Thursday Updates

[erinshelley21]

I think today is the day!!!! It's going to be incredibly bittersweet just signing the papers even though I'll still be working through April or May of next year, but just knowing that I'm at the end of this thing is a relief, scary, and exciting all at the same time. 

We have come up with a generous offer to the Asshole that works for us to get his help with the transition. Basically offering him half of his salary to do the right thing and put in a good word for us. We are not telling him what is happening until mid-October when we get back from vacation. He better be okay with the terms or I'm fully prepared to stop paying him in November or December and he can figure his own shit out. 

I still don't know what I'm getting DH for his birthday. And we still don't know what we are doing with the house. We are both trying to be okay with not deciding until next summer but neither of us are handling waiting very well lol.

[supertrooper1]

Congrats on the deal erinshelley21!

[mellym]

Congratulations erinshelley21! On to the next chapter

[Covergirl82]

Congrats, erinshelley21! That is exciting to have closure, especially with the Asshole.

Following receiving my ancestry results from Ancestry DNA, I've been building out my family tree. I found that Scottish ancestors on my mom's side were nobility/in the peerage (Earl of Drummond), and Drummond Castle still exists (and the public can visit the gardens). So that was a pretty exciting/fun find. So I told DH that whenever we take our trip to Ireland, we need to add Scotland to it, because I want to visit Drummond Castle.

[k3am]

erinshelley21, woohoo! It's been a long ride.

We have been pretty boring in our household. DS has a cold, I have a cold, DH has a cold, DD is holding out. I found a new ballet/tap class for DD that works for our schedule. She has a trial class on Saturday - hopefully she likes it. Or at least she decides she doesn't like it before I sink time/money into classes replacing all her gear that she's outgrown. DS is still boring. (I said it. 16-month-olds are boring.)

DH wants an award for coming up with the idea that we need a date night. I told him it's not enjoyable to me when I have to plan it. He says he'll totally plan it. I just need to arrange for babysitters and let him know what I want to do. Yep. No work on my part.

[sweetptater]

Sept 28, 2017 9:45:35 GMT -5 k3am said:

DH wants an award for coming up with the idea that we need a date night. I told him it's not enjoyable to me when I have to plan it. He says he'll totally plan it. I just need to arrange for babysitters and let him know what I want to do. Yep. No work on my part.

This made me laugh - that's totally my DH. 

[k3am]

I turn 35 this year. I imagine my birthday celebration - if there is one - will be much the same. Add in the fact that it falls on Thanksgiving (so I get to do my least favorite thing of the year on my birthday) and my mother will be staying with us (on the effing couch instead of in the guest room because she "doesn't like" our guest room), I'm pretty much prepared for a not great birthday.

I'm super negative Nancy. I'm going to just head down to the courthouse for my name change now...

[rere]

Only update is the first day without coffee and I went to bed at 8:30 with a horrible headache. Woke up about 12 and had to take an Advil. I'm not really prone to headaches. I must have been drinking A LOT of coffee, since I did have a diet coke yesterday.

[sweetptater]

Sept 28, 2017 10:41:32 GMT -5 rere said:

Only update is the first day without coffee and I went to bed at 8:30 with a horrible headache. Woke up about 12 and had to take an Advil. I'm not really prone to headaches. I must have been drinking A LOT of coffee, since I did have a diet coke yesterday.

Can I ask why you're giving up coffee? I drink way (way, way, way) too much coffee. I need to cut back and/or give it up, but it's such a ritual for me. I love my coffee in the morning. And afternoon. 

[phdmomma]

Things are alright, DH is coming home from a work trip tonight. I got the kids off to school and daycare and got ready for the cleaning folks myself. I had a doctor appointment today, and stopped on the way back to buy some pumpkin everything at Trader Joes. I've been having a ton of sinus infections over the last two years, and my ears are full of fluid, but not infected. So I have a CT scan tomorrow of my sinuses to figure out if there is anything else going on. On the plus side its like 4 blocks from my house, and I can walk there and then to work.

[shakinros]

Congratulations erinshelley21 !

[erinshelley21]

Ok, today is the day but my brother has thrown a small wrench in the plans. A small wrench that arrives in 9ish months lol. His wife is pregnant and due in June next year, so he wanted to see if I would help him get through our busy summer season. I said yes of course since he has held down the fort for me twice.

