My journey to Ironman started when I was training for my first marathon. That was the year a couple of GBCN ladies did theirs and I was surprised to find myself so incredibly inspired by their achievements. Although I had a friend that had done a few Ironman races, he’s built like Captain America and it never seemed like something people like me could do. But then when I saw women whose lives resembled mine do something like that, well that was something different. The idea started to excite me and I began to wonder what would happen if I tried something like that. Could I reinvent myself and become someone who did crazy things like that? I didn’t know how to swim, I didn’t own a bike, and I had never run a marathon, but for whatever reason, I couldn’t shake the idea. Could I be someone like that? What would it be like to push myself that far past my comfort zone? Is it true that anything is possible?
So I took a deep breath and gave myself until age 40 to become an Ironman.
The day we signed up, I was flooded with excitement and anticipation for the year ahead. I kept imagining some journey of self discovery. I expected to come back from my training rides with deep insights on who I was and what I wanted from life. I expected a transformation – some moment in which I went from who I was before to who I was going to be.
That moment never came.
Training was fun for me up until June. When the volume began to pick up, the stress of fitting it all in began to overwhelm me. My kids missed me. I missed my kids. My husband missed me. I missed my husband. I stopped getting together with my friends, my house was a perpetual mess, my car was a pit of water bottles, bike shoes, socks, sports bras, goggles and gel packets. I was beyond stressed and by about August, I began to resent the whole thing bitterly.
I was fairly honest in the Iron Diaries about how I felt about Ironman toward the end.
Training was a lonely and stressful process for me. But something magical happened on race weekend. I let go of the stress and watched stunned as my entire community of friends and family came out with unbelievable fanfare. I couldn’t believe the number of texts and calls I got wishing me well. In particular when my friends were evacuating from their homes as the terrible fires threatened everything, I couldn’t believe they were thinking of me and my unimportant race. An old friend (from the knot if you can believe that) flew in to spectate, al320 flew in, mrs.jacinthe interrupted her family visit to drive down, taratru came spur of the moment. My sister and my dad drove 10 hours to be there. It was truly so moving.
****************** Goals and Strategy ******************
I really had no firm goals for the race, just a couple of loose goals. When I started all this, I though maybe I could come in under 14 hours. But as the stress of training built, I kept skipping swim workouts and my bike paces got so slow. I figured I just needed to let go of that goal and let the race be what it would be.
I felt confident I could do this swim in 1:30 given my times in my regular open water swims. If I got a current assist, then all the better, but I didn’t want to count on it. I really wanted to complete the bike in 7 hours, and I didn’t know what to expect for the run.
So my strategy was to just get through the swim feeling relaxed, then focus on pacing myself for a 16mph bike split, taking in my 250 calories per hour (60% calories from Perpetuem, 40% from Picky Bars). I planned on eating a whole bar right away on the bike, then a half bar every hour on the hour and sips of Perpetuem every 20 minutes). For the run, I planned on following 8 minute run/2 minute walk intervals, running at whatever pace felt sustainable and using walk intervals to hydrate, fuel (gel every 4 miles) and get my hips under me.
I lined up with the 1:20-1:30 group and wound up not being able to see @vtcupcake or emilyj that morning, which bummed me out. But we texted eachother and I figured I might see them out on the course somewhere. So I just hung out and waited in my area. When the time came to start approaching the water I was really really nervous. I expected my period to start and worried about feeling achy and crampy from that. I worried about the rain in the forecast, and I worried about getting a flat tire out on the bike. I worried about it all. I tried to calm myself down and went to my mantras for the day. Mantra #1: Guts and grace – I accepted that it was going to be a long hard day, reminded myself stay grateful, and race with my heart. Mantra #2: Keep going – I reminded myself that if I can get myself to the run, I was confident that I could finish somehow, some way. I made myself accept that things might go wrong, I might have cramps, I might get a flat, I might crash my bike in the rain. But I also reminded myself that it was entirely possible that things might not go wrong after all. Anything is possible.
As I approached the start, I saw al320 and taratru and immediately started bawling. I gave them a huge hug and just had a good pre-race cry. That felt so good – and I felt much better. I kept moving and saw my other friend, cried again, and then right before I went in the water, I saw mrs.jacinthe . That was fitting – she’s the incredible person who gave me my first ever advice on how to swim, and the person who held my hand as I took my first strokes in open water. It was really a special thing to see her face before embarking on this adventure. Love you, woman.
