Planning for the school year

[miranda]

While I have some calm this summer I'm trying to brainstorm some new IEP strategies. I plan on calling a meeting when school starts to update his IEP; otherwise they wait until December and I feel like we lose half a year. He's going into 4th, so I feel like this is crunch time to get some solid study habits in place before middle (6th). Any thoughts on the below ramblings? TIA!!

1) One of DS's biggest problems is that he gives up whenever anything is remotely difficult. How do you teach perseverance? How do you write it as a goal? Is there a term for this- like spatial reasoning? For example: last weekend we go to the local waterpark. We're 15 minutes early so we line up to enter. DS looks at the long line and says "this isn't worth it. let's go." I think he's joking so I play his bluff- "yeah, you're right- totally not worth waiting in line 15 minutes, let's go." He turns and heads to the car until I call him over. I showed him the clock and said "it's just 15 minutes" and give him an example of how long that is. He's miffed, but he stands there. (Along this lines- I made my mind up right there that I don't feel bad getting him a DAS pass at Disneyland next month. If I told him there was an hour wait for Space Mountain he'd laugh in my face and head for the hotel.)

2) Other than writing, which hasn't improved in three years, DS is wavering right around grade level for academics. His teachers and IEP team never mention academics and he has no academic minutes pullouts other than 1 hour of writing which hasn't been fruitful. It's been building for some time that I feel like his IEP team is complacent about academics, e.g. "he's doing great! (enough)." Do I push him into having more pullouts for academics? He's borderline on things like reading comprehension, math he is at 90%. He despises pullouts, and last year I was reluctant to add more because he was trying so hard to keep up on his own. In the end this backfired though, because his mainstream teacher just ignored him and let him skate by without holding him to the standard of the other kids. How do I engage the mainstream teacher more to make sure he's on par? Or do I ask her to scale down the homework for him a bit so that he can build some confidence (see #1, above).

[freezorburn]

miranda I don't speak fluent IEP, but when I took a parenting class we spent some time on "persistence coaching." Mostly, encouraging the kids to keep trying at whatever they are doing, and positive statements/praise when their efforts pay off.

Recently a friend introduced us to a local organization that does skateboard instruction. They have free clinics on weekends and daycamps during the week. This particular org has a very inclusive mission, so it has been a good fit for us ... otherwise I would never have imagined DS taking an interest. There is a lot of learning to get up and try again after falling down. DS isn't really coordinated enough or strong enough to do anything without assistance, but I think he is absorbing some good social lessons from the experience.

[auntie]

Jul 17, 2017 8:05:35 GMT -5 miranda said:

While I have some calm this summer I'm trying to brainstorm some new IEP strategies. I plan on calling a meeting when school starts to update his IEP; otherwise they wait until December and I feel like we lose half a year. He's going into 4th, so I feel like this is crunch time to get some solid study habits in place before middle (6th). Any thoughts on the below ramblings? TIA!!

4th tends to be a real watershed year- it's the start of the intermediate grades when everything changes in the classroom. Learning to read becomes reading to learn with literature based learning. Math facts morph into applications, analysis and higher order thinking. This is an age when collaborative projects start to become more of a thing. It's also an age when NT kids enjoy a big growth spurt in their social and emotional maturity which leads to the classroom and playground become a place with even more complex and subtle rules to follow.


Below, some thoughts on how I addressed similar issues with my own child. I don't know your child, or his potential for real independence as an adult, so I can't say that this would work for you and your family.  

1) One of DS's biggest problems is that he gives up whenever anything is remotely difficult. How do you teach perseverance? How do you write it as a goal? Is there a term for this- like spatial reasoning?


I think what you are looking for is resilience which is more of a personality trait than an educational skill. Lacking persistance and resilience, along with apathy and inertia derail many bright kids with ASD. So this is going to be a hard-sell with the school because it is more about who he is rather than a disability. Your best approach might be to parse this under the umbrella of academic stamina and partner with the teachers to address that. 


For example: last weekend we go to the local waterpark. We're 15 minutes early so we line up to enter. DS looks at the long line and says "this isn't worth it. let's go." I think he's joking so I play his bluff- "yeah, you're right- totally not worth waiting in line 15 minutes, let's go." He turns and heads to the car until I call him over. I showed him the clock and said "it's just 15 minutes" and give him an example of how long that is.

Does he generally have a poor sense of time? Does he truly enjoy a waterpark, or is he the kind of kid who trends toward apathy- where he'd enjoy it if he was there but would be perfectly content to do somehthing else?

He's miffed, but he stands there. (Along this lines- I made my mind up right there that I don't feel bad getting him a DAS pass at Disneyland next month. If I told him there was an hour wait for Space Mountain he'd laugh in my face and head for the hotel.)

