Open Letters

[supertrooper1]

Anyone?

[CrazyLucky]

Dear beloved sister,
Turning 50 is not that big of an accomplishment. Most of us will do it. You are entitled to throw yourself whatever kind of party you want, but the idea that you expect your siblings, and not your super important long term boyfriend to pay for it is not acceptable. Whether or not I can afford it is irrelevant. I'm not coughing up $1000 because you are turning 50. Get real.

Signed, I still love you, but get your head out of your ass

[rere]

Dear Dh,

Quit being so damn grumpy. You are just a grouch this week.

Signed, over it wife.

Dear kids,

Hopefully we can find something to entertain us this coming weekend. Of course your dad is working and half the town is gone for fall break. It's a lot harder to entertain teens and preteens. Toddler yrs were so much easier for this kind of thing. You guys wouldn't be interested in the apple orchard playland anymore by chance?

Signed, can't believe my kids are this old.

[twinmomma]

Dear guardian angel,
I don't know who you are, but thank you for watching out for DD1! Her hand should be completely demolished. The school principal said he almost got sick watching the tapes of the door closing on it. The orthopedic specialist could not believe that she doesn't have a single broken bone. He called that kind of door accident "a guillotine for hands" and kept telling us how very, very lucky we were. And looking at the hand itself, it does not look like anything good could be going on. But somehow it's just a crushed hand with bruising and swelling and scrapes. As long as she keeps using it, she should have no long term issues with the muscles and tendons and probably won't even need physical therapy. Thank you, thank you, thank you to whoever had my little girl's back!
Signed,
Grateful mom

Dear DD2,
You are the sweetest sister ever. I can't believe you were right there when it happened and tried to open the door to save your hurt sister! When you told me that "Hearing my sister cry that much made me feel like I was crying" you broke my heart. You are such a kindhearted little girl. And you're so brave to have just gone back to class and continued on with your day. Your teacher didn't even know you knew about the accident, you were so calm! I love you!
Love,
Proud Momma

Dear DD1,
Good lord child. When we tell you that "doors are not a toy" we mean it! Last week you walked into a moving hula hoop and have a gash across your face. This week you slam your tiny hand in a steel door. You are one lucky little girl, so let's avoid some accidents for a while, ok? Momma and Daddy can't handle any more incident reports right now.
Love you,
Momma

[jlaok]

twinmomma - Scary! Glad your DD1 is alright.

Dear DH,

You know I have a completely busy and stressful week this week. While I am hardly getting any sleep at night, keep in mind I'm still picking up kids, doing homework, and cooking dinner. Therefore, if you try to pick a fight with me in the few minutes we actually see each other in the evening don't be shocked when I don't engage. I'm too tired, and frankly your petty complaint is pretty low on my priority list.

P.S. I'm sure you noticed that I still did dishes and packed kids lunches before leaving for my evening meeting which I didn't get home from until after dinner.

Signed,

Your bitter wife

[akafred]

Dear DH,

I'm sorry that your week next week will suck. It is completely unfair that your boss granted your coworker the week off and expects you to pick up ALL the slack when there are others who could do it, and that by extension you don't get to go on vacation with us. I am also sorry that your week will be filled with BS like getting my car repaired.

I should be more sympathetic, but I still recall this time last year when you took DD to California and did not even ask me or invite me to go. You just announced that you were taking her and had already bought two plane tickets. I am also reminded how every time we go on a vacation together you spend the whole time complaining about how you don't like to travel. And also I am reminded that my car needs fixing because you backed your car into mine. Sorry it has to be next week, but my new car is ready quicker than expected and I will have to take it in very soon.

I love you. Please spend the week deciding to act like you love us too. We will miss you.

Love,
I can do this on my own, somehow

[sudokufan]

Dear Deli Lady,
God bless you for calling me "that young lady". I needed that.
Signed,
Do you know how long it's been since I've been carded?

Dear kid in DS's class that asked if I was his grandma,
PBBBBBBT!
Signed,
so there!

[phdmomma]

Dear DD,
For the love of God, go to sleep at night. DH is out of town and Mamma needs to get some papers graded at night. You lost your toys in your room because you came out 8 zillion times.
Signed,
I love you, but go to bed

Dear DS,
Crying because you can't wear you tie shoes to school because you don't know how to tie them is not a thing. I don't know where you picked up that crying everything you don't get your way is a good idea, but its not. It makes me less likely to want to help you. Also, stop chasing your sister around when she screams at you to stop, she is two and you are five.
Signed,
Please act like the big kid you are

Dear DH,
Week two of you traveling is starting to weigh on me, it is my busy season with grants that are due. I need time, and DD won't stay in her bed, and if I sit there, she keeps trying to climb on me. When you get home, I am leaving you with the kids and going somewhere alone....maybe target, because we also didn't grocery shop last weekend and are almost out of food.
Signed,
Your tired wife

[k3am]

Dear DH,

Figure out what you want to do career-wise. Or at least start having some serious thoughts about it. Because what's happening now isn't cutting it. I get that you're grumpy and unsatisfied, but the only person who can change that is you.

