Re-intro/recommendations

[lemonberry]

Hey, I was numbbears on TCF.

DS-5yo next week with an ASD-GDD dx, SPD, speech delay

He's never been really aggressive. If he's angry he cries and looks for sympathy, but since school started back up, he's started hitting and punching DH and I. ABA and Pre-K haven't had any great answers when asked how they're dealing with anger and self-regulating. They basically aren't doing anything. I'm also pregnant and want to work on this before we have a baby in the house (he adores babies and wouldn't hurt one, but I'm afraid the change would lead to more anger and taking it out on others). It's been a little better this week, but I think it's going to come back around.

Does anyone have any book or article recommendations that worked for self-regulating anger? Or have an idea of what I can tell school/ABA to do?

[auntie]

Congratulations on your pregnancy. How soon are you due? One thing that comes up a lot on various ASD message boards is this very scenario. Sometimes it is driven by the changes he perceives coming with the new baby long before it arrives- this could be a mom who isn't feeling well or who can't do as much as she used to, or physical changes like moving to a big boy room or even a more subtle ramp up of expectations because you know you'll soon have 2 to care for. Often, once baby comes things do settle down.

Or it could be coincidence; 4-6 is an age when a lot of kids on spectrum "grow into" challenging behaviors because they have reached the developmental stage- finally- when you would expect to see them emerge. Most kids with ASD are developmentally about half as old emotionally as their same aged peers. In this kind of scenario, you might be seeing that tough 30-36 month old behavior and would probably be more successful redirecting it if you acted as he he were 3-ish rather than using strategies for a young 5.

One self regulation program a lot of folks like is the Alert Program- it teaches kids to recognize when they are getting upset and make better choices to deal with the emotion that lashing out.

[mamaturtle]

Welcome back to our board! Congratulations on your pregnancy!

[lemonberry]

Oct 10, 2017 8:38:58 GMT -5 auntie said:

Congratulations on your pregnancy. How soon are you due? One thing that comes up a lot on various ASD message boards is this very scenario. Sometimes it is driven by the changes he perceives coming with the new baby long before it arrives- this could be a mom who isn't feeling well or who can't do as much as she used to, or physical changes like moving to a big boy room or even a more subtle ramp up of expectations because you know you'll soon have 2 to care for. Often, once baby comes things do settle down.

Or it could be coincidence; 4-6 is an age when a lot of kids on spectrum "grow into" challenging behaviors because they have reached the developmental stage- finally- when you would expect to see them emerge. Most kids with ASD are developmentally about half as old emotionally as their same aged peers. In this kind of scenario, you might be seeing that tough 30-36 month old behavior and would probably be more successful redirecting it if you acted as he he were 3-ish rather than using strategies for a young 5.

One self regulation program a lot of folks like is the Alert Program- it teaches kids to recognize when they are getting upset and make better choices to deal with the emotion that lashing out.

I'm not due until May and I haven't told him anything yet, but that's definitely the case where I'm not doing as much with him. And we probably have been looking at it more like he's a typical 5yo. I'm going to look into Alert Program. Thanks!

[chickypoo]

No advice, but welcome back and congrats!

[freezorburn]

lemonberry, welcome and great to see you!

My DS is 5 and he had a lot of anger issues when his dad and I first separated .... and he mostly took it out on me. I'll post links to a bunch of different things I tried. I don't think there was any one magic thing that worked, but rather, these are things that helped me to work the problem.

In no particular order:

Here's a thread from the old place where I posted some book reviews, and I think there are some good recommendations by other posters as well--
thencomesfamily.com/community/thread/50558/book-reviews-emotions

Lots of these books are good for reading with kids. The Gottman book is for parents -- it goes over emotion coaching and how it can work in different stages of development and for different situations. I spent a lot of time with this book and it helped me tremendously, especially dealing with tantrums. It helped DS to dial back, when I said, "let's chat. I'm listening. Help me understand ...."

Also, I would ask for "hugs, not slugs" when he was trying to hit me. If he was upset or angry, I could hug him and hold him and comfort him, but it's not ok to hit me.

DS's school district uses RULER for their social/emotional curriculum. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around it --
ei.yale.edu/ruler/ruler-overview/

I think so far DS's Kindergarten class has written their own charter -- basically a collaborative document that states how they want their classroom to be, how they should all treat each other, etc.

I do think their Mood Meter is pretty cool, once I get over how much it resembles the Microsoft logo. My son's school principal sometimes wears one of these, made out of Legos --
ei.yale.edu/preschool-ruler/

Another resource that helped was The Incredible Years -- I haven't made it all the way through the book, but I did end up taking one of their parenting workshops. The workshop started with a foundation of child-led play, then built upon using positive statements and attention to encourage positive, desirable behaviors. Later in the course we established some house rules (for us it was Gentle Hands, Calm Voices) -- which might be similar to making a charter in the RULER curriculum. Which makes me think that perhaps at an appropriate time, perhaps a charter-building exercise might be a good one to try in the home as well.
www.amazon.com/Incredible-Years-Trouble-Shooting-Parents-Children/dp/1892222043/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=CG6W3BZW9QC0P4CAWZKB

[macchiatto]

Welcome back!

[lemonberry]

freezorburn Thanks for the recommendations. I'm going to order some of those books for DS and myself. And talk to his school about it. Things were getting better until yesterday when he hit his line tech during ABA. It's just so frustrating.