Open Letters

[twinmomma]

Who do you need to have a chat with? 

[twinmomma]

Dear DH,
I've been asking for weeks if we have to fill out any paperwork for summer camp, even though you're staff. I figured they'd at least require something with the kids' names and a waiver or something. You assured me that you hadn't heard anything. Until last night, when you realized an email you got 3 weeks ago had a link to the form we needed to send back, including sizes for a tshirt order. Camp starts on Sunday! Now we look like jerks who haven't responded. It's a good thing our close friends are the ones who run this thing and they understand you and your flakiness. If it was anyone else, I'm pretty sure our kids would be kicked out!
Signed,
Wife who cannot handle literally every detail

PS - As a stay at home dad this summer, this is one of those things that I would think you'd handle...

Dear DD1,
I'm sorry you get so annoyed by your "twin" identity. When you found out you were meeting another set of identical twins this weekend and your response was "Wow, so they know what it feels like to be like this?" it broke my heart. And made me feel a lot better about splitting you up for kindergarten. You clearly need some space to grow on your own. Now, let's work on more polite responses to strangers at the park who ask the dreaded "Are you twins?" question. You can't give them attitude and snippy responses. Even though I'm right there with you.
Love,
Momma

Dear self,
What are you going to do for a week with no kids and no husband around?! The possibilities are endless!
Signed,
Me

[xctsclrx]

Dear twinmomma,

I am so jealous.

Signed.
me

Dear DH,

I love this spontaneous trip we are going on. I can't wait for six flags. I also can't wait until DS is old enough to go. For now though we will have fun with our older boys and DS will have fun with his grandmother.

Love,

your excited wife

[judyblume14]

Dear twinmomma, enjoy your week "off!" Since you're starting training for your half, you should probably make time for some tootsie TLC - a nice pedicure!

Dear H,
Thanks for being so for being swell this weekend. From helping me set up and host a little get-together for friends, to taking charge of the toddler during a family pool party. You're always pretty awesome, but it was extra-appreciated this weekend!


DD1,
I'm gonna need you to (literally) but your big girl panties on this weekend. Potty training is going to be AWESOME, I just know it.
Love, Mama who refuses to put this off any longer

DD2,
As per, you're the cutest!

[erinshelley21]

Dear Asshole that works for me,
I swear if I hear one shitty comment about how I had to tear the pages out of a report you were working on to send to your client I will probably come unglued. You didn't answer my texts and he needed it within the hour. Also, I'm sorry that your paycheck will be delayed by about 4 days and you're just going to have to deal with that too. If you hadn't demanded so much money the first couple of years, or I don't know, sold more business, this wouldn't happen. I realize I agreed to the amount you were paid, but I also expected you to perform a lot better. Finally, you better get your feet set for a tough conversation in a few weeks. This IS your last year, whether its our last year or not. It is not my fault you had trouble paying your taxes when you file them quarterly. I fully intend to talk to you like I do my 3 year old and already have the response "whining and crying will not change my answer" ready to go. He catches on pretty quickly so I suggest you do the same.
Signed, Don't you dare make me the bad guy either

Dear WP,
Sorry for that unloading. I am dreading the tough conversations with him. I know I'm the business owner that you all complain about having to delay paychecks, but mine are delayed too. I'm sitting here wondering if it's better to pay the bills or pay my brother and me on time. Money is coming Monday so we almost made it.
Signed, erinshelley

[saraml13]

Dear vacation,
Please don't be a complete disaster. I know we are tempting fate by flying with a toddler and baby. Also, I'm starting to get worried that we have too many days planned to just hang around our friends' beach house with them and another couple. Please let us have fun and the boys not be bouncing off the walls.
Signed
Traveler

Dear DH,
I'm doing literally everything for this trip to see your friends. A beach trip via airplane with two little kids does not magically happen. You clearly have no idea how much time I have spent coordinating baby gear with our hosts, thinking through all the logistics of travel and the beach itself, doing a ton of laundry, and packing. So when I try to have a conversation with you about logistics, stop copping a freaking attitude.
Signed
Pissed off travel planner

Dear DS2,
I know you are getting another tooth and it sucks. But it is not cool to bite me every time I try to feed you.
Signed
Counting down to 12 months

[Covergirl82]

Dear DD,

You have slept in your bed all night the last 3 nights! Woohoo! I really hope this lasts. The uninterrupted sleep is good for everyone (even if you were just coming to lay next to my side of the bed, both of us still woke up briefly).