Signed,
Your patient wife.

[k3am]

twinmomma, phew!

[waverly]

Dear WP,

Your prayers worked last week. I survived the birthday party and the camp out. The camp-out was way worse getting only about 4 hours of sleep, but I did survive it!

Dear world, stop with the shitty news. 3 Hurricanes with major damage and now a mass shooting. Why are you so terrible sometimes?

Dear DD and DS- I love you both so much!

Dear H- back to traveling again womp womp (for me).

[erinshelley21]

Dear kids,
We have less than 5 hours until we get to the condo at the beach. Please hold it together until then.
Love, your mom

Dear DH,
We've been working in perfect harmony prepping and during this trip. I also love that you realize how mentally taxing it is to sit in back with our children and entertain them. Let's keep it up and have the best family vacation ever.
Love, your wife.

Dear mother,
Please don't annoy the piss out of me this week. You can do this by not giving my children every single thing they want.
Love, your daughter.

[mommyatty]

Dear Son,

I'm sorry the toilet seat fell on your penis the third time ever you peed standing up. And I'm sorry I was out of town when it happened. I'm glad you were just bruised.

Love, Mommy

Dear Hubs,

Really? You took him to the ER for that? Sheesh. Normally I'm the reactionary one.

Love,
Wife

PS Stop hanging the fucking potty seat on the tank of the toilet and this won't happen. There's a reason I keep moving it, you moron.

[186momx]

twinmomma, I'm so glad your DD is okay and she has one powerful guardian angle

Dear Dog
I know you missed me while I was gone all day 3 days in a row at school last week but I didn't leave you forever. I love the snuggles and kisses but could we stop having to follow me wherever I go, please.
Dog mom who would like to stop stepping on your toes

Dear Friday
I'm really looking forward to you. I have no appointments scheduled and you and I have the entire school day to just chill. Craft projects here I come
Is it Friday yet

Dear H
Figure out what you want. If DD and I save you dinner on the nights we either leave early for gym or you get home late be grateful and clean up after yourself. You will be 37 in a little over 2 weeks and should be able to put your dishes in the dirty dishwasher.
Me

[mommyatty]

Another one:

Dear Air Conditioner:

You died. I'm sorry we have to pay huge bucks to replace you, but thank you for at least not doing it in July in Texas.

Sincerely,
Your Owner

Dear Hubs:

Thank you for taking care of getting the air conditioner replaced and helping me look on the bright side.

Love,
Wife

[k3am]

Dear client,

Please don't insinuate to my colleagues and your investment banker that we've been slacking on our end. Because I have no qualms about calling you out on the fact that our delay is based on a refusal on your end to provide information.

Signed,
Not worried about your feelings because I'm not convinced I can or even want to keep your business.

[justcheckingin73]

mommyatty, poor DS. I imagine it was painful, but I’m kind of laughing at taking him to the ER. Men and their penises Hopefully he doesn’t let that stop him from using the potty. 

[katrine05]

Dear DH,

While I'm glad you are finally taking a day off work Friday (it's DS's birthday) I was kinda looking forward to a day with just me and DS. Days off with you home are not the same for me.

Still love you,
Wifey

DD,

So glad you are adjusting well to school and this week is going better. I know you French comprehension is getting better by the day and that this is helping in the transition since you understand more. You are doing great!

Love,
Mom

DS,

I can't believe you will be 1 on Friday! This year has flown by. You are now walking everywhere and so full of personality.

Love you so so much,
Mommy

[2chatter]

k3am - preach about DH and career choices!!

Dear DH,
I'm super excited about your ear appointment Friday. Two appointments in a week - I am so happy you are getting on this for real. But no, you don't have cancer, you are not dying, you are not going to totally lose your hearing and you don't have a tapeworm. Yes, you did have strep but you don't any more so please do not ask me to look at your throat or take your temperature this weekend. Not even once. I can't handle the relentless hypochondria. BTW two of the guys we hang out with now have plantar fasciitis and when we are out socially please don't let that be the only thing you talk about. I don't even want to tell you!

But the improved mood is appreciated! And I just called you about DD's actual injury and you answered!!! That was amazing. To speak in the middle of the week!

