Open Letters

[waverly]

supertrooper1, + 1 to not being OK with this unless a mutual friend that I trusted. I've been paranoid lately, so maybe it is me.

[supertrooper1]

I'm strangely ok with this, mostly because he can't come back and say anything when I go out with coworkers. I just wish he would be upfront and say it was the coworker I think it is. He hasn't told me for sure, and says it's because a lot of former students are starting in the game. But he's always had former students starting. One if his former students was even signed in the preseason by the NFL, but he's never shown interest. If it was a guy asking him to go, he would say his name. I think it's the widow he was helping out this summer. I Know it's not the whole grade going because they babysitter is a teacher in the grade. I'll be asking a lot more questions when he gets home from work.

[mustardseed2007]

supertrooper1, I like your strategy. Let me look at your face while you're telling me about this plan....

[2chatter]

supertrooper1 - that would make me super uncomfortable. I admire your calm.

Dear DH,
You do realize that the next time we see each other will be in October, right? Blowing me off Sunday night in favor of TV was a jerky thing to do. I can deal with that. But you damn well better be here for Halloween this year. I am fine if you meet us at the coast for Thanksgiving, but you get at least two kids for the drive home in your car and no you cannot arrive ON Thanksgiving. We also have houseguests for NYE so don't plan to fly out on 1-1 either. No more holiday travel. Seriously.
Wife

[akafred]

Dear WPs,

Do you think a start time of 7:15 pm is too late for a Sat night party where we would project a movie on a house outside? My H thinks it is.

I wanna have friends over

[waverly]

supertrooper1 , the widow was my first thought as well.

akafred - not too late. however, our movie night times change with the the time that it gets dark, so summer 7, but fall we are usually closer to 6 or 6:30 because it gets dark earlier. If no one can make it until 7 then fine. We usually have dessert for after dinner then- popcorn, s'mores, a bonfire and wine. And it usually goes until 9 or 9:30 because they have kids to put to bed as well.

2chatter- H has missed 2 or 3 Halloweens.  It makes me so mad.  I was going to explain why, but I think you understand why already.  Especially with young kids. 

[2chatter]

waverly I totally get why! We also host a giant trick or treat pre-party - and I now have to rely on friends to help with things DH and I would usually cover between us - pizza pick up, administration of the pinata, candy pass out, bar tending... I managed last year but don't plan to again this year, especially as DD and her friends need supervision while the two younger kids need to go to bed. There's only one of me!!

[186momx]

akafred no that doesn't seem late. We still don't get dark until well after 8 here. Tried a movie in the park over the summer and with a 9:30pm start we went home 15 minutes after the movie started as we were all exhausted already with sitting outside since 7 holding our grass space.

[erinshelley21]

supertrooper1 big fat no to my husband going OOT with another woman other than his mom, sister or grandma. Not happening.

[akafred]

supertrooper1, I hate to say it but are you super duper sure he isn't cheating with her? Or wants to? I don't mean to be indelicate, but many red flags are there.

My H went to his high school reunion with a female friend but it was a very different situation.

[supertrooper1]

akafred, I know he wants to sleep with her. I don't think it's happened yet. But I really don't care if he does. Less BJ's he wants from me. I just want him to be truthful about it and not make up a football game story. And not give me crap about anything in the future, like going out for drinks with a group of coworkers, which only happens once or twice a year.

[rere]

@supertrooper you seem resigned. I am so angry for you and want check your Dh. Isn'he weird about babysitting normally?

[akafred]

supertrooper1, I am really sorry. I don't know what to say really. Do you want to stay married?

[supertrooper1]

Update: DH claims it was a male teacher that asked him to go and a group is going. He said he volunteered to drive since he doesn't drink. So I believe part of his story. I think it was the male teacher that asked him to go, but I think he'll be driving his female widow friend.

rere, yes, he is weird about babysitting. This is someone we have used a couple times in the past and he trusts her. But the strange part for me is that we so rarely go out, it surprised me that he had no problems setting up the sitter this time.

akafred, I'm on the fence. Sometimes yes, other times no. I have a counseling appointment tomorrow and the main topic will be DH.

