How do you feel about SO corporate events

[k3am]

Is it necessary for your SO to come to your corporate events? Or for you to go to theirs? I'm talking holiday parties, summer picnics, etc., whatever.

I am heavily considering sending DH to his holiday party on his own, and he's acting like the world is ending. I know I've seen several of his coworkers go solo over the year for various reasons (someone's sick, just had a baby, no childcare, etc), so I doubt it's frowned upon.

[k3am]

And to be clear, I'm a contradiction. I no longer have holiday parties, but I would never go to my own holiday party without DH coming with me. But he always had (or claimed he had) a good time when he attended mine. (Case in point, our companies always had parties on the same night, and he decided we would skip his company's party to go to mine because ours was "more fun.")

DH is... a little non-inclusive to me at his parties. He takes off to talk to people, fails to introduce, etc. Even his body language, he'll turn his back to me during conversations. I'm an introvert, and end up basically just counting down the minutes until we leave. (Or getting tipsy). I think he'd have just as much - if not more - fun without me.

[akafred]

Hmmm... most of the time I go to DH's Emmy Awards even though I HATE it (regional Emmys not national, for local news shows). I didn't last year. Money was tight and it costs a fortune to go, between clothes and hair and tickets etc. He was ok with it.

We don't have corporate events for spouses really. We have some team building like going to a baseball game but it has never been an issue. Most of the time he has to work; he works weeknights.

[sudokufan]

Huh. Well, we don't have that kind of event here, because cheap institute of higher learning. We do lunch time potlucks, lol. BUT, if my H tended to abandon me like that at HIS work events, well, I would be nope-ing out. You reap what you sow, buddy.

[phdmomma]

It would depend if there were people I knew there. We don't have big events at my work because university. But DH has an annual holiday party which is awesome. However, he tends to abandon me there. But we've been going to it for 7 years, so there are other wives that I see there every year and like to catch up with. If there was no one I wanted to talk to, then it would be way less fun. Also, the food is always amazing, and I do love food.

[mellym]

Yes, we always go to each other's corporate events. I've gone to my summer outing solo because we didn't have a sitter but I don't think either of us would do the holiday parties solo. We stick together the whole time though so have a different experience.

[2chatter]

We have done it all through the years. It comes down mostly to tolerance levels for whatever it is and schedules. Family activities we all go or no one goes. Parties we try to go together unless it doesn't make sense or one of us nopes it. My work even when here locally tends to exclude SOs. DH doesn't like his colleagues on the whole so prefers that I go with him, kind of like a date where we know a lot of the people there. I hate his non compete more every day.

[waverly]

We've gone to a couple together and more apart. It's pretty much 100% dependent on our babysitter situation. We haven't had a babysitter except family (5 hours away and drives in for the weekend), so H hasn't attended my events in 2 years.

He didn't have one last year only had a small dinner no spouses for anyone. The previous year I attended. The other ones he attended solo or also skipped. They did smaller events rather than a big company party at that company.

[sdlaura]

Depends on the event. If everyone brings spouse/partner I would go, but if other people go solo, I don't think it's a big deal for one person to go solo.

[saraml13]

My old company never had any events where SOs were welcome. DH's companies have always had big holiday parties. I generally go, although we also have the same issues with me being and introvert and him being terrible at remembering to introduce me / include me in conversations / not get distracted and suddenly walk off in the opposite direction. Some of the parties have been fun - a combo of nice co-workers and good food/drinks/entertainment. However, his current company is huge and I hate their parties because it's too hard to find anyone DH knows and then it's too loud to hear. I will likely beg off this year's party since we have 2 little kids and a bunch of events in December that we will need sitters for.

[supertrooper1]

DH doesn't want to go to my events and I'm glad. We don't have anything work sponsored, but anything we organize such as a going away party usually includes dirty or cop humor which DH doesn't find appropriate.

I wish I didn't have to go to DH's parties. He expects me to, mainly to watch DS since they're family events. But I don't really know anyone at his new school and he ends up having conversations that I can't follow.

[kimberlybb]

I'm in the non-profit world so we don't have events for our SOs to attend. I really don't like going to DH's Christmas party because he goes off and talks to people and I'm on my own. I can usually find people to talk to but I hate paying a sitter for me to go interact with random people.

[ECB]

Events that are meant to be for couples, yes, I would always go with DH and he would come to mine.  

However, from what you described (how you’re DH treats you in the moment), I can fully understand why you don’t want to go.  I’m an introvert too and have a bit of social anxiety.  Don’t put me in a position where I have no one to talk to and you bail on me.

As others have gone alone before, he can go alone.  OR he can make a REAL effort to not leave you alone.  If it’s THAT important that you go, then he needs to treat you like he actually wants you there.

Is this something you’ve talked to him about??

[k3am]

Oct 17, 2017 7:45:03 GMT -5 ECB said:

Events that are meant to be for couples, yes, I would always go with DH and he would come to mine.  

However, from what you described (how you’re DH treats you in the moment), I can fully understand why you don’t want to go.  I’m an introvert too and have a bit of social anxiety.  Don’t put me in a position where I have no one to talk to and you bail on me.

As others have gone alone before, he can go alone.  OR he can make a REAL effort to not leave you alone.  If it’s THAT important that you go, then he needs to treat you like he actually wants you there.

Is this something you’ve talked to him about??

We've talked about it. Especially after last year's party, which was... disastrous. If I'm remembering correctly, last year was the first event we went to that he was part of the leadership team for, so I think he felt more pressure to be "on" and mingle with everyone and work the room. I had called him out for one specific thing (standing in front of me), which he didn't even recall doing... and scrolling through the event photos, there's photographic evidence, so that helped. 

He just also thinks that because he's worked there for so long, I should be comfortable with everyone. And for a while, I had a couple folks that I really looked forward to seeing 3-4 times a year, but the office split a couple years ago, and those people work in the city and DH doesn't. So these parties are now just a few hours (since we aren't lingering on weekends and going to extra events where I'd get to know folks outside of big events) of a sea of introductions to people I don't know and don't remember. And I'm just awful at small talk.

[ECB]

If he’s off and about and isn’t aware of where you are or what you’re doing, then why does he “need” you there?

IDK. Big picture, I think it’s a normal expectation that spouses attend. I don’t fault your DH for wanting you there. BUT he needs to take into account how this affects you and how he treats you. I get it that he probably gets sucked up into what’s going on, but still - it’s not fair to you.

And as you said, other people have come alone before and it didn’t seem to matter.

Is there any room for compromise where you go for an hour then scoot out and go home early? So at least you’ve made an appearance?

[sandandsea]

I think I'd only go as a couple. But dh and I are both wallflowers and include each other so we don't end up alone at the party. Honestly though we have been skipping both parties lately because we have family things going on those weekends and we are both more than okay with it. Btw - come in dh, you can't abandon k3am!! My mom is in your situation and would love to stay home while dad flits around at his. It actually caused a fight every year until my dad retired and stopped having parties to go to!

[k3am]

A lot of it just boils down to the fact that DH is a social butterfly and I am decidedly not.

ECB, I could always go and uber home when I'm ready (or drive home and let DH uber), but at the same point, I know DH would just leave early with me and then feel like he's missing out.

It's better when they do his summer event because we're all at a hotel, so if I'm ready to be done socializing (3-4 hours), I just head up to the room, and 3-7 hours later when he's done, he'll head up.