****************** The swim ******************
I found the first part of the swim to be pretty easy. A time trial start meant there wasn’t many elbows and it wasn’t one of those washing machine situations you hear about in ironman starts. It was upstream, but there was an island on the left that helped me stay straight without sighting much. I just kept myself parallel to the island and relaxed into my swim. When we turned around and started swimming downstream, the chop really picked up. I got smacked around a little by the chop, but it was manageable. That was my first time swimming in a river and I found it to be a lot better than ocean swims, so I was pretty ok in the swim. I just focused on keeping my strokes long, staying streamlined, and keeping my elbows high so that I could capitalize on the current as much as possible. I felt good and I was happy.
****************** Transition ******************
I made the decision to do full changes in both transitions. I wanted to ride in my bike bibs for comfort and I wanted to run in my favorite running shorts. So my transitions were a bit long. But I absolutely loved the full service nature of ironman transitions! Wetsuit strippers were awesome. Volunteers handed me my bags, helped me get changed – everything. It was awesome. I was in and out of T1 in about 7 minutes.
****************** The Bike ******************
The first 15 miles were flat with some gentle uphills. I wanted to use that section to bank a little speed without much effort early on, and make up some speed on the way back. The middle 80 were almost constant rollers, so I planned to just focus on trying to keep down the lactic acid and fuel on schedule.
I stuck to my plan. I spun my legs easy for the first 15-20 miles and had a nice pace for that part of the ride. Going into the rollers, I just kept my effort on each hill brief and did only what was necessary for that particular hill, using the downhills either for recovery if they lead to a flat bit of road or for building speed if they lead into another hill. I fueled on schedule as much as possible, but after about 5 hours, I didn’t feel like I could handle more bars, so I took a bit of a break from those. But I did force myself to eat a whole bar about an hour before I expected to finish so that I wouldn’t be hungry starting the run.
The crowd support was amazing. People who must have been very inconvenienced by this race set up chairs and made signs and cheered for us. I smiled at every one and said thank you as I rode by. That kept my spirits high as the weather changed.
When Ironman says anything is possible, they mean it. Anything is possible. That weather. The forecast said a chance of heavy rain so I was worried. It started out cold and breezy, but then the clouds cleared and it got a little hot. I thought we were out of the woods until I made the turn around mile 40 and felt those headwinds pick up. A storm front went through, the sky got very dark, and that wind didn’t stop the rest of the day. The final 30 miles in particular were pretty intense. The head wind turned into a cross wind and the gusts were just bananas. Then the rain started. In the steady wind, it came in sideways. The road got slick and full of leaves, sticks, and debris. At this point, during those final 30 miles, I did my best to stay focused on maintaining control over my bike and tried to just maintain as much of a positive mental attitude as possible. The sideways rain made me think of Forrest Gump and that made me smile. I had ridden in crosswinds like that before on a number of occasions, so I went back mentally to those rides – the commutes across the Dumbarton bridge, the Altamont Pass wind farms, Mt Diablo… I pictured riding with the teammates I had been with on those rides and just got through it. One mile at a time.
My shoulders and jaw hurt a lot the next morning from holding onto those aero bars so hard, but I made it through with no flats, avoiding crashes, and stayed almost exactly on pace. I didn’t even need to stop at special needs. I came in at 6:56 on the bike. Goal met. I was happy.
****************** T2 ******************
I walked my bike in because my legs were a little rough for the wear on the bike. I thought about pushing it and running in, but figured it might benefit me to get a little bit of a recovery in before starting the run. So I walked. Again I did a full change. It took a bit longer to do, but I really wanted to run in my favorite run shorts. Man I love those shorts. T2 was 9 minutes roughly.
****************** The Run ******************
As I wrote above, I didn’t have any idea what to expect on this part. I had been running well during training, but had never run longer than a mile or two after a ride that long. So I didn’t have any idea what my body would feel running a marathon after 9 hours of racing. I had planned on just running at whatever pace felt sustainable for 8 minutes, and then walk for 2 minutes, using that walk interval to do what I need to do. I stuck to my plan. I did my intervals from the start and from the start I felt incredible. I went through my first 8 minutes pretty easily and started to do some math. Holy crap I was only like eight and a half hours into my race. If I could run a 5 hour marathon, I could come in at 13:30. I told myself not to think about that – there were a lot of miles to go and I wasn’t going to even start thinking that thought because anything can happen.
I saw emilyj early on and she looked strong and happy, which was awesome. I found @vtcupcake somewhere around mile 5 or so and she also looked like she was destroying it. I kept thinking awesome, powerful friends…. Get it girls.