We've drank a marg and are going back to the office to sign the papers.

[mae0111]

Congratulations erinshelley21! Great news all around!

I have an interview tomorrow. It's for a part time admin position at my old high school. It's about 10 steps backward from a career perspective, but could work out well for our family. I would get my own paycheck again, and they offer tuition breaks for the kids (they start in 5th grade, tuition is $45K per year). Also offer reduced tuition for their awesome summer camps.

I also got a call from a consultant I hired several years ago at my old job. She landed a great job in healthcare, and needs someone with my skillset. Thinks she could get me a good part time, fully remote job. So I'm waiting to see what's happening there.

I posted last week about a friend that has been less than supportive lately. I haven't spoken to her, because I'm not ready. She has finally figured out that I'm upset with her, and has been asking other people to contact me. She sent me an email today that basically said that she was sorry for being a crappy friend, but it felt... perfunctory, I guess? Bottom line is that I realize now that I put her in the wrong category of "friend". She's a surface-level friend, not a good friend, and that realization has also caused me some pain. I'm struggling with how to respond. I don't think that pointing out why I'm upset will do anything. She will flip it around and make herself a victim. But I don't want to completely brush it off and open myself up to becoming her de facto therapist. Any advice??

[katrine05]

Congratulations erinshelley21!

We've got renters for one of our suites lined up for November 1st. Better than nothing. Still not much interest on the other one.

I'm off work tomorrow, PD day for DD. We've got lots of errands and party prep to do. Saturday we're having a big bbq to celebrate DS's birthday and show off the new house. Hoping the weather cooperates, we have a huge deck and yard, I want to use it! I also got a bounce house for the kids.

[saraml13]

Sept 28, 2017 9:45:35 GMT -5 k3am said:

erinshelley21, woohoo! It's been a long ride.

We have been pretty boring in our household. DS has a cold, I have a cold, DH has a cold, DD is holding out. I found a new ballet/tap class for DD that works for our schedule. She has a trial class on Saturday - hopefully she likes it. Or at least she decides she doesn't like it before I sink time/money into classes replacing all her gear that she's outgrown. DS is still boring. (I said it. 16-month-olds are boring.)

DH wants an award for coming up with the idea that we need a date night. I told him it's not enjoyable to me when I have to plan it. He says he'll totally plan it. I just need to arrange for babysitters and let him know what I want to do. Yep. No work on my part.

Yes, this is DH's approach to "planning" as well. Then he doesn't understand why I don't want to do things.

[rere]

Sept 28, 2017 11:12:47 GMT -5 sweetptater said:

Sept 28, 2017 10:41:32 GMT -5 rere said:

Only update is the first day without coffee and I went to bed at 8:30 with a horrible headache. Woke up about 12 and had to take an Advil. I'm not really prone to headaches. I must have been drinking A LOT of coffee, since I did have a diet coke yesterday.

Can I ask why you're giving up coffee? I drink way (way, way, way) too much coffee. I need to cut back and/or give it up, but it's such a ritual for me. I love my coffee in the morning. And afternoon. 

After getting my gallbladder out, my digestion runs a little fast, and cofee contributes to that. Plus, I was drinking a yeti full in the morning and was getting kind of jittery, plus anxious about my stomach. I'm in mourning though.

[sweetptater]

Sept 28, 2017 13:51:44 GMT -5 rere said:

Sept 28, 2017 11:12:47 GMT -5 sweetptater said:

Can I ask why you're giving up coffee? I drink way (way, way, way) too much coffee. I need to cut back and/or give it up, but it's such a ritual for me. I love my coffee in the morning. And afternoon. 

After getting my gallbladder out, my digestion runs a little fast, and cofee contributes to that. Plus, I was drinking a yeti full in the morning and was getting kind of jittery, plus anxious about my stomach. I'm in mourning though.

Ugh, I feel for you. I'm drinking at least a pot every day. I think it definitely contributes to my anxiety, but it's such a habit now. 

[erinshelley21]

k3am, reschedule your birthday for the following week. You can do that.

