Help me with my social awkwardness?

[traveltheworld]

DS has become good friends with this little boy in his kindergarten class who lives 4 houses away from us; and between our nanny and the little boy's nanny, they've had a few play dates in the afternoon.  On Sunday afternoon, the little boy came over to our house with his mom and asked if DS was available to play.  DH, who answered the door, said yes; so the little boy staid and they played for an hour and then DH walked the boy back to his house.  DH said his mom seemed friendly, but they didn't talk much as she was making dinner.

DS obviously now wants to go play there all the time.  I said he could on weekends.  I assume it wouldn't be inappropriate to let him run over there and ring the doorbell and ask?  Should I get the parents' phone numbers first so that I can text them before I send DS over?  Should I invite the mom over for a coffee?  I moved here 5 months ago and don't have any friends. and the fact that they'd let their son just hang out at our house makes me think that they are pretty laid-back so I wouldn't mind getting to know the family better.  But what's the least desperate-seeming way to accomplish that?  I'm pretty good at small talk once I get started, but have this overwhelming fear that people don't like me, so I usually find it super hard to initiate.  

[sacattack]

How old is your DS? Having friends nearby is amazing - we live a neighborhood and there are bunch of boys from 6-9 and they sort of just roam from house to house. I never plan anything. They sort of just go outside and find each other. I wish the same thing existed for my daughter. My point in this story is to tell you - do whatever you can do to foster this relationship - it makes life easier/

If I were you, next Saturday morning, I'd go over with DS and ask for a play date. At the same time ask for the other moms number. Then after a couple more play dates, I'd invite her over for coffee or drinks via text. Something like - " Does Johnny want to come over at 10 for a few hours to play with Sammy? Also if you are free, want to stay for coffee? I just made some pumpkin bread!" And if she says no to that, don't worry - I'm sure she is just busy or using the time to get things done. :-) Ask one or two more times and then let it go if it doesn't work out.

[waverly]

I would get her number and text.

That being said a neighbor just sends his girl over if everyone is outside and then sends his older son to pick her up, so no texting there. I am not sure if he talked to my H or not, but they are literally across the street.

[k3am]

We have the neighbors number and text. Sometimes they send just their DD to play, sometimes their DD and the mom come, sometimes the whole family comes. We do the same in sending DD over there. We usually do wine if parents come.

DH takes advantage of it frequently when he's alone with the kids. He has an inability to bathe and put DS to bed by himself with DD home, so he'll send her next door to play while he takes care of DS.

[hocus2]

I'm all for play dates but with little kids I always attend the first few and inquire about the HH set up before I'm OK with a drop off/walk over. I'd get the number and see if there is an hour you can swing by and get to know them and ask any questions you might have.

[akafred]

If they are old enough that you feel comfortable with them walking over and ringing the doorbell then I don't text. For me that was like 5-6. Before that I called. In the new neighborhood the only requirement is that she be outside or that she ask before going in someone's house. I want to know which of the 2-3 houses with kids her age that she is in.

[mommyatty]

I’m a big fan of confessing awkwardness as it disarms people. So being new gives you the perfect opportunity to say “Hey, we just moved here and I don’t want to accidentally step in it. DS really loves playing with your DS. Is it okay if I let him knock on your door when he wants to play? And please know we absolutely won’t be offended if it’s a bad time. Just tell DS no and he will come on back home.”

[rere]

I'm from the South. I'd head over and introduce myself with a pie, cake, or cookies. Probably that I bought and put in a nice container.

[traveltheworld]

Ok thanks! This is new territory for me as we didn't live in a neighbourhood where kids just go and play. I mean, they did - but it was all pre-arranged amongst the parents via text. Our current neighbourhood also doesn't seem like it's "free range" either - as in, I almost never see kids playing, even in the summer. So I was a little surprised when they showed up.

That said, I'd love for DS to have friends who he can do this with, and would love to use it as an excuse to make some friends myself.

[2chatter]

I am all for living the culture you want. I could not care less what other people currently do; there is no way I am setting up play dates with kids on my street. When we moved here I introduced myself and the kids to neighbors and have done the same with new neighbors. I stay for the first couple encounters and cover the key basics (guns, swimming pool, adult at home). Then my kids are in charge of their social schedule. If they want to play they ask me then walk down and ring the doorbell. They have to play outside where I can see them or walk back and let me know if they are going inside.

Prior to us moving here it was apparently mostly play dates - since several people have commented on how many kids are out playing on our street and how when they text other parents it's hard to schedule. I truly find it more effective to just send the kids out as I will often say no when really the kids are free, I just don't want to deal with the Formal Play Date hassle. I'm literally standing in my kitchen working so I can watch the kids out the window.

[mellym]

Our end of the cul de sac is more free range. All of the kids play outside and run between houses and yards. My kids aren't allowed to play in someone else's house unless they ask me. I let DD1 play on her own since I know all of these neighbors and they're all within view of our house but I stay with DD2 because she's just turning three.

DD1's K friend lives a few blocks over and she came over one day with her mom to play. Her mom introduced herself and kid to DH who was outside and then went to our next door neighbor's house to chat since her older son is in their son's class. Next thing we knew, mom had left the kids at our two houses to play for the afternoon. It was a little weird because she never told us she was leaving and then when it was dinner time, the K friend said she had to wait for her mom to come back and pick her up. Left us in an awkward spot because we didn't have her phone number or anything. I wouldn't have felt comfortable leaving DD1 at their house without knowing them at all though.