Sports question

[sandandsea]

Dh and I grew up playing year round sports and loved it. Ds likes sports too and playing with his friends. He is 5.5 and very high energy. He has a hard time focusing during an hour long practice and game. So he will have great moments and moments where he’s in left field (in soccer...).

However he doesn’t want to try new sports. He is worried he doesn’t know how to play, other kids will be better, they will be mad at him, etc. We’ve reassured him that he’s 5 and all the kids are learning. He’s super competitive but scared to fail. It kills me.

How can we help him overcome this? I can see forcing him into it going either way. We have talked to him about it and encourage him but he’s still very hesitant. As a life skill he needs to get over this fear of trying new things and self doubt but I don’t know how to help and not make it worse.

[erinshelley21]

Have you tried practicing other sports with him so that he can know what he is getting into? I've had to do this a little bit with DS (4 in Dec) but that's because he just doesn't know what I'm talking about when I say basketball, soccer, etc. But if you work on shooting a basketball or hitting a baseball he might get some confidence that way.

[2chatter]

Lifetime (a gym here) has sports samplers. The rec center has something similar. Skills classes without games might be fun too.

But I would push on this fear of failure thing - I say 2 million times a year “The only way you fail is if you don’t try”. I have three kids like this - all their teachers point this out to me. Middle is by far the worst. She acts out and usually it’s because she is obsessing about something minuscule and unrelated - like “my shoes are wrong with the outfit I want to wear next Wednesday” or “I don’t know if I will get a perfect score on this year’s State standardized tests”.

It’s a weird mix of lowering and raising the bar. If you say “let’s try basketball and you succeed if you play hard, go to all practices, do your best, etc”

[akafred]

What about summer camps for sports? Some are "all sports" and others dedicated to a specific sport.

[freezorburn]

Our community center also offers a samplers class.

DS (5) does not seem to be very drawn to sports, but I feel like it's important to encourage him to be active. Ball sports have never interested him. Not even catch. Although he does occasionally like to play dodgeball AT me.

Mostly we are just trying to encourage him to try new things. He is wanting to drop gymnastics so he needs to pick something else. He liked skateboarding this summer but I'm not sure how far he will want to go with it. His dad has been introducing him to golf ... and I'm thinking next summer to start taking him on some easy hikes. And I think he is getting better at regulating himself, so I might look for a swim class for him.

[sandandsea]

Yes exactly! We play sports with him a lot and he really enjoys them. Which is why it kills me that he doesn’t want to join teams. We are a “sports” family.

Maybe we can find some good summer camps that are week long programs so he can test it more intensely but for a shorter period of time to build some confidence. And i say the same thing as 2chatter all the time! I want to say “stop overthinking it and just try and have fun!! It’s not the World Cup!!!” But then he’d probably cry and be mad at me and never play again!

[traveltheworld]

Not entirely sports related, but could you show him that you and DH are bad at certain things too, but you can all learn? For example, I'm clueless when it comes to tools/furniture, but I made a point of putting together a little Ikea desk together with DS. It took the 2 of us almost 2.5 hours because I can't read instructions. He saw that I visibly got frustrated, but we kept at it until we finally got it. He was so proud of himself and me and went around telling people that "mommy learned to put together furniture!!" for a week. And then whenever he gets frustrated with stuff, I use that as an example and he seems to be quite receptive to that.

[mustardseed2007]

Have you tried just enrolling him and taking him to the practices and just seeing what happens? For DS (also 5) we did this with a really easy league for soccer and T ball. It was a hot mess at first. He refused to play soccer and sat out for half the game (or more) until several games in, and then suddenly he would perk up and join in.

This year, he seems to love playing b/c I'm coaching (if that's an option for you). He was seriously the worst kid on the team until he found his niche a couple weeks ago with the goalie position, so in our case this is as much learning to enjoy yourself and improve without worrying about actually being the best.

[waverly]

I am a believer in walking the very fine line of encouraging your child and pushing them. I think my family did a good job with this as I had anxiety and was on the shy side.

I might sign him up for a cheap less commitment type class. And then reassure him that he can just go watch until he feels ready to play. DS took a long time to warm up to different things/ for example 30 minutes before he would get in the zero depth pool. So I just let him sit in the edge -first it was 30 feet away then 20 then 10 then in the side until he was ready to get in.

If talking about it makes him nervous you can try the super nonchalant approach. If he has preferences then I would go with those too like DS doesn't care for t-ball but was willing to try soccer and basketball.

I would start with a skills class that is less pressure than a league and games.

[mommyatty]

What if he’s just not a sports kid? Can you live with that? (It’s an honest, no judgment question. Some of my bffs cannot accept that as an answer. It’s okay if you really believe team sports are necessary.)

Or what about individual sports like tennis or horseback riding or running?

Frankly, I hated team sports. Hated them. I was always afraid of letting the team down or being embarrassed. I played basketball one year and did not take a single shot for fear I would miss. I love shooting baskets. Refuse to play basketball. But I did run cross country and play tennis for fun. And I was a dancer back when there wasn’t competitive dancing. I never would have danced if there was a judge involved.

[sandandsea]

We are fine if he doesn’t like sports and don’t expect him to be a star athlete by any means. But I’m not okay with him deciding that at 5 and only because he’s scared of trying/failing. It’s a safe place to fail and to learn to fail and move on. And he needs to be active. I’m not okay with him being a couch potato.

He loves biking, racing go karts, hiking, swimming and playing sports with friends so it’s not like he hates sports and doesn’t want to do it.

Dh came home today with the quote about not letting what you can’t do interfere with what you can do and that seemed to help. He was talking about what ds can do (run, pass, shoot, have fun) and ds seemed encouraged. So we’ll see how that translates into wanting to join. And it’s a 5yo ymca league that is 2 hours a week for 8 weeks so not a huge commitment.