Also, as much as I really wanted you to like learning to play the piano, you really haven't shown much enthusiasm/interest in practicing after the first month, and now it's been 6 months. We'll take a break (because I'm seriously tired of forcing you to practice (because I have to help) and paying for lessons when you don't enjoy them) and see if you change your mind in a few months. But at least you are interested in gymnastics now, and Daddy and I want you to at least have one interest to pursue.

Love,
Mommy

Dear DS,

How are you going to be 8 already next week? Time is going by way too fast. Now I'm really glad Daddy and I decided to have you go to Young 5's so we have you with us an "extra" year before college. (Although maybe when you're a teenager I'll be ready for you to go to college? I don't know.) And I love that you still call me "Mommy."

Love,
Mommy

[k3am]

Dear Gracie,

Scheduling with you freaking sucks. It's one endless game of "wait for a phone call" from Caterina that inevitably comes while I'm in a meeting and then when I call back, I have to leave a message with you, the gatekeeper. And when I don't get a call back and try again, I get told "you've already called once today. Please be patient." Gracie, you're a poophead.

Signed,
A neurotic person.

[traveltheworld]

Dear Property Management Company:

You have very incompetent staff. It's been a week and we still can't figure out if our tenants believe that we are responsible for routine lawn maintenance. It would be nice to confirm that point. Why is this so hard? And the answer better be no, I believe that tenants should be responsible for mowing the lawn when it's a detached single dwelling. That's been the case with our other house we rented out through you, so if you agreed to some other arrangement with these tenants, you should have told us. We live 200 miles away so we can't come mow it ourselves, and I'm not inclined to hire someone to do it. You are the property management company - manage the property!

Signed,
Greatly annoyed customer

Dear DD,

Please eat. Two mushrooms does not a dinner make.

Signed,
Annoyed mommy

[k3am]

Dear SIL,

I know, you're driving a long way to come pick up your kid from MIL's house and would like to see us. But being said.. YOU'RE DRIVING A LONG WAY. How is it you're waiting until NOW to try to make plans to see us? Because.. we kind of have plans already. But now we look like assholes if we say no.

Signed,
The lady who's probably canceling this weekend's plans... sigh.

[2chatter]

Dear DH,
The kids are on board with a week of thunderstorms at the beach. Please don't be the one who has a temper tantrum. And we are paying $$$ to rent this house so no we aren't going somewhere else and "just spending the money because it's worth it". Suck it up buttercup.

Please be helpful when you land Thursday night - the roof box rental guy moved the appointment to later so now I have to get DD a ride to her game and DS and I will meet her there. I promised DS that he would not have to pick up the box and now he has to. Please please catch the late afternoon instead of evening flight if you can - DS doesn't need to be at a game until 9:30 the night before vaca starts. And I will need help packing the car after - it's on the google calendar from 10-12 Thursday night. Please please please help me?

And before you counter - yes DS and I are going to swim with friends tonight. But I can't load the roof box until Thursday so why not go have fun tonight??

Hoping for the fun, helpful husband I married. Please.

[186momx]

Dear Cindy at Gym
Thank you! You are awesome and so helpful. Thanks for getting DD into the full gym camp next week, that makes my life so much easier. Also thanks for offering up all 3 of your daughters as babysitters for me. My village has just gotten a whole lot bigger!
Grateful WM

DD
Thanks for going with the flow and I'm glad this new funky schedule is causing you to have so much fun that you are exhausted by the time I get home to you in the afternoon.
Stressed but happy mom

Dear Miss S (flaky in-home daycare)
Please refund me my money soon. You are the one who messed up and I really could use the $$$ I prepaid you for services that you couldn't deliver. I could really use it now that I'm paying different teens and camps for DD's care.
Broke Me

