 

Please, someone let it all out and make me feel better

[bostonmichelle]

Nothing yet but I've only been back to work a half day. I'll probably get lots of comments soon about working out and especially missing time with my DD from my coworkers and boss. I'll probably also generate comments since I've been watching what I eat and won't be eating crap like I did while pregnant.

I'm sorry about your coworker and MIL wambam.

[wambam]

goldengirlz - my mom begged me not to run in Paris. Begged!

[labbie]

wambam ,I'm sorry your coworker is a jerk.

The only zingers I've gotten lately are from non-athlete coworkers who claim running is for certain going to ruin my knees, and that I better watch out, and "why would I do that" when I told them (after they asked about what races I have planned) that I was doing a couple ultramarathons. Unfortunately when I was going to PT for a while there they were like "must be all that running."

[cookies]

My husband and I had an argument this morning about traveling for races.

There are so many layers to the argument - time, money (esp. if travel involved), children who apparently can be annoying when they want a mom who isn't there because she is running, entertaining young children while mom is running at a race they attend as a spectator, how weird it is that I would consider just going to a race by myself so as not to inconvenience those who just complained about having to travel to races, etc.

I wish he ran or was really into something so that he'd get it. But he doesn't get it at all, and I don't do a very good job trying to explain why I'd want to do this - especially knowing it puts everyone out.

[wawa]

we had the weirdest aggravating conversation with my grandmother about ultra marathoning - she has some horsey friends from back in the day who took up ultra running for a change of pace at some point in like...1993.  The topic came up in a very general way and she was like, "People who run 50 miles are crazy.  The 50k isn't too bad, but the 50 miles is just nuts.  It turns you mean, running that much.  Remember when so-and-so was training for that ultra and she just turned into such a bitch?  And you have to be a real serious athlete to do that.  So-and-so bombed out at 3 different races before she finally did it."

The so-and-so in question being a world champion endurance rider.   on the US equestrian team.  I'd hazard a guess she was going for like...WINNING a race rather than just finishing since that's her m.o. so bombed out is a little subjective there. 

she also then went on to imply that regardless, riding a horse 100 miles is harder.  (which she's done a number of times, so who's mean and crazy now??)

My mom said later that watching my face through all that was hilarious.  That she could see me visibly bite my tongue. (H also pointed at me when granny said that running makes you mean...traitor)  Such a weird convo - I'm not even planning to actually DO an ultra (any time soon anyway...probably) but now I want to just to prove her wrong...

[emilyj]

My mom. Hardcore. I've been at my parents (I still am) and it's fucking endless. "You're going to RUN? You just rode your bike!" "You're crazy." "You were just in another country yesterday, you don't need to be out on your bike today." Etc. etc. etc.

My two favorites were the night she went on a rant about how she thinks I'm so good at swimming and biking, but I'm just not good at running and she doesn't understand why I keep running when I'm not good at it.

And yesterday (after I'd worked out for 4 days in a row and still had a run to do last night) "Oh, I didn't pick up anything for lunch. Do you want a yogurt?" Yeah mom. That 200 calorie yogurt will hold me. So I went to the store, and when I came back and started eating, she looked at it and asked if I got some for the next day. I said no, and got the classic "You're going to eat all that NOW?"

I love my mom. I do. But I'm exhausted and upset at how beat up mentally she has me.

[itsme]

wambam , I used to get harassed about the amount of times I eat at work, what I ate and avoiding the sweets, weighing my food, etc. My coworkers are used to it now so I don't get bothered.

cookies , I went through the same with my H but somehow after about 2 years of it I had to lay it out to him and he finally got it. Once I brought my health into it, how I could not go back to the way I was before, and that this is what keeps me going he got it.  I think I got emotional and mentioned that I don't always want to do this.  There's so many times I want to quit and walk away but I can't because I know what will happen if I do.  It's not easy when your SO isn't on board. 