My kid's an only, so if Disney didn't work out, no sibling suffered. I never did a GAP (WDW version) for him. Waiting is a part of the experience; in certain circumstances it can even be something that helps him bond and feel like he's a real made member of a group. Sort of like rain at scout camp or the band teacher making you run around the practice field with your trombone over your head  because you didn't memorize a piece of music to his satisfaction. Picture you kid comparing notes about Disney and insisting he didn't have any long lines to wait in- they're either going to think he's a liar or extra special. FWIW, that practice waiting came in handy when he went on his senior class trip to WDW.

2) Other than writing, which hasn't improved in three years, DS is wavering right around grade level for academics. His teachers and IEP team never mention academics and he has no academic minutes pullouts other than 1 hour of writing which hasn't been fruitful.


By writing, do you mean handwriting or composition? The handwriting ship has sailed by this age, so I would focus on keyboarding at this point. If composition is an issue- tutoring could help. Sometimes more quality reading helps writing improve. Rubrics and graphic organizers can help. If things are really a struggle, writing software could help him find and organize his thoughts into words. Not sure of the grade cutoff- but Kidspiration software is terrific. Inspiration is for older kids. 


It's been building for some time that I feel like his IEP team is complacent about academics, e.g. "he's doing great! (enough)."


Great or great for a kid on spectrum?

Do I push him into having more pullouts for academics? He's borderline on things like reading comprehension, math he is at 90%.

Maybe. Reading comprehension is a real critical skill in most 4th grade classrooms and the writing piece is likely to be ramping up dramatically, too. He may hold his own with math if he's wired for it, but he might slip if the higher order thinking is a relative weakness for him.


He despises pullouts, and last year I was reluctant to add more because he was trying so hard to keep up on his own. In the end this backfired though, because his mainstream teacher just ignored him and let him skate by without holding him to the standard of the other kids.

Ugh. I'm sorry he loathes the extra help, but it sounds like that his path to the best outcome. DS did, too. We validated his anger and frustration but we made sure he got the help he needed until he didn't need it any more. We did a private LD school for 2 1/2 years and then resource for RELA in 4th-6th and hybrid classes for middle school. This did not make him happy, but it made it possible for him to attend and graduate from college. In 9th, I wasn't sure he'd graduate high school.  I know other families who worked around this kind of stuff by bringing in a tutor after school.


 How do I engage the mainstream teacher more to make sure he's on par?

I think a frank discussion is in order. It's reasonable to share your long term goals with the teacher and IEP team. Make sure they're on the same page and that your expectations are realistic. I always hoped DS would attempt college, but there were times when I had to force that vision on teachers who didn't share my opinion. OMG, I recall one meeting in high school when the building CSE chair suggested she could get DS a part time job unloading trucks at TJMaxx as if that was success for my kid.


Or do I ask her to scale down the homework for him a bit so that he can build some confidence (see #1, above).

Dumb it down? IMO, that's counter to building resilience. Kids become confident by overcoming an obstacle that challenges them, not by having a well meaning teacher water down the expectations or mommy make it go away. You can't give away self esteem; it has to be earned. When DS was having a really tough go with math, DH forbid his math teachers from modifying his worksheets to have fewer problems. If he was really struggling with a concept, DH would find additional problem sets for him in my old college math book. (knowing he was solving problems from a college level text was empowering) When a kid is struggling with a skill or subject matter, more practice generally yields a better outcome than less. 

[miranda]

Thanks freezorburn, and auntie,

auntie, he is apathetic and would likely just skip the waterpark. He does like the waterpark a lot- but when I take him without a friend he gets bored easily. I have Disneyland really built up in my mind but in reality, it won't be as fun for him as it would with a friend. I fully expect him to beg to go back to the room. We've been watching videos of rides to get him excited, and making lists of which ones are "can't miss." Part of this is apathy, part of it is a real need to recenter himself before taking on more sensory experiences. He is much more willing to do things if he knows there is, as he calls it, "chill time" breaks in between. I should start calling the sensory room at his school the "chill time" room; maybe he'd start using it.

His writing is both handwriting and composition. E.g. he understands the phases of the moon, but isn't able to write about it eloquently, or its so sloppy you can't make it out. When he types, his composition is marginally better, but still not good enough. You're right, group work is going to sink him this year. I spoke with his caseworker on the last day of school and kindof vented a bit and expressed my concerns that he was slipping through the academic cracks. She nodded knowingly and confided that they had already placed DS in a classroom for 4th with a teacher known to be better at communicating with parents; his 3rd grade teacher phoned it in all year. She said his room next year is near the caseworker's classroom so DS would be able to leave periodically to do his work in her room. My guess is that's what his pullouts will look like next year; finishing homework. He is very motivated to finish homework at school, which I guess is good.

