Mom Most Likely To...

[2chatter]

Spin off from mae0111's vent and another fun GTKY.

What are your kids likely to resent about their childhoods (as adults) and what are you likely to screw up (when they are adults)?

[2chatter]

My kids will most likely talk about what isn't "even". Like, DS is flying somewhere with me again and oldest has taken several flights, but middle has never been on a plane.

I already wonder how I will handle their spouses and inevitable conflicts that will arise. I can be a little "my way or the highway" or as my kids say it "mommy was an only child" so ... that could be fun.

[mae0111]

DD1 will resent me for all kinds of things. This summer, she went to 4 weeks of camp (because they were awesome) and DD2 just went to 2 weeks of camps for 1/2 days. That's because DD2 is 4, and couldn't go to the cool camps that DD1 is attending. I'm sure that will turn out to be that I didn't spend any time with her.

Also, her eating is a battle. She eats a lot of junk, sneaks food, hates physical activity, and is overweight as a result. DD2 eats everything in sight but can't gain weight because she never stops running. So I'm sure that will be years of therapy because I'm certain I'm screwing up no matter what I do.

DD2... too early to tell. She does like to blame me for stuff, though. Earlier today she fell off her float in the pool and blamed me for distracting her. I was sitting quietly in the shade, outside the pool. Clearly my fault.

[mommyatty]

Gah. I think DD will think we were harder on her than her little brother because as a 5 yo we expect more than we expect from the 3 yo. And I think DS will think we favored his sister as the oldest because she gets to do things he can't do yet. I worry we really are harder on DD. And I worry that DD is so like me. We will either be best friends as adults, in which case DS may feel left out of that relationship, or barely on speaking terms.

I think I'm likely to meddle when I should let them go their own ways. I have a hard time watching people screw up.

[ilovelucyvv]

We baby our oldest DD and dont give enough attention to youngest DS, especially helping him with developmental skills.

I am very laissez faire about some things but overachiever mom about other things like school projects

[librarychica]

My 5yo has a hard time taking personal responsibility, so I imagine she will blame me for something. Or she'll outgrow it. Who knows.

She has a judgmental streak (like her uncle) and I expect there will be a period where she judges my life choices and I worry if the world is even more of a complete cluster that she will judge her father and I (and maybe our whole generation) harshly. Like I said, she reminds me of my brother.

Hard to tell with DD2. She is a lighthearted ray of sunshine most of the time. I think if she resents anything it is that we spend too much time coddling her sister's intensity but it is hard to imagine. My brother needed much more than me and while I resented my parents for stuff I can't remember ever resenting that.

I have a hard time letting my loved ones sort out their issues. I struggle with anyone I love being unhappy. I've improved a ton on this front as I've aged but I can see it still being an occasional hang up.

[akafred]

I probably shouldn't respond tonight because I basically suck at life. Lol. I am sure I am screwing everything up right now though.

[saraml13]

Hmm, DS1 might resent having bright red hair that strangers comment on constantly.

DS1 has so much personality and is so high energy, I worry DS2 (more easy going) will feel overshadowed by him. Particularly if we have a third and he ends up as the middle child.

[rere]

I am the mom most likely to embarrass them in public either goofing off or because they are acting up and I have no issue not keeping my cool in public.

They will also remember me cooking and then spending dinner trying to get them to try it or eat their vegetables and then going on a rant about how some kids don't even have food and would be grateful for a home cooked meal. This happens at least once or twice a week.

[supertrooper1]

I will work too much overtime and will miss certain things in DS's life because of my crazy work schedule.

As an adult, I'll probably be too hard on him if he doesn't excel at everything he does and doesn't become successful.

[sdlaura]

I see my kids being likely to resent some of the same things I do about my mom- that she's overly practical and lacks imagination and spontaneity.

saraml13 we have the same red hair issue with DD - old ladies chase us around in public to talk about her hair - and mommyatty my older two are the same ages/sexes as yours and I also worry that maybe we're too hard on DD.

[Covergirl82]

I'm sure my kids will resent me for not getting them the cool things the other kids have. DD (who is 6), just recently asked when she could get a smartphone. I said probably not until she's an adult, because they only cause issues (e.g., bullying) and can create unsafe situations (e.g., predators). I told her that Daddy and I won't always get her and DS what they want, but we will get them what they need. So at some point, I told her, we'll get her and DS a phone where they can call and text us, but that will probably be it. And no, we're not going to post videos of them on Youtube, because there are too many bad people out there.

I'm likely to screw up giving them space to make mistakes and resolve issues (or at least attempt to before I assist). Similar to mommyatty, I have a hard time watching people screw up.

[HeartofCheese]

My DD is going to hate me b/c I'm not cool. She's going to ask me for advice and I'm going to try to help but be thinking, "Why does that matter?" b/c I just don't value many unspoken social contracts or rules if they don't serve some purpose. So she'll be mad at a friend and I'll be like, "I get you're upset, but why is that a thing?"