The bar is low. Raise it.
Wife

Dear DS,
I know that you are hurt that DD's little friend scared you and you fell off the playground. It scared me too. But you are being WAY drama about this. Telling his sister her brother will never marry your sister is a bit much. Telling DD you aren't going to her wedding if she marries him is over the top. They are fourth graders! I know this is year five of their "relationship" but can you take it down a level?? Let's focus on things that are here and now
please. Also, waking me up because the whiskers fell off your stuffed raccoon - no. Just no. Less drama, please.
Mom who thinks you are adorable but TOO much

[erinshelley21]

Dear Tropical Depression,
Please stay away from Orange Beach. Or just go away.
Signed, erinshelley

[polecat8]

Dear former coworker,
Thanks for not filling some software test forms correctly. As a result, I spent all morning yesterday trying to figure out what the heck you did. Now I have to re-run several tests that you did because I couldn't determine what you were thinking. What a waste of my time!
Signed,
I'm glad you don't work here anymore.

Dear DH,
I'm glad you finally admitted that you need some time to yourself. Now put some time on our calendar and do it! And when the time is here, don't wait for me to give you permission - just leave and do what you want!
Signed,
Your worried wife

[greenmonkey1]

phdmomma Have you tried this alternative method for teaching shoe tying: www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cBtqhq5P28? My Mom, who is an occupational therapist assistant with special needs kiddos, recommended it for DS1 who is 5 years old and he learned in a couple days. DS1 is still working on tying his laces tight enough, but he can tie his shoes. I figure as he gets older and has better fine motor skills we'll work on the "normal" way.

[mellym]

twinmomma, excellent news on your daughter's hand!

Dear DH,
Thanks for stepping up last night while I went out with my friend and getting dinner ready in the crockpot this morning before work, without me even asking you! I know my mood swings have been crazy lately so thanks also for just letting me be the crazy pregnant lady.
Much appreciated!

[mae0111]

Dear Family - I really want to thank you for making my birthday really special. I'm going to enjoy the gifts that I picked out, went to the store, and purchased myself. The cards that you I know you so thoughtfully picked out/made... I'm sorry that they got lost... right? That's what happened... right? The 1/2 dead grocery store flowers grabbed in haste when I asked you, DH, to stop by and pick up a missing ingredient for dinner touched my soul. And THANK YOU for not getting me a cake. You must have remembered how hard I've been working at the gym, and assumed I didn't want any. Right? Same thing with going out for dinner (which is really the only thing I ever ask for - dinner out) - thank you for not planning anything and saving me all those empty calories. You all must really love me. I hope I can make your birthdays just as special as mine was.
Love,
That grumpy lady that lives in your house

Dear Self -
Stop being surprised and get over it
Self

[akafred]

mae0111,

So sorry your H sucks at this. I wish I could make your birthday better.

[justcheckingin73]

I’m so sorry mae0111! That’s really shitty of your dh. I’m not sure how old your kids are but mine acted uninterested in doing anything for DHs birthday this past weekend and I may or may not have bitched them out for being selfish. Fun times. 

I hope this is a good year for you despite a disappointing birthday. Happy belated birthday!

[rere]

mae0111 that sucks. He needs to step up! I always declare a month in advance exactly what I want, where to get it and where I expect to be taken for dinner. It doesn't give Dh much chance to plan anything, which is a good thing, since he would definitely suck at it and want me to do it.

[186momx]

mae0111, I'm sorry... I'm in the same boat and have basically set the bar so low it is nonexistent. This year I basically told DH that I know my b-day means nothing to him so don't even bother. It must of sunk in as he got me an ice cream cake which is my favorite. Everything else sucked but I enjoyed eating that cake for a whole week.

phdmomma, DD got this for her birthday one year. www.amazon.com/Hape-Felt-Lacing-Skate-Blue/dp/B0094QYKS4 She mastered tying her shoes within 2 days as this skate went everywhere and she just kept practicing. Also why can't he wear his lace shoes to school? Most of the kids at DD's school can't tie their shoes (1st grade) but still wear shoes the tie. The kids that can tie help the staff in tying shoes.

[CrazyLucky]

mae0111, I'm sorry you got screwed! I'm pretty sure I would hold a grudge about this, at least as long as DH's next birthday. Did you ask him about it? Did he offer any excuse?

[supertrooper1]

Oct 4, 2017 12:02:43 GMT -5 rere said:

mae0111 that sucks. He needs to step up! I always declare a month in advance exactly what I want, where to get it and where I expect to be taken for dinner. It doesn't give Dh much chance to plan anything, which is a good thing, since he would definitely suck at it and want me to do it.

mae0111, I'm sorry.  I do this too, since birthdays are not a big deal to DH.