SOS

[shakinros]

Guys. DH just asked me when the first day of Kindergarten is for DD. I've been home all week on PTO waiting for school to start. We've discussed it eleventy hundred times with DD. It's on our family calendar in the kitchen. We've received 7 or 8 emails from the principal this week about the schedule and drop off procedures.

Him: when is the first day of school?
Me: Friday
Him: the 15th?
Me: ...

[2chatter]

I told DH I had signed up to volunteer. It's on the calendar. I sent him a pic of DS and I. This weekend he asked me where that pic I had sent him was from.

Oblivious and it makes me crazy.

[mommyatty]

I was out of town for Meet the Teacher. We have 2 kids. Our 3 year old is in the same class with the same teacher and TA as DD had 2 years ago. We know the teacher socially. DD is new in kindergarten, where we have no experience. So where does DH spend all his time? Yep, DS's preschool class. He dropped in for the final few minutes of the presentation by the kindergarten teacher. So now I get to look like the asshole mom who didn't go to Meet the Teacher.

Oh, and we had agreed to NOT telegraph any issues with DD's handwriting. So what is the one thing DH tells the new teacher? Yep. We are concerned about her handwriting. MFer. Really? So now I get to go explain we took DD to be evaluated by a dysgraphia specialist who said the school and their pet OT person are full of shit and harming my kid by laser-focusing on her handwriting. And that sending her to OT to try to speed up her brain synapse development is tantamount to sending her to a gynecologist at age 8 to try to speed up her getting her period. So that's going to be a fun conversation we could have avoided.

[sudokufan]

This past weekend - DS actually slept in until 7am (this counts as a small miracle, 5am is more usual), took a decent nap and was a ball of energy and sass as only a 4yo can manage. H got tired of dealing with it and declared bedtime 30 minutes early. Guess whose night it was to actually DO bedtime?

Mental note, I need to buy more wine.

But also, I've had DS's followup ear appointment on our calendar for 2 months. We've discussed it for the past 2 weeks, and it's this Friday. H FINALLY, just this am, confirmed that he can take DS. After much nagging and reminding and "wth can't you just look at your calendar on your GD phone like the rest of us"-ing. But at least I don't have to navigate hospital parking. I truly hate hospital parking. Hell, I might buy H wine just for doing it.

[traveltheworld]

I asked DH to take a few pictures of DS for his first day of kindergarten. DH proceeded to bring along ALL of his camera equipment (and there's a lot), and took pictures of us leaving the house, in the car, exiting the car, walking to the school, in front of the school, inside the school, inside the classroom, DS at his desk, DS at circle time. Most parents took maybe one or two shots on their cell phone when they were in class. It was especially bad when other kids are in the pictures too - what if other parents aren't comfortable with that?!? I tried to stop him but unfortunately was standing on the other side of the room and all my hand signals went unseen, blocked out by his various camera equipment.

[phdmomma]

Dh gets frustrated when cooking dinner takes more than like 10 minutes, but also is unhappy when the food is not delicious. I plan the dinners, and he makes them, because when he plans we get frozen pizza or more take out than our budget can handle. We've done Blue apron and similar, I started finding recipes this week per his request, and they take too long in his mind. Oh, and dinner must be hot, not cold like a salad or sandwiches......I don't even care what dinner is, I just want people to stop complaining about it.

[waverly]

Mine is more along the lines of why doesn't he- put away any snacks he got out, put away his cereal box in the morning, throw his socks down the laundry chute, refill the toilet paper etc etc. Yesterday he got mad because I did dishes, and he wanted to do the dishes- he did not tell me, and I am not a mind reader. OK so this morning when I asked him if he wanted to do the dishes since once again he did not tell me, and I am not a mind reader, he got snarky with me acting like I was nagging him. No waiting until the very last minute before I have to leave the house to do something is not my style, sorry I asked you a question 10 minutes too early for your invisible timeline of procrastination.

