Funny Convos

[mommyatty]

This weekend talking about getting birthday gifts for 2 girls who have parties this weekend:

Me: What does Girl A like to do?
DD: Mainly she likes to pick her boogers and eat them.
DH: they don't carry anything like that at Target.
Me (quietly): We could get her a jumbo pack of Kleenex.
DH: (spits coffee)
DD: Mommy, did you just say something rude?
Me: How about princesses? Does she like princesses?

Also this weekend, when DD had a runny nose:

Me: if you have a cold and fever, you will have to stay home from school.
DD: can you take my temperature with the thermometer?
Me: (takes temp) No fever!
DS: Momma, can you take my fever too?
Me: (takes temp) No fever!
DS: I got no fever, Sister got no fever! Nobody got no fever! Maybe Batman has a fever!

[judyblume14]

Yesterday morning when DD1 (3yo) climbed up into our bed when she woke up. She was all up in my face.

DD: Hmmm. Hmmm. What it smells like?
Me: What do you mean?
DD: Your mouth stinks.
Me: Well, I haven't brushed my teeth yet. When we brush our teeth in the morning it's so our mouth doesn't stink.
DD: Ew. Yuck. Stinky.
Me: Smell daddy's mouth, it's stinky too.
DD: (smells H's breath)
DD: Yours is more stinky, Mommy.

[186momx]

Last night the phone rang and it was DD's friend S from old daycare. S is a 7 year old boy and they go to different schools.

S: Can you tell DD about these new Pokemon cards I got and...
Me: No but you can talk to DD. DD phone
DD: Who? S, okay. Hi S
They proceed to have a 20 minute conversation about Pokemon and getting a game set up and a play date with all these different people from school. Then they start singing each other songs and the Kiss Camera at the Ems game and about G's dad kissing another dude.

I'm listening and trying not to laugh so finally get the phone back with S's mom and we agreed to find time for them to have a play date next weekend so that S can teach DD how to play Pokemon. The worse part is I can hear S's older brother giving him a hard time about talking to a girl on the phone for so long and about how he loves DD. We know the sibling ribbing LOL

[2chatter]

I bought DS two new Nerf guns. He was excited about a war with DH and I. He refuses to actually shoot them. "Picking up the bullets is so tedious. It's not worth it."

[Covergirl82]

We bought tickets to a football game at our favorite university. (DH went there 2 years before transferring, and I grew up in the city next door, so I consider it like my hometown team.)

Me telling the kids:
DS: Yes!! (He had been asking for weeks when we were going)
DD: Mommy, you know I don't like football.

[olenka]

Not a convo I had, but this was documented on my D's preschool daily sheet:

D: "my dad has a mustache and a long beard."
Teacher: "do you have a mustache or a beard?"
D: "nope. But I will in a couple of years."

Also she and I were talking about space travel and how you could go to the Moon.

Me: "could you go to the sun?"
D: "no way! If you sat on the sun, it would burn your butt."
Me: "what about the stars? Can you visit the stars"
D: "nah, they are too small for your butt to sit down."

[mustardseed2007]

DD talking to our Alexa trying to get Moanna music to play --

DD: Awexa, pway oanna!!!

Nothing happens

DD: It not wohking.

[twinmomma]

Kids went to a birthday party with daycare friends, who all go to different schools now.
Me: How cool! You got to see all your daycare friends!
DD1: Ya, we saw (names all kids)
Me: Did you talk to anyone about kindergarten?!
DD2: Uh, no mom. We were at gymnastics. We did gymnastics, we didn't have time to talk.

Well excuuuuuse me! lol

[sweetptater]

Convo with DD last night as she was playing hairstylist:

DD: Welcome to DD's Hair Salon.
Me: Thank you, I'm happy to be here.
DD: It's kind of hairy in there, but don't worry, I clean it sometimes.
Me: Oh good, I hate hairy.

Loooooooong pause as she fluffs my hair.

DD: So. Have you danced with any mops lately?
Me: .....

[mae0111]

Background: We were talking about middle names, and DH's is very unusual. I will use an example below. DD2 is 4.

DD2: mommy, what's your middle name
Me: <tells middle name.> What's yours, DD2?
DD2: <says middle name>. Daddy, what's your middle name?
DH: It's Ezekiel.
DD2: ...<silence, staring at DH>...
DD2: you lyin'

Next convo...

DD2: Mommy, I don't put things in my mouth. Only babies do that. And DD1. But not me! I never do that!
Me: Um, yesterday at the playground, I had to ask you several times to stop licking the swing. So... sometimes you do...
DD2: <pause> I don't think so. can I please see the video of that?