I kept going and kept doing my intervals. After 5 miles, my body continued to feel amazing and my pace stayed steady at about 10 minutes/mile. I started doing math again. Holy crap if I could hold this pace, I could potentially come in under 13 hours. Under 13 hours? What the actual fuck.? No that was not possible, stop thinking that thought. There’s still a lot of miles to go and I’m not going to start thinking about that yet because anything can happen.
So I just kept sticking to my plan, and continued with my intervals.
My strides felt easy and fluid. My body felt powerful, and strong AF. And I was happy.
****************** Sidebar ******************
I think I have never truly loved my body a single day of my adult life. That’s a difficult thing to say, but I think it might be the truth. When I got married, I starved myself for a year and taped pictures of underwear models on my pantry door. I’ve poked at the dimples on my thighs and for a decade, I’ve pulled at the stretch marks left behind after pregnancy. When I first registered, I had looked forward to that transformation, physical and emotional – a moment of crossing some threshold of badass or something. I’ll be honest, I felt a little let down when taper arrived – as if I had missed something. All I had experienced was stress. So much stress. And my body felt strangely unchanged. Every dimple on my thighs was still there, every wrinkly deflated balloon looking stretchmark on my belly was still there. Even the morning of ironman, as I got ready, I was still poking and pulling at them. I could see no abs to speak of, and I didn’t even have massive biceps to flex. I felt the same as I’ve always been.
But then it happened, out there on the run course at some point between mile 5 and mile 9. Not a transformation, but a revelation. I had been looking for and waiting for a moment, but what I had missed was that it had actually been an evolution – gradual and unnoticed. And the realization came to me when I was out there running: what I had done, how far I had come, the person I had grown into, and – most importantly, what I had been capable of all along. I was actually the same person I had been before, and this strength had been there from the beginning. I didn’t need a transformation, I just needed a new angle, a new way to see myself.
I was out there doing an ironman. I was strong as fuck and I fucking loved the body that was carrying me through. I started thinking over and over again thank god for this. Thank god for this body. Thank god for these powerful legs.
****************** Back to the run ******************
Before I knew it I was at mile 18, the wall should be coming. But it didn’t come. And my pace stayed almost constant. I decided to stay with my run walk intervals until mile 20 and then run the last 10k with whatever I had left. So I ran that last 10k without walking.
Then it was there. The finish line was there. I had tried to imagine what I’d do in the chute. Fists up? Arms raised? Nothing? I didn’t know. In the end, I did what was in my heart and I just stretched out my arms wide in gratitude and joy. I wanted to take everything in and hold that moment forever. It was unforgettable.
What next? I am not sure. If all along I had been capable of something that was previously so unthinkable, and in an amount of time that I had not even dared to think was even remotely possible. What else am I capable of? I really don’t know. Anything is possible.
****************** Final results Swim 1:16:56 Bike 6:54:27 Run: 4:23:17
Total: 12:51:23 ******************
Epilogue: My period never even showed up. For my whole life, my cycle has shown me no mercy. Romantic vacations? Mid-long run? Mid-commute? No mercy. I had been exactly on time since I started tracking last year – never more than a day off. But this time, this cycle, I was a full 5 days late and Ironman was spared. It was a menstrual miracle. Anything is possible.
This is a fantastic read and I'm so grateful you posted! You are epic. And, confession, I saw your facebook post and I began to wonder whether I could do it. You are such an inspiration. (Also, holy cow you are fast!!)
You know, i just stopped crying from emilyj 's recap... now im crying again.
Im so proud of you! This was such an amazing recap of such an amazing journey. Everytime we saw you on the course, you looked HAPPY. Truly, truly happy. I love what youve written here so much!
It's like Christmas morning in here with the recaps!
I LOVE that you had such a revelation out there on the run. Your body has taken you further than millions of people would ever even think of attempting, and completely kicked ass while doing so. That's amazing that you finished so strong on the run! I'm in awe of what you all did out there, and so happy for you! Congratulations again, IRONMAN!
Post by lilypad1126 on Oct 20, 2017 9:27:09 GMT -5
Amazing job. Congratulations! I'm in awe of your speed. I can't run a marathon under 4:30 when that's ALL I'm doing, and you just ran that after swimming and biking! Amazing!
You crushed it! Mentally and physically, the training, the race...ALL OF IT! I always appreciated your honesty in the Iron Diaries about the struggles with balance and now your honesty about body image. You are so strong and smart, and an incredible role model for your kids. Congrats, Ironman!
