Mom guilt / Parent guilt thread

[waverly]

What are you feeling guilty for lately?

Mine is that I am missing school observation day.  I missed it last year too because of work, and this year because my friend is flying in to spend the day with me, and I haven't seen him in 7 years.  And I didn't have much input on the date because it is a work trip for him. 

I also had to reschedule DS's audiology appointment.  I hate that I can't just go have fun one day without missing 20 other things not to mention all the logistics and re-arranging of schedule.   This is also why it is hard for me to plan anything because I have to shift so many other things. 

[sdlaura]

DD has a job-a-thon fundraiser on Friday that's a big deal for her/the school. I was supposed to be able to go and told her I could, but then I got invited to make a new business presentation that day to try to win a new client. That only happens a few times a year in my business, so I have to go.

I'm also feeling work guilt. My boss said he's not feeling well and asked if I could fly to a conference on Wednesday to cover a presentation. I actually offered to do it despite the fact that I also have a cold and an infant at home, and it was super short notice. I was feeling pretty good about that. Then he said I shouldn't go unless I could also do some night networking events, so I backed out (baby is not yet sleeping through the night, so I'm trying not to be away overnight for optional stuff) and now I feel like I'm setting my career back. Blah - I can't win.

[2chatter]

I can’t seem to stay on top of everything optimally for DD - if she’s eating plenty she isn’t tracking migraines and autonomic symptoms - if she’s not doing cardio it’s because I have her focused on water intake. It’s too much to manage. She also needs more medicated shampoo and a different acne solution. I need to get her back to the dermatologist.

I don’t make DS read as much as I should. I just keep running out of time and or energy.

DD needs to work more on memorizing mulitiication facts but I have to buy printer ink then print the sheets. Too hard. Somehow.

[rere]

I'm actually making Dds Thanksgivings lunch. I had to do some creative scheduling and miss a meeting that is pretty useless, and I don't feel bad at all.

[mommyatty]

I’m failing at everything.
-Work is a mess. I’m too busy and no one seems the least bit interested in helping out. Because I’m so overextended, I don’t have time to put up with petty bullshit, which my company thrives on, which means I’m pissing people off, completely by accident.
-DH is eating crackers for me, so I’m jumping down his throat about everything. I’m just stressed and probably taking it out on him. But I swear I’m working my ass off, and he’s not doing shit at home in the 40 hours a week he has completely alone. So today, on my sick day, I cleaned the fucking mess of a playroom because he can’t bother to pick up after the 30 minutes a day he has the kids before we eat dinner and he hasn’t for weeks.
-DS cried last week because I dropped him off at school and he thought I was picking him up. When MIL picked him up, he cried to his teacher that he wanted me. Then Saturday night, when I was sick as a dog, DS screamed and cried because he wanted me to read him stories, not Daddy. I finally went in and he cried “if you can’t read to me, I just want a snuggle.” Poor kid just needs his mom, who has been traveling extensively for the job she sucks at right now.
-DD was sick and I couldn’t take her to the doctor. DH did it.

[phdmomma]

We finally have after care for DS, for a few days a week (instead of the cobbling together insanity). These early release days (why is an early release day mean that school is done at 10:50am?) are killing me. Why do we have two in two weeks? I get that parent-teacher conferences are important, but I need to get some work done. Also, why are the conferences during the day (which I need to take off to stay with DS) and I'm not supposed to bring him? Both DH and I can't take the day off. This is our first year with the public school district, and his teacher and the school are excellent and I love them. However, this schedule is killing me. They also have the Wednesday before Thanksgiving off, but I have to teach class, so I guess that I will just bring him with me. Thankfully DD's daycare is still open. On the plus side, DS is excited about the aftercare program, he will ride the bus there from school, and then I will pick him up on my way home with DD from campus.

I'm traveling right now at a conference, and stuff is stacking up while I am gone. So I am in my hotel room sending a billion emails and whatnot and reviewing stuff for my grad students.

[waverly]

phdmomma- does your aftercare do days off school and half days? Ours does. I've tried to align my schedule with school but I can't completely so it helps so much. Our daycare does too.

[supertrooper1]

DS is annoying me. He learned a new song at preschool and won't stop singing it. He can't play by himself. He has to touch me constantly, such as playing with my hair or sitting with me which usually ends in his elbows digging in somewhere. I should be thankful that he wants to spend time with me, but I just want a break from him. Cue the mom guilt.