Also, and yes he has zero idea of anything on the calendar despite being tagged, invited and e-mailed on said calendar.

He also and this is kind of weird and embarrassing texts our mutual friends way too often. I am sure they are like its H again....Since most of their answers are sorry can't hang out this weekend nope not that weekend either. He needs to chill.

Which leads me to my next one, he must be OCD not on cleanliness, but on random crap like lightbulbs, the lawn, and his shoelaces... I don't get it...

[erinshelley21]

We are having some communication issues right now. DH is going through sometbing, what I'm not sure, but he won't talk to me. When he's upset he needs time to think and doesn't want to talk. Me on the other hand likes to talk, talk, talk. I usually talk so much I create a problem when there isn't one. We are having a hard time finding a middle ground and it's really bothering me

[waverly]

I like hearing other people's stories to make me realize there is no perfect spouse. phdmomma , I plan and cook because H doesn't get home until 7:30/8, and we've eaten long before that. I've lately finally started getting some kid friendly recipes that they will actually eat that are adult enough for us not to hate. So much complaining if I don't.. Lots of pasta dishes, where there's is pasta and ours is pasta plus things like shrimp/ asparagus etc. Anyway, I can totally relate on the complaining. Oh and on the weekend if food isn't exactly the way H wants it he throws epic tantrums, so I am always like whatever you want honey.

We (everyone on WP), however, are all perfect spouses or most of the time anyway.

[2chatter]

Yes! waverly nails it. Down to the socks, toilet paper and food preferences.

Update: DH called me and didn't realize I was ragey due to the accusatory affair text and the fact that he hung up on me this morning because I dared to tell him the wasp spray goes under the kitchen sink (not where he last used it outside). I wasn't even being snarky. More informative. So yeah, the afternoon convo didn't go so well. He asked about the kids and I provided a work-like report out. He asked me project manager type questions and promptly forgot everything I said. Next time he's in town and DD stays home sick I promise he will ask me how many absences she has (the 504 makes that no longer matter). He also threw in a "must be nice" because I swam
with the kids for 45 minutes last night between making dinner and returning the red box movies he parked them in front of when I was out of town Saturday night before showering then reading (for school) with the kids and putting them to bed then working for an extra hour. Oh yes, my evenings are totally leisurely DH.

[saraml13]

Omg with DH and his food issues. He's now on a low carb diet, which is not particularly toddler or baby friendly. He also can't meal plan properly to save his life. He stocked up on a bunch of food last week, then we went out of town for a wedding and he is now gone on a work trip. Our refrigerator is now full of food that will go bad before he eats it. He somehow spent 2 hours prepping food on Monday, but only produced a frittata for breakfast and a single night's dinner.

[akafred]

We haven't had a date night in ages. The last literally 3 date nights we have had last winter/spring we have ended up going back home for one reason or other. In January or February he wanted to watch the Emmies to see if his coworker's won. Another time the movies were sold out. I forget the other but we ended up taking kiddo to parents night out and then not having a night out.

Well I have been looking forward school starting these up again to this for ages. I even thought I made it clear I wanted to go to a movie over the summer and put DD in a drop in or something, but he ended up misunderstanding and we all went to a movie. Sigh. So this Saturday is the next date night and there are no movies playing that I want to see. "It" maybe but I don't really want to be scared. I suggested an escape game that has a 2 person game (don't want to risk having my broken foot stepped on) and asked DH to book it this morning. He didn't, and now they are sold out for Saturday. So guess what we are going to do? Go home.

[mae0111]

I left the dishwasher open today while I ran to do something outside before I forgot. I was gone less than 2 mins. In that time, my girls started rough housing, and DD1 fell into it. She's fine, dw is slightly less so.

I told DH what happened, and asked that the dw remain closed unless we are actively loading it. Apparently he disagrees, because I had to keep closing it. Asked him one more time to close it, then went to laundry room to flip one last load into the dryer. Came out, DH has gone to bed, dw wide open.

Passive aggressive much?

