Open Letters

[mommyatty]

Dear Self:

Stop sulking.

Sulky Girl

Dear People on my plane this morning:

Let’s establish a few ground rules.

1) My whole seat is my seat. If you need more than one seat, buy it. But the flight gods shit on me and I’m in a middle exit row seat, so I literally cannot lean out of your way like I usually do.
2) Sit down to pee. Men and women. If you are such a germaphobe that your bare ass can’t touch the seat, then hold it until we land. I’m tired of wiping up other people’s pee so I can sit down. And dudes, your aim sucks on the ground. Add turbulence, and your getting all your urine in the toilet is about as likely as me shitting a diamond.
3) Don’t talk to me. I’m sulking. Let me sulk in peace.

And if like half of you could just not show up, that would be awesome.

Signed: Pissy Platinum Traveler

[rere]

Dear people at my meeting.


It started at 8. Why am I here and you are not.

Signed, I got up early

[supertrooper1]

Dear new housecleaner,
You're awesome. I just wish your rates were less so I could have you come every week.
Signed,
Happy with shiny faucets.

[twinmomma]

Dear DH,
I really need you to just let me lock myself in our room to clean and binge on some West Wing. I have clothes everywhere, half packed suitcases leftover from my trips, and general clutter all over the place. It looks like a teenager's bedroom and I hate myself for it. Plus, I need some introvert recovery time, desperately. Please just let me be and don't make it a thing when I don't want to spend time with you. I'm running on empty and this will really help my mental state.
Signed,
Introvert wife

Dear office,
It's such a punch in the gut to have the breakfast buffet full of pastries just two days after I have to cut out gluten. I just want a muffin, dammit... At least this should help me lose that last 10 pounds?
Signed,
Carb-aholic

[Covergirl82]

Dear DD,

Of all the times you decide to pick up a toddler toy trumpet and put it in your mouth to play it, it had to be at DH's cousin's house, where they've all just had strep throat. Fabulous. I really hope you don't get sick, because strep throat is miserable and daddy is gone next week for work.

Love,
Mommy who apparently needs to have another conversation about why we don't put toys in our mouth

Dear DH,

I was not upset that you have to travel next week, but I was mad at your apparent lack of consideration for all that needs to get done while you're gone and if me or the kids get sick while your gone, it will make for a bad week. I still have to work too, and strep throat means having to stay home with a sick kid at least two days. And you know I get really stressed and anxious when one or both of the kids get anything other than a cold.

Love,
Your wife
(Shout out to all the WPs who solo parent on a regular basis. You guys are amazing!)

[judyblume14]

Dear MIL,
Please come over our house and do bed time with the 3yo every night. Your 15-20 happy minutes with her while we straightened up the kitchen were incredible, compared to the hour-long screaming match bedtime usually becomes.
Love,
Your grateful DIL

Also Dear MIL,
Let's please not talk about anything political. Because your opinions are whackadoodle, and our relationship might suffer if you reveal anymore about your ignorance.
Love,
Your DIL who wants to love you, and also change your perspective

Dear DDs,
You did great last night. So much fun ToTing!
Love,
Mommy

Dear Work,
Sorry I've been distracted. I will try to be productive today.
Sincerely,
Employee who has misplaced her motivation due to sleep deprivation

Dear Roofers,
I knew you'd screw up dinner and bedtime on Monday. #sorrynotsorry you had to hear me scream at my unruly child and throw f-bombs at my husband.
No love,
from the homeowner whose business you did NOT earn by delivering, by far, the most expensive estimate.

[xctsclrx]

Dear Body,

Can we stop getting sick every couple of hours. That would be awesome.

Love self

Dear WP,

How do you get through 1st trimester exhaustion with a toddler and morning sickness? All I want to do is sleep.

Signed,
I don't remember it being this hard last time.


Dear Work,

I was so excited about your maternity leave policy!! 10 weeks paid at 100% that is almost unheard of. (it is lumped in with STD but we no longer have to pay for Short term disability. It is an automatic benefit now.

Sincerely,
Grateful employee who no longer has to horde her leave time.

[supertrooper1]

xctsclrx, That's an awesome ML benefit! Sorry you're feeling so sick.

[justcheckingin73]

Dear Self,

Let’s use caffeine and a run to stay awake today. Getting up at 4 am (ugh) for a webinar is not reason enough to binge on Halloween candy.

Me


Dear Co-worker,

Don’t expect me to wake up for the next UK webinar. I lucked out since this week only I’m only a 5 hour time difference from you. Next time it will be 6 hours and I’m not getting up at 3 am for a webinar. You can just present my very small piece of the call. Especially because you complain about everything.

Good luck with that...

