Wednesday Open Letters

[supertrooper1]

I'll get this started today...

[supertrooper1]

Dear work,
Please be kind to me. It's my first day back from vacation after 16 days off. 305 emails isn't too bad, especially when I'll probably be able to delete 295.
Signed,
The employee that didn't miss you.

[rere]

Dear floor people,

Please show up tomorrow!!! I am most excited about my brand new kitchen floors and will be so sad if they don't come like they were supposed to tomorrow.

Dear Dh,

Yo have not a clue as to how to deal with a preteen girl. I realize she has always been dramatic, but you are going to have to realize that things that are not a big deal to us are huge in her world. When she is crying because her brother embarrassed her in front of her cousins, either acknowledge that it hurt her feelings or be quiet and let me handle it. Barking at her that she shouldn't be crying and giving instructions on what she should do in the middle of the crying is not going to cut it. These next 5-7 years are not going to be logical to you, but you need to adapt.

Signed, I've been a 12 yr old girl.

[Covergirl82]

Dear S,

Happy, happy birthday!! I can't believe you're 8 years old today. You are a smart, fun, thoughtful, and talented kid, and I am thankful that God picked you to be my son!

Love,
Mommy

Dear new-to-us-truck we're purchasing on Saturday,

Please, please, please don't have as many issues as DH's current truck. I really didn't want another car payment right now, even if it is a small-ish one.

Signed,
Crossing my fingers

[erinshelley21]

Dear DS,
You have been so pleasant the last 3 nights. And yesterday when you didn't argue with me at all about leaving mamaw's it made my heart so happy. Granted, mamaw was not there so I'm sure that had a lot to do with it, but I'm choosing to be happy about it. Now, let's continue having a great time since daddy is off work until next Tuesday!
Love, your mama who can't believe grown up you are getting!

Dear guy that works for me,
Thanks for being such a good sport about your paycheck being a couple days late. I expected more of a hissy fit from you.
Signed, surprised

[twinmomma]

Dear office,
I really think you're going to love this video. I am so proud of how the final product came out and can't wait to unveil it tonight at our big party. It is so exciting to have put together something that shows how truly special this place is and what an awesome employer we are. I can't believe I pulled it off in such a short time frame!
Signed,
Proud employee

Dear boss lady,
You're totally going to cry. Your employees freaking love you, and the company you've built, and I can't wait for you to see that in their own words. I'll bring the tissues and a hug. And some champagne.
Signed,
Got your back

Dear universe,
Thanks yet again for bringing connecting me with this place. It was exactly what I needed.
Love,
Grateful me

[sweetptater]

Dear cat,

While I appreciate you killing mice that get into our house, I don't appreciate you leaving a semi-paralyzed, yet still alive one in the middle of the kitchen floor for me to step on (in the dark) this morning. Can't you just eat them like a normal cat?

Love,
The mom who has also kicked the one you left beside my side of the bed across the room before.

Dear mom,

Thank you, thank you, thank you for taking the kids this week. It has been AMAZING to wake up every morning and not have to fight everyone and everything to get out the door in the morning. And to not have to cook. And to not have to do....well....anything we don't feel like doing.

Love,
Your grateful daughter

Dear DH,

Thank you for booking us a trip to Mexico for my birthday next month! I can't freaking wait!!!

Love,
Your loving wife

[HeartofCheese]

Dear me,

Start good habits now and think about something other than divorce. Might be time for a new hobby. Can you get passionate about mandala-coloring?

Sincerely,
Fill your mind with the world

[HeartofCheese]

Jul 19, 2017 8:59:27 GMT -5 sweetptater said:

Dear cat,

While I appreciate you killing mice that get into our house, I don't appreciate you leaving a semi-paralyzed, yet still alive one in the middle of the kitchen floor for me to step on (in the dark) this morning. Can't you just eat them like a normal cat?

Love,
The mom who has also kicked the one you left beside my side of the bed across the room before.

I hope you had something on your feet...

[sweetptater]

Jul 19, 2017 9:30:45 GMT -5 HeartofCheese said:

Jul 19, 2017 8:59:27 GMT -5 sweetptater said:

Dear cat,

While I appreciate you killing mice that get into our house, I don't appreciate you leaving a semi-paralyzed, yet still alive one in the middle of the kitchen floor for me to step on (in the dark) this morning. Can't you just eat them like a normal cat?

Love,
The mom who has also kicked the one you left beside my side of the bed across the room before.

I hope you had something on your feet...

Nope, bare feet. I couldn't figure out why the furry cat toy under my big toe felt like it was moving. 

Then I woke my husband up to come deal with it. 

[frozenpeas]

Omg, sweetptater, I'd have to move. I can't think of any other alternative.

[k3am]

Dear DS,

Sorry in advance about tomorrow.

Signed,
The lady taking you to be scoped.

[frozenpeas]

I'm serious. I can tell already I'm going to have nightmares about this and it didn't even happen to me.

