Advice for friend

[hocus2]

A good friend told me she's considering separating/divorcing and wondered I had any advice.

Normally I'd tell her to find a lawyer on the local group (using an AE if she's concerned about it getting out publicly before she's ready for that). Her spouse travels internationally much of the year and I'm not sure he'd stay in the US if they separated. That additional wrinkle was my primary concern. Any thoughts or suggestions for someone who's just stating to consider the process I can pass on to her?
 

[jenstar]

There is some great advice in the pinned post on this board which might help - you might not be able to see it on the app but it's at the top on the desktop site. I would definitely get a lawyer and a therapist if she hasn't got one already.

[alleinesein]

Step 1- she needs to look into the rules regarding divorce in her state. Some states require a legal separation before a divorce, some have waiting periods, etc. Each state is different so she needs to see what her state requires and then plan from there.

[hocus2]

We did google the rules of divorce and she is not required to have a year of separation. Our state is expensive to divorce in both otherwise it seems fairly straight forward. I'm asking around to help her find an attorney. She's considering mediation but I'm sure that will be an option. I think there will be considerable points of contention. I'll look at the links pinned to top.

Thanks!

[alleinesein]

Mediation can save a ton of $$ if the divorce is amicable.

[freezorburn]

I would not call my divorce amicable, but we were able to agree to make our son a priority and go through a collaborative mediation process. Meaning that we developed the specifics of our divorce outside of the court system, with the help of a divorce coach, individual lawyers, and mediator. Some people also involve certified divorce financial analysts, or other specialists to consult on the best interests of any children involved. And so on.

Filing just involved signing final documents with notary and having them delivered to the courthouse. I never had to go to court.

If nothing else, doing the divorce this way helped de-escalate the conflict between XH and me, which has made it easier to co-parent.