[phdmomma]

waverly, They do, you just have to sign up for them individually beyond the regular scheduled days. And most of the close ones are full. For example, although he will typically go to after school on Thursdays, with it being an early release day, we have to sign up separately for it. And it is already full. I've emailed the person who handles the schedule all of the potential days that we might need care, to see where the sign up lists are. On the plus side, by getting DS in a couple days of the week now, we are not a center family, and will get first dibs on the summer program, which looks pretty awesome.

[traveltheworld]

DS talks all the time and is super excited and enthusiastic about everything. Sometimes I wish he'd just tune it down a bit. Like yesterday he wanted to create a fort in the living room and have an indoor picnic, but I had a million things to do so I shot down all of his ideas for how to build a fort (the kid will never take no for an answer unless you can convince him via logic that his idea doesn't work). After the third try, he burst into tears sobbing that he had no more ideas and kept repeating over and over again that he just can't come up with a way to make the fort work. I felt terrible, relented and helped him come up with a feasible idea. We ended up having fun building it, eating lunch inside and took a nice nap inside. I feel like I'm constantly dampening his enthusiasm. I don't want him to lose his enthusiasm for everyone and everything just because I'm tired.

But I'm tired.

[traveltheworld]

Oh and add on guilt of thinking that I'm ignoring DD's needs. She doesn't get nearly enough attention because DS is so all-consuming.

[justcheckingin73]

Nov 13, 2017 23:14:25 GMT -5 traveltheworld said:

Oh and add on guilt of thinking that I'm ignoring DD's needs. She doesn't get nearly enough attention because DS is so all-consuming.

I can relate to this guilt. My DS has been high maintenance and a momma’s boy from day 1. It hasn’t been easy to get time with my girl. 

I joke with my kids that I turn into a pumpkin at 8. The reality is, it’s closer to 7 when my fuse is short and I just can’t deal with things as well. Last night DD decided to make overnight oats at 8 pm and DS wanted to put something together. Seriously?? It’s bedtime for DS. Thankfully DD cleaned up really well this time but after dinner, my goal is to clean shit up so I can relax, not make new messes. Cue the mom guilt when I’m short and cranky with them. 

[waverly]

I feel there is a switch that shuts down my brain and body at 7 pm.

I too feel bad because DS is special needs so he gets way more attention mostly in the form of doctor appointments. DD is not old enough to realize that doctor appointments actually suck so she just sees it as him getting all the attention.

[HeartofCheese]

*raises hand*

+1 to all of the above.

[ilovelucyvv]

When I came home from work yesterday, my kids were all "Mom, play with me!" Instead I told them I had to work some more and did so for another hour.

[2chatter]

Ugh yes the short fuse is here too! The ten and five year olds go down at 8. After that i would like to be useless but the 13 year old wants to talk. Please let me read my book alone after 9. Please.

[covergirl82]

I was short with the kids this morning because DD spilled apple juice on her shirt so we had to get a new one. Then I noticed that there was still water in the bathtub from last night, which made me mad. How hard is it to pull the plug in the tub? (DH got the kids ready for bed because I went to a ladies night at church for 2 hours.) Then it took some yelling to get DD to go potty. Sometimes I just wish I felt that I didn't have to rush around to get things done and get where we need to go. And I wish I had more energy. I feel like I go to bed tired and still wake up tired.

[kimberlybb]

Yelling. I feel like I yell all the time. I'm not great at time management and feel like we are always rushing to get out the door. I'm stressed that we are running behind so I snap at them for stuff liking taking too long to zip up coats, put on shoes, etc. I feel bad about it after the fact and always swear I'm going to do better tomorrow but I never seem to.

[xctsclrx]

My baby turns 3 today. I haven't wrapped his presents or gotten him a cake. I am a slacker.

[rere]

For all the mom guilt we have, it really is a present day thing. I was fortunate enough to be close with my great grandmother who was born in 1900. She had 12 kids in a small house with no plumbing. She cooked 3 full meals a day, made the clothes, washed by hand, and pretty much canned and preserved all their food. She did not play with any of the kids. They would put the tail of a toddlers dress under heavy furniture to keep them out of harm, or lay the baby in the shade while working in the garden. My grandmother was one of the older, and she was in charge of the younger. That's just the way it was
No guilt. She wouldn't give two thoughts about missing out or not having a lot of time to play.

[justcheckingin73]

Nov 14, 2017 8:43:15 GMT -5 2chatter said:

Ugh yes the short fuse is here too! The ten and five year olds go down at 8. After that i would like to be useless but the 13 year old wants to talk. Please let me read my book alone after 9. Please.

