What is your bedroom to your kids?

[xctsclrx]

This might be an odd question, but it has been a continual fight in my house for the past few months.

DH wants our bedroom to be off limits to DS. He wants it to be our sanctuary and get DS in the habit of not coming in unless invited. Looking back I can kind of remember that my parent's were like that kind of. My mom never really did laundry so I would have to come in in the mornings and go through the clothes to find something to wear. My dad was already out of the house so there was never any chance of me walking into anything. From my understanding both of his parents (separate households) made their rooms off limits too.

I will say that this is the rule with our older boys. They have to knock before entry and have to wait before they are invited into the room. I started dating their dad when they were 4 and 6. Those were not the rules then because the only bathroom in the apartment was in our room. I think it was more like 7 and 9 when we were able to enforce those rules. Now they are both teenagers and it isn't an issue. 

DS is 2.5 and he can't dress himself, brush his own teeth and he is not potty trained yet. For me it is easier to have him come into our room in the morning and I dress him downstairs, brush his teeth and change in in our room/bathroom. At night I give him a bath in our bathroom so I can get things done and still keep an eye/ear out for him. DH wants me to do all this upstairs in his bathroom, because he wants our room to be off limits. Currently the arrangement is if I a doing the tasks I do where I want and vice versa.


What do you guys do? I am thinking I might be off here, but I at least want DS to be able to dress himself and brush his teeth before I make the adjustment.  

[mellym]

I've never thought about this before maybe because that's not the way it was with our parents. We always keep our doors open and actually have a rule that the kids can't close doors (finger slams). There have been plenty of weekends where they come in and wake us up and then we snuggle in our bed or watch movies in there as a family. Our bathroom also has the big bathtub so they usually take baths in there and same as you it lets me take care of things in our room - pick out clothes for next day, fold laundry, etc. Our kids are still young yet but I think we will stick to the open policy.

[twinmomma]

Our bedroom isn't off limits to our kids, but they really don't go in there much. I'd say the only times they come in our room are:
- To wake us up on weekends, but it's when their alarm clock turns green and it's ok to do so
- If anyone has a nightmare in the middle of the night
- If I'm folding laundry or working on my laptop, they might pop their heads in to say hi for a few minutes

I don't think we've ever made it a hard and fast rule that our room is "off limits" but we definitely tell them that there's no reason for them to be in there and they don't need to go in there. Our house is a tiny cape, so the second floor is a landing that's like 2 ft x 2 ft with a bedroom door on either side. So it's not like we can really "escape" them anyway.

In your situation, I think I'm with your DH. I'd start using your son's bathroom and bedroom so that he gets in that habit young. Otherwise I think when he gets older you'll have a hard time kicking him out.

[xctsclrx]

twinmomma, I think I get where he is coming from, it just means I have to stop being lazy and actually walk the stairs more. ugh.

Side question though: When did your girls get the concept of the clock. I am thinking of getting DS one due the fact that he was up at 0515 this morning and he is not a a good snuggler.

[judyblume14]

We haven't thought about this yet. My older daughter will be 3yo in two months. We spend most of our awake time downstairs. but on the weekends, in the morning, she will come into our room and climb up into our bed to wake us up. Other than that, she doesn't go in there much (because we're not in there).

I guess maybe when both girls are older, potty trained and more independent, we might shut the bedroom door and require that the knock to enter. But right now, we're not fazed.

[twinmomma]

xctsclrx, We bought it when they were like, 3, I think? We've been using it for a while. We have the "Ok To Wake" clock that looks like a green alien. It's been great! They caught on pretty fast. We used to even use it for nap times too. They know they're not allowed out of their room until it turns green and follow that rule pretty strictly. If they oversleep on the weekend and miss the half hour window of time when it stays green, they'll even stay in their room until we come get them.

[erinshelley21]

I'm with your H. I would like for our room to be off limits or invite only. Our room doesn't have to be off limits, but it's also not going to be a free for all. DS doesn't go in there unless one of us is in there. Plus I'm afraid if we make it off limits, he's just going to want in there even more. Like twinmomma though, there is no escaping in our house unless you go outside lol. If we add a master suite on to our house, it will become our sanctuary. The kids will have a bathroom and that will be the bathroom they use.

