Should I feel guilty

[xctsclrx]

I have realized that I don't do anything with DS in the morning to get him ready. Occasionally, I will brush teeth and put on shoes with him, but its not every morning. DH always drops him off and I always pick him up unless something weird happens.


Our Schedule:



0530-0700: Mom wakes up, works out, gets ready and leaves for work

0600-0700: Dad wakes up gets ready and get DS ready Leaves for work

0630-0700: DS Wakes up gets ready with Dad, leaves for DC



0700-1600- Mom at work

0730-1700- Dad at work- Dad works out at work



1600-1700- Mom picks up DS and brings him home



1700-1800- Mom does dinner and clean up, Dad comes home between 1730 and 1800

1800-1845- Play time with DS.

1845-1915- One parent does does bath and bed time and one parent cleans up clutter. 


For the past year I was on my own with DS from pick up to bed time, because of DH's hours, but now that he is home more I don't feel like I am doing as much. I feel guilty in the mornings, but unless I wake up 30 minutes earlier I don't have much time to help out in the mornings and I already go to bed around 930.

Am I a jerk or does this look like a fair schedule? 

[waverly]

Is your H complaining? Because if he isn't, I would not add more to your plate out of guilt. Guilt can guide us sometimes but most often it's a bit of a misleading emotion.

[xctsclrx]

waverly, no he is not complaining. This is just me.

[waverly]

Then don't say anything. This is rule #1. And yes to answer your question that schedule looks fair and fine etc.

[supertrooper1]

No, don't feel guilty.

I don't do anything to help with getting DS ready in the morning because I leave before he gets up. Sometimes DH feels frustrated that he doesn't have help, but I make up for it in the evening.

[mae0111]

I think this looks fair. It was similar to the schedule DH and I had when I was still working, only flipped. DH would leave for work by 615-630am (depending on where he was working), and would not typically see the kids in the morning. I'd get them as ready as I could before leaving at 745, and then our nanny would take over and get them out the door to school on the days that I went into the office.

DH had evening duty, from about 5-615pm, 3 days a week (assuming he was in town and not traveling). Then I'd get home and we'd split duties until bed time. So it was about even.

Don't feel guilty. At all. You're doing what works, and what you've both agreed to.

[librarychica]

It's pretty similar to our schedule on the days I work. I wouldn't feel guilty.

[erinshelley21]

I wouldn't feel guilty! Enjoy the fair and balanced workload!

[xctsclrx]

mae0111, hahaha not sure if we agreed to it per se but it is what happened.

I think it started when I was getting to work at 6, and he was on his own. When I changed jobs our morning routines didn't change much. Now we have another job change. He had a few weeks where he wanted switch drop off and pick up duties, but changed his mind before we made the switch.

[mae0111]

Every now and then DH and I would have to switch - I'd need to get in for an early meeting, or he'd have to go to a work dinner. DH used to get burnt out on the evening shift - it was harder than mornings in our house. Our jobs were both flexible enough that we could switch now and then, and I do think it helped. If you have similar flexibility, maybe you could switch once in a while.

[mustardseed2007]

My schedule is similar with me working out in the mornings, DH gets the kids ready, then I actually take the kids to DC and DH picks them up. I make dinner while DH vegetates on the couch, then i get the kids ready for bed while DH cleans the kitchen.

Sounds like our two household schedules would be the same if my DH worked out, but he doesn't

[k3am]

So, even before I read your post, my answer was no. 😝

But really, dad handles morning, you handle evenings. Sounds almost fair. If anyone should feel guilty, it's your DH, morning's sound easier.

[freezorburn]

Looks like a great balance. Be happy.

[ECB]

Don't over think it. You're all doing what works best for you now. It'll change over time as your child gets older, as schedules change, or... who knows why.

Even if it's not perfectly even - so what? See above! Roll with what works now.

Here's my reality- due to DHs job (2 weeks on/2 off), the workload LARGELY falls on me. For 2 weeks at a time, I have to plan to handle EVERYTHING myself. If DH gets home during that time and definitely during his 2 weeks off, he steps in and really does all that he can do in order to take a lot of the work off of me.

But realistically, it will never be even. For 2 weeks, it all falls on me. The other 2 weeks, I'm still doing close to half. It is what it is due to DHs job.

What matters to me is that DH jumps in with both feet and does all he can do to help out and take the burden off of me when he's home. Which is fair to me. And that's what I focus on - what's FAIR vs what's equal.

[shakinros]

Seems totally fine to me. I wish my DH did as much as you seem to!

[xctsclrx]

After this morning guilt is completely gone. I took DS to school today, because it was his first day in underwear and I wanted to talk to his teacher. I went for a run and sprained my ankle and knee. Came back limping and still did not get any help from DH. So no more guilt.

[2chatter]

Oh no on the injury!! I hope it heals quickly. Glad for no guilt but hope for also no pain.

[kbw]

Your schedule sounds pretty much like mine in the morning. H gets DS ready for the most part (we try to sit down and have breakfast together). I do all of the wrangling in the afternoon until H is home. It balances out pretty well.

[xctsclrx]

2chatter, It seems to be okay. I feels better as long as I keep moving it. Hopefully no issues tomorrow.

[mellym]

Our schedule is the exact same but I don't work out in the morning. DH sometimes shows frustrations because he can't get the kids to cooperate in the morning and I'm busy packing my lunch or DD1's lunch. I do sometimes feel guilty too but then remember I do the pick-up and have to start on dinner.

Someone once told me the best advice they ever got was to not keep score with your partner when it comes to kids.