No one is judging me right now that I know of. I think everyone is pretty used to my routine or they are fitness freaks as well. Having come from being overweight to being fit has helped keep the comments at bay and once people that didn't know me before find that out they seem to have a different outlook and the comments stop.

[itsme]

Jun 7, 2017 13:49:03 GMT -5 emilyj said:

My two favorites were the night she went on a rant about how she thinks I'm so good at swimming and biking, but I'm just not good at running and she doesn't understand why I keep running when I'm not good at it.

[ilovecandy]

My brother commented on my running pace the other week. Saying I wasn't fast

[wambam]

emilyj what in the fresh hell does being in a foreign country yesterday have to do with riding your bike today?

[venice2007]

People commenting how slow I am. I dont fucking care. I just like running no matter what.
Oh ya those folks don't run

My mil who is as unhealthy as one comes always comments on my eating and exercise in a very harsh and hurtful manner. She's never ever exercised by the way

My sil says I'm obsessive and I make her feel bad. I've never talked to her once about my workouts. Ever. So? She also comments if I eat so well and workout why am I not thinner.

Our terminex guy who saw me cooking dinner the last time he was here told me healthy eating is a fad and soon we will find out all the research was wrong and laughed and laughed at what I was cooking. I'm gullible I guess?

[venice2007]

Jun 7, 2017 14:03:43 GMT -5 wambam said:

emilyj what in the fresh hell does being in a foreign country yesterday have to do with riding your bike today?

Yeah I'm
Confused too lol

[mysticmuffin]

My nurse last week was a peach with her "do you dooooo anything for exercise?" Luckily H was there to head her off with my tri training because I was about to explode her head with my eyeball lasers. Just because I'm fat doesn't mean I sit on my couch and eat potato chips all day.

[wambam]

Jun 7, 2017 14:10:30 GMT -5 mysticmuffin said:

My nurse last week was a peach with her "do you dooooo anything for exercise?" Luckily H was there to head her off with my tri training because I was about to explode her head with my eyeball lasers. Just because I'm fat doesn't mean I sit on my couch and eat potato chips all day.

I'm an asshole and I'd wear my race medals to appointments

[mysticmuffin]

Jun 7, 2017 14:19:59 GMT -5 wambam said:

Jun 7, 2017 14:10:30 GMT -5 mysticmuffin said:

My nurse last week was a peach with her "do you dooooo anything for exercise?" Luckily H was there to head her off with my tri training because I was about to explode her head with my eyeball lasers. Just because I'm fat doesn't mean I sit on my couch and eat potato chips all day.

I'm an asshole and I'd wear my race medals to appointments

(heart)  This is why we're friends.

[hannahb]

Jun 7, 2017 13:24:31 GMT -5 wawa said:

we had the weirdest aggravating conversation with my grandmother about ultra marathoning - she has some horsey friends from back in the day who took up ultra running for a change of pace at some point in like...1993.  The topic came up in a very general way and she was like, "People who run 50 miles are crazy.  The 50k isn't too bad, but the 50 miles is just nuts.  It turns you mean, running that much.  Remember when so-and-so was training for that ultra and she just turned into such a bitch?  And you have to be a real serious athlete to do that.  So-and-so bombed out at 3 different races before she finally did it."

The so-and-so in question being a world champion endurance rider.   on the US equestrian team.  I'd hazard a guess she was going for like...WINNING a race rather than just finishing since that's her m.o. so bombed out is a little subjective there. 

she also then went on to imply that regardless, riding a horse 100 miles is harder.  (which she's done a number of times, so who's mean and crazy now??)

My mom said later that watching my face through all that was hilarious.  That she could see me visibly bite my tongue. (H also pointed at me when granny said that running makes you mean...traitor)  Such a weird convo - I'm not even planning to actually DO an ultra (any time soon anyway...probably) but now I want to just to prove her wrong...

Ha! I signed up for my ultra when while I was talking about it with one of my patients she said "you're not that hardcore of a runner" literally while she was doing her exercises I hit the register button.

