Family Baby Stuff/Holiday Vent

[nicolewi]

I'm feeling more and more...I don't know...some kind of build-up of resentment or something? about giving baby stuff to my brother. Their first baby is due in December. I offered them tons of stuff and they took ages to reply and then finally said they wanted certain items from the list. Now it's been months and they have made zero move to collect anything at all and haven't brought it up. I totally get wanting to pick out your own things, but I have tons of really nice stuff that could be handy--beautiful like-new baby snow-suits/fleeces/snow hats in good brand names, brand-new right season clothes w/ tags, new bibs & burp cloths (never used), Miracle Blankets, other swaddles, like-new hardly used high-end nursing cover, unused breast milk storage bags, etc. plus used but like-new various other things. Their total lack of interest is just weird to me. I told them I'd pull some stuff together and they sounded interested at the time, but since they haven't followed up and I don't really even know if they want it, I'm feeling annoyed about it.

The only thing they've followed up on is asking my parents to pick up the car seat base, which was the only item of contention. I offered the whole seat, but they only wanted the base, which leaves me with a useless seat. Whatever, I'm loaning them the base for now.

So...I guess I"m going to have to send a note asking whether they still want baby items or not. It's just so weird to me. I'm feeling like, if you don't really want this stuff, don't humor me. I'd rather you used it, but I can always sell it if you don't want it or don't appreciate it!

I'm also annoyed b/c I sent him a perfect idea for DD2 for Christmas--Wellie Wisher tent, free shipping, right price--at his request to get ideas early, and he responded with "Hey, I have a moral aversion to American Girl accessories. How about clothes, books, games etc?" I mean seriously. Really?  Get off your high horse and just wait until you have kids. Their gifts to our kids are always nice but getting a little heavy-handed on the "girl power" messaging, like the "Princesses Wear Hiking Boots" type books, shirts that say "I'm brave & strong and I will rule the world," Goldi-Blox, etc. (all fine on their own but taken together the theme is getting a little overpowering). I think I'm just going to tell him to try to pick something out. I hope their expected DD goes through a super frilly, girly-girl stage and asks for every non-STEM toy, and begs for a toy cleaning set and some Cinderella shoes.

[momin2013]

In all my years of dealing with stuff like this, I've come to a conclusion: Families are weird, yo.

Seriously, my brother and his wife do things that don't make sense to me, and I basically just shrug and think, well, I don't have to live with them. You've offered the stuff and they've said yes. If you don't want to haul it all over there, I'd just send a quick text saying that you (or your dad or whoever) is stopping over such and such day, do they want you to bring over any/all of that baby stuff you had mentioned. If you don't get a positive response, I'd drop it, and give them some time; maybe they're waiting to see what they really think they need...? I'm guessing most of the stuff you could sell either now or later, so storing it for a bit longer shouldn't be a big deal.

I do get having an aversion to a certain type of gift (although I don't know what could be wrong with AG other than it's....too girly?). My nephew is fully into Nerf guns, and I admit I have an aversion to buying guns of any kind, so I've asked for an alternate idea before, or just picked out something else when he's asked for that.

Also, FTR, before they had my niece, my brother and his wife were all "my daughter will never wear pink, be into princesses, etc.", and they ended up with the girliest girly girl you can imagine - lol.

[cjcouple]

I have totally been in your shoes regarding hand me downs, etc. Only after giving things, they either destroyed them or sold them within a month or 2. Totally pissed me off.

I don't give them anything anymore. I give whatever I have to a friend who has a little boy.

I would nicely give them a deadline, arrange to pickup by XX date or I will be donating.

[lexus]

I agree with CJ. Give them a deadline and then move on how you want.

[nowa]

Agreed on the deadline. I’d just say your on a cleaning/decluttering binge so if they don’t want the stuff, totally fine, you’ll just donate it.

[erbear]

I would not worry one bit about this. Maybe they want to buy their own stuff. People are weird, especially first time parents, lol.

And they are not under any obligation to buy a specific gift for your kid.

[nicolewi]

Thanks for the commiseration. I'm sure they think I am weird, too! But it's still....weird. I guess my viewpoint after 4 kids is probably way different than theirs as they just start out as parents.

[court26]

I have an aversion to people asking for suggestions for my kids and then never getting what I suggest! LOL!

I have family members I have to put a date on take my stuff or don't! I don't always get what the hold up is, but I also don't want to store it for forever.

[penguingrrl]

I’m going to throw out there that they may be superstitious about having baby stuff in the house before bringing home a healthy baby. My mom wouldn’t let me have a single baby item in my house prior to the kids being born and healthy. Part her susperstitious Mom, part her obstetrician dad. They may not want to elaborate on that.