Asked him again not to forget - blew up. It's "ridiculous" that we have to worry about it. Maybe? But it's an easy thing to do... so... get on board and do it!!!

[traveltheworld]

DH was totally ridiculous at DS's swim try out today. You'd think given our personalities, I'd be the intense, demanding parent. But nope, I showed up to try out to find DH pacing back and forth and upset that DS was not concentrating and not performing up to his usual standards, whatever that means. Then he complained that DS was hanging off the side of the pool too much, compared to "all the other kids who are just standing happily in the pool". Somehow he failed to notice that DS was by far the shortest kid there and had to hang on to the side of the pool because his feet can't reach the floor!

Then he wanted DS to continue the assessment when it was clear that DS, who is fighting a cold, was coughing up a storm. Um, our kid has asthma, I don't think making him continue would have been a good idea. And by that point, the poor kid has been in the water for almost an hour and was clearly exhausted. I talked to the head coach who agreed that DS could leave as they have enough to go on. But yeeesh. Now I'm worried DH is going to be one of those crazy sport parents.

[supertrooper1]

DH is pissed that I'm visiting my parents for dinner tomorrow because he doesn't like them and doesn't want DS seeing them. He has no valid reasons, it's just made up stuff in his head due to his anxiety. But he's not coming out and saying it. He's taking out his anger in other ways. Tonight, it was the daycare bag. It has never been my job to make sure clothes are in there because I wouldn't put the "right" clothes in there. But he got mad that it wasn't done tonight and apparently was my job today. This was after listening to him talk at his aunt visiting from Alaska for over two hours. The aunt barely got a word in and MIL and I just sat there.

[freezorburn]

2chatter I'm so sorry -- it's no fun to be on the receiving end of a false accusation, especially something so terrible. It's a massive red flag. Doesn't mean YH has done anything wrong, but likely his thoughts and emotions are not in the healthiest of places. I would not let this slide. (((hugs)))

[akafred]

Sept 6, 2017 22:52:45 GMT -5 freezorburn said:

2chatter I'm so sorry -- it's no fun to be on the receiving end of a false accusation, especially something so terrible. It's a massive red flag. Doesn't mean YH has done anything wrong, but likely his thoughts and emotions are not in the healthiest of places. I would not let this slide. (((hugs)))

My ex used to pull this. Guess who was cheating. Not me!

[shakinros]

Sept 6, 2017 15:47:30 GMT -5 waverly said:

He also and this is kind of weird and embarrassing texts our mutual friends way too often. I am sure they are like its H again....Since most of their answers are sorry can't hang out this weekend nope not that weekend either. He needs to chill.

Omg same. He's also always ALWAYS texting his friend with questions that could be answered by googling.

[erinshelley21]

DS is supposed to bring cookies to school on Monday. Either DH thinks I will forget or he is really into the idea of being a cool dad and is going to the pricey bakery in town to order the cookies. This will probably cost about $40 when I could get the same amount of cookies for like $15 from the grocery store. He's in a funk though and if this helps him then I am all for it because whatever he has going on is leaving me feeling really lonely. He assures me that I have done nothing wrong and I'm trying really really hard to leave him alone and not bug him with questions. He had class last night, works tomorrow, class Saturday 8-5, and works Sunday. So, he's not even home all that much to begin with but when he is home he doesn't want to talk.

[waverly]

Ugh another fight this morning where he threw a 99% complimentary thing that my boss said in my face. He twisted it around to be a negative, and he wasn't even there for the conversation between me and the boss. Also I'm kind of ragey anyway in the morning so it doesn't take much to piss me off in the mornings...

[saraml13]

Tonight is parent orientation at our new daycare/preschool. Anyone want to place bets on what combination of embarrassing moves DH will pull?

