Toddler Discipline, help.

[greekypie]

I think my kid is one of the spirited ones.

We are butting heads a lot. When DH is not around, and I tell DS to do things (e.g., come on, it is time for bed - or - let's put your pajamas on now) it is very common for him to look me straight in the eyes and say "NO." He never does this with DH.

Of course, I don't want to - but when he does it repeatedly and obstinately I lay down the law. We do timeout, or he loses a privilege/special toy if he refuses to apologize.

Tonight, he kept telling me NO! to everything, so I had to say "if you say NO to mommy one more time, you won't get a story" "NO." boom, no story. Rinse repeat for his other bedtime comforts. So now he is wailing in his room because bedtime sucked, because he was a brat and I had to follow through with the lesson.

Oh my god, tell me I'm not the only one?!?? What works in this situation?

[drloretta]

All the time. It's like she either doesn't listen to us half the time, or she just says no.

I have been known to put her to bed without a story if she's gotten on my last nerve. Such is life.

[af1212]

We use 123 Magic in our house. Works great for situations like this because it takes all discussion and emotion out of the situation. They have books and a DVD if you are interested. Also - it's simple and easy so both parents can be totally consistent.

[grk2012]

Stick to your guns! We've discovered that DS (now 4) does best when we start by giving him a warning that "in X minutes it'll be time for XYZ." We will often literally set a timer so he can see how much time he has left to play, read, splash in the tub, etc. When the timer beeps, we make a big fat hairy deal about "YAY it's time to [do the next thing]!"

[greekypie]

Sept 14, 2012 21:01:09 GMT -5 af1212 said:

We use 123 Magic in our house. Works great for situations like this because it takes all discussion and emotion out of the situation. They have books and a DVD if you are interested. Also - it's simple and easy so both parents can be totally consistent.

I've heard of this, but I don't know if I'd be good at it, I'm not good at staying non-emotional (which sucks, of course). He is just so stubborn.

I will look at the book, thanks!

[drloretta]

I didn't even use the book. My parents have done the 1-2-3 routine since time immemorial. It does work most of the time with DD. Whatever you choose, consistency is key.

It's HARD to stay unemotional, but I realized a while back that, dammit, I have to be the calm one so she has someone to model against. Which sucks on the days that I really want to lose it with her.

[keh2oblue]

Seriously, get this book. I just started reading it, and it has opened my eyes to the fact that DD is so much like me which is why we butt heads so much and what I'm doing to make it worse.
www.amazon.com/gp/product/0399160590/ref=oh_details_o00_s00_i00

[pacificrules]

I agree with the others that consistency is the key. Good for you for following through on the no story, etc. It's hard! I have a spirited/stubborn child, too, and it's so aggravating! The thing that works most often for her is giving her choices. (Do you want me to help you with jammies, or you do it by yourself? Do you want to fly into your bed or climb?) If I can be creative enough to turn the most mundane things into choices so she feels like she's in control, she's much more likely to go along with it. Anytime I'm trying to be straight to the point and say, "We need to brush your teeth now" or "It's time to pick your stories.", she'll turn into ms. sassypants. Choices work SO much better for us.

Good luck to you! You're SO not alone!

[doctorsbaby]

I count to 3...a lot. I tell her to do something, she either ignored me or says no, so I tell her again, tell her what the consequence will be & start counting. Normally, by 2, she is telling me "no 3 mama" & doing what I told her. If she doesn't, on 3 she gets the consequence. It has to be something immediate, no delay at all. I also have to be very consistent or it doesn't work.

Example: it's time for your bath, let's go upstairs. "no, play!". If you don't go up the stairs, I'm going to carry you up, 1...2...little feet take off running for the stairs. Right now, she is super into doing stuff herself, so the threat of taking that away is a big deal.

[Deleted]

You're not the only one by a long shot

My DS 1 can be very defiant even now at four. He deliberately pushes me to see how far I will go. The trick is to be firm and patient and as consistent as possible. Easier said than done, I know. Taking special toys/privileges away works much better on him than time out because he doesn't stay where I put him and I can't exactly lock him in his room. There have definitely been days where he's lost all his favorite toys and privileges like playing on the computer. Generally speaking, we only have one of those days once in a great while because he realizes we're not kidding around and that he'd better shape up if he wants to have any fun.

I would keep doing what you're doing. I know it's hard but it will only work if you're consistent. If you threaten to take away his bedtime stories and then he continues to misbehave, you have to follow through or else you're shooting yourself in the foot. Good luck!

[Here]

My one year old already has a strong personality. This is going to be fun!

[mollybrown]

How old is he?

Counting to 3 worked great until my son turned 3. That barely gets him moving these days. I'm having to follow through and take away toys/privileges more and more often. It sucks when I have to send him to bed crying because he wouldn't cooperate and didn't get a story, but I figure it will only have to happen so many times before he gets the message.

I'm right there with you. I agree with everyone else that the key is consistency, but it is really tough to give them that tough love. I know it's cliche, but I'm pretty sure it hurts me more when he's wailing in bed.

I think you've got plenty of company

[whitepicketfence]

You are definitely not alone in this. We just had a particularly difficult week with DD1.

We use the 1-2-3 Magic techniques, too. I also agree with the PP who mentioned giving your child choices. By letting her choose how to do whatever it is that I want her to do, she feels like she at least has some control over the situation and is less like to refuse altogether.

Hang in there! Toddlers are tough stuff.

[chia]

Some of the Moms on our local board recommended this book - "Raising your Spirited Child":
www.amazon.com/dp/0060739665/ref=as_li_ss_til?tag=krissfacepage-20&camp=0&creative=0&linkCode=as4&creativeASIN=0060739665&adid=1C0V4094M170YW25GK5T

[Deleted]

Sept 15, 2012 11:44:03 GMT -5 chia said:

Some of the Moms on our local board recommended this book - "Raising your Spirited Child":
www.amazon.com/dp/0060739665/ref=as_li_ss_til?tag=krissfacepage-20&camp=0&creative=0&linkCode=as4&creativeASIN=0060739665&adid=1C0V4094M170YW25GK5T

I really liked that book. It helped me start to think through the WHY for behaviour rather than just how to get compliance.

[mrs07]

Sept 14, 2012 21:54:47 GMT -5 drloretta said:

It's HARD to stay unemotional, but I realized a while back that, dammit, I have to be the calm one so she has someone to model against.

Yes.

It will be worth the effort when you have a teen who can speak and act rationally and is emotionally stable.

[annieh2]

Sept 15, 2012 11:44:03 GMT -5 chia said:

Some of the Moms on our local board recommended this book - "Raising your Spirited Child":
www.amazon.com/dp/0060739665/ref=as_li_ss_til?tag=krissfacepage-20&camp=0&creative=0&linkCode=as4&creativeASIN=0060739665&adid=1C0V4094M170YW25GK5T

The parent educator for an ECFE (Early Childhood and Family Education) class my 2 year old son & I take highly recommends this book. I plan to read it.

[statlerwaldorf]

I like the techniques from 1,2,3 Magic too. DD does better if instead of saying let's get your pjs on I give her two options like "Do you want to wear your frog pjs or your monkey pjs?"

DD listens better for DH and really everyone but me. I don't know if it's because I'm the one with her most of the time or what.

It's also gotten better now that she responds to bribes. If she gets into bed without a fuss, I let her pick a stuffed animal to have in bed with her.