I will plan a frank discussion when school starts. I want to begin with simple organization. DS has such a flippant and apathetic attitude about everything. Nothing matters; if papers come home undone or with 0/10 he says it doesn't matter or his teacher doesn't care. In my weaker moments I've admonished him that he isn't going to pass 4th grade this way. That's what I mean about skating by. Would an NT kid have passed 3rd grade at the level my kid is at? And yes, I mean "good enough, for an ASD kid." I'm so mad at myself for not advocating harder at his last IEP meeting; first, they sprung it on me because they noticed me improperly. They noticed me that we were having an "IEP Planning Meeting" so I didn't bring DH or my notes. I sat down and they were so quickly dismissive about the lack of notice that I let it go. Then they spent 30 of the 60 minutes waxing poetically about what an amazing kid DS is. Next year I'll ask them to cut to the chase.

[auntie]

Jul 18, 2017 9:16:41 GMT -5 miranda said:

Thanks freezorburn , and auntie ,

auntie , he is apathetic and would likely just skip the waterpark. He does like the waterpark a lot- but when I take him without a friend he gets bored easily. I have Disneyland really built up in my mind but in reality, it won't be as fun for him as it would with a friend. I fully expect him to beg to go back to the room. We've been watching videos of rides to get him excited, and making lists of which ones are "can't miss." Part of this is apathy, part of it is a real need to recenter himself before taking on more sensory experiences. He is much more willing to do things if he knows there is, as he calls it, "chill time" breaks in between. I should start calling the sensory room at his school the "chill time" room; maybe he'd start using it.

That a pretty common personality type among bright kids on spectrum- they just aren't as enthusiastic as typical kids about all manner of things that would delight typical kids. It can be unrewarding, at times, to get excited to share some awesome thing you enjoyed as a kid or you've heard friends rave about when the best your kid is going to muster is "meh". 

His writing is both handwriting and composition. E.g. he understands the phases of the moon, but isn't able to write about it eloquently, or its so sloppy you can't make it out. When he types, his composition is marginally better, but still not good enough.

miranda, very, very few nines are producing eloquent narratives. Are you looking at work his peers are producing?Not the penmanship, but the actual quality of their text?

It's counterintuitive, but we found sometimes getting DS away from a preferred topic resulted in better writing. If astronomy is a thing, maybe 
have him write about something else. 


You're right, group work is going to sink him this year. I spoke with his caseworker on the last day of school and kindof vented a bit and expressed my concerns that he was slipping through the academic cracks. She nodded knowingly and confided that they had already placed DS in a classroom for 4th with a teacher known to be better at communicating with parents; his 3rd grade teacher phoned it in all year.

It sucks when a kid gets stuck with a crap teacher. DS's kindie teacher was nice but distracted, first was evil, fifth was retired in place and sixth phoned it in. I get it. Here's hoping the new teacher is better. 

She said his room next year is near the caseworker's classroom so DS would be able to leave periodically to do his work in her room. My guess is that's what his pullouts will look like next year; finishing homework. He is very motivated to finish homework at school, which I guess is good.

Not sure I'd settle for that. While it's nice for the parents to get a pass on homework, I'd rather see meaningful writing instruction. Plus, if he's rigid around not doing homework at home, the sooner you nip that in the bud the better. 

I will plan a frank discussion when school starts. I want to begin with simple organization. DS has such a flippant and apathetic attitude about everything. Nothing matters; if papers come home undone or with 0/10 he says it doesn't matter or his teacher doesn't care.

These are two different issues. Attitude is probably the more critical one. All the color coded take home folders won't fix an attitude where a kid defines himself as a lousy student. You may have to "Make him care" and that's not a lot of fun. The other piece to this is the developmental disability driven immaturity. With ASD, he's likely got the emotional bandwidth of a kid 2/3 to 1/2 his age. He probably doesn't have the brain maturity to stay on top of organization sat his grade level. It's easier to say "This is stupid" than to say "this is really hard for me".

In my weaker moments I've admonished him that he isn't going to pass 4th grade this way. That's what I mean about skating by. Would an NT kid have passed 3rd grade at the level my kid is at? And yes, I mean "good enough, for an ASD kid."

Retention is very rarely used these days in a public setting unless a large number of days were missed due to illness. So yeah, the NT kid would be as likely to be passed along, Maybe even more so. 

I'm so mad at myself for not advocating harder at his last IEP meeting; first, they sprung it on me because they noticed me improperly. They noticed me that we were having an "IEP Planning Meeting" so I didn't bring DH or my notes. I sat down and they were so quickly dismissive about the lack of notice that I let it go. Then they spent 30 of the 60 minutes waxing poetically about what an amazing kid DS is. Next year I'll ask them to cut to the chase.

Now you know better. Always bring dad. Always. Even so, some the goals will be easier to work on now that he's older. I would look into Kidspiration for him.