NWP related - neighbor problem

[traveltheworld]

My parents live on the top floor of a low-rise condo.  They have a large wrap-around balcony.  Due to the fact that DH is out of town a lot and I work late sometimes, our kids (5 and 2 years old) are over there a lot during the early evenings.  On average, I'd say they are there 4 times a week from 5:30 - 7:30.  They like playing out on the balcony - sometimes they chase each other around.  DS is loud.  We try to impose a "no running" rule, but it doesn't always work.

A lady downstairs has complained to the condo board that my kids make too much noise.  The condo board told her that there's nothing it can do since we don't live there.  Tonight she came upstairs and started yelling at my mom; by the time I got to the door, she stormed off before I really had a chance to talk to her. Anyways, DH thinks we should just ignore her, but I'm leaning towards going down to talk to her and try and figure out what is causing the biggest issue.  I should go talk to her right?  Part of the problem is that I absolutely can't handle confrontations with people in normal social settings so I'm totally over-thinking this.  Should I bring DS (5)?  It may help to enforce the "no running" rule if he hears it from someone other than me?

[freezorburn]

From my apartment-dwelling days, I know these things can be tough to manage. It's possible that, depending on the characteristics of the building, the pitter patter of little feet might sound like a herd of elephants to her. I remember living in an apartment years ago, where every time my upstairs neighbors opened and closed their bypass closet doors, it sounded like they were operating a bowling alley upstairs. There was nothing to be done about it, it was just the way the building was. There were rules about floors coverings to muffle sound, which I'm not sure they were following. But we never got around to doing anything to address it.

I think it couldn't hurt to at least try to diffuse the situation by talking to her directly and acknowledging the imposition that the noise presents to her. She may need/want to vent.

And then, how do you solve the problem? It does no good to talk to her and then do nothing, right?

Is there somewhere that your parents can take the kids to burn off some energy before dinner? A playground nearby, perhaps? Or maybe some organized activity going on at that hour. Or, can your parents watch the kids at your place?

[mustardseed2007]

If you go talk to her I would try to say, "I know you're upset, we'd like to try to help...maybe even: we have some ideas and this is what we're going to do. We'd like more information from you so we can try and figure out of that will help." That will help diffuse any anger, hopefully, if she knows you're trying to take her into account.

I wouldn't take your DS, you don't know if the lady is batshit crazy or just being driven crazy by noise. I think you'll be able to tell that really early in your conversation.

[ECB]

Good for you for wanting to work something out with this woman. But really? If you can't handle noise in the early evening like this, she should re-evaluate her choice to live in a condo. I get it that the kids aren't a part of the "norm", but wehn you live in an apartment environment, you just don't know what you're going to get.

[2chatter]

Would twinmomma's outdoor rug help?

I'd want to try for a solution THEN talk to her..

[traveltheworld]

Jun 22, 2017 23:46:37 GMT -5 freezorburn said:

From my apartment-dwelling days, I know these things can be tough to manage. It's possible that, depending on the characteristics of the building, the pitter patter of little feet might sound like a herd of elephants to her. I remember living in an apartment years ago, where every time my upstairs neighbors opened and closed their bypass closet doors, it sounded like they were operating a bowling alley upstairs. There was nothing to be done about it, it was just the way the building was. There were rules about floors coverings to muffle sound, which I'm not sure they were following. But we never got around to doing anything to address it.

I think it couldn't hurt to at least try to diffuse the situation by talking to her directly and acknowledging the imposition that the noise presents to her. She may need/want to vent.

And then, how do you solve the problem? It does no good to talk to her and then do nothing, right?

Is there somewhere that your parents can take the kids to burn off some energy before dinner? A playground nearby, perhaps? Or maybe some organized activity going on at that hour. Or, can your parents watch the kids at your place?

Unfortunately 5:30 is pretty much when the kids have to be in the condo.  My mom is making dinner and my Dad is not the kind to take them out and run around.  And our nanny takes them to the park every afternoon, so by 5:30, they generally don't want to go back out.  Having my parents watch the kids at our place also wouldn't work as my Dad is: (a) pretty stubborn about eating dinner in his own home and (b) thinks the lady is just crazy.  In a way I can see their point - the kids are there for 2 hours max, 1 of which is spent eating dinner, so it can't possibly be that disruptive.