Last one I promise
Dear H
Please stop spending money. Also can you take some initiative and help out. The grass has needed to be mowed for over a week and I had to beg and plead last night for you to do it after work today. You seem to have plenty of time for Facebook and helping neighbors but can't help me with out me begging.
I can't be super mom much longer before I break and when I break it won't be pretty
Wife

[HeartofCheese]

DDH,

This is your 7th week of being mostly unkind and extremely entitled which is leaving me exhausted AND enlightened about how much I really need you. During our 2 weeks with my parents, you nearly jeopardized my relationship with them - which is a big no-no. I also am getting too sick of the looks I get when people hear the way you talk to me and the kids. And I'm sick of you denying it when anyone tries to tell you about it. I am now envisioning every moment of my life through the lens of "what would this moment be like if I was divorced?" I keep coming back to this, so I'm hoping that with some time I'll become acclimated to the thought and be able to push through. So I guess what you need to know is that I'm done with you, but don't know yet if I have the courage to take my kids on this journey.

Signed,
Feeling like Little Red Riding Hood except almost 40 and with 2 kids in her basket, the woods are divorce, grandma is grandma, and the wolf is...guess who.

P.S. Sorry, WPs. Probably a little too heavy for a Wednesday.

[xctsclrx]

HeartofCheese, some of the best advice my grandmother gave me was that if I have to constantly defend my SO to my family and friends then I need to take a hard look at my SO. It is actually really good advice since my family is normal. If they have real concerns about the way someone is treating me then maybe I need to take a closer look.

She got married when she was 20 and first thought about leaving about 6 years in. It took her another 9 years to actually leave, and still wishes she had left earlier. She was unhappy for a long time, and her mental health improved drastically within the year of her divorce.

I am not advising that anyone gives up at the first sign of trouble, but if you are more unhappy than happy and nothing has worked to fix the marriage then maybe at least look at options. I am so sorry that you have to even think about this.

[waverly]

Hugs HeartofCheese.

Dear universe, I feel like we are at a turning point. I am trying to make all the best decisions and do what is best for my personal life and job and kids. Sometimes I feel like you are conspiring against me universe. Sometimes I wonder why it's such a struggle and so hard, a million doctor appointments, car repairs etc. I know everyone goes through it and sometimes it's all at once. But man wouldn't it be great instead of ups and downs we just have ups for like 3 months or maybe 6 months? Maybe for everyone on WM. 😀

But anyway I feel like change is in the air and we are trying to change but we just don't have the roadmap or life manual for it to be easy! So instead everything has to be thought through a million times and adjusted on a weekly basis.

[rere]

Dear Contractor,

SHow up and finish for lords sake !!!!!!!!!!!!! &#/$@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear football coach,

In what universe is 6 AM a good time for practice?

Dear people that want to meet,

Since when does I'm open Thursday mean let's meet on Wednesday.

[judyblume14]

Dear House,
Stop falling apart. Since moving in last year, we've fixed/replaced the heat, AC, pool heater and 100 other things. Now we need to fix/replace the water softener and hot water heater? Annoying.
No love from your homeowners who now have the home warranty company on speed dial.

Dear home warranty company,
You provide horrible customer service.

Dear Water Heater Guy,
You came out and diagnosed the problem on Friday. You need to replace one part. How is it that by the end of the day on Tuesday, the part had not yet been ordered?? You and the home warranty company need to stop pointing fingers and someone just needs to fix my shit.

Dear Everyone I come in contact with,
Hope I'm not offending you with my new every other day shower schedule. Showering at MILs, the swim school, etc is a huge pain.

[saraml13]

Dear DH,
When you unexpectedly work late and come home in the middle of bedtime, the following is a lesson of what NOT to do:
1. Immediately ask what's for dinner.
2. Ask if I left a check for the cleaning lady because you forgot to do it again.
3. Rile up DS1 by starting a pillow fight.

[justcheckingin73]

Jul 12, 2017 19:35:00 GMT -5 saraml13 said:

Dear DH,
When you unexpectedly work late and come home in the middle of bedtime, the following is a lesson of what NOT to do:
1. Immediately ask what's for dinner.
2. Ask if I left a check for the cleaning lady because you forgot to do it again.
3. Rile up DS1 by starting a pillow fight.