Yes! My 13 year old usually comes out of her cave (bedroom) after DS goes to bed. Usually I’m gearing up for some mindless iPad game or Facebook browsing and she’ll decide that it’s the perfect time to pour out every thought she had during the day. It’s so hard because my brain needs a break but she also doesn’t talk a whole lot at other times so I have to suck it up. 

[erinshelley21]

Nov 13, 2017 21:56:16 GMT -5 supertrooper1 said:

DS is annoying me. He learned a new song at preschool and won't stop singing it. He can't play by himself. He has to touch me constantly, such as playing with my hair or sitting with me which usually ends in his elbows digging in somewhere. I should be thankful that he wants to spend time with me, but I just want a break from him. Cue the mom guilt.

My DS also won't play by himself and has to be on me at all times. There are days where I say in my head "I will never be this loved again, I will never be this loved again" over and over and over to get through the day.

[meagain]

We are taking a vacation over Thanksgiving and my oldest can't go.  She has to work.  She took a job in retail after this was planned and of course she has to work.  She is only 16.  

I work all the damn time.  I work up to 64 hours a week between the two jobs.  I see my kids maybe 2 hours a day.  Of course, one of my jobs I work at home but I have to be in my office with the door closed.  They could come visit but of course they are teenagers, so that doesn't happen.  Then I think I must be an awful mother if they don't want to even see me.

My house is out of control.  I cannot seem to keep it clean, I cannot seem to keep up on laundry.  I never have time to cook.  

My youngest is struggling with her behavior.  She is 15.  I keep thinking someday she will grow out of this, but every year she escalates.  I keep thinking that I did not raise her right.  I should have done more, been a better mom, should have had more discipline, should have had less discipline.  Should have gotten her help sooner.  She is ODD and from things I have read that is mostly the parents fault.

I cannot get my eating under control.  I am almost at my heaviest again.  I eat my emotions and stress is the one I eat the most and this whole year has been nothing but stress.  My H had a stroke, I lost my really good paying job, my H was going to leave me, A threatened suicide, teenagers.  I just cannot get a handle on it.  And with the extra weight, I feel like doing absolutely nothing. Which only makes it worse.


I could go on and on.  I feel guilty in every area of my life.  Sometimes it is crushing. 

[justcheckingin73]

Hugs meagain. You have a lot on your plate. I constantly think I went wrong somewhere with my kids. I can also relate on the weight struggles. Next to my kids, if I ever feel like a failure, it’s in this area. 

[meagain]

justcheckingin73, Thank you. I try not to let it consume me but sometimes its tough.

[leap]

I feel like I never have time for DD1 and that we never get 1 on 1 time. DH and I usually split to do activities on Mondays and Wednesdays. DD2 prefers to go with me so I usually end up taking her and then we have like an hour at home where it is just the two of us. It's nice. I enjoy spending that time with her, but I want to have the same kind of 1 on 1 time with DD1. I think we need to change it up. On Wednesday I want to take DD1 and have DH take DD2. This may cause drama for DD2, but I really think it would be good for all of us.

[mustardseed2007]

DH is distant from me lately. I think he feels like I don't put enough into him or the family. I feel guilty b/c I'm worried he's right, but on the other hand I think he's not.

I always feel guilty for not keeping a cleaner, more organized house or being more on top of our finances than we are.

I also feel guilty for not being able to navigate the mom circles better b/c I think it would be better for my kids if I was good at that.

[akafred]

Therapy last night, which is some weird kind of parent/child therapy but not really because mostly it is individual and we come together at the end, therapist gave me a guilt trip for not getting therapy after the car accident. Even though I did. But, you know, I am not emotionally "there" enough for DD in the car because of the trauma of the car accident. Between that guilt trip slash kind of anger and DD's new dx of auditory processing disorder, I barely slept last night.

[judyblume14]

kimberlybb, me too on the yelling. most of the time, when I ask DD to do something, she hesitates and asks "are you going to yell at me?"

Yikes.

[greenmonkey1]

My older son is 5 and has not been in anything organized other than daycare/preschool. No swim lessons, t-ball, etc. And I worry that he won't be able to make friends or will somehow be socially/emotionally stunted because of my not getting him in organized activities. Either I do not think about it until too late or I just keep putting it off and then it is too late. Part of it is fear that he will not do well in terms of listening/following directions and the other part is the fear of adding one more thing to my plate. Really I just need to get over my own fears and get him signed up - I really think he'd like an organized activity and he listens fine outside of the house to people that are not his parents.