SIL is getting married, and she has picked a date and a resort, destination wedding but in the continental US. She has mentioned we could come Thurs-Sun, so I went to the website and found out that the rooms are part of the wedding package, and it won't let me book them separately. Would I presume then that they are paying for them? They wouldn't collect money from everyone separately for that, right?
Its probably bad form for me to start asking them my money questions when I haven't seen them in person or congratulated them on their engagement, so I can't ask them yet anyway.
Pray for me that no one asks us to be in the wedding. I really don't want to messing with hair appointments and possibly make up appointments and dresses. And if they want to kids to be in it, wouldn't it be a problem if both their parents are in too? Of do I just make the Grandparents manage everything? Has anyone had both parents and all the kids in a wedding before?
waverly - that would make me batty. In the past all the wedding blocks were book and pay yourself for us.
We have had both parents and kids in a wedding - and it wasn’t a big deal. Family and friends pitched in to help with the kids - and fam is in the front so with little kids they are right there, which is good!
I am hoping they are paying because it is $300 a night. Isn't that a lot to ask for 3 nights at $300 a pop, like $1000 including taxes? I mean its a destination wedding but not like on tropical island or anything. Think cabin in the woods.
I think the point of the wedding is to have everyone stay there according to their website and the couple. So I probably won't get the option of booking a cheaper place and driving over since they want it to be like a mini vacation with everyone. My inner introvert is cringing.
Ok glad to know it wasn't a big deal. I'd really rather just not be in another one because I have been in 3 before, and I'm just over it. But good to know that saying oh I have the watch the kids won't work as an excuse- bummer.
Destination weddings you typically pay your own way. The bride and groom sell it as an "it's like a vacation where there just happens to be a wedding!" type situation, but it's not. Have you gotten the invitations yet? I assume they'd have the details, and you'll just have to wait until then. If you have gotten the invitations, you're fine broaching the subject with them.
No invites. I know typically people pay their way, but I thought typically you book and pay the vendor directly. It's just crappy that it will be 1k plus possibly outfits plus plane travel. I was just envisioning somewhere where we could use hotel points or it would be $150 a night.
And because it's family we can't say no (I mean we could but we would never ever hear the end of it) nor can we book something offsite. And I kind of wanted to know before I agreed to outfitting people as well. I'll budget 2k for it I guess.
Post by HeartofCheese on Nov 15, 2017 17:26:13 GMT -5
$300 hotel rooms are so overrated. I say stay where you want. The point is that you are there to share the moment with them, not breathe each other's breath, chew each other's food, and sleep each other's sleep for 4 days.
$300 hotel rooms are so overrated. I say stay where you want. The point is that you are there to share the moment with them, not breathe each other's breath, chew each other's food, and sleep each other's sleep for 4 days.
I know right?! She keeps trying to get us to vacation with her (more the kids than us), and we don't want to. So this is her way of forcing it I guess. Along with his family too. I'll see if there are any neighboring towns with hotels.
I mean I've travelled for weddings, not destination weddings, where I could pick my own room or stay with my mom.
I feel like for you to tell me what days to come and where to stay it better be in the Caribbean or something. . Not a random (to me) place where you can show off how unique and nature inspired you and your wedding are.
I mean it looks cute and high ratings, but what do we do with the kids? Crap you know what this means? Itineraries! She is going to organize activities isn't she?
Maybe we fly in Fri night...
ETA- I should also mention she is extremely cheap. When she visits she expects door to door delivery for the airport, never rents a car, uses a taxi or gets a hotel room unless someone else pays.
$300 hotel rooms are so overrated. I say stay where you want. The point is that you are there to share the moment with them, not breathe each other's breath, chew each other's food, and sleep each other's sleep for 4 days.
I know right?! She keeps trying to get us to vacation with her (more the kids than us), and we don't want to. So this is her way of forcing it I guess. Along with his family too. I'll see if there are any neighboring towns with hotels.
Post by traveltheworld on Nov 15, 2017 23:00:15 GMT -5
I feel for you. When DH's brother got married last year, he wanted a destination wedding in Jamaica that would have cost $6000 for the week. And yes, we were all expected to stay there - they buying a block of rooms was what would pay for a free ceremony and free honeymoon suite for them, so essentially we had to subsidize their wedding. We felt like we had to suck it up, but luckily enough other family members complained that they abandoned the plan. I hope the same happens for you!