[cookies]

itsme - thank you! It helps to know that not everyone's husband is (or wasn't) supportive 100% of the time. He's really great, but sometimes these arguments come up after I feel like we're ok with the way things are going and I feel blindsided, so I don't respond very well. We'll figure it out.

[jaylea]

Jun 7, 2017 14:10:30 GMT -5 mysticmuffin said:

My nurse last week was a peach with her "do you dooooo anything for exercise?" Luckily H was there to head her off with my tri training because I was about to explode her head with my eyeball lasers. Just because I'm fat doesn't mean I sit on my couch and eat potato chips all day.

Grrr! Last year during my biometric screen, I had awesome bp, cholesterol, sugar. I told the nurse I was training for a half, had already run a 10k the week before, and also worked out with weights at the work gym.

Then she pointed out that she had to tell my I was overweight per my bmi. So I asked her what she recommended I do to fix that given my activity level and health status. "Nothing."

That's what I thought.

[emilyj]

wambam venice2007 That gem was from Saturday. We had flown home from Scotland on Friday. I...don't know what it had to do with it. Apparently there is some rule I'm not aware of about when you can work out when you travel internationally?

[wawa]

Jun 7, 2017 14:49:38 GMT -5 cookies said:

itsme - thank you! It helps to know that not everyone's husband is (or wasn't) supportive 100% of the time. He's really great, but sometimes these arguments come up after I feel like we're ok with the way things are going and I feel blindsided, so I don't respond very well. We'll figure it out.

I totally feel you.  So many conversations in my house about budget and time and what gets my time and what doesn't and so forth and so on.
Of course my weirdo H's response to feeling left out and not understanding why I wanted to do all this was to start doing it with me.
He still think running is bullshit, but we do enjoy biking and swimming together.  The making of the schedule and the keeping of the budget are still a bit fraught, but....it's better now.  He no longer says stupid things about whether I'm doing training right.  So that's awesome.

My triBestie struggles with it with her H a lot more.  They keep reaching an uneasy truce on the matter and then it'll randomly blow up again.  Sometimes it's just hard when you care a lot about something that seems silly to your loved one.  And sometimes it's hard because there's an underlying communications issue, and sometimes it's just this one off thing where you don't see eye to eye.

[mrs.jacinthe]

Jun 7, 2017 14:10:30 GMT -5 mysticmuffin said:

My nurse last week was a peach with her "do you dooooo anything for exercise?" Luckily H was there to head her off with my tri training because I was about to explode her head with my eyeball lasers. Just because I'm fat doesn't mean I sit on my couch and eat potato chips all day.

Oh God, so much this.

The side eye I got when I told my cardiologist's nurse that I was concerned about my cardiac health because of being an endurance swimmer (and therefore often outside of cell service) was epic. Yes lady, not everyone in the endurance community looks like a professional marathoner.

[cookies]

Jun 7, 2017 15:32:54 GMT -5 wawa said:

Jun 7, 2017 14:49:38 GMT -5 cookies said:

itsme - thank you! It helps to know that not everyone's husband is (or wasn't) supportive 100% of the time. He's really great, but sometimes these arguments come up after I feel like we're ok with the way things are going and I feel blindsided, so I don't respond very well. We'll figure it out.

I totally feel you.  So many conversations in my house about budget and time and what gets my time and what doesn't and so forth and so on.
Of course my weirdo H's response to feeling left out and not understanding why I wanted to do all this was to start doing it with me.
He still think running is bullshit, but we do enjoy biking and swimming together.  The making of the schedule and the keeping of the budget are still a bit fraught, but....it's better now.  He no longer says stupid things about whether I'm doing training right.  So that's awesome.

My triBestie struggles with it with her H a lot more.  They keep reaching an uneasy truce on the matter and then it'll randomly blow up again.  Sometimes it's just hard when you care a lot about something that seems silly to your loved one.  And sometimes it's hard because there's an underlying communications issue, and sometimes it's just this one off thing where you don't see eye to eye.

