Open Letter Wednesday

[msn06]

Sept 6, 2017 15:10:38 GMT -5 mommyatty said:

Sept 6, 2017 15:01:58 GMT -5 msn06 said:

Dear BIL and FSIL

I can't believe no one in the family has told you how tacky and classless it is to have a cash bar at your wedding when your buying the booze and having a friend whose licensed bar tended. Putting a sign up saying the more you drink the more fun we have on our honeymoon doesn't make it okay. A for profit cash bar is wrong

Sincerely,
SIL who wants to gift you only the cash left in your card after she visits the open bar a ton.

Omg. So they are selling their booze to their guests??? Omg. That's honestly a new low. 

Thankfully the wedding is oct 2018 so there is still time to talk them out of it. DH doesn't think it's going to happen.

[2chatter]

msn06 - that's insane! I'd gift them Emily Post. Anonymously.

[msn06]

Sept 6, 2017 15:21:28 GMT -5 2chatter said:

msn06 - that's insane! I'd gift them Emily Post. Anonymously.

I've never even been to a cash bar wedding it's just not something my family or social circle does. So this has me ragey

[phdmomma]

msn06,I was just at a dry wedding for a colleague, and that was disappointing, so I don't mind a cash bar. But a for profit cash bar is super weird.

[k3am]

Sept 6, 2017 15:01:58 GMT -5 msn06 said:

Dear BIL and FSIL

I can't believe no one in the family has told you how tacky and classless it is to have a cash bar at your wedding when your buying the booze and having a friend whose licensed bar tended. Putting a sign up saying the more you drink the more fun we have on our honeymoon doesn't make it okay. A for profit cash bar is wrong

Sincerely,
SIL who wants to gift you only the cash left in your card after she visits the bar a ton.

Hoe
Lee
Shit

I wish this was some kind of elaborate joke.

[msn06]

Sept 6, 2017 15:40:39 GMT -5 phdmomma said:

msn06,I was just at a dry wedding for a colleague, and that was disappointing, so I don't mind a cash bar. But a for profit cash bar is super weird.

Cash bars aren't my favorite but I can deal. Dry weddings always end super early with very little dancing, based on the few I went to.

Deciding to turn your bar into a money making opportunity is crazy to me.

[twinmomma]

I can't with the for profit bar. OMG. Cash bars are a pretty common thing here, especially since a lot of our circle got married when we were young and broke. But those were all at venues, not BYOB events...

[librarychica]

Sept 6, 2017 15:01:58 GMT -5 msn06 said:

Dear BIL and FSIL

I can't believe no one in the family has told you how tacky and classless it is to have a cash bar at your wedding when your buying the booze and having a friend whose licensed bar tended. Putting a sign up saying the more you drink the more fun we have on our honeymoon doesn't make it okay. A for profit cash bar is wrong

Sincerely,
SIL who wants to gift you only the cash left in your card after she visits the bar a ton.

*brake squeal*

This is something.

[akafred]

In the Knot days a cash bar thread was like a spanking thread on the Bump. OMG.

We had a mostly dry wedding but they are common here. It was in the afternoon and family friendly. We had a champagne toast but didnnot have the full bar thing. But it was an afternoon wedding and you weren't allowed to dance at the venue anyway other than a bride/groom first dance and one with mother/son and father/daughter if you wanted. It was at a Victorian B&B and they didn't want to scuff the floors. I promise it was nice though! Also, drinking just isn't a thing in our circles. All those posts people make about booze at family parties are foreign to me. People smoke (extended family) but don't drink much.

[polecat8]

When my SIL got married, you had to pay just to get a soda for dinner. The only free options were water and iced tea. They did give everyone 2 drink tickets, but they were only for beer. Some people were not happy, especially since they put out money for a hotel room because the wedding location was in between both families (so everyone had to travel). DH and I were so done with SIL and BIL's poor planning that we took the tickets from everyone who was not getting beer and had ourselves a good time.

This couple also asked for 'monetary donations' on the bridal shower invitation to help them pay for their honeymoon to Europe. My mom and I purposely didn't give money at the shower and only gave the couple a card at the wedding.

[HeartofCheese]

Sept 6, 2017 15:01:58 GMT -5 msn06 said:

Dear BIL and FSIL

I can't believe no one in the family has told you how tacky and classless it is to have a cash bar at your wedding when your buying the booze and having a friend whose licensed bar tended. Putting a sign up saying the more you drink the more fun we have on our honeymoon doesn't make it okay. A for profit cash bar is wrong

Sincerely,
SIL who wants to gift you only the cash left in your card after she visits the bar a ton.