I never used my parents bathroom, but there room also wasn't "off limits" either.

[rere]

I tell Dh we should have built a 1 bed 1 bath house because the kids always want in our room and want to use our stand up shower. So clearly we have no rule. They often watch TV in our room, because we don't allow TV in their rooms, but I will kick them out pretty swiftly if I want to lie down.

[frozenpeas]

Our bedroom, and every other room in the house aside from the basement, is a free-for-all. Even with arguably a lot of room, we know no boundaries & have no concept of personal space. I imagine that will have to change as they get older, but I'm too tired to make up & enforce rules about it now.

[welly01]

I think 2.5 is a little early to make the bedroom off limits (and I totally get it being easier to do things in your bedroom vs upstairs), but maybe start making small adjustments so that by the time he's 3-3.5 you can start enforcing an off limits rule? We've coslept with both our kids and still regularly bring DD (almost 2) into our bed when she wakes up at night. DS (4.5) still occasionally sneaks into our bed during the night. Both kids are in and out of our room in the morning while everyone is getting ready for work/school. This morning DS asked me what my menstrual cup was (and I told him...I hope I didn't scar him for life), so I'm definitely starting to consider at what age do I need to start telling him to stay out of our room. For me this also brings up the issue of when do I need to stop being naked in front of him. We haven't started enforcing any off limit rules but I think that time is quickly approaching.

[k3am]

Our room is fair game. We try to keep them out if we're not in it, but we will let DD watch TV in there by herself occasionally.

[jlaok]

I actually have had this conversation recently. Our room/bathroom is a free-for-all. The kids want to snuggle in the morning, use my bathroom instead of their own, try on all my shoes in my closet, wrestle on my bed, etc.

Growing up we never went into my parents room. It bothered me that DS and DD would come into ours all the time but I want to raise them closer and more open than I was with my parents so I'm trying to get over it.

What I am trying to enforce is that my room is not a playground. That it is a special privileged if that get to watch TV in there and that they need to ask if they can use my bathroom instead of just assuming they can. We are also enforcing that they need to knock, ask to come in, and wait for a reply if the room or bathroom door is closed.

[2chatter]

The OK to Wake owl on Amazon saved us with early mornings!

We bathe the kids in our bathroom, too. DS will probably start to shower this year so we will get our room back.

DD ate all of my M&Ms yesterday afternoon - in my nightstand - so I am about to make the rule to stay out of our room.

Exceptions:
Waking
Saying good night
Movies or shows with permission
Reading in our bed on Monday nights together

No hanging out in our room unless by invitation.

[billie]

I never really made a rule, but in general we are almost never in our bedroom during the day so it's just not a place to hang out.

DD gets dressed in her room and she and DS get showers/baths in their bathroom.

I also remember having to knock/not hanging out in my parents' bedroom but I think it was enforced when I was a little older, maybe 7 - 8. I think it's natural to both give and also expect a little more privacy once they're a bit older and don't require constant supervision.

[callmekd]

our room is open to all - because my kids are little. right now DD1 usually watches TV while I finish getting ready in the morning (she's an early bird). on the weekends, we all hang out in our bed because again, I have a couple of early birds. now that the babies are rolling, they can't be on our bed unsupervised, so they get to hang out on the floor with DD1.

I also workout in our room, and have anywhere from 0-3 kids hanging out with me during the workouts.

I also think if I told DD1 that our room was by invitation she only, she would tell me that her room is also by invitation only....

[olenka]

Our room is open, but I was just thinking this morning (because child got up early and I found her coloring at the dining room table) that she never goes in there much.

[sudokufan]

Our room is open; partly because we like it that way, partly because our bathroom is the only one upstairs and we're not comfortable with DS going down the stairs at night yet.

Although, honestly, it's 90% that way because the damn cat hates closed doors and she runs the place.

