When to have the period discussion?

[melissa]

After reading this article, Teacher Reminds Us Why It’s So Important To Prepare Girls For Their Periods, it made me worried that I haven't started discussing this with my DD who is in third grade.  So my question is when did you start talking to your DD about this topic and how did you bring it up?

[gummybear]

We talked about it with DD when she was 7 (in first grade). A little sooner than I had anticipated, but her friend (who was 9) got hers and the last thing I wanted was for her to hear about it through friends and not me (I had heard from neighbors as a child and was horrified).

The Keeping and Caring Care and Keeping of You is a great book for young girls. DD is 10 now, and she knows about it much more in depth.

[revolution]

DD and I started the talk when she was in third.

I highly recommend (second the pp) the Care and Keeping of You. It's a great book to start conversations with. They have one for younger girls 8-10 and then a little more in depth for older girls 10-12.

[melissa]

Thanks gummybear, I'm going to order that book on amazon. I definitely want her to have some knowledge but also want her to stay little forever.

[cuddlyevil]

I started talking about it when she was 9. She just got it at 11, so when she started it was more "oh, I know what this is" than major freak outs.

We talked about all of it and she comes to me with questions.

[bugandbibs]

From toddlerhood. We let the discussions happen organically "mommy what's that for?" about tampons and pads, etc. We are pretty open and honest about body stuff. We try to tailor it to what they are asking and why, and keep the answers short and factual.

At your DD's age, I would get the American Girl's Care and Kepping of You book for younger girls and start there. It's a really excellent resource.

With DD1 (who is 14), we sometimes frames things as helping her be prepared, but also being a resource for her friends. We also discuss who/what her resources are away from home. All of my kids keep a spare change of clothes/underwear in their backpack for any emergency.

[circa1978]

I was 9 when I got mine and my mom talked to me about six months before.

[ginger]

I got mine when I was 8. M is 7 now, so we will be talking sooner than later.

[cabbagecabbage]

My 5yo knows I bleed and have sanitary supplies to deal with it. She knows it's normal and grownup women have a period. We are an open door, ask anything family and I grew up in the same way. It's a lot of little conversations over the years.

[bugandbibs]

Oct 10, 2017 12:13:30 GMT -5 cabbagecabbage said:

My 5yo knows I bleed and have sanitary supplies to deal with it. She knows it's normal and grownup women have a period. We are an open door, ask anything family and I grew up in the same way. It's a lot of little conversations over the years.

I think this is really important. It's not about one or two big conversations. It's about all the little ones along the way.

[textbookcase]

I think I gave them the "formal" information around 3rd grade and that's about when they read the American Girl "Care and Keeping of You" book, but they've always known women bleed monthly. I haven't been to the bathroom alone in 13 years. Bonnie knows probably more than her sisters did at her age (5.5) because she has teen/preteen sisters and obviously sees/hears about it more than they did

[Deleted]

My mom talked to me about periods when I was 9, and I was 11 when I got my period. I figure I'll wait until Sofia is 9 to have the talk, unless of course she asks about it earlier.

[wannabe]

we have also talked about it with the bean since she was little. she saw me and her sister with tampons on a regular basis, and when she asked us what they were we explained it to her in a vague way. as she's gotten older she's had more questions, and we just try to answer her in a way that she'll understand and won't scare her. and then we remind her not to bring it up with her friends because while it's pretty normal for us to discuss it, her friends may not have had those talks with their parents yet. she's showing signs of puberty already, and her sister started her period at the same age (she just turned 10).

when her sister was little, we bought her that same american girl book when she was about 8. it's really helpful and explains things really well.

[Deleted]

Oct 10, 2017 12:13:30 GMT -5 cabbagecabbage said:

My 5yo knows I bleed and have sanitary supplies to deal with it. She knows it's normal and grownup women have a period. We are an open door, ask anything family and I grew up in the same way. It's a lot of little conversations over the years.

Ah, yes. Mine knows I bleed, and that I use pads and stuff. She knows that it happens, we just haven't gone into why it happens. 

[litebright]

My 9YO has the Care and Keeping of You, on advice from our pediatrician. Her 7YO sister has also read it, because they share all their books.

This has led to my 7YO wondering aloud to my DH, "I wonder if Sophie will use pads or tampons?" Which made me laugh, although DH is a little awkward and WTF about how to have those discussions.

I've had multiple discussions with them over the years about how/why I menstruate and that someday, they will, too. I vividly remember as a child seeing a toilet bowl full of blood when my mom had forgotten to flush and being scared that she was dying of something awful and no one would tell me, and I didn't want them to have that experience. So as it has come up during the various times that they've, say, been in a public toilet stall with me while I'm menstruating, I give a basic explanation and act like it's normal, because it is.

[alexis]

I don't remember how old I was when my mom talked to me, but I do remember that she explained sanitary products and how to use them. She showed me where they were and said they would always be stocked. She said I could take them any time I needed.

She also said that when I got my period I could tell her, and we could go do something special, just the two of us. Or if I wanted to keep it private and not tell anyone that was fine too.

I didn't tell her. I really appreciated that she respected my privacy and even facilitated it by having the products ready and available.

[isabel]

I highly recommend having this conversation early, like 8ish. I got my period when I was 10 and had no idea what was going on. I don’t know why my mom never talked to me about it.

[sewf]

I'm going to be open about it with DD as soon as she asks or 7, whichever comes first.

But I will also be talking to DS about it around 7, too. Boys should understand it, too, and I don't ever want him to think "eww!" about it, especially as he gets older. I want him to be able to run out for supplies for the girls in his life if we need him to, and I don't ever want him to make the stupid "are you on your period" comments if a woman is upset. I want him to know that it's a totally natural thing.