I have pretty relaxed standards when it comes to etiquette, so (for me) the very least she could have done is say, "In lieu of gifts, please belly up to the cash bar." That'd be cool, right? No? Lol.

[erinshelley21]

The first thing we budgeted for was a full, open bar. Depending on who is getting married, I probably wouldn't attend a dry wedding. If you don't want to pay to have a full open bar, then fine. But at least give your guests some beer and like a signature cocktail. That will do.

Our old neighbors are getting married next month and did the "instead of gifts, please donate money for our honeymoon" I love them, but that got some side eye from me.

[erinshelley21]

Sept 7, 2017 8:09:29 GMT -5 HeartofCheese said:

Sept 6, 2017 15:01:58 GMT -5 msn06 said:

Dear BIL and FSIL

I can't believe no one in the family has told you how tacky and classless it is to have a cash bar at your wedding when your buying the booze and having a friend whose licensed bar tended. Putting a sign up saying the more you drink the more fun we have on our honeymoon doesn't make it okay. A for profit cash bar is wrong

Sincerely,
SIL who wants to gift you only the cash left in your card after she visits the bar a ton.

I have pretty relaxed standards when it comes to etiquette, so (for me) the very least she could have done is say, "In lieu of gifts, please belly up to the cash bar." That'd be cool, right? No? Lol.

I can get behind this. It's like saying "hey, we realize we're messing up here by not providing you booze and we really do just want you here to have a good time with us." They are owning it.

[judyblume14]

Maybe an unpopular opinion, but I'd rather attend a dry wedding than a wedding where I have to bust out my wallet. For anything.

[mommyatty]

For our wedding, we did 3 hours of open bar, then it converted to cash. We honestly thought 3 hours was enough time for the reception. Apparently, it was the party of the century, because it went on for 5 hours. !!! We left after 2.5. It was crazy.

[justcheckingin73]

Dear new mom acquaintance,

I side-eyed you a little when you caught me at drop off last Friday to ask if I could take your 2 youngest kids (7 & 4) after school until 5/5:30 when your dh picked them up. I side-eyed you even more when you said your 4 year old wasn't in a booster anymore Still wondering if you meant 5 point harness or booster but that kid is small and you didn't give me any sort of car seat device so now I'm thinking he rides with nothing?? Anyhow, the boys have never played together so I was happy they could do that and get to know each since we live so close.

However, when you texted me this morning at 7:40 to ask if I could take the kids to school and you'd drop them off at 8:00, I have to admit, I'm feeling like a back-up plan. You know I WFH and I told you as much. I did tell a little white lie that I had calls but I feel like if I say yes once, I'll be doing this frequently and I DNW that.

ETA: I should add that school starts at 9:15 so I would have been watching the kids for an hour. While I'm working. 

Maybe plan ahead a bit? I know things come up and I'm so empathetic toward working parents but I feel taken advantage of already.

Signed,

Not a daycare or taxi service

[2chatter]

justcheckingin73 - this drives me batty! It's the same extreme here - that, or the opposite - total exclusion of my kids because people know I am working. I have some flex - and can easily meet at the pool at 4:30 - so the exclusion made me nuts. I made sure everyone knows I have a sitter now. And it's crazy how things have picked up again for DD!

[xctsclrx]

Dear Body,

Get yourself together. This sick thing is no fun at all

signed

sicko

justcheckingin73, definitely sounds like she is taking advantage. It would be one thing if she said she was sick or if one of them was out of town and she needed help. It is another for last minute notice.

[justcheckingin73]

2chatter, because everyone sees me at drop-off and pick-up, they think I'm around so I get all of the invitations. Now that I'm done at 3, I could probably do it but now I have all of DDs after school activities. I just hate feeling like a back-up plan to her and it amazes me that she would take advantage of me after only "knowing" me since we met in June at a mutual neighbors party.

xctsclrx, yes - that I would understand. But she ended up dropping her kids off so I wondered what the fire drill was about. She also WFH but she has her own business. I'm guessing she doesn't do a typical 8-5 so her assumption about WFH is different than mine.

[librarychica]

justcheckingin73, I don't care if you spend the days repainting your toenails, she's way overreaching.