[mellym]

How do you get your grown mother to stay out of your master bedroom/bathroom? Every time she comes over, she finds her way into our room for some reason and even uses our master bath. WTF!?

[sdlaura]

On this same topic, how do you handle kids coming over and wanting to play upstairs/in their bedrooms vs downstairs/in the main living space?

My kids (almost 5 and 3) like to show off their bedrooms, I think, but there aren't many toys there and their bedrooms end up messy/destroyed whenever they go up there, and sometimes they have gone into my room (which I have made clear is not ok to play in with friends).

Should I just ban them from upstairs entirely when they have friends over?

[twinmomma]

sdlaura, We banned upstairs play after the girls had a friend over, showed off their room unbeknownst to me, and friend said "Wow, your bedroom is really messy." Cue me dying of embarrassment. Our upstairs is like that closet that you throw everything in and close the door when company comes over.

[waverly]

I don't want them in my bedroom when I am not around because they were destroying things. They are allowed to now, as long as they don't mess anything up (and it's not very often that they go in there). We don't have a master bath, and they get changed most of the time in their own rooms. They will occasionally come in to get dressed if they don't want to be alone. We don't co-sleep and kids are older, 6 and 4. 6 year old will come in some mornings to cuddle. The 4 year old sleeps in.

sdlaura, if it bothers you- you can make them stay downstairs. I don't care anymore, but when they were little I had them stay downstairs.

[xctsclrx]

mellym, Um I have no idea. My mother knows better. I guess I kind of make it clear too. I show her where the bathroom is upstairs with towels and I keep soap and shampoo up there for her. If she wanted to take a bath in my tub she would ask. I would probably say yes. She has never asked.

[xctsclrx]

sdlaura, When I was a kid my friends and I always went to the rooms to play. To be away from the parents. I will probably do the same for DS when he is older.

[2chatter]

waverly - did we all know you were here/back?!!!!!

[waverly]

2chatter, I just posted a I'm baaaaack post.

[callmekd]

Jun 30, 2017 13:49:49 GMT -5 2chatter said:

waverly - did we all know you were here/back?!!!!!

This! Hi waverly!

[indyrowergirl]

Jun 30, 2017 9:34:26 GMT -5 rere said:

I tell Dh we should have built a 1 bed 1 bath house because the kids always want in our room and want to use our stand up shower. So clearly we have no rule. They often watch TV in our room, because we don't allow TV in their rooms, but I will kick them out pretty swiftly if I want to lie down.

+1 to this.

[ilovelucyvv]

Our bedroom is almost a second living room or play room for them. It usually has random toys in it that need to be put away

[ECB]

Our master is right off our living room and sometimes our bathroom is the easiest one to get to. Sometimes even at the age of 8, DS wil come down in the morning and crawl into bed with me/us and watch TV -which means I get more "laze in bed" time.

So, needless to say, our bedroom isn't off limits. IDK. I don't feel right telling DS there is a room he's not allowed to come into. Plus, I don't want him to try and turn this on us as he gets older!! "If I can't come into your room, you can't come into mine'. While I'll want him to have his privacy, I don't want there to be any "keeping people out" of rooms. I don't like the "this is my house/I pay the bills" card either to explain different rules for him vs us.

As far as his room goes- if he has one or two friends over, I'll let them go to his room to play. More than that? His room is off limits. We've learned our lesson on that front- it would be a MESS afterwards and i didn't want yet another room to clean if we had friends over.

The one time our room is off limits is when DS has friends over. 2 boys in particular - if DS even walks into our room to ask me a question, these 2 kids come trailing in right after him. That's when I say "No kids in our room!!" And make them all leave. But then I also pretty much am like "you all need to play in the playroom or outside" because they'll try to come in the living room too to play. Nope - we have a playroom for a reason!!

[vasc]

We have a first floor master. While I wouldn't say DD has open access to it, she certainly can go in to use the toilet. There are no toys or TV in there. We don't hang out in there. I guess we've unintentionally just made it an undesirable place to be.