I think the problem is that 5:30 is right around when she gets home from work, so I can see it being super annoying to have worked a long day, then come home to noisy children.  My tentative solution to the problem is to try and find out where they are the loudest, then get the kids to play in a different part of the condo.  If it's inside, we can put more carpets down.

I'm going to go talk to her tonight.  My parents are leaving for a 4 week vacation starting tomorrow, so hopefully it'll give her the illusion of things improving and be less aggressive about it when my parents are back.  

[k3am]

I'm probably the odd man out, but I wouldn't bother.

Normal noises are expected during normal times of day. A kid running around? That's a normal noise. Now if you were having dance parties at 1 am, then it's justified, but 5:30? Nah.

If the woman expects perfect peace and quiet at 5:30, then condo life probably isn't the life for her.

[mommyatty]

I think I would ignore her too. There doesn't seem to be anything to be done about it. And an hour a day of the sounds of kids playing? Really? I wish this woman had real problems to deal with.

[frozenpeas]

She sounds a little grumpy. I'd have the kids draw her a picture to cheer her up. But I tend to be passive-aggressive when people seem eyeroll-worthy to me.

[ECB]

I definitely had the same thought initially as k3am and mommyatty. big picture, this woman shouldn't live in a condo if kids making noise at 5:30 is seriously a problem.

BUT as your parents have to live with and deal with this woman - I'll throw in this anecdote. A friend moved into a new home. They moved their playset to the new house (same neighborhood, had permission from the HOA to do this).

A neighbor behind them came tearing out of his house and got all in my friends face about what an eye sore this playset will be, it's not the right colors, etc etc etc. Really pissed off.

Initially my friend did go off - it was moving day, he's got a crap load of stuff to do, his KIDS were right there and witnessed this - and basically put the guy in his place.

The next day, though, he decided to go over and talk to the neighbor. Apologized for yelling, understands this guy doesn't want to look at a play set and offered to go with the guy to Home Depot, pick out a bush, and he'd plant the bush between the playset and his house so that he wouldn't have to look at it.

Long story short- my friend SOOOOO did not need to do this. But he did, the neighbor was happy, and they moved on to have a good, neighborly relationship.

The neighbors wife also brought over brownies and apologized for her DH. SHe even recognized he overreacted and was in the wrong!

While I don't think I would have offered to buy a bush and plant it, the point is that by extending a bit of an olive branch, it may make this woman back off and stop being a pain. In the end, it's your parents who are going to have to deal with her. Not you.

OR you'll find out that she really is just a raging bitch and nothing will make her happy and you and you;re parents can adjust how you interact with her in the future. Which I don't think is a bad thing either (knowing if she's unreasonable or not).

[traveltheworld]

Jun 23, 2017 10:45:43 GMT -5 frozenpeas said:

She sounds a little grumpy. I'd have the kids draw her a picture to cheer her up. But I tend to be passive-aggressive when people seem eyeroll-worthy to me.

LOL.  I'm pretty passive aggressive too - part of the reason why I want to take DS with me is to force her to explain why my kids can't run around to my incredibly cute-looking son  

[billie]

I've lived in apartments for YEARS and I think she's way off base. Rules here are no noise after 10 PM. Normal life noises at 5:30 to 7:30? Sorry bro.

Do you know what the condo rules say? That's always helpful to know.

I would try to talk to her once. Apologize, try to understand what's bothering her (running? Yelling? Dropping toys?) and see if there's anything you can do to mitigate the noise.

Like others said, sometimes offering an olive branch goes a long way. Brought to you by the fact that a neighbor parked in my spot this week and I complained. If he'd apologized, I would've moved on, but he didn't and that makes me even madder than the initial problem.

[HeartofCheese]

I would try to keep noise down, but probably not talk to her. You could try to block off an area of the patio for the kids to stay in which will also slow them down. You could introduce them to screen time before dinner. I second (or third?) the rug idea.

After that, if she complains again, you can say you tried these things but there's not much more you can do about the sound of kids' feet before dinner.

[shakinros]

So what happened traveltheworld? She apologized and promised to calm the f down? Yes?

[traveltheworld]

She wasn't home so we never got to talk to her. Coincidentally, we were both out on our respective balconys earlier around noon and I could hear every word from her side. At one point they were laughing so loud that DS, who has no filter because he is five, said very loudly :"wow those people are very noisy right mommy?" To which I responded (in a louder voice than usual hoping it'll carry) that it's really no big deal and we are all just trying to enjoy the wonderful summer weather. 😝

Will try and talk to her at some point during the week.