[sewf]

Oct 10, 2017 13:11:08 GMT -5 alexis said:

I don't remember how old I was when my mom talked to me, but I do remember that she explained sanitary products and how to use them. She showed me where they were and said they would always be stocked. She said I could take them any time I needed.

She also said that when I got my period I could tell her, and we could go do something special, just the two of us. Or if I wanted to keep it private and not tell anyone that was fine too.

I didn't tell her. I really appreciated that she respected my privacy and even facilitated it by having the products ready and available.

This is really important. My mom didn't ever talk to me about it, and I had no idea where the supplies were except for panty liners. So for the first day or two, I worn panty liners, which were not enough. Talk about embarrassing. So now even when I was pregnant, I had extra supplies in my purse in case anyone needed them.

[Captain Catnip]

My mom didn't mention it at all, we had sex ed regarding "our changing bodies" in 4th, and then end of 4th grade (summer) I got mine. My mom only had super plus tampons. I had no issue with tampons, but to be handed that the first time?!

[mrsbro]

Oct 10, 2017 13:36:10 GMT -5 sewf said:

I'm going to be open about it with DD as soon as she asks or 7, whichever comes first.

But I will also be talking to DS about it around 7, too. Boys should understand it, too, and I don't ever want him to think "eww!" about it, especially as he gets older. I want him to be able to run out for supplies for the girls in his life if we need him to, and I don't ever want him to make the stupid "are you on your period" comments if a woman is upset. I want him to know that it's a totally natural thing.

I completely agree, a boy friend drove me home for a change of pants in HS. He was a great friend.

[melissa]

Thanks everyone for the comments. My mom never discussed these things and I don't want to make the same mistake my mom did.

[robyn]

Oct 10, 2017 13:36:10 GMT -5 sewf said:

I'm going to be open about it with DD as soon as she asks or 7, whichever comes first.

But I will also be talking to DS about it around 7, too. Boys should understand it, too, and I don't ever want him to think "eww!" about it, especially as he gets older. I want him to be able to run out for supplies for the girls in his life if we need him to, and I don't ever want him to make the stupid "are you on your period" comments if a woman is upset. I want him to know that it's a totally natural thing.

Thank you for this, because it's so important. When DH and I first lived together in college I started my period and was out of tampons. I asked him to run down to our neighbors that we were friends with who lived on the bottom floor of our apartment complex and ask if I could have a tampon. He was mortified to speak of such a thing until I pretty much told him "look, I legitimately cannot get off this toilet until you do this." He did and then I asked him WTF that was all about. Turns out never ever in his life outside of a 30 minute talk in school had anyone ever spoken with him about a woman's period, what happens, why it happens, how it should be handled, that it's not "gross" or "eww" proper terminology, or anything else. He grew up in a house with a mother and a sister and the word "period" was never said. Knowing MIL this surprises me none now, but at the time I was floored. He was schooled with a quickness but I was so embarrassed when he acted burdened by me needing his assistance with my "womanly time" (which is what he was taught to call it.) So thank you for doing better by your son than my MIL did by hers.

[arehopsveggies]

I had a second grade boy in my class explain it to all the girls at lunch. I'm not the adult in charge during lunch. Most of my class came back crying. It was a very very bad situation. That should NOT have been how those girls learned about periods!

[Leeham Rimes]

Oct 10, 2017 13:36:10 GMT -5 sewf said:

I'm going to be open about it with DD as soon as she asks or 7, whichever comes first.

But I will also be talking to DS about it around 7, too. Boys should understand it, too, and I don't ever want him to think "eww!" about it, especially as he gets older. I want him to be able to run out for supplies for the girls in his life if we need him to, and I don't ever want him to make the stupid "are you on your period" comments if a woman is upset. I want him to know that it's a totally natural thing.

I don’t have girls but I do tell my boys about periods bc they will find my tampons and ask what they are from time to time. They are 4 and 7, for reference. The 7 year old gets more detail than the 4 year old.

[macmars45]

Oct 10, 2017 13:14:33 GMT -5 isabel said:

I highly recommend having this conversation early, like 8ish. I got my period when I was 10 and had no idea what was going on. I don’t know why my mom never talked to me about it.

I agree. I got mine at 11 (about a month before they showed the period video at my elm school) and thought I was dying. I'm the youngest of five daughters so my mom had no excuse to not tell me earlier.

[jenny1980]

Both girls have always asked questions about my period (am I the only one who almost always has a visitor in the bathroom with me at home??) and Lucy has the Care & Keeping of You book. Lu (will be 8 in December) started getting the very beginnings of pubic hair so I took her to the doc to make sure it wasn't precocious puberty (it's not, she's just hairy lol) and we've had more frank conversations since then.

She's still nervous about the whole idea of her body changing so I don't overwhelm her with info, but I do want to make sure she's prepared.

My heart hurts for that poor kiddo who had no idea what was happening to her.

[Deleted]

Lucy is almost EIGHT, jenny1980? Jesus, I have been dicking around here for way too long.

[Gato]

I told DD1 about it when she was eight. I'd rather she hear about it from me than have it explained, possibly not accurately, by a friend at school. She was like, "oh, well, okay, haha, neat mom, I guess..."

[wannabe]

Oh, and before school started this year I took her to target and had her pick out some supplies. We put a little kit together in a zipped pouch and she keeps it in her backpack, just in case. It’s got a couple of pads, some wipes and a fresh pair of underwear in it.