YASSSSS! I am beyond impressed, so proud, so inspired and just in awe. I think you are an incredible athlete, and the fact that you trained for this while working full time and taking care of kids?! YOU ARE AN IRONMAN! (and a speedy one at that!)
Yes! Why stop crying on a Friday morning at my desk? ktzmoh, you are so inspiring and completely badass. I loved every word of this recap, especially your revelation during the run, and I'm so proud of you for chasing a dream that seemed ludicrous, taking control, and making it happen by hard work, determination and HEART. You're incredible. Congratulations Ironman, YOU DID IT!!!!
Post by farfalla2011 on Oct 20, 2017 9:32:20 GMT -5
Amazing job!! You totally kicked butt out there! And, I loved that you shared the emotional struggles of getting there and your view of your body. I hope you've been able to start getting your life balance back now that you've completed Ironman. I can't even imagine how tough the time commitment was through all the training.
Beautiful recap!!! Gah you guys are making me want to do one someday. I have a long way to go before that happens. But I loved reading these recaps and seeing all the beautiful pictures.
When did this Ironman pact get hatched anyway between the 3 of you? I feel like there was discussion about it at Charleston. Is that right?
I especially loved the revelation that you had about your body during the race. As women society throws us tons of reasons to dislike our body, but your body did something pretty freaking remarkable on Sunday and really everyday. Thank God for your menstrual miracle as well.
I love this. Your sidebar had me all choked up. Such a positive role model and I am so happy you had such a good day out there. Enjoy your recovery and time with your family.
Post by emilyinchile on Oct 20, 2017 10:34:23 GMT -5
Ohhhh that sidebar. There are tears over here. I have loved your honesty throughout this process, even though I also would have loved for the whole thing to have been magical for you. But it wasn't, and here again you've shown serious guts by telling us the not-so-pretty side of training and also just life. But god, to do what you did and also be able to have that kind of love for your body in the middle of it all? That's pretty damn amazing.
While tracking you guys I was AMAZED at your steady run splits. I annoyed the shit out of my husband because every time a new one would post I was all, 'LOOK AT THIS. SHE'S A DAMN MACHINE!!" and he has no idea who you are.
thank you a million times for your honesty through this training. This recap was golden. I cried through your sidebar and finish.
You have so very much to be proud of ktzmoh. From your goals and your passion to your steady dedication to the journey. I'm so happy for your success, and I love your joy in the race and in the finish. At the same time, I appreciate your honesty about the long, lonely workouts and the sacrifices you made for this. It's definitely a combination of sacrifice and triumph. And holy moly you ran your ironman marathon faster than I ran my stand alone marathon this fall! That is just beyond comprehension.
Lol at your epilogue. Glad timing finally worked out in your favor.
Finally, I can't believe how bad the weather got for you all of the bike. Brutal, but you all powered through. So many congratulations. ♥️
Post by luckystar2 on Oct 20, 2017 11:43:43 GMT -5
Wow! You crushed it!! You are truly inspiring. I love your sidebar revelation. I’m so glad you finally had that moment and realized you had this in you all along. Very profound!
But then it happened, out there on the run course at some point between mile 5 and mile 9. Not a transformation, but a revelation. I had been looking for and waiting for a moment, but what I had missed was that it had actually been an evolution – gradual and unnoticed. And the realization came to me when I was out there running: what I had done, how far I had come, the person I had grown into, and – most importantly, what I had been capable of all along. I was actually the same person I had been before, and this strength had been there from the beginning. I didn’t need a transformation, I just needed a new angle, a new way to see myself.
I was out there doing an ironman. I was strong as fuck and I fucking loved the body that was carrying me through. I started thinking over and over again thank god for this. Thank god for this body. Thank god for these powerful legs.
This is one of the most powerful things I have read on this board. You are strong as fuck. Congratulations on this achievement.
Your marathon time is honestly amazing. That is no easy feat in a stand alone. But, even more impressive than your time is that you ran the last 10k without a single walk interval. That blows my mind and I am INCREDIBLY impressed. Incredible fitness and you clearly nailed your nutrition.
I'm sorry that Ironman was stress and frustration. It is exceptionally difficult and you did it with a very very full life outside of triathlon. I hope that as you reflect over the coming months, you can find peace in what the process was, and also I hope that returning to a more balanced way of life helps to overcome the post-Ironman-blues.
What a fantastic recap! I love your honesty, and I am in awe that you managed to CRUSH an Ironman while working full time and raising kids. I'm so glad you had your revelation during the run, because you should be damn proud of your hard work and all that your strong body accomplished. You are amazing!