Post by dizzycooks on Jun 27, 2017 14:16:03 GMT -5
How do you handle when the kids don't listen the first time? Or how do you work on listening skills? For example, the big girls are to ask to be excused and then clear their dishes. Dd1 will ask to be excused and then leave the room, I'll tell her she needs to do her dishes and she replies "I'm going X, I'll do it in a minute." My thoughts are, no, you'll do it now and then you can do X. This is one example, but the general "offenses" are about this level. Thoughts? I feel like we are constantly battling this, but I'd rather battle small things now bc as exhausting as it is, it won't be better when she's 12 if we let small stuff slip.
I don't know. We are totally struggling with this EXACT SAME ISSUE. I feel like I'm always yelling at them. I keep considering but not implementing some kind of reward system. Right now, I just say, "No, you need to do what I asked now. You can do X later!" Just like you suggested, and I have grumbling and complaining.
I also have a huge issue with something like, "kids, get your shoes on! We're getting ready to go!" And then I go change the 2 year old's diaper or something and come back, and no one has moved to get their shoes on. Basically, it's become a big thing with me just recently so I am relentlessly nagging them about it and just trying to not let them get away with it. I.e. "Hey, I asked you to get your shoes on! Why are you all still here? Get your shoes on the first time I ask, please."
I am SURE there is a better way but I don't have any good ideas yet. You are definitely not alone!!! It IS exhausting.
I think this sort of behavior is age appropriate (testing boundaries etc), so I don't think you are necessarily setting her up for poor behavior later down the line. You might want her to explain to you how the next few steps will go. So before you sit down to dinner ask her how dinner will go and she can tell you sit down, have dinner, clear plate to kitchen, then I plan to do X and you will agree. Later when it's time to clear plates you can remind her she set the course and you expect her to stick to it. We did this a lot with DS1 when he was three/four. It managed his expectations and when he thinks things are his idea he is more likely to follow through.
nicolewi someone once told me children often don't hear you so to touch them when you are talking to them. Llike rest your hand on their shoulder and say please get your shoes on so it actually registers in their brain.
So a couple of thoughts. First, I read sometime that it does take younger kids longer to hear you, process it and then respond than expected. So for example, if you ask a 5 or 6yo to do a chore you should give extra time to respond. I learned to first make sure they are hearing me. Often calling their name, making eye contact and then waiting 10 seconds. I literally, counted to ten and gave them time to respond. It's worked well for years.
As for now (they're older) and regular expected chores, like clearing plates, emptying lunch boxes, hanging back packs. I give a reminder and again...wait.
I also try to use natural consequences when possible. Clearing plate before screentime if it wasn't done. If they don't empty their lunch bags, they will not have their favorite thermos and/or water bottles the next day. They will get a sandwich instead of soup since the thermos was not run through the dishwasher. Clothes not placed in the hamper means they might not have their super hero shirt for super monday. That kind of thing.
If its something bigger, set a discipline and follow through. HTH
Ahhh yes this is a struggle. Ds is 4 so that means he definitely tests my patience with listening. One trick I stole from my teacher friend is to say eyeballs until he looks at me. Having him stop what he's doing and make eye contact when I ask him to put his shoes on, brush teeth or whatever helps most of the time. Another tactic I use is to say you can't do x (say watch his show or play Legos) until you do y (what I asked) and that usually works ok. Kids man!!!
The main thing is I make sure they know the rules before we engage in an activity. Before we go into a store we talk about appropriate behavior, before dinner we talk about appropriate dinner behavior.
I try to get better about not telling them to do something while I'm engaged in another activity or they are engaged in another activity. I'm the queen of packing lunches and telling the kids to put on their shoes while they are playing with toys. They aren't listening and they don't take my request seriously. (On a good day) I stop what I'm doing, make eye contact and make my request. It goes over much better.
It is SO HARD! They out number me, lol. I know all of this. Clearly I need to do better. @tooshort I do the exact same thing. "I'm gonna change the baby, put your shoes on and we will go".
It is SO HARD! They out number me, lol. I know all of this. Clearly I need to do better. @tooshort I do the exact same thing. "I'm gonna change the baby, put your shoes on and we will go".
I'm sure they immediately start thinking, "she'll be gone for a while" or "I have a few more minutes to play before I need to get my shoes on".
Yes, I'm sure that's what they are doing here, too. "She's going to do something else, so I don't need to start getting ready yet."