[2chatter]

mae0111 - let that friend be your guide. Do you need a therapist right now? No? Don't reach out to her. Be fun when you encounter her and call her when you need her. But don't bend over for her.

My update is that I am home!!! San Diego last week was like a dream. I'm...still overwhelmed by it. My friends and I went out a few nights and to say I received a lot of attention is an understatement (best one: guy is walking his bike, a friend and I were sitting on a wall talking. We said some perfunctory hello and he responded with some line like "it's a great day now that you are in it" and proceeded to literally walk into a dumpster - in the middle of the afternoon. I didn't see it because I was facing the wrong way, but my friend was laughing so hard she almost fell over.) I can't help thinking I must be giving off some vibe I don't know about. It has been consuming my thoughts as to what that means. My friends all brought it up and we discussed and dissected re: my marriage but they all agree that I was being totally normal and clearly didn't look open to anything. They were no help except to say things like "it's really, really weird - no offense - it's like you are a magnet or it's a love spell." We were at a bar and a random 20 something moved me over, physically, and said if I didn't want to get hit on to stand on the other side of him so he was between me and the rest of the bar because it was even annoying to him - my friends and I literally could not get through a conversation.

So I'm pondering that and wondering if DH has been picking whatever that is up and that's why he keeeeps asking if I am having an affair. I really want to ask him but I am guessing "so I was hit on so many times in California that it was overwhelming, is there some vibe happening?" Would not go over well.

[ilovelucyvv]

Congrats erinshelley21!

[traveltheworld]

Congrats erinshelley21,!

DH and I are both traveling for work this week so the kids have been with my parents. Apparently DS has been very nice to DD and let her sleep in his bed every night so far. He still won't let her facetime me without blocking the screen and talking over her, but I'll take what I can get.

[frozenpeas]

Late update, but I received my new mouse for my work computer with a clicky thingy that actually functions, and it is amazing. I can't believe I allowed myself to suffer for so long.

Neighbor's current debt to my husband: $0. (As a reminder, this is the guy down the street who routinely borrows $20+ at a time, then randomly pays H back. Only to turn around and borrow it back again a day or so later.). But that's only because we've been ignoring his late night door knocking or just missing him when we're out. I've watched him on our security camera actually lighting a lighter and peering in our windows when we don't answer. And he comes back multiple times a day. It's very creepy.

[mommyatty]

frozenpeas, holy shit. So creepy. You gotta cut him off permanently.

[mustardseed2007]

frozenpeas Two words: Drug. Addict.

[frozenpeas]

Sept 29, 2017 9:47:46 GMT -5 mustardseed2007 said:

frozenpeas Two words: Drug. Addict.

I know, that's my fear. I don't want to finance anyone's bad/illegal habit, but I also don't want to piss off someone who might react unpredictability. I know I'm being unfair since he seems nice enough and is maybe just down on his luck. But I honestly wish my husband had never given him $ to begin with. Now I feel a little stuck.

[2chatter]

frozenpeas - can you have the police do a wellness check at HIS home? Explain the situation including the lighter and see if they are Game?

[frozenpeas]

Sept 29, 2017 10:06:07 GMT -5 2chatter said:

frozenpeas - can you have the police do a wellness check at HIS home? Explain the situation including the lighter and see if they are Game?

Oooh, interesting idea and not one I'd considered. I'll have to think about it. I don't think he actually needs a wellness check (he seems to be employed and relatively healthy, etc.), so I think it might only serve to bust him if he's up to no good. I might be too chicken to open that can of worms, but we'll see how I feel after this cycle continues a little longer.

[2chatter]

frozenpeas I would be chicken too until I wasn't! We waited three years to call police and code compliance on the people formerly next door. The house was eventually sold, flipped and amped up our property value. But I had to get to the point of having had more than enough before anything happened.

[greenmonkey1]

frozenpeas Could you check the criminal docket in your county and nearest municipal courts to see if he has any past or current interactions with the law? You might not be able to find anything, but then again you might and it could be useful in terms of how much avoidance is needed.

[frozenpeas]

greenmonkey1, a google search a while ago didn't turn up anything, but it's a common name. He also isn't on the sex offender list, for what it's worth. I'm not sure how to search the criminal dockets and it's not obvious (to me) from the county court website. Any suggestions on where to look?