[HeartofCheese]

#1
DD: I want to hold a birdie!
Me: You know what they say about birdies?
DD: Birdies poop in the potty!
Me: That's what they say about birdies?
DD: They mommies do.

#2
DS: I love you in my love attic.

ETA: Then when DS was mad at me, he said, "I don't love you in my love attic anymore! It's not forever! You bad, mommy!"

[mommyatty]

DD's favorite threat when she is just spitting mad at us is, "When I grow up, I'm never going to let you be my kids' babysitter!"

DS, whenever his feeling are hurt, will say, "Fine. I'm just going to go pee in my pants then."

[mustardseed2007]

This is a convo DD (3) had but not with a person - she was trying to get the Alexa machine to play music from Moanna.

DD: Awexa, pway oanna!

*nothing happens*

DD *stamping her foot*:it not wohking.

[polecat8]

From the 3 year old -
"I not drunk! I'm a big boy!"
"I'm not cute! I'm (says his name)!"

Me: "We're going to grandma and pappy's today."
DS1: "We're going to grandma and pappy's today?"
Me: "Yes."
DS1: "Really? Fuck."

DS1 loves to repeat every word we say...

[dashook]

My DS is 2.5 and was a little bit later than many of his same-aged friends to put together full sentences. Now, however, he is apparently speaking at the teenaged boy level.

Last Friday, before we left for Cape Cod for the weekend:
Me: DS, do you need me to change your diaper before we hit the road?
DS: No, I think I'm good.

A few days ago, while trying to figure out how to drink from my Camelbak water bottle:
DS: "What's going on with this thing?"

[dashook]

Sept 12, 2017 9:51:38 GMT -5 polecat8 said:

Me: "We're going to grandma and pappy's today."
DS1: "We're going to grandma and pappy's today?"
Me: "Yes."
DS1: "Really? Fuck."

OMG 

[mustardseed2007]

OMG from my friend when she was putting her daughter to bed. Too funny not to share:

Mom: I love you DD
Her DD: ....long awkward pause.....I love Moanna.

[twinmomma]

Dd1: mommy, moana swam in the water beyond the reef. Would you do that?!
Me: if i had to save my whole family and my island, probably. Would you?
Dd2: i'd definitely bring a tiger with me. In case there were sharks. Deeeeeeffffinitely need a tiger.

[kimberlybb]

I found a huge wolf spider in the house yesterday. I went to flush it down the toilet and DS started freaking out saying “Don’t put him in the toilet. He’ll never find his spider family. The mom spider is missing him…”

[traveltheworld]

DS (5): "I'm going to live with you forever mommy."
I: "Ooh, you don't want to buy your own house?"
DS: "No, it cost too much money."
I: "what are you going to do with your money then?"
DS: "I'll buy toys for my kids."
I: "your kids?"
DS: "yes, if I decide to have them. I'm not sure on that point yet."

[186momx]

Yesterday picking DD up from after care

DD: Mommy I got really angry 2 times at school today
Me: oh...what did you do?
DD: I popped mind bubbles until I calmed down as it isn't okay to yell in class
Me: that good but you should also tell your teacher what is making you angry so you can problem solve

We got this book about mindfulness and meditation for kids called Mind Bubble and it talks about popping bubbles to empty your mind and how when you concentrate on breathing or popping imaginary bubbles to you can calm yourself. I'm glad all that practice is working

[greenmonkey1]

186momx If you do not mind me asking, how old is your DD? I am looking for a good mindfulness book for me/DS1 who needs to learn some ways to deescalate when he gets angry. We've tried blowing out his imaginary candle, which is ehhh for him. He might respond to popping mind bubbles. Or some combination of the two.

[mustardseed2007]

Another good book we recently got for DS is called "I can handle it." It talks through problems kids encounter and comes up with 3 potential solutions for each problem...it's cute and DS actually really likes the book.

[186momx]

greenmonkey1, I will look up the title and author tonight. My girlfriend gave it to DD as the author is actually in her meditation group and she wrote it just for kids.

[186momx]

greenmonkey1, I got the info from my girlfriend
Title: Mind bubbles - exploring mindfulness with kids
Author: Heather Krantz MD

Barnes and Nobles carries it

[greenmonkey1]

Sept 13, 2017 15:36:46 GMT -5 186momx said:

greenmonkey1 , I got the info from my girlfriend
Title: Mind bubbles - exploring mindfulness with kids
Author: Heather Krantz MD

Barnes and Nobles carries it

Thank you!