Post by judyblume14 on Nov 16, 2017 10:05:53 GMT -5
waverly, we're going to a destination wedding over the winter. We're paying for 6 days at an all inclusive, even though days 1 and 6 are full FOURTEEN hour travel days. So, 1/3 of what we're paying for, we can't even enjoy. Most of the guests are travelling from my area, so it blows my effing mind that the couple would choose a destination that is so inconvenient to get to. No direct flights. LONG ass layovers.
This stupid wedding is more than our honeymoon cost. And we're even using some CC points to offset the cost. I mean, we COULD say no, but not really. And we ARE looking forward to enjoying ourselves once we get over the nightmare logistics. but i hate destinations weddings.
But after perusing the webite, I'm so glad I'm paying for those two extra days. I mean, it helps the couple upgrade their room an extra tier or two, and get all kinds of treats! So, yay them! (eyeroll)
I really can’t get over the costs associated with destination weddings - that people expect the wedding party and guests to assume.
I say that having been married in Australia - but I cleared it with my closest friends and family, and my parents rented a 7 bedroom beach house with a rooftop terrace for two weeks so housing was at no cost to them. We were all on board for a two week vacation together because no one had kids yet — it’s a game changer when you expect families with kids to figure that out and bear the expenses. judyblume14 - that’s craziness!
Post by judyblume14 on Nov 16, 2017 10:27:18 GMT -5
2chatter, in addition to the destination wedding, both the bride and groom had/are having destination bach parties. My stupid H paid over $1000 for the flight and hotel and event ticket for a long weekend away. That didn't include meals, booze, or the skeezy strip club they probably went to...
2chatter, I feel the same way! We were so young when we got married, we considered a destination wedding and then realized all our friends were too broke to come with us. So it would have been us and our richer, older relatives. Not what we wanted at all, so we nixed the idea. The only "destinations" we've done have been weekend away, driving distance places. Those I don't mind, since it's usually only 1 night, maybe 2, and it doesn't involve flight logistics.
I'm bitter about destination weddings. My ex-BFF had a destination wedding that was a month or two away from my due date with DD, and because we were unwilling to commit to going to Puerto Rico (10-14 hours of travel) with a newborn, I was a selfish friend who didn't support her marriage. Friendship = over.
If someone wants to have a destination wedding, that's fine, but the couple needs to be aware that it's a HUGE financial and time commitment to ask of their guests, and that they should expect that 0 people can make it and just be grateful for any that do vs. having high expectations and being angry/upset when folks can't make it.
I'm bitter about destination weddings. My ex-BFF had a destination wedding that was a month or two away from my due date with DD, and because we were unwilling to commit to going to Puerto Rico (10-14 hours of travel) with a newborn, I was a selfish friend who didn't support her marriage. Friendship = over.
If someone wants to have a destination wedding, that's fine, but the couple needs to be aware that it's a HUGE financial and time commitment to ask of their guests, and that they should expect that 0 people can make it and just be grateful for any that do vs. having high expectations and being angry/upset when folks can't make it.
There is something about weddings that bring out the worst in people. I attended my BFFs wedding right after coming off bedrest with my high risk pregnancy, and she stomped around all mad and acting like I was a bad bridesmaid because I was sitting down outside. The music was too loud to stay inside and all the guests went out. I wouldn't say it was totally the end of the friendship but it was the moment where I got tired of her being angry and taking it out on other people because of her unhappiness with something not related to me. I realized it was a pattern that would never change. There were several anger instances before and after and now I just avoid her because I know it will keep happening.
Also I am sure your friend has no clue about kids and that you would be not sleeping and BFing. It's like literally the worst time to travel that far.
waverly, if I had known that the houseplant stage of infancy is really probably the easiest stages to travel with one (at least with my kids), we probably would have ended up going to the wedding. I had told her we'd play it by ear but I couldn't commit to being a bridesmaid or spending $3-5k, and if was okay by her, we'd decide at some point after baby was born if we could make the trip. But noooooo.
I've also realized that an alarmingly high rate of people that I know are no longer friends with the maid of honor (or if they were MOH, they're no longer friends with the bride). I do agree, weddings bring out the worst in people and just magnifies it.
Thankfully, the only person left in our circle who could potentially get married in the near term future is BIL, but his prospects are questionable.
k3am, I am thinking whatever you would have done wouldn't have been good enough if she wouldn't even understand your compromise of deciding later.