[rere]

Jul 19, 2017 9:51:59 GMT -5 frozenpeas said:

I'm serious. I can tell already I'm going to have nightmares about this and it didn't even happen to me.

I may have to cut my foot off, abandon the house and all contents, burn it to the ground. All of this would be perfectly logical to me. I would rather deal with snakes and spiders.

[sweetptater]

Jul 19, 2017 10:11:33 GMT -5 rere said:

Jul 19, 2017 9:51:59 GMT -5 frozenpeas said:

I'm serious. I can tell already I'm going to have nightmares about this and it didn't even happen to me.

I may have to cut my foot off, abandon the house and all contents, burn it to the ground. All of this would be perfectly logical to me. I would rather deal with snakes and spiders.

NO SNAKES. That would be cause for me to burn my house down and move into a 26th floor apartment. I'll take a mouse (that DH has to deal with) any day. 

[xctsclrx]

Dear SS1 and DH,

The combo of you two this week is killing me. You have to start doing your chores correctly or stop doing them all together. At this point I would rather you did nothing so I don't get angry about the shitty job you are doing. You are pissing me off and don't like it.

Love,

your wife and SM who wants to strangle the both of you but loves you anyway

Dear SS2 and DS,

Thank you both for being sweet and loving and keeping me sane in the chaos of your brother and father. xoxoxo

Love,

Momma who is grateful at least half the family is working

DH,

Giving me the silent treatment this morning after I lost it on you is immature. I understand why you did it. I understand not wanting to be yelled at first thing in the morning so I am sorry about that, but you haven't been home except to sleep in 5 days and the wet clothes in the dryer was the straw. Sorry I took out a weeks worth of frustration on you first think in the morning, but please help me resolve the issues with SS1 instead of ignoring it. I don't care about work right now I need to you step up, because you are the DAD and I am the STEP MOM. I can't be the bad guy all the time with them. It won't work if I want to maintain a relationship with them outside of you. Its hard enough to maintain a relationship with them right now, with all the restrictions we have on when we can see them and what we are allowed to talk to them about.

signed

tired wife.

[saraml13]

Dear universe,
Thank you for apparently sparing my family from a stomach bug / food poising that has struck down the other people we've been staying with on trips for the second time this month. I have no idea how we keep dodging the bullet, but I'll take it.
Signed,
Staying Healthy

Dear DH,
We just got back from an exhausting vacation with the kids to visit (your) friends. As we're driving home from the airport on Tuesday night is not the time to spring on me that you want/need to fly to NYC for work on Thursday. Also, I don't know why we bother to have a shared calendar if you aren't going to ever check it to see what I have going on. I've had a networking even and book club scheduled for Thursday and on the calendar.
I will give you credit for being smart enough to take the initiative to find a sitter for Thursday evening so I can go out.
Signed,
Worn out

[olenka]

Dear whoever was lighting off fireworks right next to our bedroom at 1am last night,

The 4th was two freaking weeks ago, jackass!

Signed,
Your super pissed off, sleep deprived neighbor

[HeartofCheese]

Jul 19, 2017 9:47:56 GMT -5 sweetptater said:

Jul 19, 2017 9:30:45 GMT -5 HeartofCheese said:

I hope you had something on your feet...

Nope, bare feet. I couldn't figure out why the furry cat toy under my big toe felt like it was moving. 

Then I woke my husband up to come deal with it. 

[erinshelley21]

Dear DH,
I'm really glad I asked you if you were planning on pushing the stove back into its spot against the wall since you weren't. Thanks for making me feel like a a nagging wife for asking you do move it out of the middle of the most used walkway of our home. I realize I would not have to climb over it and that I could walk around the entire island. Thanks
Love, your wife who doesn't actually try to make your life more difficult

[sandandsea]

Dear cousins,
Please stop with your chats on parenting advice and how fine you are with working moms but you chose to stay home for sooo many important reasons. Sleep training worked for your kids. That's great. It doesn't work for all kids and it is no reflection on their parenting. And no, moms shouldn't get paid hundreds of thousands of dollars for being a mom. It doesn't work like that and shouldn't. You chose parenthood. And if it did work like that, working moms should make that on top of their actual salary because 2 jobs.
Thanks,
I should really stop listening but can't.

[xctsclrx]

sandandsea,

Omg I hate those articles about how SAHM are worth so much money when you factor in housekeeping/chef/personal shopper/ childcare.

I do or pay for all of those things too plus my job so there.

[mae0111]

Dear DH -
I'm sorry that your boss screwed you. I do not blame you for this, even though I saw it coming before you did. I'm placing the blame where it belongs - squarely on your boss. I think I've been really supportive, and am trying hard to help you get your business up and running. That said, allow me to be shocked, angry, and a little panicky now and then. Very soon, we will have a household income of $0. I'm totally allowed to panic. It does not mean I blame you. It does not mean I resent you because I quit my job. It makes me think that WE WON'T HAVE MONEY COMING IN. And I know that will be temporary, and I know that we have plenty of savings to cover, but I don't have to like it or feel comfortable with it. Let me panic a bit. I promise I'll recover quickly.