[ilovelucyvv]

Dear Target,

I ordered one of the hottest toys this season in October in pink. The one you mailed me yesterday is blue. That may not seem to be a big deal to you, but it is to my daughter. And now you don't have any more pink ones in stock. Also there is another toy that you don't sell that interacts with this toy that I bought in pink, not blue. So now I ordered the second toy in blue until you get a pink toy back in stock. You see how this is stressing me out?

Signed,
Santa-zilla

[phdmomma]

ilovelucyvv, I am impressed that you have Christmas shopping going. I will start eventually....

Dear DS,

You've already lost one pair of gloves at school this season. Yes, you will have to wear the too small ones until I have a chance to run to the store.

Signed,
Too much to do already

[mae0111]

Dear Cousin -
I'm really sorry about your dad. He was a wonderful person - selfless, charitable, humble. I will miss him. I know you're worried about your mom, so you want us all that visit since you live so far away, but here's the thing.... your mom is a horrible person. I'm pretty sure she's a big reason that you moved so far away. Seriously - she's mean and nasty and just plain awful. And she always has been. This is not a crazy old age thing - she's been mean and crazy since I was a kid... since my dad, her little brother, was a kid. She is almost 20 years older than him and bullied the crap out of him until he finally just stopped talking to her. So.... nope, not visiting your cray-cray mother. You have 2 local siblings. Maybe ask them? Or do you already know their answers?
Love,
Cousin

Dear DD1 -
Awesome improvement in your behavior. I love you so much when you're like this. You know - sweet and not screaming at me.
Love,
Mommy

Dear DD2-
Take a page out of DD1's book and go back to being your sweet self.
Love,
Mommy

Dear DH -
THANK YOU for taking the kids trick or treating. DD2 and I needed some separation. I hope you don't mind that I basically set up a play date with the dad up the street. I thought you'd hit it off. Seems I was right! It would be nice for you to have a friend in the neighborhood.
Love,
Wifey.

[186momx]

Dear DH
Switching out my bright porch light for a black light that barely glowed and you sitting in your paintball gear looking creepy = parents telling their kids we weren't home. Me telling you to put the correct lightbulb back in and to take off the mask wasn't being controlling. It was making our house a safe house to visit. Also the spooky doormat that went screaming when you walked over it scared your own DD and most of the little kids that came. It wasn't a good idea. Instead of saying Halloween is supposed to scare the pants off people you should look to your own kid who was scared to walk to her own door and cut through the yard instead. Halloween is fun you need to read The Bearnstein Bears Ghost Walk and learn Papa Bear's lesson especially for a guy who hates Halloween.
Annoyed wife who didn't need to fight with you last night on top of everything else

DD
I'm glad you had fun and got enough candy you can eat to make you happy. I'm also glad that the candy you couldn't eat got recycled into the bowl and isn't sitting in the house tempting me.
Love Mom

Dear Chiro
I can't wait to see you Friday morning.
The lady who can't sit, sleep, or stand without her back screaming and has a headache the size of a boulder.

[erinshelley21]

Dear DH,
I'm sorry that I misread your joke that offended me the other day and didn't realize you were "trying to talk to me" about what is bothering you. Going to bed when we got home from ToT'ing and saying maybe you'll want to talk Thursday really hurt as well since I told you I've never felt more distant from you. I realize this is something YOU are going through, but we are in this together. If you hurt, I hurt. Also, can you quit acting like whatever job I get next year will have shitty pay and prevent you from going to another department? I'm making entry-level money right now so I would expect to make AT LEAST that. Plus I'll have the buy out for 4 years PLUS my brother buying my half of his house PLUS selling my office. I realize all of those things have an end to them, but we will have a lot of extra money for at least 4 years. Let's calm down and stop wallowing.
Love, your wife who is really bothered by how you're acting lately

[judyblume14]

erinshelley21,
You've been going through a lot lately. Big hug to you. Hang in there.
x-
Judy

[traveltheworld]

Dear DD:

Wow. I didn't realize you, at 2.5, could walk for almost 2 hours in the freezing rain when there was candy involved.

Impressed mommy

Dear DS:

It never ceases to amaze me how well you handle your allergies. I thought you'd at least be a tiny bit grumpy about all the candy you got but can't eat, but you just picked them out yourself happily and was thrilled with how much "left over candy" you still got. Way to see the glass half full!

Proud mommy

[katrine05]

Dear Self,

Stop eating all.day.long. That is the reason you've gained 7 lbs last month.

Signed,
The lady who plans on being on the beach in two months and doesn't need to look like she's still pregnant.

Dear DH,

Thanks for taking over last night and having the kids fed and in their costumes so we could head out the minute I got home.

Love,
Your wife who tried to leave early but people don't know how to drive in the rain

[186momx]

traveltheworld,
I was impressed by DD also. Especially for how much whining and melting down she did when they got candy at gymnastics and she couldn't eat it. I was really impressed but she got way more than she can eat of stuff she can have so the bowls weren't too lopsided. Being limited to what you can eat is so hard.

twinmomma, tootsie rolls are gluten free

[k3am]

Dear universe,

Make someone else your bitch.

