Help me with DS

[supertrooper1]

TL;DR, DS is mentally working himself up enough to make himself throw up at school.

DS (4.5) threw up at soon as he got to preschool today so I had to leave work to bring him home. He also threw up on Monday as soon as he got there. He didn't go Tuesday and no school on Wednesday. He's not sick, but something is bothering him enough that it's causing him to throw up.

He won't/can't say what is bothering him, only that he doesn't like one of the songs they sing. The teachers know it bothers him and let him sit it out. This is his 2nd year with the same teachers and he's loved it until now.

He's always had a touchy stomach and will throw up if he eats something with a texture he doesn't like or if something doesn't agree with him. His DC provider said he was just fine this morning and on Monday.

This is new to us. How do I help him mentally get past this and not work himself up at school?

[jlaok]

Maybe he can sit in the office, away from the kids, when he gets to school and rejoin his class as soon as he is comfortable. Or maybe he can wear something special (a wrist band or something) as a constant reminder that you are "with" him. If it's something that will just hit him randomly during the day maybe the teacher can have a distraction strategy in place to help resolve his anxiety. Something physical, like jumping jacks, is a good way to deal with anxiety.

I have had anxiety my entire life and have memories of when it was an issue when I was younger so I can relate. Hopefully you can find something that helps.

[mustardseed2007]

what about the song makes him anxious? Do you think he's anticipating it at drop off? Do they sing it each day?

I know you don't know if that's the issue but I'm wondering if there's a reasonable possibility that's it, could they could just stop singing that song...

Also, taking a kid to a therapist might help. This is to the point that it's interfering with his daily life, right? (That standard is always to difficult to understand to me when you're talking about little kids).

[186momx]

I've gone through something similar with DD. She works herself into such a state that she is inconsolable, has a fever, and just acts sick but as soon as she sees me she is happy and chatty and laughing. It took daycare a long time and me taking her to the pedi with nothing wrong to see it was just a ploy to get mom. This usually happened after a long break from routine (vacation, holiday) or it flares up during tax season. For missing me I've done necklaces, clothing (hat/scarf), and for daycare to let her talk to me on the phone. As she got older I asked her to do something very specific at school so that I could take it to with me the next day. Now that she is a 1st grader I try and give her teachers a heads up at the beginning of the year and a reminder at PTC since those happen just before I start to get super busy.

Since your H has anxiety you may have to ask the pedi about it presenting itself in DS too and see if they have any tips or tricks. Could daycare try to put him in a different class and see if that helps at all?

[welly01]

Do you think it might be because he misses you/DH or because he's stressed out about school stuff (classmate, learning new letter, whatever)? If he's missing you, what about a photo book of family photos? DS doesn't have anxiety but he was getting really, really upset/angry at school for various reasons (kids interrupting him, messing with "his" center, etc). We got him a few calm down toys. One of those oil/water drip things and some putty. His teacher said they really help. Maybe something like that could help distract him before he gets so worked up? I hope the pedi might have some good suggestions.

[supertrooper1]

Sorry this ended up being a post and run.

Our plan tomorrow is he has a special Paw Patrol wrist band that he'll wear (thanks jlaok for the idea) and H will meet him in his classroom at the beginning of his class. His class is for developmentally delayed kids and he is a helper student, so I think the teachers are prepared for distractions. They're prepared now in case he throws up and won't send him home like the school sick rules require. There is some leeway which is good.

mustardseed2007, the pizza song they sing gets him upset at the end because the pizza falls and makes a mess. That bothers him. They may stop singing it if this continues. There is a school counselor that we can have him speak to if problems continue.

186momx, I definitely think DH's anxiety plays at least a small part in this. DS could be picking up on DH being anxious every time DS gets sick. I haven't been working too much OT lately and just spent 2 full days with him, so it shouldn't be attachment issues this time.

welly01, the teachers didn't seem to think it was classmates because DS is very helpful showing other kids stuff. We actually sent a family picture with him today because they're working on a family unit lesson right now. He was worried about leaving the picture at school when I went to pick him up. I'll be watching for those issues.

[mommyatty]

Why is he in the class as a helper? Is there another option? I ask because I was often called upon to help other kids at school, and it was stressful. And those were kids with very minor issues, not kids in a special class. If he’s already anxious, maybe that’s too much for him.

Also, this may sound odd, but could he be worried he’s going to be or is developmentally delayed? Kids are masters of magical thinking. I have a cousin with very severe autism (he’s non-verbal and often violent), and as a little kid, I often wondered/worried that one day a switch would flip and I would be like my cousin. I was terrified of that, and I never once told an adult. I just got really scared when we had to see him and avoided him at almost all costs.

[supertrooper1]

mommyatty, that is how the class is designed. There are 5 kids with delays and 2 helper students. This is the 2nd year he's been in this type of class and it has never bothered him before. But neither us nor the teachers have told him that he is the helper or that the other kids are delayed. The teachers do have to ask him to let the other kids answer first, like when they're doing the letter of the day. They take the letter of the day off the wall before the class starts, and he figures out which letter is missing. The teachers have been happy with him because he plays will all of the kids. I don't know if this could be bothering him now or not.

[waverly]

supertrooper1, mommyatty, This is how our public school district pre-school is. We did pre-school through the daycare and now through the aftercare because Public pre-school was only half day. I did have my concerns around the helper portion, but I didn't know much about it since we went with a different route. I think they could easily drop that song though, and glad they are not sending him home now for anxiety.

Every once in awhile, I do yoga and meditation with the kids. Usually the meditation is like an image based one that I just make up when they are stressed from being in the car a long time.

[2chatter]

supertrooper1 - DD went to school sick (autonomic) because she is the helper for four special needs kids in one of her classes. They were doing a project and she worried they would miss milestones without her there to keep them on track. He may be experiencing some stress from the classroom situation and his anxiety may spike as a result? Just as part of the picture....has your ped discussed anxiety with you at all?

I hope things improve for your DS!

[supertrooper1]

DH just let me know that he spoke with the school counselor and he'll talk to DS today. Yesterday when I asked DS if there was something else bothering him, he said he couldn't tell me. I couldn't get out of him if he couldn't tell me because he didn't know what was bothering him or that he didn't want to tell me. But he did say he was willing to talk to the school counselor. He knows who the counselor is because he'll come in a read stories to the class.

2chatter, our pedi is excellent in the physical health aspect, but she has kind of blown us off some when we've asked about mental health stuff. We haven't asked specifically about anxiety because it hasn't been an issue before, but she didn't want to discuss hyper activity until he was closer to 6 or 7.

[waverly]

supertrooper1, My sister had a similar issue with her pedi. I think she has asked them 2-3 times and just got blown off over the same number of years. My nephew is finally in therapy, but he is 9 almost 10.

[2chatter]

Will your ped just give you a referral? Ours was ambivalent but gave us referrals. I hope DS shares something resolveable with the counselor today.