Also, I'm a really good marketer, very analytical, and great with numbers. I have an MBA, and I can totally help you set this puppy up and run it. Please stop second guessing everything that is within my area of expertise. I don't know engineering, but I know strategy. I can help you make this a success, if you let me.
Love, Wifey.

Dear DH's Bossman -
F you. DH needs to maintain a civil relationship with you, and I am not the type of person that can be nice to your face and blow up after you leave. If you try to kiss me hello or exchange pleasantries, I will tell you exactly what I think of you and your freeloading adult kids who can barely put their own shoes on every day and each make $40K/year at your company. For all of these reasons, I'm not attending the wedding this weekend.
DH's Wifey
PS You're a d!ck for doing this to us.

[campermom]

Jul 19, 2017 8:52:36 GMT -5 twinmomma said:

Dear office,
I really think you're going to love this video. I am so proud of how the final product came out and can't wait to unveil it tonight at our big party. It is so exciting to have put together something that shows how truly special this place is and what an awesome employer we are. I can't believe I pulled it off in such a short time frame!
Signed,
Proud employee

Dear boss lady,
You're totally going to cry. Your employees freaking love you, and the company you've built, and I can't wait for you to see that in their own words. I'll bring the tissues and a hug. And some champagne.
Signed,
Got your back

Dear universe,
Thanks yet again for bringing connecting me with this place. It was exactly what I needed.
Love,
Grateful me

That is so awesome!

[leap]

Dear city swim meet organizers,

It would be really, really nice to know what the schedule for this weekend's two day meet is going to be. It is Wednesday and we do not even know what time we need to be there on Friday and do not know what events are scheduled for Friday. We also know nothing about Saturday. This swim meet is held every summer with the exact same ages and events. How hard can it be to come up with a schedule?

Signed,
Frustrated parent

[frozenpeas]

k3am, why the scope? Is this related to his noisy breathing?

The scary mouse story distracted me and I haven't been brave enough to come back in until now.

[judyblume14]

Dear Baby A,
Please chill out. Literally. In the pediatrc ER is not where I wanted to spend my Tuesday evening. I'm so sad for you and your whimpering. You seemed great this morning when I left you with Grandma. To get a message that your fever is up again is breaking my heart.

Love,
Your mama who wanted to stay home with you today, but because the USA hates working mothers, couldn't use 1 of 3 remaining PTO days to "keep an eye on you."

Dear WPs of kiddos with lots of doc appts, tests, hospital visits,
How do you do it? You are amazing.
Love,
Judy.

[mae0111]

judyblume14, I was able to work from home regularly, and for 14 years, I had a very family friendly boss who had 5 kids of his own. The tradeoff was 24-7 availability. So while it was awesome to duck out for doctor's appointments, the constant availability and off-hours conference calls (8-11pm and 5-7am were always fair game, as well as calls while commuting in to the office between 745 and 845am or 530-630pm) wore me out after several years. You know it's bad when you feel guilty about refusing a 3am con call. When you start to think, "Oh, I could make that work, then just get my workout in after and start working for the day around 530 or 6," it's time to go...

[waverly]

Dear H-

Wow this has been a crazy few weeks. I am just hanging on for the ride of life. I have no idea where this is going or may be going, but I think it might be about to get a whole lot more interesting.... Waiting to hear...

Dear Weather- wow you are hot as balls today-dang!

Dear cat- stop killing birds you murderer. Yes he runs outside 10 times a day and avoids capture to come back in the house- he is a huge brat. He know exactly how fast to run and where to run to, to make it hard for us to get him without a huge rigamarole.

Dear summer- I love you. I really do, but I kind of want to know who is going to be DS's first grade teacher, and see how DD does at her new preschool, but I don't want to make you go faster. I guess I am just an impatient person- a really impatient person.

Dear DS- all I could find it tie shoes, so I guess you have to learn to tie your shoes now. No more excuses.

Dear work- watch out. I'm about to throw you for a loop. I'm still working on my plan, and then bam going hit you up.

Dear sister, take care of your children please. Stop making excuses that you aren't good at this stuff. Come to reality because the way I am seeing it your kids and family are broken and you aren't doing anything about it except whining and excuses. Its time to take action instead of sitting on your hands and telling me that you don't micromanage at that level.

[mommyatty]

Dear Headache,

Go away. Really. I'm so excited about this networking/leadership thing my boss so very VERY kindly let me attend. I cannot do a headache right now. I have a networking reception in about an hour.

Signed, The Rest of The Body

Dear Self,

You are going to be fine. Stop feeling anxious. This group is made up of female lawyers just like you who want to meet others. So stop with the nerves. You are giving yourself a migraine and it's stupid.

Signed, The Sane Part of Your Mind