Sports ethics

[akafred]

DD is very small for her age, maybe 15th percentile. She had a summer birthday so she is even smaller for the kids in her grade. She's very athletic, but not generally that great at organized sports because she has a short attention span and anxiety and they interfere with the lessons in practice sinking in. It is time to sign up for fall sports, and she chose flag football. There shouldn't be any tackling but I am still concerned about her size. Also it is coed. The league is done by grade. Technically she is a rising third grader, BUT we just as easily could have redshirted her back in K and she would be rising second. I doubt she will be the oldest. Would you put her on the rising second graders or rising third graders team? I really don't think she will provide the younger team with any kind of unfair advantage. She could still be a liability to the younger team and definitely the older team. She always manages to get on the worst team in the league no matter what we do.

[k3am]

I would just keep her with the folks in her grade level. Or ask her what she wants.

I started K at 4 (late November birthday), and played soccer for 14 years. I was also a really small kid (I didn't pass the 50 lb mark until 77th or 8th grade. Obviously not a problem anymore.) I was always a division behind the kids in my class and it always sucked.

[sandandsea]

I'd keep her with her true grade and classmates. She's not going to the NFL, it's just for fun and it's more fun with your friends. If she has a lot of friends in the class behind her, I'd put her there but I generally try to avoid being the special snowflake mom and asking for exceptions when it comes to youth sports.

[akafred]

There are no friends in any league, so there is no advantage to putting her in the grade level class except so she won't be the oldest. But I doubt she'll even know she is the youngest. Also it would not be asking for an exception. We would just sign her up.

[erinshelley21]

Are there potential friends? Isn't she going to a new school?
Another vote for putting her with her grade.

[akafred]

Jul 28, 2017 13:32:47 GMT -5 erinshelley21 said:

Are there potential friends? Isn't she going to a new school?
Another vote for putting her with her grade.

Not a new school. She is in a very small Montessori school and will be for the next 4 years. There are 2-3 other kids her grade and only 12 kids total in the elementary class (grades 1-6).

Potential friends? Honestly probably not. DD is immature for her age and fits better with the kids 6 months to a year younger anyway. If she weren't in this small school where she goes at her own pace anyway, I would put her in second grade. She is only nominally in third grade since her school doesn't really "do" grades. Her birthday is 2 weeks before the cutoff so she could literally go either way.

[2chatter]

I'd keep her at level. DD is below the growth chart and has a September birthday - so is one of the oldest. She is also the smallest. Some girls at soccer - because she plays up a year - literally have a foot and 25 pounds if not more on her. I used to worry but she adapts. Last game of the season she did a helicopter over the ball then pushed between two giants - these girls were close to my size. She's 48". I think it's been good for her motor development, as she has to work hard and focus (not her inherent strengths - she's a do the minimum and have fun kid). DD will probably surprise you!!

[mommyatty]

Being tiny is actually probably an advantage in flag football. I could see going either way. Generally I'm a rule-follower, especially when it comes to things my kids can see. So I would probably put her in grade.

[akafred]

So basically it's just me. Le sigh.

It's so hard seeing her struggle so hard and fail when she could really use a win right now.

[k3am]

akafred, did you ask her what she wants?

Kids aren't good at everything. And they shouldn't be. Part of growing up into a well rounded human being is learning how to fail at something with grace. How to find something you're not good at it and either learn how to get good at it, learn how to enjoy doing it even if you're not good at it, or how to walk away from something that's just not your gig for whatever reason.

It's a ridiculously hard lesson for kids to learn. And frustrating as a parent to have to help teach that AND to deal with the fallout from the kid. But it's so, so, so important.

[akafred]

Jul 28, 2017 15:19:49 GMT -5 k3am said:

akafred, did you ask her what she wants?

Kids aren't good at everything. And they shouldn't be. Part of growing up into a well rounded human being is learning how to fail at something with grace. How to find something you're not good at it and either learn how to get good at it, learn how to enjoy doing it even if you're not good at it, or how to walk away from something that's just not your gig for whatever reason.

It's a ridiculously hard lesson for kids to learn. And frustrating as a parent to have to help teach that AND to deal with the fallout from the kid. But it's so, so, so important.

Good heavens, of course I know failing is part of growing up. But she literally fails at everything right now. Her special needs make just getting up in the morning a struggle for her. I just hate to put her in a league that is made of kids significantly bigger, faster, and better when she could just as easily be in the next league down. It's like expecting a beagle to race against greyhounds. And the cutoff is pretty arbitrary considering how prevalent red shirting is. I wouldn't dream of it if I thought she was a ringer who would make the little kids team better. I just think she will have an easier time participating, learning, improving, and enjoying herself with the slightly lower expectations of second graders. There's a pretty big developmental leap going into third grade and she just isn't there yet.

It isn't something I will talk to her about because she won't get the pros and cons.

[k3am]

If it's not something you're comfortable talking about, you're convinced it's what's best for her, and you think she needs it... didn't you just answer your own question?

[saraml13]

I'm generally in favor of letting the chips fall where they lay when it comes to age cut offs. I'd probably put her in her true age group, but I don't see this as an "ethics" question at this level. I think either way you go has pros and cons, and I don't have strong feelings about either approach being wrong.

[mommyatty]

Jul 28, 2017 16:02:28 GMT -5 k3am said:

If it's not something you're comfortable talking about, you're convinced it's what's best for her, and you think she needs it... didn't you just answer your own question?

This. I don't think it's unethical. If anyone questions it, tell them her school doesn't really have grades as they are a mixed age group, so you went with the grade she would be in at a traditional school.