A. Elbowing people out of the way to be the first in line for refreshments.

B. Asking a question that was JUST addressed by the speaker and demonstrates that he clearly wasn't listening.

C. Getting antsy and looking around like he clearly wants to leave.

D. Making snarky comments under his breath about the administration and/or other parents.

[akafred]

Sept 7, 2017 16:48:14 GMT -5 saraml13 said:

Tonight is parent orientation at our new daycare/preschool. Anyone want to place bets on what combination of embarrassing moves DH will pull?

A. Elbowing people out of the way to be the first in line for refreshments.

B. Asking a question that was JUST addressed by the speaker and demonstrates that he clearly wasn't listening.

C. Getting antsy and looking around like he clearly wants to leave.

D. Making snarky comments under his breath about the administration and/or other parents.

C and D

[erinshelley21]

DH finally admitted that I was his problem. My waffling back and forth on selling/not selling has stressed him out so bad that he claims the last month has been the hardest out of the last 7 years.

When he told me that I had a panic attack and almost passed out.

I clearly need to make a change in my professional life.

[callmekd]

Sept 7, 2017 21:13:30 GMT -5 erinshelley21 said:

DH finally admitted that I was his problem. My waffling back and forth on selling/not selling has stressed him out so bad that he claims the last month has been the hardest out of the last 7 years.

When he told me that I had a panic attack and almost passed out.

I clearly need to make a change in my professional life.

Are you ok? I'm glad he told you. In all honesty, the waffling has stressed me out and I'm not married to you!

Do you feel better now that you know? Does he feel better now that he told you?

[erinshelley21]

Sept 7, 2017 21:25:08 GMT -5 callmekd said:

Sept 7, 2017 21:13:30 GMT -5 erinshelley21 said:

DH finally admitted that I was his problem. My waffling back and forth on selling/not selling has stressed him out so bad that he claims the last month has been the hardest out of the last 7 years.

When he told me that I had a panic attack and almost passed out.

I clearly need to make a change in my professional life.

Are you ok? I'm glad he told you. In all honesty, the waffling has stressed me out and I'm not married to you!

Do you feel better now that you know? Does he feel better now that he told you?

I'm okay now. This has been really annoying.

I do feel better now that I know only because it proves that I do still know my husband lol. I think he feels better too. I'm hoping today at lunch my brother and I can come up with a solid plan to make THIS buyout work.

[akafred]

erinshelley21, kind of funny considering your H is waffling so much on the house too! I think it must be hard on both of you to feel so out of control right now, like external forces are in control of your futures. Find where YOU have power and enact that power. Sounds like your house. If it really depends on the work situation then put the house decision on hold for now, just table it for 3 months or 6 months or whatever. Or, if the decisions you make in your work life are completely independent of the decisions you make regarding the house, then come together and make that decision so you both feel in control. Also I know it sounds hokey but some guided meditation might help you sort through some of the stressors.

[judyblume14]

erinshelley21, I was going to say exactly what callmekd said - you and your H are two peas in a pod. I'm sorry you had such an extreme physical reaction, but I'm glad you were able to talk about it. Hopefully the offer you got this week will help you move towards some clarity on the profession front.

[erinshelley21]

akafred, I find it funny too. He thinks the house situation depends on the work situation while I don't since we do have enough money to do one of the 2 bigger projects we've talked about without getting a loan. He doesn't want to make that decision though until I decide what I'm doing and he can't give me a good reason why. It's not like me getting a new job will cause use to move. We can't leave free childcare. Plus, DH's family would probably crumble without him since he's the person they all call when they need something.

judyblume14, we really are. We normally do a good job at balancing each other out and picking up the other's slack in terms of support. We have been through A LOT in the 9 years we've been together. Hell his best friend died 1 month and 1 day after we started dating so it's been a roller coaster from the start. We're both going through things right now though and we are having a hard time with the balancing act.

[xctsclrx]

saraml13, all of the above.

[saraml13]

xctsclrx, akafred,

C and D.

Plus E: Spending the entire time during the teacher's presentation building an elaborate tower of playdoh.

Sadly, there were no refreshments. So DH doubled down on D by making snarky comments about how he was starving.