Wow - not ok.

[ilovelucyvv]

Dear coworkers,
Your bake sale is pitiful. All of the signs and emails I have been getting for that? Maybe you need a new fundraising strategy. We are losing more money paying for you to stand there than you are making.

Signed,
I paid $2 for a few cookies because I felt sorry for you

Dear parents of DD's classmates,
Please some of your RSVP that you are coming to DD's birthday party. I hate to be the nagging parent but she is going to be sad if no one shows up.

Signed,
Mom who already spent too much time and money planning for this

[twinmomma]

Dear office,
This video is going to be so awesome! So please cooperate and don't freak out about being on camera when we pan around you. And I swear to god, if one more skinny, pretty girl tells me that she's afraid she'll look fat on camera, I'm going to flip. I need people to be actors today, not drama queens. When it's all over, you'll thank me. I promise.
Signed,
Marketing Manager

[Covergirl82]

Dear employees whose shift differentials didn't change,

We market price our jobs, which includes reviewing shift differentials. Because we have a meet-the-market pay policy, if we are competitive with market still/already, it means we don't need to unnecessarily increase shift differentials, which would add unnecessary cost to the organization. (You like having a chance to get a merit increase, right?) Shift differentials were lagging market for some of our jobs, so we needed to increase those to stay competitive. I'm sorry if you can't understand basic business and economics. Oh, and suck it up, buttercup.

Signed,
Irritated comp analyst

[mommyatty]

Dear Body,

When you get dehydrated, you get a migraine. When you get a migraine, you get dehydrated. You just got past the migraine with the help of the handy-dandy $80 per pill migraine medicine I took. So please explain why you have peed 3 times in the last hour? I'm trying to hydrate. Peeing out the water so quickly that it's not even warm yet? Uncool. And weird.

Sincerely, Lady Who Hates Migraines

[akafred]

Dear mommyatty,

Do I want to know how you know your pee isn't warm yet?

I hope you feel better soon! Migraines SUCK!

Fred

[k3am]

Jul 12, 2017 19:35:00 GMT -5 saraml13 said:

Dear DH,
When you unexpectedly work late and come home in the middle of bedtime, the following is a lesson of what NOT to do:
1. Immediately ask what's for dinner.
2. Ask if I left a check for the cleaning lady because you forgot to do it again.
3. Rile up DS1 by starting a pillow fight.

And this is why DH gets text messages to not come home after I've put the kids in the bath...

[saraml13]

Jul 13, 2017 14:44:02 GMT -5 k3am said:

Jul 12, 2017 19:35:00 GMT -5 saraml13 said:

Dear DH,
When you unexpectedly work late and come home in the middle of bedtime, the following is a lesson of what NOT to do:
1. Immediately ask what's for dinner.
2. Ask if I left a check for the cleaning lady because you forgot to do it again.
3. Rile up DS1 by starting a pillow fight.

And this is why DH gets text messages to not come home after I've put the kids in the bath...

Yeah, I really wish that if he's going to be home late, that he come home really late.

[erinshelley21]

Dear self,
You will not look like Carrie Underwood if you eat things like donut holes. Get it together.
Love, self

[186momx]

Dear DD and my Sis
What is going on today? DD has called me twice in tears. I've gotten umpteen text messages and she is constantly in a time out or being sent to her room. Thanks for the free babysitting Sis but I think this will be the last time you watch DD all day as you guys just can't mesh.
Big Sis

FYI my sister is 24 in grad school to be a high school teacher and works as an athletic trainer. No idea why a 6 year old who is pretty chill is causing so much drama. Things went way better with the 13yr old on Monday.

[indyrowergirl]

Jul 13, 2017 15:08:00 GMT -5 erinshelley21 said:

Dear self,
You will not look like Carrie Underwood if you eat things like donut holes. Get it together.
Love, self

erinshelley21 - replace donuts with pizza and I'm in the same boat.

Along those lines...
Dear Self,
Two visits to the gym does not yield immediate, fantastic results no matter how badly you want it to. Get it together and step off the scale.
Baby steps.
Love, a healthier you