Destination wedding Q

[mustardseed2007]

Nov 17, 2017 15:00:21 GMT -5 phdmomma said:

mustardseed2007 , By the way, I did really enjoy the commentary about the gas station casino wedding. We went to one in a retirement home once, it was a small town, was the only place big enough for the wedding. The bride and groom were in their 20's.

I have never heard that one! Was alcohol allowed? Just wondering. And I'm guessing it was a day time wedding? 

[ECB]

Nov 18, 2017 17:01:37 GMT -5 waverly said:

The brides wording was more like we are telling you early and hope you can make it so maybe there is the option to say no. Or at least not 3 nights. It was worded as vacation with us and tell you early which still makes me think we are paying even though it wont let us book online.

So, here’s the thing- to both this and what you asked in your OP - doesn’t matter how ‘firm’, demanding or.... whatever... a bride/bridal couple is.  There is ALWAYS the option to say “no”.  They ask you ALL to be in the wedding?  You CAN say “no”.  Either no for the kids, or no for you and/or your DH or... whatever works for you.

Don’t want to stay 3 nights?  Then don’t.  Don’t want to say in the hotel they picked?  Then don’t.  

There are a million nice ways to say “no”.  And the simpler the better.  Don’t make excuses for yourself, don’t over explain. But you CAN say “Can’t wait!  We’ll see you Friday afternoon!”.  They balk and ask why you aren’t coming Thursday? “Unfortunately our schedule doesn’t allow for us to come that early”.  They push for details?  Stick to “We’ll be there Friday!  can’t wait”.  Don’t start stumbling over yourself to “explain” because the more you do, the more holes they’ll look for and find.  

I start to get prickly about this, TBH.  Fact is - a destination wedding and being IN a wedding requires you to spend $$.  No matter what the brides vision/wishes are, in the end, she actually doesn’t get to dictate how you spend your $$.  Getting married does NOT give anyone carte Blanche to spend other people’s money.  

[mustardseed2007]

In my own personal life I often find in situations like this, I write it out and it's OBVIOUS I should say no. But then I don't BC I want people to like me or at least not be mad at me. It's almost always as bad as I think. Then I think, well at least it's established that this was a bad idea and I will get credit for being a good sport and maybe won't get sucked into this person's craziness in the future ... but it never works like that.

Long story short: don't be me. Do what you want. Stay strong. They don't pay your bills or raise your kids etc etc. you do you and don't feel bad.
Again, do what I say, not what I do.

[phdmomma]

mustardseed2007, They had an open bar actually. But we also live in Wisconsin where there is quite the drinking culture. The wedding itself was in their church in the afternoon, and then it was a dinner time reception that went until 10pm or so.

[waverly]

One of the main reasons that I am thinking of this so early is so DH and I will be on the same page and have the same answers to these questions. Definitely we will have to say no to parts of their plan.

[mustardseed2007]

Nov 19, 2017 19:51:53 GMT -5 phdmomma said:

mustardseed2007 , They had an open bar actually. But we also live in Wisconsin where there is quite the drinking culture. The wedding itself was in their church in the afternoon, and then it was a dinner time reception that went until 10pm or so.

I just am having a hard time figuring out how that worked in a retirement community (they don't eat dinner at 4pm and go to bed at 7?). But I guess people retire differently in Wisconsin - they are leaving it up! 

[phdmomma]

mustardseed2007, The reception itself wasn't until like 6pm, so I guess that all of the residents were in bed. But that's a good question looking back. They do though, at my husband 's grandparents' retirement community you could have a little locker in the dining room to store your alcohol so that you could have a drink with dinner. And they totally did and put their travel bar suitcase in it.