The houseplant stage is easy to travel with but what about the colic witching hour and no sleep? And with the expense and bridesmaid on top of it. It's a lot to ask.
k3am , I am thinking whatever you would have done wouldn't have been good enough if she wouldn't even understand your compromise of deciding later.
The houseplant stage is easy to travel with but what about the colic witching hour and no sleep? And with the expense and bridesmaid on top of it. It's a lot to ask.
Exactly. If I had known in advance that I'd have a child with DS's temperament as a newborn? I'd have signed up, no questions asked. DD was a hot mess. But you never know what you're going to get until you have it.
I completely do not understand the notion of a destination wedding. They had just started to be a thing when we got married, and to me it seemed like something a Trump wife would do, not a normal, reasonable person. (Also back then, no one had heard of a Kardashian. If you wanted to say “rich, and disgusting about it,” you said “Ivana Trump or Marla Maples”... yes, I’m elderly.)
I would not go to a destination wedding. I would not pay for a destination wedding. I would not think nice thoughts about anyone who chose this.
mommyatty, especially a destination wedding that is no destination but the woods in the middle of nowhere. It's a 2 hour drive from 1 airport and 3 hours from another one. So we have to buy (luckily we have points) 4 airplane seats, rent a car, and also get no say in lodging? I thought she would have it in the metro area where she lives, where at least we would have a short drive and could do things in the city and use hotel points, but no she has to have her dream of us all vacationing together.
Which is likely more her dream of us paying for the lodging, so her wedding is free. I will update if by some miracle it turns out they are paying for it, but since that is not traditionally done that way and they are cheap, I doubt that very much.
Post by sandandsea on Nov 17, 2017 14:20:52 GMT -5
Dh and I grew up 2000 miles from each other so our families are far apart. We had our wedding on the beach close to his family but mine had to travel. We fully understood not everyone would make it and were absolutely fine with that. We had a small family only wedding essentially with 65 people. We also went to Disneyland and the price is right the week before the wedding and had a blast. I wouldn’t change anything. We also lost no friends over it as we “got it”. But with our families so far apart half was going to travel anyway.
I’m encouraging my sister to have a DW because she lives on the Gulf, we are in CA, and my parents are in the Midwest. Mexico sounds more fun than Mississippi! 😊 she has to find a guy first.....so obviously it’s not a real discussion now. 😊
Also the first rule of DW is that most people won’t come. Confirm with your immediate family and people you have to have there to see if they are onboard before choosing a DW.
I have turned down invites and think it’s totally reasonable to say NO!
I think that the term destination is relative. Like if everyone has to travel, that isn't great. But if the bride and groom want to have it where they live and people need to travel, that seems much more reasonable. When we got married we were living in South Carolina and wanted a church wedding at the the church we attended. It was a destination for a lot of folks, and in some respects was a destination wedding, but not really. We invited about 100 people, and about 50 showed up, which was pretty good. We were also broke at the time, as I got married at 23 and we paid for it ourselves.
Post by mustardseed2007 on Nov 17, 2017 14:46:12 GMT -5
There is a difference between an out of town wedding and a destination wedding for sure! Like the gas station casino wedding we went to in Louisiana was an out of town wedding and we got a hotel room, but it wasn't a destination wedding b/c the bride lived in a small town outside of that small town.
mustardseed2007, By the way, I did really enjoy the commentary about the gas station casino wedding. We went to one in a retirement home once, it was a small town, was the only place big enough for the wedding. The bride and groom were in their 20's.
Yes an out of town wedding is definitely different. I was expecting that and having to fly but we could pick our own lodging and do what we want except for rehearsal dinner and wedding.
A destination wedding we can't pick where we stay and since we are "vacationing together" sort of in the middle of no where I expect that we will be having planned outings in addition to the wedding.
We are pretty independent do our own thing type people so 4 days of outings and wedding stuff is a lot.
Yes to your point we are immediate family and no one confirmed with us. Told us was more like it. The get we can say no but histrionics would be involved on their side if we did. I can literally see the sky falling.
The brides wording was more like we are telling you early and hope you can make it so maybe there is the option to say no. Or at least not 3 nights. It was worded as vacation with us and tell you early which still makes me think we are paying even though it wont let us book online.