[erinshelley21]

Dear acquaintance,
You are hilarious if you are almost 5 years into this parenting gig and think your kids won't act like total fools just because "you won't put up with it." 1. I know your kid acts like a fool because your mil and SIL tell me about it all the time. 2. Never say never when it comes to your kids.
Signed, a fellow mom who keeps getting good laughs from our conversations

[erinshelley21]

supertrooper1 I'm sorry you're feeling this way about your marriage. I hope your appt brings you some clarity.

[twinmomma]

Dear DH,
If you fall asleep on the couch, stay there. Busting open our bedroom door to finally climb into bed at 4:45 AM is NOT COOL when my alarm goes off at 5:15. And the correct response to me pointing this out is not "It's only a half hour earlier than you would normally get up, what's the big deal?" An apology would have been nice.
Signed,
Tired, grumpy wife

[xctsclrx]

twinmomma, omg my DH did almost the exact same thing this morining except it was 415 and I get up at 515. Then little man woke up at 445 calling for mommy. I put him the bed with daddy and went for my run at that point ugh. coffee is in hand.

[xctsclrx]

supertrooper1, I am not sure I would be handling things the way you are. I hope your apt helps and oh can I punch your DH in the face?

infidelity maybe issues aside; I am angry with him because he always gives you guys a hard time with the babysitter situation for dates, but this? No problem I got this.

[sweetptater]

Dear DH,

This is the 4th time I have tried to make things easy on you when I'm not home in the evening. I had dinner with friends last night so I had a meatloaf all ready to go for you, all you had to do was pop it in the oven and open a can of green beans. Instead, you take them out for Mexican. And the last time when I had spaghetti and homemade meatballs ready for you, all you had to do was heat it up. You took them for pizza. And the time before that when I had taco meat cooked and ready for you - McDonald's that night. Seriously, stop. I'm sick of putting forth the effort only for you to decide it's "too much work" (whatever that means). From here on out, you're on your own.

Tired of trying,
Me

[sweetptater]

supertrooper1, that must be so tough. You do seem resigned. I hope you're able to talk things through and figure some things out at your appointment.

[twinmomma]

xctsclrx, I raise my mug of coffee to you in solidarity.

[2chatter]

supertrooper1 - what xctsclrx said! It's unconscionable to me that he can set up a sitter for this but not for dates with you.

sweetptater - I have given up. I plan to order uber eats for my family when I am away. Because I know what DD can and cannot have, and DH will take them out to places with nothing on the menu she can have. He also won't actually finish cooking anything I leave and won't permit DD to cook it as it "messes up the kitchen" (and I am not there to clean it). So...two nights of her cooking just for her then three of uber eats. Then for my work trip my ILs will be here so I will prep actual food. It's infuriating all around though!

[HeartofCheese]

supertrooper1 , I'm pissed for you. I don't think anything would stop me from calling him out just b/c I'm not going to put my head in the sand so he can pretend I don't know.

[HeartofCheese]

Dear XSIL,

For a long time, I assumed that the fights you and my brother got into were probably my brother's fault. As you got closer to divorce, I began to believe my brother when he said you screamed a lot, were unpredictably distant, ran hot and cold, and were unkind. So I started to see you two as a bad fit.

Until now. After 7 years of being my SIL and seeming to get along well with each other, I have just discovered that you were blocking me on FB. Clearly you are absolutely batshit crazy.

Signed,
Nobody puts baby on the blocked list

[freezorburn]

supertrooper1, infidelity is a form of emotional abuse. And I would even say YH's tendency to prioritize another woman's needs (nevermind the sad circumstances) over the needs of your family, is a form of neglect, which also falls under the umbrella of abuse. It's up to you, to know when to say enough is enough. You deserve better. And your family deserves better.