DS will always be my lovebug. He sucks up everything I tell him, plus all the snuggles. I can do no wrong in his eyes except to tell him no. Later in life he might get mad at me for condoning him doing certain things a certain way instead of warning him against it. I plan to give them both a LOT of latitude to find their way and I expect some blow-back during the times things don't work out. This will be more of an issue with DS than DD though, b/c I expect DS is a more unconventional thinker/doer than DD is. Although DD is the bigger risk-taker right now.

But neither of them will hate me for staying with their dad...although they might hate me for not staying with him.

[twinmomma]

Guaranteed we're screwing up the twin thing somehow and that will come back to bite us. Matching clothes when they were babies, keeping them in the same class, not keeping them in the same class, similar activities, different activities. Who knows. We're messing it up somehow. If my SIL who is an ID twin is any indication, there's going to be some major twin resentment in high school. Can't wait!

When they're adults, I'll probably meddle unintentionally. My mother meddles on purpose and I am constantly trying to not behave the same way. Love my mom, but she and I have a very civil, casual acquaintance relationship, not a close mother daughter bond. So hopefully my kids don't feel the same way about me later in life.

[akafred]

Ok I think my head is clear enough to answer. I think DD will resent me for being different, and for "making" her be different.

[xctsclrx]

I worry that because DS is so much younger than his brothers he will resent that age difference and that he doesn't have someone close to his age to have that bond.

As for SS1 and SS2, I worry that they will think that I favor DS more than them. I have been in their lives since they were 6 and 4 and love them very much, but I don't get to see them all the time and when they are with us its more important that they bond with their dad instead of me. I've actually talked to them about this.

Things like DS is not trying to replace them and I that if they are ever feeling left out to speak up, because that is never our intention. If they need to some one on one time with their dad or with me then we can make that happen.

We also do fun things that only the big kids can do and we leave DS with my family so we can have fun with the both of them.

[sudokufan]

I worry that he'll resent being an only child with older parents.

Given my family, I worry that I'll be a clingy, overly emotional parent as we both get older.

[olenka]

Aug 2, 2017 8:39:29 GMT -5 sudokufan said:

I worry that he'll resent being an only child with older parents.

Given my family, I worry that I'll be a clingy, overly emotional parent as we both get older.

Yep, all of this.

[traveltheworld]

My kids, especially DS, will likely resent the fact that I always have to be right. I'm very logical and put a lot of thought (and research) into an issue before forming an opinion, so once that opinion is formed, it's almost impossible to convince me that I'm wrong. Not only that, I have to make sure that people know and acknowledge that I'm right. It's a rather unattractive trait that I have been half-hardheartedly working on.

I'm probably going to end up pushing my kids away because I can't leave them be and let them make their own mistakes.

[freezorburn]

DS will probably resent any relationship advice that I try to offer. Because I'm patently unqualified to give relationship advice.

I will probably screw up figuring out if/when DS is capable of independence. I have had to be so much more hands-on as a parent than I ever pictured. I've developed habits that help keep things running smoothly (such as they are), but I worry that they are a crutch and I hope he will be able to function on his own without me constantly providing that structure.

[dglvrk2]

Oh, good God!

I'm pretty relaxed about swearing in my home, as is H. Two words that are NEVER allowed are retarded and stupid. We also discourage "hate." Everything else is alright in small doses in the house. Just never outside. So far it hasn't been a problem, but things can change. I'm pretty certain both daughters will be in trouble at done point in their childhoods for talking like drunken sailors. They could easily "rebel" by never swearing.

On a more serious note, my mom and dad confided in me about their marital issues a lot when I was a young adult. I became so bogged down w this that I had to distance myself substantially from them. I love them, but we are better off now that I've set boundaries. I vowed never to do this to my own children, but I've already found myself making comments to DD1 when I'm frustrated w H. In the past few months, I've developed some (knock on wood) effective strategies when I feel like making snarky remarks and h and I are working on the issues that get my blood boiling. Still, I honestly worry I'd push a kid away like my parents did.

[xctsclrx]

dglvrk2, So my parents were really good and keeping that kind of stuff from me while I was a child. However, now that my mom sees me as adult sometimes she wants to vent about my dad to me.

At one point I had to ask her to stop talking about my dad that way. They are married and have been for 28 years. I love my dad. He and I are really close and while I definitely understood why she was frustrated I never wanted to feel like I was taking sides. My dad to his credit very rarely ever complains about my mom.

However, They have always been very open with us kids about some of their personal flaws that make marriage hard. Not in a griping at each other way, but as a way to show me and my brother that they are not perfect. Don't expect a perfect spouse. I feel like that was very helpful and healthy. I never lived in a land that marriage was a perfect fantasy.

[sudokufan]

dglvrk2, I was totally the kid who rebelled by not swearing. My mom used to run with the Marines in the mornings and picked up a really colorful vocabulary :-D I, on the other hand, was thirty before I actually used the F word. And I still can't bring myself to type it.