Signed,
Meh.

[akafred]

Dear God,

I could use a win. I just really could.

Love,
Me

[2chatter]

Dear Mom,
Please be happy with the silver accord. If you want a black one we start over. I leave for Chicago tomorrow and have an MRI this afternoon. So it will be next week, and I will end up doing it on the weekend, and that means we have to do it between sports because DH isn’t here and it also means DD and DS will be with us. Be really, really sure you want black before starting this whole process over.
Daughter who only has so much time

[mae0111]

Dear 2chatter 's mom -

For the love of God, take the silver one, and be thankful for it. Silver's nice. You'll love it. Thank your daughter for all of her work helping you out with this one.

Love,
Mae

[polecat8]

Dear DH,
Last night, I was up with DS1 at least four times. You didn't know that? Maybe it was because you were snoring through the whole thing. When you finally ask me if I need help at 5am, when my alarm goes off at 6am, and then falling back asleep mid-sentence is not helpful. It also didn't help when you nudged me awake yesterday morning at 5:30am to get DS1 because you got up with him at 5:30am the day before. What you failed to realize was that I was up with DS1 multiple times that night too. I'm frustrated, tired, and worried about DS1. If you wish to see another day, it will do you good to steer clear of any topics dealing with how tired you are. It's not my fault you decided to stay up until midnight.
Love,
your tired wife

Dear DS1,
Why can't you sleep through the night? You are 7 months old and have only slept through the night 3 times ever. I'm starting to think there is something wrong with you after you got up screaming several times last night. If you sleep more, you will feel so much better, and so will I. Can you please work on this? I'm afraid I might lose my sanity over this.
Thanks,
Momma

[k3am]

2chatter’s mom,

Black cars look dirty all the time. Silver requires a lot less washing. Be smart.

Signed,
Owner of two silver cars

[erinshelley21]

Nov 2, 2017 8:10:38 GMT -5 polecat8 said:

Dear DH,
Last night, I was up with DS1 at least four times. You didn't know that? Maybe it was because you were snoring through the whole thing. When you finally ask me if I need help at 5am, when my alarm goes off at 6am, and then falling back asleep mid-sentence is not helpful. It also didn't help when you nudged me awake yesterday morning at 5:30am to get DS1 because you got up with him at 5:30am the day before. What you failed to realize was that I was up with DS1 multiple times that night too. I'm frustrated, tired, and worried about DS1. If you wish to see another day, it will do you good to steer clear of any topics dealing with how tired you are. It's not my fault you decided to stay up until midnight.
Love,
your tired wife

Dear DS1,
Why can't you sleep through the night? You are 7 months old and have only slept through the night 3 times ever. I'm starting to think there is something wrong with you after you got up screaming several times last night. If you sleep more, you will feel so much better, and so will I. Can you please work on this? I'm afraid I might lose my sanity over this.
Thanks,
Momma

Teeth? Gas? I just switched DD to reflux formula even though her pedi is sure she doesn't have it and it seems to be helping.
I'm also in the same boat and it's not fun.

[twinmomma]

Dear parents,
Pick up your damn children on time! DH didn't get home until after 7 PM last night! If this was daycare, you're be paying him a whole lot of cash when you finally arrived. It's a good thing I am able to do pick up for our own children, otherwise you'd be costing US a whole lot of cash too. To me, this shows just how little you value DH and his time. It's so completely disrespectful to me and I would be mortified in your position. And yet, whenever this happens, none of you seem too concerned.
Signed,
Sick of it

[mustardseed2007]

Dear Astros,

HOORAY!!!!!!

Signed,

Big Fan

[186momx]

Dear twinmomma, DH
You teach high school kids. They all have cell phones. Make sure they have rides coming and their phone and then leave. Unless the school states you have to stay until everyone is picked up you have your own kids to pick up and feed dinner. This is what the band teacher did when I was in marching band. Everyone got to use the phone in his office to clarify a ride and then he left us outside waiting in the cold. It was always the same 4 or 5 kids who's parents couldn't pick up on time. My mom always insisted we wait to make sure everyone got picked up and it drove me nuts sitting in the car 30+ minutes after practice because A & E's mom can't tell time.

2chatter, Mom
Silver is the new it color. It doesn't show the dirt and looks snazzy to drive.
Take it and give your daughter a break

[twinmomma]

186momx, He's not allowed to leave until all the kids are gone, which is what is causing the major issues. He's approaching the principal about coming up with a better plan because it's just ridiculous. He wants some consequences enacted. A lot of kids commute to this school from far away, so even if a kid calls and rides are en route, it could be at least 30 minutes before they arrive. They're not in town.

[katrine05]

polecat8 Solidarity. DS is 13 months has has slept through the night once (two weeks ago). I'm exhausted along with you.