Well, kids. This is it. Surgery on Friday.

[hisno1girl]

My surgery to resect my bladder and remove the tumors is Friday. The tumors will be biopsied and I should have results by Wednesday.

Here's the thing though: I'm scared.

Ever since chemo/radiation ended at the beginning of June, my condition has seriously deteriorated.

Several hospitalizations, infections, stent placement, excruciating abdominal pain, uncontrollable weight loss, feeling of hopelessness, inability to eat, etc.

I can't drive, I can barely walk. Anything outside of the house means a wheelchair for me.

In addition, DH was hospitalized last week with salmonella poisoning. His potassium is borderline and his kidney function is not where it should be so he might actually end up back in the hospital.

I'm not going to lie: every night when I go to sleep, I wonder if I'll make it through the night. I'm truly afraid that I'm going to die and I'm not ready for that yet. Who ever is?

We have an amazing team of friends, church family, and our families who are helping us basically around the clock.

I'm so doped up, sometimes I feel like I don't even care because this is not how I want to live my life. I go to the oncologist every day for hydration and pain meds. I'm on fentanyl, ativan, hydrocodone, and smoking weed.

I'm sure this all sounds overly dramatic but we know not the hour of our calling. I can't shake this feeling. I feel like I need to tell you this because no one is guaranteed tomorrow.

My dear precious hearts, I love you all. I couldn't have gotten through this without your love and support. Your love brings me peace and comfort and I pray to God that this was just a foolish waste of time and I'll be Okay, but...well, you never know.

Tell your loved ones that you love them. Hug them, kiss them, and cherish them because one day they won't be there and I don't want you to have regrets at the end of your life, whenever that may be.

I pray that your lives are filled with joy that makes your heart burst. I pray that God watch over you, your children, and your loved ones, always protect them and keep them from harm.

Most importantly, I hope you all know what amazing, magical, and loving women you are. Share those gifts with the world, and the world will be a better place for it.

My sister has promised me that she will update, but probably not until Saturday since she'll be taking care of me after surgery.

For all the love and kindness you've shown me, I am forever grateful and I'll never be able to thank you enough.

Love,
Veronica

[cereal K]

Oh V. I love you! Your strength and grace is amazing. Praying for you and your family.

[killercupcake]

Oh His.

I don't know what to say. I love you. ❤️

[muffin0]

I love you His, you are an inspiration and I hope to be half the amount of amazing you are! You have such a loving heart, and I've been so lucky to get to know you on here, a place for internet strangers.

Sending all my love and hoping for the very best outcome, but most of all peace and comfort to you.

((Hugs))
All the love,
Kristin

[morecoffeeplease]

His I want to send you a hug and I hope you feel so much love. I will be praying for you and your family.

[isabel]

You are frequently in my thoughts, V. It's hard to know what else to say at a time like this, but I hope you know how many people love and care about you.

[panicfoot]

We are all forever grateful for the kindness and love that YOu have shown all of US. So much love to you. I hope your surgery goes well and most of all, that your pain is lessened and you have peace and comfort. ♥️

[lilibet]

Sending so many good thoughts your way, his!

[themysteriouswife]

Im still thinking of you. I hope every thing goes smoothly on Friday. Big hugs

[mcmel]

So much love and light to you.

[IrishBelle]

Sending hugs to you and your family. I will be thinking of you during surgery and wish for a positive outcome for you.

[katfco]

Your strength and faith are an inspiration to me an I will continue to pray for you, not only for your physical well-being, but also your emotional.

[bittybomb]

I know you probably don't even know me but you have been a pillar of strength for me always - when life is good and especially when I'm navigating rough times. I pray for you to find comfort and strength to enable you to find peace. I hope this is nothing more than the roughest patch you will have to fight through on your journey to continue your life here in earth. Please know you have touched this life tremendously with your grace, and I am rooting for you and your family.

[katiescarlett]

I have been thinking of you often! You have been such a pillar through all of this and I so admire your strength. I pray you find some peace and comfort soon. I know it's not the same as being here to live the rest of the life that has been unfairly stolen from you, and I hope it doesn't come off as too morbid, but know that you will be remembered by us here on pandce. If you've made this much of an impression on a message board, I can only imagine how amazing you are in real life. Love, hugs, and prayers to you and your family. I'm still hoping you get a miracle <3

[TR]

You are an amazing woman and a gift from God. Love and peace to you (((hugs)))

[TrickyBob]

V, you have been nothing short of amazing with all of us here. I wish you so much peace and love and many, many, continued prayers.

[seabitch]

You are the best! We are all better people for the contact/time we spent with you. Thank you and peace be with you.

[cleo29]

You are an amazing person, V. Your capacity to love is incredible and i can't imagine you not here. I am keeping you and your family in my prayers and thoughts, but i wanted you to be able to read this and know the impact you have made here, with the board, with me and to thank you for everything.

Wishing I could hug you right now.

[Miss Phryne Fisher]

You have been such an inspiration to me. My cancer journey has been different, but if the worst happens, I hope I can have as much grace as you have shown. I can just feel how much you love your family and friends and they and we are so lucky to have known you. Good luck tomorrow.

[dianecourt]

I am honored to know you, V! So much love to you!

[ladystardust]

Prayers and love to you. I'm so sorry for what you have had to endure. I pray you find some comfort and be surrounded by love.

[indifferentstars]

I really just lurk on this board, but I've followed your story from the beginning and think of you often. Sending you so much love and strength <3 Your generous nature, positive outlook and courage in this battle have always impressed me. Hugs to you.

[jlt19]

You are such an amazing woman and an inspiration to us all. So much love coming tour way.

[sweetchix]

Keeping you in my thoughts. (((Hugs)))

[anlo]

I'm praying that you have comfort and peace, that the fears you have are eased, and for your H and your loved ones.

❤️❤️❤️

[Moe]

TODO MI AMOR.

[greenlight]

Oh, his. You are the picture of grace and strength. Many prayers for you, friend.

[miso]

You are wonderful, and we love you.

[Deleted]

<3 <3 <3

[CurlyQ284]

All my love. You've stayed so positive through this, your strength is incredible. I'll be thinking of you and hoping for the best.