Yes!!! Exactly!! I think for us, this often bubbles to the surface when he's feeling neglected by me. So the running becomes something he targets as a time and energy suck. And to be honest, I haven't been all there lately. I'm preoccupied for sure. But that's due to life craziness in general. Running is all that is keeping me together and it's hard to convey that.

It felt good to get this out. I was stewing. Ha.

[Wines Not Whines]

I think my vent is about myself! I've been struggling with Imposter Syndrome lately, in all areas of my life. With H&F, I feel like I'm not in as good of shape as I was last year, and I worry I can't keep up with my running group. I've only run a couple of races, but my times weren't good. In reality, I've been fine running with my friends (although sometimes I slow down at the end), but I worry they think I'm the loser who can't keep up. I don't know what's wrong with me. No one has said anything to me. I'm pretty sure this is all in my head.

[awick14]

My MIL used to bug me all the time about how running is bad for my knees/joints or how boring it must be. She would go on and on about why I shouldn't run, but now SIL (MILs daughter) runs and it's all about how wonderful running is...

[sadlebred]

Jun 8, 2017 4:21:10 GMT -5 Wines Not Whines said:

I think my vent is about myself! I've been struggling with Imposter Syndrome lately, in all areas of my life. With H&F, I feel like I'm not in as good of shape as I was last year, and I worry I can't keep up with my running group.

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way! Remember that life is cyclic. Some years we are rockstars at our job/being a parent/some other hobby or thing and maybe a little less fit/a bit slower. Other years we put those other things on the backburner to rock in our fitness pursuits. Some years it is a balance. You are keeping up with your friends, so have fun!!!!

[wambam]

Jun 8, 2017 10:19:37 GMT -5 @vtcupcake said:

"I don't know why you work out so hard, it's not like you're going to win any of your races" (said to me by someone that has DNFed all but one race she's done in the past year)

This is making flames shoot of my eyes

[wawa]

Jun 8, 2017 10:35:02 GMT -5 @vtcupcake said:

Jun 8, 2017 10:32:10 GMT -5 wambam said:

This is making flames shoot of my eyes

She's a raging cuntwaffle.

Also...she'd be a raging cuntwaffle regardless because fuck you, personal goals are what they are without "winning" involved, but I have PERSONALLY WATCHED YOU STAND ON A MOTHERFUCKING PODIUM. 

[thom]

I think clearly we needed this today.

I'm sorry there are so many ignorant, ridiculous comments that make us need this today.

cookies - I hear you. I think most couples must deal with some level of this. My H isn't unsupportive, but if I'm running a lot and always talking about it I think he feels a little resentful that he doesn't have time for his hobbies. I don't have time, I MAKE time, but I know it's harder for him to carve out time for things that he wants to do. Like fishing.

Now that I'm getting in better shape and seeing progress, I know I would rather be running than doing most other things. Maybe it's bad to admit that, but I will admit it here. I suppose my H senses that a little, so I try to be cognizant of making family activities a priority when we can carve out time.

Anyway, lately I've tried really hard to do my running super early when everyone is still asleep or to run w DS in the jogger. Our schedule is so nuts in summer that we both need our outlets. If I try not to let my running infringe on our lives too much it's easier for everyone. And then when I do have a race or a big training run coming up H is usually more willing to be accommodating and excited for me.

Otherwise I think I've been too busy to hear or register stupid judgey comments lately. Small blessings.

[secretlyevil]

Man, I'm sorry you all have gotten this kind of toxic commentary, etc. I haven't dealt with the kind of level you all have. That really sucks. I don't understand why people think it's their place to say anything?

H and I have budget conversations once in a blue moon. Trying to remember if I've ever had commentary like some of the above. Not really, there's been a few times a co-worker or family member tries to say something but I cut that off real quick.